Will I regret ending my career to stay home with ES age kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People say “outsource” like it’s so easy. But frankly, unless you find a unicorn nanny or housekeeper, you often have to be satisfied with sub-par results. Either you hire them because they’re great with kids and reliable (which I personally prioritize) and put up with their housework (done only while kids are in school). Or vice versa, they’re good at the house stuff but barely converse with the kids. And if you hire multiple people to specialize then you have to micromanage even more people. Let’s face it, it’s not always cream of the crop in terms of intelligence or executive function going for these jobs. Sometimes it feels easier to do it yourself!

People have to put up with “sub par” help because they are paying subpar rates. OP makes $400k per year. If she is willing to $200k per year to her employee, she will find a quality candidate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My concern is if you’ll actually be happier. Life will still be busy. I’d worry that I would quit, give up the income and not be any happier.

Your problem isn’t your job. It’s that you have kids. Sorry not sorry.

Having kids is not a problem. In my case, my kids are my purpose and my career is a means to an end to give them the life I want them to have.

In this case, you should quit.

There just seem to be a lot of women on forums questioning if they should quit their job. They are overwhelmed and over scheduled . The problem is kids and all the stuff you have to do for kids, especially with multiple kids. Even if you don’t work, you have to struggle to make dinner for kids and deal with transporting them to activities.

I’m just not sure that the actual job is the problem here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People say “outsource” like it’s so easy. But frankly, unless you find a unicorn nanny or housekeeper, you often have to be satisfied with sub-par results. Either you hire them because they’re great with kids and reliable (which I personally prioritize) and put up with their housework (done only while kids are in school). Or vice versa, they’re good at the house stuff but barely converse with the kids. And if you hire multiple people to specialize then you have to micromanage even more people. Let’s face it, it’s not always cream of the crop in terms of intelligence or executive function going for these jobs. Sometimes it feels easier to do it yourself!

Strongly disagree with this. There are plenty of decent candidates. I’ve had wonderful nannies and my housekeeper is fantastic.

The women I know who dislike any outsourcing have insane expectations and are controlling. They also don’t let their husband do anything or have made it where their husband isn’t an equal partner but they would claim they don’t know why.

[Anonymous]

No way. What are you going to do all day? Do Pilates and play tennis? Your kids won’t respect you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way. What are you going to do all day? Do Pilates and play tennis? Your kids won’t respect you.

Why? Why do you only earn respect if you have a w2?

I stand to inherit a lot and have saved plenty. Why do I have to keep spending my days on Microsoft Teams?

Personally I can’t wait to play tennis and socialize during the day and never talk to most people I work with ever again.

If I was questioned about this by my kids I’d tell them I can do this because I simply don’t need the money and most people work to earn a living. I’d also throw something in about marrying a quality man and the importance of saving money at a young age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People say “outsource” like it’s so easy. But frankly, unless you find a unicorn nanny or housekeeper, you often have to be satisfied with sub-par results. Either you hire them because they’re great with kids and reliable (which I personally prioritize) and put up with their housework (done only while kids are in school). Or vice versa, they’re good at the house stuff but barely converse with the kids. And if you hire multiple people to specialize then you have to micromanage even more people. Let’s face it, it’s not always cream of the crop in terms of intelligence or executive function going for these jobs. Sometimes it feels easier to do it yourself!

People have to put up with “sub par” help because they are paying subpar rates. OP makes $400k per year. If she is willing to $200k per year to her employee, she will find a quality candidate.

After taxes and outsourcing, she wouldn’t be working for very much then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way. What are you going to do all day? Do Pilates and play tennis? Your kids won’t respect you.

Why? Why do you only earn respect if you have a w2?

I stand to inherit a lot and have saved plenty. Why do I have to keep spending my days on Microsoft Teams?

Personally I can’t wait to play tennis and socialize during the day and never talk to most people I work with ever again.

If I was questioned about this by my kids I’d tell them I can do this because I simply don’t need the money and most people work to earn a living. I’d also throw something in about marrying a quality man and the importance of saving money at a young age.

Lazy bum

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way. What are you going to do all day? Do Pilates and play tennis? Your kids won’t respect you.

Why? Why do you only earn respect if you have a w2?

I stand to inherit a lot and have saved plenty. Why do I have to keep spending my days on Microsoft Teams?

Personally I can’t wait to play tennis and socialize during the day and never talk to most people I work with ever again.

If I was questioned about this by my kids I’d tell them I can do this because I simply don’t need the money and most people work to earn a living. I’d also throw something in about marrying a quality man and the importance of saving money at a young age.

I’m married to a ‘quality man’ who makes $600k a year. Let’s be honest though and tell our daughters to look for a man who can financially support them in case they want to quit their jobs one day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way. What are you going to do all day? Do Pilates and play tennis? Your kids won’t respect you.

Why? Why do you only earn respect if you have a w2?

I stand to inherit a lot and have saved plenty. Why do I have to keep spending my days on Microsoft Teams?

Personally I can’t wait to play tennis and socialize during the day and never talk to most people I work with ever again.

If I was questioned about this by my kids I’d tell them I can do this because I simply don’t need the money and most people work to earn a living. I’d also throw something in about marrying a quality man and the importance of saving money at a young age.

I’m married to a ‘quality man’ who makes $600k a year. Let’s be honest though and tell our daughters to look for a man who can financially support them in case they want to quit their jobs one day.

My man makes double that. He’s not quality though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People say “outsource” like it’s so easy. But frankly, unless you find a unicorn nanny or housekeeper, you often have to be satisfied with sub-par results. Either you hire them because they’re great with kids and reliable (which I personally prioritize) and put up with their housework (done only while kids are in school). Or vice versa, they’re good at the house stuff but barely converse with the kids. And if you hire multiple people to specialize then you have to micromanage even more people. Let’s face it, it’s not always cream of the crop in terms of intelligence or executive function going for these jobs. Sometimes it feels easier to do it yourself!

People have to put up with “sub par” help because they are paying subpar rates. OP makes $400k per year. If she is willing to $200k per year to her employee, she will find a quality candidate.

After taxes and outsourcing, she wouldn’t be working for very much then.

Yes, but it would be more than the $0 she gets from quitting.
But more importantly, it would allow her to stay in her industry, since so many here have expressed concern that if she takes time off now, she would never be able to get back in.

[Anonymous]

What do you do, OP? At 20 years experience and 400k plus salary, my guess is you have some pretty specialized skill that warrants your salary. If your DH has benefits and stability, are there options to go freelance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you do, OP? At 20 years experience and 400k plus salary, my guess is you have some pretty specialized skill that warrants your salary. If your DH has benefits and stability, are there options to go freelance?

None of your business

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My concern is if you’ll actually be happier. Life will still be busy. I’d worry that I would quit, give up the income and not be any happier.

Your problem isn’t your job. It’s that you have kids. Sorry not sorry.

Having kids is not a problem. In my case, my kids are my purpose and my career is a means to an end to give them the life I want them to have.

In this case, you should quit.

There just seem to be a lot of women on forums questioning if they should quit their job. They are overwhelmed and over scheduled . The problem is kids and all the stuff you have to do for kids, especially with multiple kids. Even if you don’t work, you have to struggle to make dinner for kids and deal with transporting them to activities.

I’m just not sure that the actual job is the problem here.

Here’s the thing. A lot of people make these problems for themselves. You don’t HAVE to cook a fancy meal, you don’t HAVE to have your kids in a million activities, you don’t HAVE to have a perfectly clean and orderly house. If you let some of that keeping up with TikTok parenting nonsense you can have a much easier and happier life.

You can cook dinner WITH your kids. Teach them to cook, share family stories and recipes, teach your kids to do their own laundry and how to clean. They are capable way sooner than you all think. Take them on errands and engage with them. Teach them about shopping and choosing and budgeting. All these parts of life that everyone wants to outsource are actually just parenting things. Being a parent isn’t just enjoying each other. It’s getting to know them as they evolve. It’s teaching them things that are important for life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My concern is if you’ll actually be happier. Life will still be busy. I’d worry that I would quit, give up the income and not be any happier.

Your problem isn’t your job. It’s that you have kids. Sorry not sorry.

Having kids is not a problem. In my case, my kids are my purpose and my career is a means to an end to give them the life I want them to have.

In this case, you should quit.

There just seem to be a lot of women on forums questioning if they should quit their job. They are overwhelmed and over scheduled . The problem is kids and all the stuff you have to do for kids, especially with multiple kids. Even if you don’t work, you have to struggle to make dinner for kids and deal with transporting them to activities.

I’m just not sure that the actual job is the problem here.

Here’s the thing. A lot of people make these problems for themselves. You don’t HAVE to cook a fancy meal, you don’t HAVE to have your kids in a million activities, you don’t HAVE to have a perfectly clean and orderly house. If you let some of that keeping up with TikTok parenting nonsense you can have a much easier and happier life.

You can cook dinner WITH your kids. Teach them to cook, share family stories and recipes, teach your kids to do their own laundry and how to clean. They are capable way sooner than you all think. Take them on errands and engage with them. Teach them about shopping and choosing and budgeting. All these parts of life that everyone wants to outsource are actually just parenting things. Being a parent isn’t just enjoying each other. It’s getting to know them as they evolve. It’s teaching them things that are important for life.

I’m not OP, but I don’t completely agree. Obviously no one needs a spotless home or three course dinners every night. But growing up in a chaotic home (that’s a pit because things pile up and nobody has adequate time to clean up) isn’t great for anyone’s mental health. I have three young kids and things are messy, but I can’t tolerate it as it builds up. It clutters my mind. And healthy meals don’t mean fancy meals - but it is important to eat healthy meals and that usually involves some cooking, planning and shopping. Our home lives used to usually involve a stay at home parent whose job it was to raise young kids, be there for the older kids outside of school hours, keep the house tidy, and cook healthy meals.

I am all for feminism, but we should be able to admit that our culture has changed with two full time working parents being the norm. There are only so many things you can do in the few hours between getting home from work and going to bed, especially with young kids bedtimes. Something has to give, whether it’s healthy meals, a reasonably tidy home, quality time with your family, a reasonable amount of after school activities, or homework help. Some of those things you can outsource if you can afford to, but most people can’t. And with the cost of outsourcing, it might not make much sense to work anymore.

Additionally, with less and less flexibility at work, it’s no wonder that many families are going to decide to have one parent opt out to be present at home. Something has to give. And it’s ultimately going to be bad for the economy when people like OP are halving their household incomes as a result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom of teenagers here who took a big step back when kids were little but stayed in the work force. If there’s any way to keep a foot in the door but reduce hours, even if the pay is peanuts compared to what you are making now, I would go that route. Can you consult? Go PT? Switch to a family-friendly NGO that pays $100k for a 35hr work week but values your corporate experience?

Because I stayed in I was able to lean back in as my kids got older. Now they’re in high school and I am working an intense job, highly respected in my field, deriving a lot of value from my work, and proud to be the highly accomplished mom that my kids are proud of. If I had dropped out entirely there’s no way I’d be where I am now. My mom was a SAHM (who I also was proud of!) but she definitely struggled in her 50s when we needed her less. I totally get not wanting to miss your kids childhood while you’re a stress case from work (I struggle with that a bit now even) but if there’s a middle ground it would benefit you to find it.

Thank you for this. Not OP but a mom of preschool/early elementary kids who has been struggling with the decision to mommy track.