D14 Deleting My FB Posts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Damn. DCUM ladies are like rabid hyenas. Sickening how you all judge and deem this guy to be all kinds of wrong while sanctimoniously preaching about how to do parenting right. Parents who are so judgmental and know it all, not to mention downright mean, are surely facing problems of their own in their parenting. No two ways about it. Misery loves company.

He asked if he was out of line. The answer is yes.

He also talked about the drama the girl's mother and her lawyers put on with the daughter at center stage. All that, and it's still not possible for him to understand why the girl doesn't want to be given grief about her relationship with him. She doesn't want anyone scoring points based on her.

It's probably something she's told him, but based on his responses here, he definitely missed it if she did. He probably calmly and rationally told her that her reaction pissed him off and she needs to accept that he's a great and involved dad with pictures to prove it.

[Anonymous]

Interesting thread to read. I'm at the stage with my 13 and 15 year old where they agree to let me take a nice picture of them, and I agree not to FB it. And then don't, because they asked me not to.

That said, I have a pretty small FB feed of actual friends, and I do not love having random people posting random pictures of my kids that anyone can see-- especially where they are identifiable. And family members with significant boundary issues and thousands of friends who have in the past not respected my requests not to post pictures of my kids. And I although people have said this, I think it is not getting through.

YOUR KID PROBABLY DID NOT STEAL YOUR PASSWORD. It is much, much easier to just report it to Facebook as an unauthorized picture of a minor than it is to McGiver your passwords. They will take it down faster than you can say "Facebook Murder Livestream."

So before you ASSume she did, maybe ask her how she removed it? Say, when you apologize for not taking it down yourself when she first told you it bothered you. And if it turns out she did steal your passwords, then calmly talk with her about respecting each other's privacy and needing to trust each other, without also dragging in all the baggage from your divorce? Then agree to give each other a clean slate, and move on.

[Anonymous]

my mom thought the same thing forever-- "nobody can see this! i only have 20 friends!". then i showed her how from my account, with no mutual friends, i could see EVERYHING including a picture that showed her license plate number .

parents often dont understand security settings. also, there are a ton of creeps out there making accounts and pretending to be whi they arent. havent you read the articles about baby pictures being stolen off the internet??

do not post pics of your kids, especially if they are old enough to say they dont want their pictures online.

[Anonymous]

Why are there so many kids who oppose so vehemently to having their pictures on FB? Isn't this the age of social media? As long as it is a flattering picture - God knows they are almost all posting TONS of those themselves - what about it gets them so bent out of shape? And even if the parent gets their approval that they like the way they look in it?

I have three - 16, 14, and 12 - none of them could care less. Help me understand.

[Anonymous]

Social media is the death of our civilized society

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are there so many kids who oppose so vehemently to having their pictures on FB? Isn't this the age of social media? As long as it is a flattering picture - God knows they are almost all posting TONS of those themselves - what about it gets them so bent out of shape? And even if the parent gets their approval that they like the way they look in it?

I have three - 16, 14, and 12 - none of them could care less. Help me understand.

Your children are obviously not the same children as the OPs D. Well your children may not mind, obviously it is different for that other child. Respect the difference

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are there so many kids who oppose so vehemently to having their pictures on FB? Isn't this the age of social media? As long as it is a flattering picture - God knows they are almost all posting TONS of those themselves - what about it gets them so bent out of shape? And even if the parent gets their approval that they like the way they look in it?

I have three - 16, 14, and 12 - none of them could care less. Help me understand.

They don't want their PARENTS to post pictures of them. They want to control what is shared about them. It is the principle of the thing and completely understandable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I mean this with genuine concern... I think you need therapy. You seem to have a lot of turmoil in your life with your ex, and your teenager, I'm sure there is tons of stress navigating all of that. it could help a lot.

OP here.

You may be surprised to know that I am the one who has facilitated 90% of the therapy in the family. I worked extensively with my daughter, but my ex refused to work together to improve our post marriage parenting relationship.

You may also be surprised to know that the therapist (who specializes in teens) feels like my position and parenting is solid, and that I have met them half way through a lot of self work. She (therapist) feels that it is my ex and my daughter who are the ones who need to do the work at this point.

Guys, I didn't say I'm done with my DAUGHTER. I'm done with the DRAMA and BEHAVIOR and my ex causing un-needed drama. I love my kid. In fact we have been talking about things all afternoon.

I feel very misunderstood here and I will bear the blame for poorly communicating the situation and my position.

That's great, Yay You!

It's fine to say you are don with the drama and will not respond to it. Send the message someone above posted. "Sorry, on thinking about I realize I was wrong to post a picture of you without permission. I love you always and unconditionally, even when things are tough. Call me when you are ready and I will listen."

Your daughter may need to "do work" but she is 14 and if she doesn't so the work or meet you halfway, you meet her more than halfway. You meet her 100%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are there so many kids who oppose so vehemently to having their pictures on FB? Isn't this the age of social media? As long as it is a flattering picture - God knows they are almost all posting TONS of those themselves - what about it gets them so bent out of shape? And even if the parent gets their approval that they like the way they look in it?

I have three - 16, 14, and 12 - none of them could care less. Help me understand.

I'm so glad there was no social media when I was a teenager because I can easily recall all the things that were a Really Big Deal. That age is precarious because they're encountering so many different emotions for the first time and the hormone injection puts those feelings in bright, overwhelming technicolor that shuts out everything else and also causes them to swing wildly from one mood to the next.

There must be some kind of evolutionary/biological function driving it, and also driving the way we forget the effects once we're past it.

And social media adds a whole new dimension to bullying. Kids can gang up on someone and be ruthlessly cruel. Whereas an embarrassing episode for me at age 14 only lives on my head, now it's online, lives forever in visible form, and can get exacerbated by thousands or even millions of strangers witnessing it and piling on. I can't imagine the stress of that, but it's obviously serious because there are stories all the time about kids who kill themselves just hours after some mean comment.

My biggest fear with my kid is that he won't trust me enough to ask for help with a crisis because he thinks I'll view it as a silly No Big Deal and something he should just get over. That's why I'm appalled by the OP's response to this and his inability to see the ramifications of breaking his daughter's trust. IF she stole his password, that's also a big deal but he put her in that position. I think she has a double quandary in trying to talk to him about it because all his thoughts are aligned to how he looks as a parent and her request cut into his need, so he couldn't hear it. Talking to him, especially when you're having trouble articulating feelings, must be a crazy-making exercise and something to be avoided.

Regardless of his own feelings, sending him multiple texts and insisting he take immediate action is a sign of distress. Distress. He's missing that very important piece of data in his effort to define it - on his terms - as rational or not. And then patting himself on the back for being a good dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I mean this with genuine concern... I think you need therapy. You seem to have a lot of turmoil in your life with your ex, and your teenager, I'm sure there is tons of stress navigating all of that. it could help a lot.

+100. And I suspect an alcohol problem here. He says he is not, but many alcoholics say that. Please seek help OP. I know how people like you operate. My dad was an alcoholic and so was my brother. It's a horrible disease and it will ruin your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are there so many kids who oppose so vehemently to having their pictures on FB? Isn't this the age of social media? As long as it is a flattering picture - God knows they are almost all posting TONS of those themselves - what about it gets them so bent out of shape? And even if the parent gets their approval that they like the way they look in it?

I have three - 16, 14, and 12 - none of them could care less. Help me understand.

Your children are obviously not the same children as the OPs D. Well your children may not mind, obviously it is different for that other child. Respect the difference

...which is why I didn't ask OP the question, but put it out in general to the tons of parents who said the same. I'm hoping to understand the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I post pictures of my kids quite often. I even tag them in the posts. They have no problem with it, because I'm a woman who doesn't have an ex-wife who is a bitch. The problem is with your ex. Your 14 year old is very gullible. She needs to learn to think for herself. As for the majority of replies you've received here, ignore them, because most of these people are idiots.

+1. You've done nothing wrong. Make sure to set the appropriate level of discipline. Kids need boundaries. A teen after a divorce is undoubtedly dying for them. Your ex will make you out to be a monster no doubt, but it's the right thing to do, and your daughter will appreciate it someday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Damn. DCUM ladies are like rabid hyenas. Sickening how you all judge and deem this guy to be all kinds of wrong while sanctimoniously preaching about how to do parenting right. Parents who are so judgmental and know it all, not to mention downright mean, are surely facing problems of their own in their parenting. No two ways about it. Misery loves company.

He asked if he was out of line. The answer is yes.

He also talked about the drama the girl's mother and her lawyers put on with the daughter at center stage. All that, and it's still not possible for him to understand why the girl doesn't want to be given grief about her relationship with him. She doesn't want anyone scoring points based on her.

It's probably something she's told him, but based on his responses here, he definitely missed it if she did. He probably calmly and rationally told her that her reaction pissed him off and she needs to accept that he's a great and involved dad with pictures to prove it.

Ahhh, you all simply answered his question. Just said, "yes." Puh-lease. If women here can't give an answer without contempt, venom and bitterness, they'd rather say nothing at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are there so many kids who oppose so vehemently to having their pictures on FB? Isn't this the age of social media? As long as it is a flattering picture - God knows they are almost all posting TONS of those themselves - what about it gets them so bent out of shape? And even if the parent gets their approval that they like the way they look in it?

I have three - 16, 14, and 12 - none of them could care less. Help me understand.

Your children are obviously not the same children as the OPs D. Well your children may not mind, obviously it is different for that other child. Respect the difference

...which is why I didn't ask OP the question, but put it out in general to the tons of parents who said the same. I'm hoping to understand the difference.

Kids are individuals, with different feelings and opinions. Almost like they're real people. Snark aside, it's how some people don't want a social media presence, and others do. Some people are happy to be in any picture, some people avoid having pictures taken of them. Some people will sing loud and proud, some mouth the words. People are different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Damn. DCUM ladies are like rabid hyenas. Sickening how you all judge and deem this guy to be all kinds of wrong while sanctimoniously preaching about how to do parenting right. Parents who are so judgmental and know it all, not to mention downright mean, are surely facing problems of their own in their parenting. No two ways about it. Misery loves company.

He asked if he was out of line. The answer is yes.

He also talked about the drama the girl's mother and her lawyers put on with the daughter at center stage. All that, and it's still not possible for him to understand why the girl doesn't want to be given grief about her relationship with him. She doesn't want anyone scoring points based on her.

It's probably something she's told him, but based on his responses here, he definitely missed it if she did. He probably calmly and rationally told her that her reaction pissed him off and she needs to accept that he's a great and involved dad with pictures to prove it.

Ahhh, you all simply answered his question. Just said, "yes." Puh-lease. If women here can't give an answer without contempt, venom and bitterness, they'd rather say nothing at all.

I've read the entire thread and don't see anyone generalizing about men.

Maybe you should start your own topic in a different folder?