Will I regret ending my career to stay home with ES age kids?

[Anonymous]

Strongly considering leaving my job to stay home with my 6 and 10 year old kids. All post-Covid flexibility seems to be gone in both DH’s and my fields - he is back working long hours in the office 5 days a week and I can work from home 2X per week but find myself having to be in early or work late far too often on the days I am in the office. We feel like this is taking a toll on our kids - we are rarely around, recently have missed a ton of school events due to work conflicts/travel, DH and I are distracted and stressed 24/7 and trying to get dinner on the table or manage household chores is a nightmare (and we already outsource plenty). Having 2 FT working parents with very demanding jobs has just become too much.

For all the above and more, I am thinking about resigning but am very conflicted. I have spent the past 20+ years building my career and I genuinely enjoy working and challenging myself. I have looked for other, more flexible opportunities but there is truly nothing that is going to be strictly 9 to 5 and still pay anywhere close to what I make (open to a pay cut but not 50% less), and I don’t need to trade one demanding job for another.

My biggest hesitation is stepping back now when my kids are already in elementary and gone every day from 8:30-4/5pm between school and activities. Is this really the time to let it all go? I worry about what I will do when they are in high school and beyond, and it will be very challenging to get back into the corporate workforce as a 50yo woman. Additionally, losing my salary (over $400K) will mean we need to seriously adjust our lifestyle, and we can do it but that also comes at a cost.

Has anyone else been in my shoes and decided to leave? Was it the right decision or do you regret it?

Open to any and all advice!

[Anonymous]

No advice, OP but I am feeling the exact same way - I could have written this. Appreciate you asking this and looking forward to hearing what people have to say!

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't give up an excellent job with a $400K salary, after all the years you spent building your career. Especially since you can WFH 2 days/week. Without that bit of flexibility, I might consider quitting but otherwise I would make those two evenings and weekends count.That's 4 days/week that could potentially allow meaningful qualiy time with the kids, and I think that's pretty solid. I have less than that (often have to work weekends) and make far less money.

[Anonymous]

At a basic level, probably yes on some days and no on others.

Depends on the kids, but if they're thriving in school and aftercare, I wouldn't do it now. In middle school it feels more important to be home after school because that's when kids get into more serious trouble and need more parent guidance. That's when I shifted to a 6am-3pm schedule. I'm home today because I caught the flu my kids had last week but having that early schedule meant I could still work at least half days when they were home sick.

But at $400k, a level I can only dream of, surely there are some options between 0 and 100%.

[Anonymous]

You should quit fool

[Anonymous]

How much does your husband make? Would it make more sense for him to step back/retire?
Is there a way to keep your foot in the door (consulting, etc?) for later?
I will say that when my oldest started high school, I spent MORE time driving him places than in elementary.
For our family, having a SAH parent has been worth it, but our HHI is about half of what just you make.

[Anonymous]

Why not find help for the things that stress you out (still can find solutions for dinner and household chores) so you can maximize time with your kids?

I'd only quit as a last resort. The years go SO fast. I feel like I definitely had your thoughts from time to time when my kids were younger but I stayed in the workforce and now that they are in MS and HS, I am SO glad!!

But you have to trust you gut. good luck.

[Anonymous]

What kind of work OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not find help for the things that stress you out (still can find solutions for dinner and household chores) so you can maximize time with your kids?

I'd only quit as a last resort. The years go SO fast. I feel like I definitely had your thoughts from time to time when my kids were younger but I stayed in the workforce and now that they are in MS and HS, I am SO glad!!

But you have to trust you gut. good luck.

The years going by so fast is, for me, both an argument to leave work (they’re little for such a short period!) and to stay (why tank my career for such a short season).

OP, good luck. Mine are not quite as old as yours, but I’ve been considering some consulting work instead of FT work. As they grow, it seems we get busier instead of less busy.

[Anonymous]

Similar position (but I make under 200k and my kids are younger) and just posted about this in the sn forum since one of my kids requires additional support. Have the same concerns as you do

[Anonymous]

he is back working long hours in the office 5 days a week and I can work from home 2X per week but find myself having to be in early or work late far too often on the days I am in the office. We feel like this is taking a toll on our kids - we are rarely around, recently have missed a ton of school events due to work conflicts/travel, DH and I are distracted and stressed 24/7 and trying to get dinner on the table or manage household chores is a nightmare (and we already outsource plenty). Having 2 FT working parents with very demanding jobs has just become too much.

This is when I stepped away. We weren't big spenders anyway and just adjusted around the 50% reduction from my salary. DH stayed in the rat race so his compensation continued to increase. We've been much much happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not find help for the things that stress you out (still can find solutions for dinner and household chores) so you can maximize time with your kids?

I'd only quit as a last resort. The years go SO fast. I feel like I definitely had your thoughts from time to time when my kids were younger but I stayed in the workforce and now that they are in MS and HS, I am SO glad!!

But you have to trust you gut. good luck.

Kids need more guidance in MS and HS years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:he is back working long hours in the office 5 days a week and I can work from home 2X per week but find myself having to be in early or work late far too often on the days I am in the office. We feel like this is taking a toll on our kids - we are rarely around, recently have missed a ton of school events due to work conflicts/travel, DH and I are distracted and stressed 24/7 and trying to get dinner on the table or manage household chores is a nightmare (and we already outsource plenty). Having 2 FT working parents with very demanding jobs has just become too much.

This is when I stepped away. We weren't big spenders anyway and just adjusted around the 50% reduction from my salary. DH stayed in the rat race so his compensation continued to increase. We've been much much happier.

zero regrets. the kids are pretty great too.

[Anonymous]

Is the option really so binary? If you're willing to leave, why not push back on the demanding part. Set boundaries. What's the worst that can happen -- it doesn't work out and you leave. Or tell your employer that you want to be more flexible and go to a 32 hour week (80%). That might mean more than 32 hours but it signals that you are able to say no to things.

Those years do go fast but fills your bucket is important and, my hunch is, you like working. Maybe not as much as you are now but overall.

[Anonymous]

There’s no way I would quit under your circumstances. Only if one of the kids has special needs.