Self preservation Strategies when husband sucks but your staying together for thr kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A little old but such a great honest thread. This culture really advocates divorce readily so great to see different sides representing here.

All this thread shows me is how much women sacrifice and degrade themselves to keep their families intact, myself included.

I see that too - a lot of minimizing and excusing emotional abuse. The lack of emotional authenticity is mind blowing, along with the willingness to degrade themselves to “keep the peace.” How did this become the advice for abused women? Just go along with it, cook his favorite food, praise him, engage in physical intimacy with a man you hate just so that … What? What is the end goal?

Because an abusive dynamic is so much more complicated than love-hate. Many of us don’t hate these men at all. I love my husband but I know he loves himself most. Because our friends and family are pushing us to “stay for the kids.” Because we know we won’t have any help or support as a single mom.

I love my husband and I don’t hate having sex with him, but in my mind I understand that if I don’t have sex with him, he will eventually become cold and distant, prefer pornography, and eventually turn emotionally abusive. He's never going to ask me what’s going on or show concern. He’s not even aware that he does this. He also refuses to have sex in a way that is totally pleasurable to me, so I am accepting mediocre sex because I don’t hate it, but it also makes my life smoother.

You are recognizing that you are being abused. What you do with your life is your choice but advising other women to submit to this kind of treatment is just wrong. Don’t do it.

Oh I am definitely not one of the posters encouraging it. I think women here are just sharing what they are doing and there’s no point in shaming someone who only has bad options. And the reasons they have bad options are because it is insanely hard to get divorced and give your kids a decent life. That’s the society we have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re teaching your kids what to put up with in their marriage by staying together.

No. You’re teaching your kids that life is not always perfect but when we make major commitments we stick to them.

So you would rather see your kids "honor their commitments" than be happy in their marriages? How sick.

DP but absolutely.

Actual abuse is one thing, but parents f—king up their kids’ childhoods because “I’m NoT hApPy” are immature narcissists.

Because once you have kids your commitment isn’t just to your spouse anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re teaching your kids what to put up with in their marriage by staying together.

This.

+2. The advice I'd give in this situation is to pretend the husband isn't there and do everything on your own, but then why stay married? For the income? Is that what you want your kids to learn?

This is such an idiotic comment.

Nobody stays together for the income. She’s staying so she doesn’t have to give up half her time with her children and force them to bounce back and forth between two houses and possibly have to deal with stepmoms and stepsiblings when they should be focusing on preparing for college and adulthood.

THAT is the goal here. It’s obvious to everyone except you. Then again, your only contribution to your family is income so it must be difficult to comprehend that not every sees the world that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just decided to be the best wife that I can, even if it doesn’t feel genuine. I kiss him hello and make food he likes to eat and point out the good things he does to the kids, so they know what to emulate. I ask for help when I need it, and I am really specific on what it is that I need from him. I say please and thank you, and I give a lot of blowjobs.
If I’m going to continue to be his wife, I might as well be good at it. Just because he’s a crappy spouse doesn’t mean that I have to be.

This is kind of gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re teaching your kids what to put up with in their marriage by staying together.

No. You’re teaching your kids that life is not always perfect but when we make major commitments we stick to them.

So you would rather see your kids "honor their commitments" than be happy in their marriages? How sick.

DP but absolutely.

Actual abuse is one thing, but parents f—king up their kids’ childhoods because “I’m NoT hApPy” are immature narcissists.

Because once you have kids your commitment isn’t just to your spouse anymore.

Bingo