Waiting 30+ to have kids

[Anonymous]

It’s very odd to me that women who have successfully and easily conceived after 35 would use their experience to convince someone that “it’ll all be fine and easy” and wouldn’t have made a difference vs. in their 20s. Each person’s fertility is different, and advocating that the same fertility results exist between 20s vs. 30s is not only incorrect but also can lead to some serious disappointment and regret. This also completely ignores the fact that male fertility is a crucial element to all of this, and if your DH is older, then it’s all the more important to know that fertility challenges (and also higher chance of genetic abnormalities or mutations) are more likely the older you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you wait, be prepared for fertility struggles. I’m 32 and just had a 2nd tri miscarriage which has been heartbreaking.

That likely would have happened in your 20s. Two unplanned kids for me at 34 and 37 from sex one time in years for each. Instant. I was not trying (and was not happy about it). People with fertility issues in their 30s usually would have it in their 20s. I had a friend who did IVF in her 20s. Often it is not age until you are 40 plus.

Wrong. Studies consistently show that fertility begins to decline significantly after age 33, with a sharper decline after 35. Women in their 20s are far more likely to conceive naturally and avoid fertility issues compared to those in their 30s or beyond. While it’s true that some people experience fertility problems in their 20s, the majority of infertility cases are age-related and become more prevalent as women get older. Suggesting otherwise is irresponsible and spreads dangerous misinformation.

Your anecdotal experience of conceiving easily in your mid-to-late 30s does not reflect the norm and doesn’t negate the science-backed reality of fertility decline with age. Misleading others into believing that fertility struggles in your 30s are no different than in your 20s is harmful, especially to women trying to make informed decisions about their family planning. Stop spreading false information—it does a disservice to those who rely on accurate data to navigate these sensitive issues.

NP but I also totally disagree with you. Most women without fertility issues will have zero issue conceiving at 35+, and a lot of women who discover those fertility issues later on are realizing theyre infertile after years of being on birth control or thinking they "were just lucky" not conceiving, when the issues existed all along. Sure, the earlier you figure it out, the more time you have to address it. But for the most part those fertility issues always existed, totally independent of age, and it's just something that starts to dawn on many women once they hit their late 30s and the relief about not getting pregnant "too early" is replaced by a realization that something may be wrong. So, so many women conceive effortlessly in their late 30s and 40s, and that's really most cases unless you (or your husband, as sperm quality has a MASSIVE effect on this) have preexisting fertility problems.

This response is riddled with inaccuracies and misleading information. The claim that "most women without fertility issues will have zero issue conceiving at 35+" is simply false. Fertility declines significantly with age, particularly after 35, and this is well-documented in countless scientific studies. While some women may conceive effortlessly in their late 30s or early 40s, they are the exception—not the rule. Fertility is not "totally independent of age," and pretending otherwise spreads dangerous misinformation.

By the time a woman reaches her late 30s, her chances of conceiving naturally drop dramatically. For example:
- A healthy 30-year-old has about a 20% chance of conceiving per cycle, while a 40-year-old’s chances drop to about 5%.
- Egg quality and quantity decline with age, increasing the risk of miscarriage and chromosomal abnormalities. These are not issues that "always existed" regardless of age—they are directly linked to the biological aging process.

As for the idea that birth control masks preexisting fertility issues: this is another misleading statement. Birth control does not cause infertility or delay the onset of age-related fertility decline. Instead, it preserves the reproductive system by preventing ovulation. The "masking" argument only shifts blame onto women, rather than acknowledging the natural decline in fertility as they age.

Finally, while sperm quality does contribute to fertility, it does not negate the very real impact of maternal age. This attempt to downplay age-related infertility is not only wrong but harmful, as it may discourage women from seeking accurate information or timely medical advice.

Stop spreading falsehoods that dismiss the scientific realities of fertility decline. These narratives are not only inaccurate but dangerous, potentially causing women to make decisions based on misinformation. Fertility is complex, and age is a significant factor that cannot be ignored or explained away by anecdotal experiences. Let’s stick to the facts and stop perpetuating myths that hurt those trying to make informed choices.

Here's some data you conveniently didn't use: "At age 30, a woman has a 20% chance of conception each month. Up to 85% of women at this age will be pregnant within the first year of attempting conception.
At age 35, there is a 15% chance per month of conception."

That's a very small drop, almost imperceptible drop, and yes, the vast majority of women trying to get pregnant at that age will have no issues doing so, again, UNLESS THEY HAVE PREEXISTING FERTILITY ISSUES.

86% of women between 30-34 will be pregnant within a year of trying, and 82% of those between 35-39. Within two years, those odds go up to 94% chance of getting pregnant for a woman between 30-34, and 90% of women from 35-39.

Meaning the vast majority of women will have zero issue getting pregnant if they start trying after 35, say it with me again, UNLESS THEY HAVE PREEXISTING FERTILITY ISSUES.

Let's stick to the fact and stop pushing fear mongering and inane, outdated ideas of women's health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s very odd to me that women who have successfully and easily conceived after 35 would use their experience to convince someone that “it’ll all be fine and easy” and wouldn’t have made a difference vs. in their 20s. Each person’s fertility is different, and advocating that the same fertility results exist between 20s vs. 30s is not only incorrect but also can lead to some serious disappointment and regret. This also completely ignores the fact that male fertility is a crucial element to all of this, and if your DH is older, then it’s all the more important to know that fertility challenges (and also higher chance of genetic abnormalities or mutations) are more likely the older you are.

Why would that be odd to you? Plenty of women in this thread have had the opposite experience, i.e. getting pregnant instantly after slightly slacking on birth control after age 35 because we're fed these lies about how it's "so hard to get pregnant" at that time in your life. The reality is the vast majority of women will have zero issue conceiving after 30, and one quick glance at your family tree will show that to you when you see the last ages that your grandmothers, great-grandmothers, great-aunts, etc gave birth. Many women are frightened and panicked into starting families before they need to, when they never had any issues with their health to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very odd to me that women who have successfully and easily conceived after 35 would use their experience to convince someone that “it’ll all be fine and easy” and wouldn’t have made a difference vs. in their 20s. Each person’s fertility is different, and advocating that the same fertility results exist between 20s vs. 30s is not only incorrect but also can lead to some serious disappointment and regret. This also completely ignores the fact that male fertility is a crucial element to all of this, and if your DH is older, then it’s all the more important to know that fertility challenges (and also higher chance of genetic abnormalities or mutations) are more likely the older you are.

Why would that be odd to you? Plenty of women in this thread have had the opposite experience, i.e. getting pregnant instantly after slightly slacking on birth control after age 35 because we're fed these lies about how it's "so hard to get pregnant" at that time in your life. The reality is the vast majority of women will have zero issue conceiving after 30, and one quick glance at your family tree will show that to you when you see the last ages that your grandmothers, great-grandmothers, great-aunts, etc gave birth. Many women are frightened and panicked into starting families before they need to, when they never had any issues with their health to begin with.

Your post is reckless and full of harmful misinformation. The claim that “the vast majority of women will have zero issue conceiving after 30” is blatantly false. Fertility starts to decline at 30 and drops significantly after 35, with only about a 15% chance of conceiving per month by then. Risks of miscarriage, chromosomal abnormalities, and complications skyrocket with age. Pointing to anecdotal family stories is irrelevant and ignores the scientific reality.

Worse, your suggestion that women are "frightened and panicked" into starting families early dismisses the very real biological limits of fertility. This kind of narrative creates a false sense of security, leading women to delay family planning and face devastating struggles later. Stop spreading such dangerous lies. Fertility doesn’t wait, and pretending it’s “no problem” after 35 is irresponsible and cruel to those who trust this nonsense.

[Anonymous]

The term Granny - Mommy is hilarious.
Who comes up with this stuff ..

[Anonymous]

I'm in my mid to late 30s and I swear it's the staff of my OB's office that wants me to have another baby the most. "You're still young, you could have another!" "We see lots of moms older than you." (To be clear, I'm on consistent birth control)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The term Granny - Mommy is hilarious.
Who comes up with this stuff ..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very odd to me that women who have successfully and easily conceived after 35 would use their experience to convince someone that “it’ll all be fine and easy” and wouldn’t have made a difference vs. in their 20s. Each person’s fertility is different, and advocating that the same fertility results exist between 20s vs. 30s is not only incorrect but also can lead to some serious disappointment and regret. This also completely ignores the fact that male fertility is a crucial element to all of this, and if your DH is older, then it’s all the more important to know that fertility challenges (and also higher chance of genetic abnormalities or mutations) are more likely the older you are.

Why would that be odd to you? Plenty of women in this thread have had the opposite experience, i.e. getting pregnant instantly after slightly slacking on birth control after age 35 because we're fed these lies about how it's "so hard to get pregnant" at that time in your life. The reality is the vast majority of women will have zero issue conceiving after 30, and one quick glance at your family tree will show that to you when you see the last ages that your grandmothers, great-grandmothers, great-aunts, etc gave birth. Many women are frightened and panicked into starting families before they need to, when they never had any issues with their health to begin with.

Your post is reckless and full of harmful misinformation. The claim that “the vast majority of women will have zero issue conceiving after 30” is blatantly false. Fertility starts to decline at 30 and drops significantly after 35, with only about a 15% chance of conceiving per month by then. Risks of miscarriage, chromosomal abnormalities, and complications skyrocket with age. Pointing to anecdotal family stories is irrelevant and ignores the scientific reality.

Worse, your suggestion that women are "frightened and panicked" into starting families early dismisses the very real biological limits of fertility. This kind of narrative creates a false sense of security, leading women to delay family planning and face devastating struggles later. Stop spreading such dangerous lies. Fertility doesn’t wait, and pretending it’s “no problem” after 35 is irresponsible and cruel to those who trust this nonsense.

It's not false at all. I'm sorry that wasn't your experience in life, and I can understand the bitterness, pain and frustration. But speaking *HONESTLY* about women's health should be the goal here, and the truth is most women over age 35 need to be more worried about an accidental "oops" pregnancy if they slack off on birth control rather than not being able to conceive. Hanging out on a parenting forum trying to scare women with false, outdated nonsense and ignoring the facts and real data is very strange behavior, no matter what your life experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was finished with having 3 kids by 27 (had them at 19, 24, 27). Obviously the one at 19 was an "oopsie", but it's worked out perfectly and can't imagine it any other way at this point. Owned a 5 bedroom house in a nice suburb at 26 and was able to be a SAHM for several years. I have a master's degree, a great job with flexibility, kids active in multiple travel sports that cost me in excess of $50k/yr.

So that comment about people being in a lower class when they have kids young is quite laughable. You're probably jealous you didn't have the means to be able to afford a child before 40.

Now my friends I went to high school/college with are dealing with diapers and sleepless nights at 40+, and then gonna be dealing with back to school nights and playdates in their 40's-50s, and paying off college in their 60's. F that. I can do whatever I want because my kids are old enough to take care of themselves now and I'm only 40. That's another 40ish years of life I have to enjoy with my kids and do what I please, when I please.

Oopsie baby takes you out of the running as anyone to take advice from.

We loved dealing with infants as actual adults, not teenagers.

Oh come on. Accidental pregnancies are extremely common (36 out of 1000 women in 2019 alone had one!).

What point do you think this makes? All but one of the women I know who got unexpectedly pregnant were not being very careful with their birth control. Two took other meds that conflicted with BCP, one skipped take her pils a couple mornings, one was told by her boyfriend he was not fertile, one got pregnant the only time they skipped the condom. All of them had abortions and had kids a decade later, when they were ready.

The point is that we would run out of women to take advice from if we put ridiculous standards like yours into place. Her POV is as valid as anyone else’s here.

[Anonymous]

Fine as long as husband doesn’t change his mind and want to keep waiting, and waiting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you wait, be prepared for fertility struggles. I’m 32 and just had a 2nd tri miscarriage which has been heartbreaking.

That likely would have happened in your 20s. Two unplanned kids for me at 34 and 37 from sex one time in years for each. Instant. I was not trying (and was not happy about it). People with fertility issues in their 30s usually would have it in their 20s. I had a friend who did IVF in her 20s. Often it is not age until you are 40 plus.

Wrong. Studies consistently show that fertility begins to decline significantly after age 33, with a sharper decline after 35. Women in their 20s are far more likely to conceive naturally and avoid fertility issues compared to those in their 30s or beyond. While it’s true that some people experience fertility problems in their 20s, the majority of infertility cases are age-related and become more prevalent as women get older. Suggesting otherwise is irresponsible and spreads dangerous misinformation.

Your anecdotal experience of conceiving easily in your mid-to-late 30s does not reflect the norm and doesn’t negate the science-backed reality of fertility decline with age. Misleading others into believing that fertility struggles in your 30s are no different than in your 20s is harmful, especially to women trying to make informed decisions about their family planning. Stop spreading false information—it does a disservice to those who rely on accurate data to navigate these sensitive issues.

Start reading: the studies you refer to are based on 1700s data. There are so many articles online that 35 fertility cliff is a myth.

[Anonymous]

People with fertility issues in 30s have preexisting fertility problems. It is not all age at all.

[Anonymous]

https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-24128176.amp

[Anonymous]

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20240313-the-fertility-myth-most-advice-says-womens-fertility-declines-after-35-the-truth-is-more-complicated

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/apr/10/fertility-cliff-age-35-week-in-patriarchy

https://theconversation.com/hard-evidence-does-fertility-really-drop-off-a-cliff-at-35-29113

https://slate.com/technology/2020/08/fertility-cliff-advanced-maternal-age-outdated.html

[Anonymous]

That is a lot links which distill down to:

35 is not actually a hard cliff, but it is worsening slope on the path down a steepening hill on the path to the valley of total infertility. Not only that, even if you do conceive you still also have to factor in higher risk of miscarriage, birth defects, and maternal health events.

This does not mean it is impossible to conceive after 35. It only means that with each passing year it gets harder to successfully carry a complication
-free pregnancy to term. Perhaps it does not look materially worse from say 29 to 30 or 34 to 35, but the probabilities are clearly worse from 29 to 34 or 30 to 35.