Couples in your 40s and 50s - how often (s**)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:no s** for over 3 years. DH got cancer and I got the vibrator.

If you were my wife, I wouldn’t be happy about doing it, but I would definitely encourage you find a lover.
My wife is so beautiful when she is having sex, I could never deny her that. Even if I dont get to witness it which I probably wouldn’t.

That is very unselfish of you, but if I were your wife, and loved you the way I love my husband, I would not be willing to take you up on that offer. I have no desire to be intimate with anyone other than my husband, besides the fact that it would feel like such a huge betrayal of him in his time of illness and vulnerability that I just couldn’t live with myself.

PP here, this is what my says also. But I could never be the one responsible for having sex again. Would put me into serious depression. She is a great person, too good of woman and too amazing of a lover to not enjoy that anymore.

But for most people, sex doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Sex for me would not be enjoyable with anyone but the person I love. So I would have no interest in having sex with anyone but my husband, as long as he is still alive.

If my spouse, for whatever reason, became unable or unwilling to have sex, I would most definitely enjoy sex with another person. Sex (for me) is an inherent need that is best in the context of a loving relationship, but if that is not possible, sex is still sex and some is always better than none.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm new to this thread and have not had time to read all 10 pages of posts. So my apologies if this reply is moot based on your coming back earlier.

Have you told him exactly what you say in your original post here? Down to details like, I'm always reciprocal and I suggest (not demand, suggest, right?) other times, and it's maybe 30 minutes at most? What did he or didn't he say? Any chance of a physical issue? (We found out DH had a thyroid issue that makes him sluggish at times, so switching from PM attempts at sex to early AM made a difference re: his energy levels.)

Adding to this: Our sex life vastly improved once our DC was older and had activities etc. that were outside the house but did not need a parent present. Think whole-Saturday-afternoon activities where parents drop off the kids and leave.