Will I regret ending my career to stay home with ES age kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom of teenagers here who took a big step back when kids were little but stayed in the work force. If there’s any way to keep a foot in the door but reduce hours, even if the pay is peanuts compared to what you are making now, I would go that route. Can you consult? Go PT? Switch to a family-friendly NGO that pays $100k for a 35hr work week but values your corporate experience?

Because I stayed in I was able to lean back in as my kids got older. Now they’re in high school and I am working an intense job, highly respected in my field, deriving a lot of value from my work, and proud to be the highly accomplished mom that my kids are proud of. If I had dropped out entirely there’s no way I’d be where I am now. My mom was a SAHM (who I also was proud of!) but she definitely struggled in her 50s when we needed her less. I totally get not wanting to miss your kids childhood while you’re a stress case from work (I struggle with that a bit now even) but if there’s a middle ground it would benefit you to find it.

Thank you for this. Not OP but a mom of preschool/early elementary kids who has been struggling with the decision to mommy track.

Wut?

[Anonymous]

If you are asking then yes. You will regret this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My concern is if you’ll actually be happier. Life will still be busy. I’d worry that I would quit, give up the income and not be any happier.

Your problem isn’t your job. It’s that you have kids. Sorry not sorry.

Having kids is not a problem. In my case, my kids are my purpose and my career is a means to an end to give them the life I want them to have.

In this case, you should quit.

There just seem to be a lot of women on forums questioning if they should quit their job. They are overwhelmed and over scheduled . The problem is kids and all the stuff you have to do for kids, especially with multiple kids. Even if you don’t work, you have to struggle to make dinner for kids and deal with transporting them to activities.

I’m just not sure that the actual job is the problem here.

Here’s the thing. A lot of people make these problems for themselves. You don’t HAVE to cook a fancy meal, you don’t HAVE to have your kids in a million activities, you don’t HAVE to have a perfectly clean and orderly house. If you let some of that keeping up with TikTok parenting nonsense you can have a much easier and happier life.

You can cook dinner WITH your kids. Teach them to cook, share family stories and recipes, teach your kids to do their own laundry and how to clean. They are capable way sooner than you all think. Take them on errands and engage with them. Teach them about shopping and choosing and budgeting. All these parts of life that everyone wants to outsource are actually just parenting things. Being a parent isn’t just enjoying each other. It’s getting to know them as they evolve. It’s teaching them things that are important for life.

I’m not OP, but I don’t completely agree. Obviously no one needs a spotless home or three course dinners every night. But growing up in a chaotic home (that’s a pit because things pile up and nobody has adequate time to clean up) isn’t great for anyone’s mental health. I have three young kids and things are messy, but I can’t tolerate it as it builds up. It clutters my mind. And healthy meals don’t mean fancy meals - but it is important to eat healthy meals and that usually involves some cooking, planning and shopping. Our home lives used to usually involve a stay at home parent whose job it was to raise young kids, be there for the older kids outside of school hours, keep the house tidy, and cook healthy meals.

I am all for feminism, but we should be able to admit that our culture has changed with two full time working parents being the norm. There are only so many things you can do in the few hours between getting home from work and going to bed, especially with young kids bedtimes. Something has to give, whether it’s healthy meals, a reasonably tidy home, quality time with your family, a reasonable amount of after school activities, or homework help. Some of those things you can outsource if you can afford to, but most people can’t. And with the cost of outsourcing, it might not make much sense to work anymore.

Additionally, with less and less flexibility at work, it’s no wonder that many families are going to decide to have one parent opt out to be present at home. Something has to give. And it’s ultimately going to be bad for the economy when people like OP are halving their household incomes as a result.

There’s a ton of real estate between spotless and a pit. Once you accept that you can’t have every single thing in your life the way you want it you will be much happier. Meals same every week, old school: meatloaf Monday, taco Tuesday, chicken Wednesday, pasta Thursday, Friday pizza. Maybe once in awhile swap out the meat loaf for a fish or a pork chop. One activity per kid, no travel. Y’all make your lives so much harder than it needs to be. Kids can pick up too you know. They have arms.

[Anonymous]

Op - I had dinner last night with my friend who I never ever thought would regret doing this and now that her kids are 16/13/8 she does regret it

Keep your toe in something

[Anonymous]

Does anyone here make a reasonable salary? Their 2nd salary is 400k? I could care less.

[Anonymous]

I’m feeling the same. I will say with a child entering high school there is still so much support they need. It is different, but help with homeowners and planning for college and some activities require parents volunteer.

I think he needs me just as much just in different ways.

[Anonymous]

i just want to say that there's another option too. I started working 6am-2:30pm last year and it's been life changing. Dh gets the kids to school and still makes it to his work by 8. I'm always home for my kids now, I have time to get my chores done, I can cook dinner (before everyone was melting down at me at 6pm). I go to bed at 9:30 and am asleep by 10 and I do have a sub 10 min commute which helps immensely.

I wish I had started this schedule earlier. I actually have more energy than I did before even though I thought I'd be very tired. I pick my toddler up from daycare right after she gets up from nap and I only feel like I missed the morning with her. Still time for playgrounds together. I also now have time to run the older kids to soccer and ballet. It's taken pressure off our family in so many ways.

And at work- I've proven myself there for 15+ years. They know they're lucky I didn't quit. I get absolutely everything done and they accommodated my new schedule. I can stay later if needed, but I haven't really needed to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i just want to say that there's another option too. I started working 6am-2:30pm last year and it's been life changing. Dh gets the kids to school and still makes it to his work by 8. I'm always home for my kids now, I have time to get my chores done, I can cook dinner (before everyone was melting down at me at 6pm). I go to bed at 9:30 and am asleep by 10 and I do have a sub 10 min commute which helps immensely.

I wish I had started this schedule earlier. I actually have more energy than I did before even though I thought I'd be very tired. I pick my toddler up from daycare right after she gets up from nap and I only feel like I missed the morning with her. Still time for playgrounds together. I also now have time to run the older kids to soccer and ballet. It's taken pressure off our family in so many ways.

And at work- I've proven myself there for 15+ years. They know they're lucky I didn't quit. I get absolutely everything done and they accommodated my new schedule. I can stay later if needed, but I haven't really needed to.

Also, I'm in person and cannot telework. DH additionally cannot telework.

[Anonymous]

I had a SAHM and she told me she regrets giving up her career. It was complicated, Dad was an officer and being forced to move a lot made it very hard for her to keep her career going. My parents are still married but my mom struggled when my sister went away to college. She did some part time work but she felt frustrated with being behind where she was at 27.

Now I also don't work the crazy hours my Dad did either. I try to find balance between them.

[Anonymous]

I gave up a lucrative career for raising a family but we had no family here and with DH's travel and work hours, it just wasn't possible to have it all.

Do I regret it? I do but only because it has social repercussions. SAHP get no respect in this society and are often misunderstood and ostracized because their mere existence make people feel defensive of their choices.

Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. Did I see any pros and cons? Yes but pros outweigh the cons for me.

Would I recommend it to other parents? No. I wouldn't unless you completely trust your spouse, their loyalty, their earning ability and their job stability. Marriages are a joke now for most people and you don't want to be divorced in 10 years with no work history. It worked out for me but I would recommend keeping resume alive in some manner.

If you aren't overly attached to your work identity you can pull it off, your family would benefit immensely. Children grow up fast and then you regret missing out on their childhood and your youth more than missing out on your days at work.

[Anonymous]

Trying to have it all, works great for like 30% of families, rest struggle or end.

[Anonymous]

I find it funny when people assume SAHP by default lack intelligence and knowledge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i just want to say that there's another option too. I started working 6am-2:30pm last year and it's been life changing. Dh gets the kids to school and still makes it to his work by 8. I'm always home for my kids now, I have time to get my chores done, I can cook dinner (before everyone was melting down at me at 6pm). I go to bed at 9:30 and am asleep by 10 and I do have a sub 10 min commute which helps immensely.

I wish I had started this schedule earlier. I actually have more energy than I did before even though I thought I'd be very tired. I pick my toddler up from daycare right after she gets up from nap and I only feel like I missed the morning with her. Still time for playgrounds together. I also now have time to run the older kids to soccer and ballet. It's taken pressure off our family in so many ways.

And at work- I've proven myself there for 15+ years. They know they're lucky I didn't quit. I get absolutely everything done and they accommodated my new schedule. I can stay later if needed, but I haven't really needed to.

That might be an option for YOUR specific work situation, but it's not an option for every type of work. You state it like it's a given truth for every situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I gave up a lucrative career for raising a family but we had no family here and with DH's travel and work hours, it just wasn't possible to have it all.

Do I regret it? I do but only because it has social repercussions. SAHP get no respect in this society and are often misunderstood and ostracized because their mere existence make people feel defensive of their choices.

Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. Did I see any pros and cons? Yes but pros outweigh the cons for me.

Would I recommend it to other parents? No. I wouldn't unless you completely trust your spouse, their loyalty, their earning ability and their job stability. Marriages are a joke now for most people and you don't want to be divorced in 10 years with no work history. It worked out for me but I would recommend keeping resume alive in some manner.

If you aren't overly attached to your work identity you can pull it off, your family would benefit immensely. Children grow up fast and then you regret missing out on their childhood and your youth more than missing out on your days at work.

Why would you want to hang out with people who don’t value you or your choices? If someone discounts me because I am a SAHM that tells me that they are small minded, probably insecure and lack imagination and I’m glad I don’t have to waste any more time on them. Don’t live your life and make your big choices about what other people may or may not think of you. What a waste.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i just want to say that there's another option too. I started working 6am-2:30pm last year and it's been life changing. Dh gets the kids to school and still makes it to his work by 8. I'm always home for my kids now, I have time to get my chores done, I can cook dinner (before everyone was melting down at me at 6pm). I go to bed at 9:30 and am asleep by 10 and I do have a sub 10 min commute which helps immensely.

I wish I had started this schedule earlier. I actually have more energy than I did before even though I thought I'd be very tired. I pick my toddler up from daycare right after she gets up from nap and I only feel like I missed the morning with her. Still time for playgrounds together. I also now have time to run the older kids to soccer and ballet. It's taken pressure off our family in so many ways.

And at work- I've proven myself there for 15+ years. They know they're lucky I didn't quit. I get absolutely everything done and they accommodated my new schedule. I can stay later if needed, but I haven't really needed to.

That might be an option for YOUR specific work situation, but it's not an option for every type of work. You state it like it's a given truth for every situation.

DP

No she didn’t. You don’t know what “option” means.