How to deal with my mother's absolutely appaling Christmas idea?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her idea is horrible and wrong but your kid sounds chubby, not “chubby.”

OP here

I mean, he is also 6 foot tall at 16, so I dont think adult large/34 inch waist pants are super large. He is not skinny by any means, and he does hold more weight around his middle, but is well within the average weight for his height and has no medical issues per the doctor.

He’s 16 and not going to model the clothes for the entire family. He’ll open a box with a sweater and say, “thanks grandma.”

Later on at home you can tell him you can exchange anything that doesn’t fit because grandma doesn’t always get sizes right.

You’re way overthinking this.

[Anonymous]

I would go nuclear on her over this. I would get some back up to talk to her and tell her not to do this. Can your DH talk to her? Or a sibling? It may shock her enough to make her rethink.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t go. Opening that gift would really hurt my feelings. Don’t accept the gift from her.

[Anonymous]

I would bring extra wrapped gifts for him, put “from grandma” on them, sneak them under the tree and secretly take the ones she has put out for him.

And/or, I would tell her in a no-bull$hit, drop-dead tone that she had better not do this. Tell her if she humiliates him and makes him feel terrible about himself on Christmas, that will ruin her relationship with him, irreparably harm her relationship with you, and it will DEFINITELY be the last Christmas you spend with her for a long, long time.

[Anonymous]

Way over thinking here. Do you really think your son will care?

[Anonymous]

Agree with others, don't go.

Your mom is not only pig-headed, she's also cruel. And she thinks she knows best, the child's parents be damned. I would limit time spent between your Ds and her.

[Anonymous]

People do notice sizes in gifts and ascribe meaning to them. My SIL had gotten fat then lost some weight and we gave her a sweater. She cried because we gave her a medium sized sweater. She thought the gift was that we guessed she was that size LOL

[Anonymous]

Note: stick to outerwear only. Sizing issues offend people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. There probably isn't an article of clothing that a 16 year old boy would slim down to wear.

2. Your mother is incredibly stupid, because see 1. Is she going senile or has she always been like this?

3. I concur with PP's idea of some embarrassing gift. Although personally I like a certain brand of anti-wrinkle cream and would be delighted to receive it as a gift, so perhaps something a little more pointed...

This, a million times over! OP, I'm worried about your mother's mental competency.

[Anonymous]

I would be really angry but also, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t notice or care. Or was just like oh, grandma got the wrong size. What are the chances she’ll pick a style he likes anyway? Ask her to include a gift receipt and if she won’t, just tell him you’ll return them for him. They should give you store credit at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay home. Seriously. I would never put my kid in this situation, or risk putting my kid in this situation (since I’m not sure I’d trust that she backed off).

+1 This should not be happening. She is sooo far out of her appropriate boundary.

Mom, listen. I know you are her daughter, and used to not being the Alpha. But you need to be a mama bear right now. You are Alpa over her when it comes to your own kids.

[Anonymous]

Once my mother in law got my 4 yr old son a red vinyl coat that was too big for him and looked like a girl's coat. We took a picture of him in it and sent it to her (she lived in another state). Then we put it in the Goodwill donation pile.

OP have your son say thank you and then donate the clothes which will be the wrong size and are very unlikely to be anything he would choose to wear anyway.

When discussing this stupid issue with your son just roll your eyes and say stuff like, "Well, you know, grandma...what are you going to do?"

[Anonymous]

Normally I would agree with people saying to just pretend grandma is dumb about sizes but because the intent is known and cruel I'm team skip the event and tell her and your sibs why.

That is a very cruel idea and you need to stop this whole thing in its tracks or it will consume all gift giving for the foreseeable future.

[Anonymous]

23:27 again here. My concern with some of the replies that say, hey your son won't notice, or that he'll think grandma just got the size wrong....

is that Grandma is invested in MAKING SURE that OP's son KNOWS that he is overweight.

So there will NOT be a situation where the size goes unnoticed. If OP's son opens the box and doesn't notice the size, Grandma is going to say something like, "Oh, did I get you a medium? I see from your tummy that you can't get into a medium. You should try and lose weight to get into that medium"

or something like that. Grandma is NOT going to allow her "lesson" to her grandson not get through to him.

So OP has to lay down the law and not let this happen. Either don't go, OP, or make sure Grandma is in her lane, and not giving her grandson any clothing.

It will be interesting to see how far OP's mom will push this. If she says to OP that fine, she won't give Grandson any present. Or holds out hard enough that OP has to not bring the family to Christmas. This incident is important, OP, not just for your son, but for YOU to see how far your mom is going to go to assert control over you in this arena. You cannot allow it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People do notice sizes in gifts and ascribe meaning to them. My SIL had gotten fat then lost some weight and we gave her a sweater. She cried because we gave her a medium sized sweater. She thought the gift was that we guessed she was that size LOL

Adult women do this.

I don’t understand the impulse for people going ballistic or boycotting a family get together over this.

Yes, your mom is totally misguided and out of line, op. Don’t make this a bigger deal than it is.

A group of people assembled in a room aren’t going to be able to see a clothing label. No one is going to say, “oh look larlo grandma bought you a medium instead of a large because she thinks you’re fat.”