How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People do notice sizes in gifts and ascribe meaning to them. My SIL had gotten fat then lost some weight and we gave her a sweater. She cried because we gave her a medium sized sweater. She thought the gift was that we guessed she was that size LOL

Adult women do this.

I don’t understand the impulse for people going ballistic or boycotting a family get together over this.

Yes, your mom is totally misguided and out of line, op. Don’t make this a bigger deal than it is.

A group of people assembled in a room aren’t going to be able to see a clothing label. No one is going to say, “oh look larlo grandma bought you a medium instead of a large because she thinks you’re fat.”

Misguided isn't the correct word here. Those of you who think this isn't a big deal have clearly been put down and abused enough in your lives that you think nothing of this. Body shaming anyone is vile and this woman plans to do it in front of a crowd. Don't minimize this. It isn't your pain to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Op you're a crappy mom if you have to come here and crowd source this. Would good parents, you know ones who care about their child, put that child in this situation?

To all of you who minimize this and think "it's faaaaaaamily waaaaah, you can't miss it", step off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People do notice sizes in gifts and ascribe meaning to them. My SIL had gotten fat then lost some weight and we gave her a sweater. She cried because we gave her a medium sized sweater. She thought the gift was that we guessed she was that size LOL

Adult women do this.

I don’t understand the impulse for people going ballistic or boycotting a family get together over this.

Yes, your mom is totally misguided and out of line, op. Don’t make this a bigger deal than it is.

A group of people assembled in a room aren’t going to be able to see a clothing label. No one is going to say, “oh look larlo grandma bought you a medium instead of a large because she thinks you’re fat.”

No because GRANDMA will say it. My mother would step the eff back off my child or feel the wrath. You can tolerate belittling for your kids but that’s not what I’m doing with mine. If OP decides to skip Christmas more power to her.

[Anonymous]

Imagine how he will feel once he finds out both his parents knew in advance that she planed to this, and yet still subjected him to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stay home. Seriously. I would never put my kid in this situation, or risk putting my kid in this situation (since I’m not sure I’d trust that she backed off).

This. Skip it. Seriously. Small immediate family Christmas this year.

Sounds like you've earned and easy Christmas at home. Enjoy!

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you just tell your son about it? Say “your crazy grandma seems to think...” and let him know. Tell him you love him and do t want him embarrassed. Then tell your mom you told him and he laughed. Even better if it happens in front of her.

He’s 16. He can handle it. Grandma will be mortified and preempted. Problem solved. Enjoy Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would get her anti ageing wrinkle cream or a voucher for botox or incontinence pads and let her open it in front of the family.

Then she'll get the message.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another option is to go to the tree and remove any gift from Grandma. Hide them. When she goes nuts asking "WHERE her gifts are?" Just smile, and suggest she get a full work up at the doctors... Say it's okay, everyone understands mom! wink, wink.

See how much she likes being humiliated in front of her whole family.

If you really want to run with this, put the gifts somewhere ridiculous - BUT where they're likely to be found - like the freezer. Then everyone can get a really good laugh. When the gifts are opened it will be within the context of grandma is losing her marbles. If she makes a comment about your son's weight, it will be another crazy thing she did that day. She's going to be livid with her entire family nagging her about dementia. You can just smile.

Moral of the story: Do not mess with my kids.

Do this OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is also reminding me of my husbands aunt who gave me a size medium sweater for Christmas while we were dating and said she got medium because I’m so much bigger than she is. (At the time, I weighed about 110.). Some people are just nutso. I was like “is this my cue to tell her how thin she is?”

I would have also bought a medium. Medium is a safe size. It might be a little too big for you, you can return it if you like skin tight clothes, sometimes small items are absolutely tiny. Only a nutter would be upset about getting a size "medium" item.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is also reminding me of my husbands aunt who gave me a size medium sweater for Christmas while we were dating and said she got medium because I’m so much bigger than she is. (At the time, I weighed about 110.). Some people are just nutso. I was like “is this my cue to tell her how thin she is?”

I would have also bought a medium. Medium is a safe size. It might be a little too big for you, you can return it if you like skin tight clothes, sometimes small items are absolutely tiny. Only a nutter would be upset about getting a size "medium" item.

If a person wears a size Large why would you give them a Medium? You just like to waste your money like that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just tell your son about it? Say “your crazy grandma seems to think...” and let him know. Tell him you love him and do t want him embarrassed. Then tell your mom you told him and he laughed. Even better if it happens in front of her.

He’s 16. He can handle it. Grandma will be mortified and preempted. Problem solved. Enjoy Christmas.

This. Tell him in advance, game plan his reaction for the day and how best to deal with toxic grandma. It's one of the best gifts you can give him.

Not everyone has a loving, mentally stable grandmother, best to teach son how to deal with her because it won't be the last time. Give him skills to use after you are gone, and enjoy the rest of your family at Christmas.

It's ok to stay home, but sometimes those of us you are open about what our relatives are like, teach our children how to deal.with them, and show up anyhow are teaching by example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just tell your son about it? Say “your crazy grandma seems to think...” and let him know. Tell him you love him and do t want him embarrassed. Then tell your mom you told him and he laughed. Even better if it happens in front of her.

He’s 16. He can handle it. Grandma will be mortified and preempted. Problem solved. Enjoy Christmas.

This. Tell him in advance, game plan his reaction for the day and how best to deal with toxic grandma. It's one of the best gifts you can give him.

Not everyone has a loving, mentally stable grandmother, best to teach son how to deal with her because it won't be the last time. Give him skills to use after you are gone, and enjoy the rest of your family at Christmas.

It's ok to stay home, but sometimes those of us you are open about what our relatives are like, teach our children how to deal.with them, and show up anyhow are teaching by example.

No, i would have bought 110-pound pp a medium, not a small.

[Anonymous]

You cannot tolerate people being cruel to your child. You have to put an end to it even if that means skipping Christmas with your mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just tell your son about it? Say “your crazy grandma seems to think...” and let him know. Tell him you love him and do t want him embarrassed. Then tell your mom you told him and he laughed. Even better if it happens in front of her.

He’s 16. He can handle it. Grandma will be mortified and preempted. Problem solved. Enjoy Christmas.

This. Tell him in advance, game plan his reaction for the day and how best to deal with toxic grandma. It's one of the best gifts you can give him.

Not everyone has a loving, mentally stable grandmother, best to teach son how to deal with her because it won't be the last time. Give him skills to use after you are gone, and enjoy the rest of your family at Christmas.

It's ok to stay home, but sometimes those of us you are open about what our relatives are like, teach our children how to deal.with them, and show up anyhow are teaching by example.

Absolutely not. Your child needs to know that you 100% have his back and you won’t tolerate cruelty, even from a family member. There is no reason to subject him to this. None.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just tell your son about it? Say “your crazy grandma seems to think...” and let him know. Tell him you love him and do t want him embarrassed. Then tell your mom you told him and he laughed. Even better if it happens in front of her.

He’s 16. He can handle it. Grandma will be mortified and preempted. Problem solved. Enjoy Christmas.

This. Tell him in advance, game plan his reaction for the day and how best to deal with toxic grandma. It's one of the best gifts you can give him.

Not everyone has a loving, mentally stable grandmother, best to teach son how to deal with her because it won't be the last time. Give him skills to use after you are gone, and enjoy the rest of your family at Christmas.

It's ok to stay home, but sometimes those of us you are open about what our relatives are like, teach our children how to deal.with them, and show up anyhow are teaching by example.

Absolutely not. Your child needs to know that you 100% have his back and you won’t tolerate cruelty, even from a family member. There is no reason to subject him to this. None.

The kid is going to have to learn to deal with cruelty at some point.