Will I regret ending my career to stay home with ES age kids?

[Anonymous]

I would not quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it funny when people assume SAHP by default lack intelligence and knowledge.

They do dough

[Anonymous]

My mom became SAHM when my oldest sibling was a baby. There are 5 of us. I don’t think she ever regretted it, and she was (& still is) heavily involved in volunteer work (regular meetings, planning an annual conference, etc). So that gave her something besides parenting on which to focus, but also the flexibility and time for SAH parenting. My parents have been married for more than 50 years & always seemed happy with the setup. I know others have a different experience. FWIW, their HHI has never been anywhere close to OP’s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it funny when people assume SAHP by default lack intelligence and knowledge.

They do dough

Sounds like you just lack options. To say nothing of your editing skills.

[Anonymous]

For over $400k salary, I would not quit. I can pay for many helpers or pay for live in nanny to run errands around the house. It seems like that OP can live fine with one income from her spouse, but I still think $400k is a lot of money to give up. I would only quit if it is due to health issues or family matters that need immediate care and attention.

[Anonymous]

I would quit, personally. People underestimate how much their older children benefit from having them around more. If you have the option to be with them during school breaks and after school, that's amazing. And assuming you *can* afford it (of course not everyone can), it's hard to put a monetary value on what that's worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For over $400k salary, I would not quit. I can pay for many helpers or pay for live in nanny to run errands around the house. It seems like that OP can live fine with one income from her spouse, but I still think $400k is a lot of money to give up. I would only quit if it is due to health issues or family matters that need immediate care and attention.

I gave up a salary like this. If you can afford it long term (and that last part is important), I would do it based on your post, OP. People on this board are money obsessed, but the point of money is to support your life not to control it.

People also overestimate the benefits paid help. Maybe that works for some families, but we personally don't like having anyone living with us. We admittedly don't have a huge house, but we're also just homebodies and introverted and don't always want a nanny or housekeeper around, no matter how much we like them. Grocery delivery sucks, they substitute weird things and bring rotten fruit. We've never been able to find a way to outsource dinners that seems efficient and results in quality, homemade food. I could go on, but none of the outsourcing ever felt like a huge benefit to us, just more stuff to manage.

One of the great benefits to me of having a very high salary like that is that I could do it short term and buy myself out of a stressful existence longer term. Once we'd saved enough to have a solid start on retirement savings, enough for kids' college, updates to our older home that made it what we wanted longer term, it was easy to give up. It's priceless for us to have a spouse that can manage everything on the home front and reduces stress for the entire family in running the day to day.

[Anonymous]

I made a heck of a lot more than that and gave it all up to SAH

[Anonymous]

What do you love more, your job and the money, or your children and community?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My concern is if you’ll actually be happier. Life will still be busy. I’d worry that I would quit, give up the income and not be any happier.

Your problem isn’t your job. It’s that you have kids. Sorry not sorry.

Having kids is not a problem. In my case, my kids are my purpose and my career is a means to an end to give them the life I want them to have.

Are you kids so disabled that they need millions of dollars of support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made a heck of a lot more than that and gave it all up to SAH

Did your spouse make more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For over $400k salary, I would not quit. I can pay for many helpers or pay for live in nanny to run errands around the house. It seems like that OP can live fine with one income from her spouse, but I still think $400k is a lot of money to give up. I would only quit if it is due to health issues or family matters that need immediate care and attention.

I gave up a salary like this. If you can afford it long term (and that last part is important), I would do it based on your post, OP. People on this board are money obsessed, but the point of money is to support your life not to control it.

People also overestimate the benefits paid help. Maybe that works for some families, but we personally don't like having anyone living with us. We admittedly don't have a huge house, but we're also just homebodies and introverted and don't always want a nanny or housekeeper around, no matter how much we like them. Grocery delivery sucks, they substitute weird things and bring rotten fruit. We've never been able to find a way to outsource dinners that seems efficient and results in quality, homemade food. I could go on, but none of the outsourcing ever felt like a huge benefit to us, just more stuff to manage.

One of the great benefits to me of having a very high salary like that is that I could do it short term and buy myself out of a stressful existence longer term. Once we'd saved enough to have a solid start on retirement savings, enough for kids' college, updates to our older home that made it what we wanted longer term, it was easy to give up. It's priceless for us to have a spouse that can manage everything on the home front and reduces stress for the entire family in running the day to day.

I agree with all of this so much. Some people earn that much and love their work and wouldn't want to give it up -- that's fantastic!! But I disagree with the idea that a salary like that is "too much" to give up. If you have the luxury of being able to afford it, doing what you love is priceless. And staying home with kids has value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For over $400k salary, I would not quit. I can pay for many helpers or pay for live in nanny to run errands around the house. It seems like that OP can live fine with one income from her spouse, but I still think $400k is a lot of money to give up. I would only quit if it is due to health issues or family matters that need immediate care and attention.

I gave up a salary like this. If you can afford it long term (and that last part is important), I would do it based on your post, OP. People on this board are money obsessed, but the point of money is to support your life not to control it.

People also overestimate the benefits paid help. Maybe that works for some families, but we personally don't like having anyone living with us. We admittedly don't have a huge house, but we're also just homebodies and introverted and don't always want a nanny or housekeeper around, no matter how much we like them. Grocery delivery sucks, they substitute weird things and bring rotten fruit. We've never been able to find a way to outsource dinners that seems efficient and results in quality, homemade food. I could go on, but none of the outsourcing ever felt like a huge benefit to us, just more stuff to manage.

One of the great benefits to me of having a very high salary like that is that I could do it short term and buy myself out of a stressful existence longer term. Once we'd saved enough to have a solid start on retirement savings, enough for kids' college, updates to our older home that made it what we wanted longer term, it was easy to give up. It's priceless for us to have a spouse that can manage everything on the home front and reduces stress for the entire family in running the day to day.

OP I love this framing. DH lost his job recently due to all the fed stuff and wants to take a break for a period before going back. This is a nice way to frame that feeling "okay."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m feeling the same. I will say with a child entering high school there is still so much support they need. It is different, but help with homeowners and planning for college and some activities require parents volunteer.

I think he needs me just as much just in different ways.

Once he drives he won’t. It changes fast. You can still spend endless hours the on college process but that is a choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i just want to say that there's another option too. I started working 6am-2:30pm last year and it's been life changing. Dh gets the kids to school and still makes it to his work by 8. I'm always home for my kids now, I have time to get my chores done, I can cook dinner (before everyone was melting down at me at 6pm). I go to bed at 9:30 and am asleep by 10 and I do have a sub 10 min commute which helps immensely.

I wish I had started this schedule earlier. I actually have more energy than I did before even though I thought I'd be very tired. I pick my toddler up from daycare right after she gets up from nap and I only feel like I missed the morning with her. Still time for playgrounds together. I also now have time to run the older kids to soccer and ballet. It's taken pressure off our family in so many ways.

And at work- I've proven myself there for 15+ years. They know they're lucky I didn't quit. I get absolutely everything done and they accommodated my new schedule. I can stay later if needed, but I haven't really needed to.

I would absolutely love to do this but it wouldn’t work for anybody who works in a more corporate role because we have afternoon meetings. Unless we are senior enough that we can do whatever we want.