Self preservation Strategies when husband sucks but your staying together for thr kids

[Anonymous]

I am in the same boat. Invest in yourself and kids. He is a roommate coparent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I'm ready to try the Laura Doyle method- I honestly hate him right now

Is there an equivalent doyle method for husbands, ie, with the genders reversed?

[Anonymous]

What helps me feel better is doing nice things for myself. Quality time with friends, classes, trips, etc. Feeling and looking good also helps. Limiting time spent with him or reading his messages. Choosing not to engage with drama.

[Anonymous]

I’m trying to expand my friendships beyond people I met through the kids. I am taking classes (currently online) in things that interest me. I found a job that will get me out of the house a bit on weekends (I hate being home with him on weekends and the kids are often out doing things with friends).

[Anonymous]

I drank in the evenings so I didn’t think anymore.

[Anonymous]

It’s so unfair to your kids to do this. Kids deserve to grow up in a loving environment, not a home seething with animosity and resentment. Please rethink this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s so unfair to your kids to do this. Kids deserve to grow up in a loving environment, not a home seething with animosity and resentment. Please rethink this.

I thought that, too, and I am divorced. Things are better in some ways but really, it is much more difficult in every other way. Logistics with coparenting with someone you don't want to be married to is worse than staying married. Had I known how difficult it would be logistics wise and it was not a fresh start at all and just more complicated, I would have stayed until the kids go to college. If I had sole or primary custody, I would not feel this way, but 50/50 custody and divorce is far more difficult than staying in a miserable marriage. I am still miserable but it is a lot harder than it was. Kids in one house is far easier even if the houses are miles apart like mine.

[Anonymous]

This is one of those loveless marriages that cheaters speak of after they get caught.

OP should just brace herself for that inevitable rollercoaster now. Most people don't want to zombie walk through life and will seek a caring, passionate relationship with someone else if they aren't getting that from their spouse.

[Anonymous]

In preparation for my own potential divorce I read a lot about this and the consensus was that children do best in a two parent home as long as the parents are at least civil to one another. Kids don’t really notice or care if their parents are in love.

For me I could not really stay in that kind of marriage and so we are trying to work it out. I feel that my husband really loves me, at least in his own way. But there are a lot of major problems, and he was only willing to try after I told him I wanted a divorce. So a lot of damage has been done.

[Anonymous]

Ask yourself what you are doing wrong and how you can change. It takes two to tango.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Husband sucks but staying together for the kids. What are your self preservation strategies? No abuse, drugs or cheating involved. Just very different worldview and communication styles. We have tried counseling and we will do it again but I have little hope. I'm also not interested in breaking up the family unit so divorce is not an option right now. Kids are 10 and 13

It’s sad that you would model a dysfunctional relationship for your children. That’s not really something “for the kids.”

There are worse things than divorce. If you genuinely can’t fix it, divorce might be better for this kids in the longer term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I drank in the evenings so I didn’t think anymore.

Divorce is far preferable to this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so unfair to your kids to do this. Kids deserve to grow up in a loving environment, not a home seething with animosity and resentment. Please rethink this.

I thought that, too, and I am divorced. Things are better in some ways but really, it is much more difficult in every other way. Logistics with coparenting with someone you don't want to be married to is worse than staying married. Had I known how difficult it would be logistics wise and it was not a fresh start at all and just more complicated, I would have stayed until the kids go to college. If I had sole or primary custody, I would not feel this way, but 50/50 custody and divorce is far more difficult than staying in a miserable marriage. I am still miserable but it is a lot harder than it was. Kids in one house is far easier even if the houses are miles apart like mine.

What is happening that is making things such a logistical nightmare? I have 50/50 and it’s definitely better than being miserable in one house.

[Anonymous]

Cook him unhealthy meals and serve him alcohol daily. You’ll be single by the time you’re 65.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re teaching your kids what to put up with in their marriage by staying together.

No. You’re teaching your kids that life is not always perfect but when we make major commitments we stick to them.