Reply to Self preservation Strategies when husband sucks but your staying together for thr kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A little old but such a great honest thread. This culture really advocates divorce readily so great to see different sides representing here. [/quote]

All this thread shows me is how much women sacrifice and degrade themselves to keep their families intact, myself included.[/quote]

I see that too - a lot of minimizing and excusing emotional abuse. The lack of emotional authenticity is mind blowing, along with the willingness to degrade themselves to “keep the peace.” How did this become the advice for abused women? Just go along with it, cook his favorite food, praise him, engage in physical intimacy with a man you hate just so that … What? What is the end goal? [/quote]

Because an abusive dynamic is so much more complicated than love-hate.  Many of us don’t hate these men at all.  I love my husband but I know he loves himself most.  Because our friends and family are pushing us to “stay for the kids.”  Because we know we won’t have any help or support as a single mom.

I love my husband and I don’t hate having sex with him, but in my mind I understand that if I don’t have sex with him, he will eventually become cold and distant, prefer pornography, and eventually turn emotionally abusive.  He's never going to ask me what’s going on or show concern.  He’s not even aware that he does this.  He also refuses to have sex in a way that is totally pleasurable to me, so I am accepting mediocre sex because I don’t hate it, but it also makes my life smoother.[/quote]

You are recognizing that you are being abused. What you do with your life is your choice but advising other women to submit to this kind of treatment is just wrong. Don’t do it.[/quote]

Oh I am definitely not one of the posters encouraging it.  I think women here are just sharing what they are doing and there’s no point in shaming someone who only has bad options.  And the reasons they have bad options are because it is insanely hard to get divorced and give your kids a decent life.  That’s the society we have.[/quote]

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