Will I regret ending my career to stay home with ES age kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s no way I would quit under your circumstances. Only if one of the kids has special needs.

They all have needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:he is back working long hours in the office 5 days a week and I can work from home 2X per week but find myself having to be in early or work late far too often on the days I am in the office. We feel like this is taking a toll on our kids - we are rarely around, recently have missed a ton of school events due to work conflicts/travel, DH and I are distracted and stressed 24/7 and trying to get dinner on the table or manage household chores is a nightmare (and we already outsource plenty). Having 2 FT working parents with very demanding jobs has just become too much.

This is when I stepped away. We weren't big spenders anyway and just adjusted around the 50% reduction from my salary. DH stayed in the rat race so his compensation continued to increase. We've been much much happier.

Same

[Anonymous]

No, you won’t regret it. Your kids will benefit and you will too. It’s only 12 years and then you can focus on your career again if you like.

[Anonymous]

I have a high schooler and a college student. Yeah, you’ll regret it. Maybe not in the next few years, but long-term, unless you can find a passion project or new career to start as your kids get older. I would seriously look for part-time and not be necessarily so fast to dismiss a 50% pay cut. $200k is a ton of money and might give you the best of both worlds.

You have a lot of useful life left. Spending more time with your kids is great but its a job that will end sooner than you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No advice, OP but I am feeling the exact same way - I could have written this. Appreciate you asking this and looking forward to hearing what people have to say!

+1
I have 3 days working at home and every other Friday off. BUT I work VERY late Iong hours. I'm up taking calls at 530a some days and back on after dinner sometimes. I have a global role, so it just never stops. Pay is same at OPs. It's affecting my health, so curious what others did. Youngest is 9.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At a basic level, probably yes on some days and no on others.

Depends on the kids, but if they're thriving in school and aftercare, I wouldn't do it now. In middle school it feels more important to be home after school because that's when kids get into more serious trouble and need more parent guidance. That's when I shifted to a 6am-3pm schedule. I'm home today because I caught the flu my kids had last week but having that early schedule meant I could still work at least half days when they were home sick.

But at $400k, a level I can only dream of, surely there are some options between 0 and 100%.

It's probably options for less pay (down 50%), and the workload will remain 100-150%. That's what I saw from the women who stepped back after maternity leave. The got paid less for the same amount of work with more flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Not easy to be a 50 yo woman with no professional identity.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you will regret it, maybe you won't. It is difficult to tell.

How will your contribution as a SAHM be measured and validated? Are you and your spouse on the same page regarding common goals, family values, children upbringing etc? How will you protect yourself and your family financially?

This is how I did it (lots of luck and serendipity played a role) -
- I had saved almost all the money I had earned as a working woman and had a healthy retirement and investment fund. Till date I have let the money grow.
- We made sure that we were heavily insured so that if something happened to my DH (sole earner) we would have money for the rest of my life without going back to work and I could pay off the mortgage, pay off my kids college, pay off their wedding and pay off the expenses of my old age.
- DH and I do not have a prenup and I manage the finances. I was protected against the marriage breaking and being impacted financially. There is no addiction, abuse, adultery in the family. DH is a good father and husband.
- My DH has a secure job and we kept many costs down. We save 50% of DH's salary.
- I kept the support structure and expenses from pre-SAHM days. I retained my cleaner, lawn service etc. I did not want to get resentful by doing routine chores without help.
- I had a comprehensive plan for the kids education, ECs, health, socialization and well being. That was my main focus.
- The aim was to have a smooth running household so that my DH could spend time with the kids and me when he was home.
- Our family valued - kids education, family health, socializing, being careful with our money, and peace of mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s no way I would quit under your circumstances. Only if one of the kids has special needs.

They all have needs.

You clearly don’t have a special needs child, pp. I have one with mild needs and one with severe needs. The amount of work the high needs child requires is amazing. You truly have no idea.

[Anonymous]

I took a break when my kids were in preschool and early elementary. I felt burnt out and not spending enough time with the kids. DH had a very demanding job and earned 5-6x what I did and we didn’t really need my income. I was planning to take a year or two break. I ended up having a third child and never went back to work.

I will never regret my days home with my kids. It was a blessing during Covid and I cherish those memories forever.

When kids become tweens, they are moody and can be rude but I think they need you the absolute most in these years. I don’t necessarily think you need to stay home full time but you should be very present and around during these ages of 10-15. I have friends with demanding jobs and they don’t have the time to deal with their moody teenagers. These little big kids struggle in so many different ways and I personally think they need their parents the most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the option really so binary? If you're willing to leave, why not push back on the demanding part. Set boundaries. What's the worst that can happen -- it doesn't work out and you leave. Or tell your employer that you want to be more flexible and go to a 32 hour week (80%). That might mean more than 32 hours but it signals that you are able to say no to things.

Those years do go fast but fills your bucket is important and, my hunch is, you like working. Maybe not as much as you are now but overall.

I don't know about OP but in my corporate environment setting boundaries puts you on the chopping block in the next layoff round which seems to be every 2 years or so. I know DCUM loves their boundaries talk, but IRL with these highly paid jobs, it's so competitive that you will be instantly replaced by someone who trades their life and health for a 10% increase to the company. Mostly men, but women increasingly too.

OP, can you wait for the next layoff and get the severance, then take 2 years until it picks up and turn into consulting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s no way I would quit under your circumstances. Only if one of the kids has special needs.

They all have needs.

You clearly don’t have a special needs child, pp. I have one with mild needs and one with severe needs. The amount of work the high needs child requires is amazing. You truly have no idea.

Nothing meant to take away from the unrelenting demands of special needs. The point that NT kids need their parents too.

[Anonymous]

how much money do you need?

[Anonymous]

Can your household go from an extra $400k to nothing? I also don't believe it's all or nothing. I'm well below that and will not quit although my kids are so much fun now in ES and I love spending time with them after school and breaks. I worked hard to get to about $200k with a lot of flexibility and working in person but I can flex as needed for activities etc. same for DH. He could make so much more but right now he can get the kids after school and volunteer in the PTA and all sorts of things that they notice and like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not easy to be a 50 yo woman with no professional identity.

Yes!!!
Thank you for point this out! So hard! It was literally and identity crisis.