D14 Deleting My FB Posts

[Anonymous]

OP, you don't respect your daughter's privacy. You don't listen to her. She's showing you that you don't own her, that she exists as more than something to show off for your narcissistic needs, and if you won't respect her wishes, she'll take matters into her own hands, even though what she's doing is also wrong. Maybe you need to reflect on that. Or is it more important to you that you get to brag and look good on Facebook? Your daughter is going be to completely estranged from you, at this rate.

[Anonymous]

Mutual respect. You don't post about her. She stays out of your private property.

[Anonymous]

My family still chuckles at the empty slots in the family photo albums where, at 14, my sister went through and ripped out the photos that she thought she looked bad in. That sister is now 36 and will still snatch my phone and Christmas and delete any shots I took that she deems unflattering. She is a great person but suffers from an anxiety disorder which I'm proud to say, she has largely learned to manage. But it turns out that she has a thing about how her nose looks from certain angles.

Point is, girls at that age are extremely self conscious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family still chuckles at the empty slots in the family photo albums where, at 14, my sister went through and ripped out the photos that she thought she looked bad in. That sister is now 36 and will still snatch my phone and Christmas and delete any shots I took that she deems unflattering. She is a great person but suffers from an anxiety disorder which I'm proud to say, she has largely learned to manage. But it turns out that she has a thing about how her nose looks from certain angles.

Point is, girls at that age are extremely self conscious.

Oops, posted too early. I was going to say that girls that age are self-conscious, and if you add to that a layer of something like anxiety, your posting pictures of her could really trigger that reaction. Her feelings are real. Step back, deescalate, a d show some compassion for your daughter's pain. For you want her to look back 20 years from now and identify this as the time her relationship with her dad ended, or do you want her to say, "wow, he never stopped showing me how much he loved me."

[Anonymous]

You sound like an awful dad. Your kid has begged you not to post about her, and you just ignore that. What an ass!

[Anonymous]

OP ignore the trolls bashing you as a father.

What she did was very wrong and you have every right to be furious.

On the other hand she has asked you to not post pictures of her and given the strained relationship, you might want to consider respecting that request.

I would also be careful about making a decision while angry to cut off her cell phone. That could have other ramifications and isn't a decision you should make rashly.

It sounds like you are caught in an acrimonious divorce. That is stressful and difficult and on top of it you are being asked to not share about your daughter.

You need to really think about which battles are worth fighting. Is having pics of her on your FB page so important to you that you are wiling to cause damage to your relationship with your daughter?

You do need to address the password thing. Getting angry at her isn't going to help. I would stay can and focus on how disappointed you were in the choices she made. I don't know what her trust issues with you relate to specifically but it sounds like some counselling together to address these things with a third party could be helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like an awful dad. Your kid has begged you not to post about her, and you just ignore that. What an ass!

I agree. She asked you not to post. Why in the world would you do that. You should have anticipated this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have essentially shown your child that your public persona and impressing your Facebook friends is more important than her privacy, thoughts, and feelings. This will not bode well for your relationship with her in the future.

+1. But OP is far from the only parent like this. Sadly, *most* parents are like this. My husband and I deleted our facebook accounts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not post photos of your teenager on social media. You do not have that right as a parent. The fact that you do it rarely doesn't matter. This is not the same as showing your friends a photo of her awards ceremony. Once it's onlin, it's there forever and you have no control of who sees it. You may think you do, but you don't. She doesn't need to "STFU" about it. You need to stop posting any photos of her.

--Parent of a 15 and 10 year old.

Fair enough. I had her take the selfie of us (so she would like it) and I am almost positive I told her it was for a FB post about her award, but it’s possible it wasn’t clearly communicated.

You still don't get it. If someone asks you not to post pictures of them you don't. It doesn't matter if it is your daughter or not. It is a gross violation of trust, and I have to say pretty immature. That said, she shouldn't have snooped and that issue needs to be dealt with in a responsible way. Have you considered therapy together? You don't seem to be on the same page.

Signed, Women in her mid 40s with two kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

The post has been deleted. She was not tagged because I would never do that, and she never goes on FB.

The issue here is that to get my password, she would have had to get into my computer, open my password file, and take a screenshot of it. Or she must have found the hard copy of that doc I have in the back of a cabinet. This is a bigger violation of trust than posting a congratulatory pic that no one in her life will ever see. If she got my FB pwd then she had access to all kinds of other info.

She also has a history of "reporting" my activities and behavior to my ex, including pictures taken without my knowledge and and secretly recorded conversations.

This is just the last straw and in all honesty there's a pretty involved back story that is too long to relate here.

Am I out of line to really be angry over this incident alone?

1. Clearly you can't be trusted to respect her boundaries. The rule is, no posts of people who ask you not to.

2. Yes, she got into your stuff. Change your passwords.

3. Comparing violations will get you nowhere. You and your daughter have a problem and you are treating her like an ex-wife. Don't behave in a way that makes interesting stories.

4. You remind me of my friend's ex, who never respected boundaries and ended up divorced the day after my friend realized that his relationship with the daughter wasn't good for the daughter. I'm still his friend on Facebook. I don't report back, but he is a dick about his -wife.

[Anonymous]

You should not post pics of your daughter. My 14 yr old would be beyond upset if I did that.

[Anonymous]

OP, ignore the hateful DCUM mothers who want you to wallow with them in their misery at having raised insolent, nasty teenagers who think they are in charge of their parents, not the other way around. Can't believe my eyes (yet, I can) when I hear masses of people say "this is just how teenagers are!" Good God. I have three of them and this is not how any of them are or ever have been in my house.

Your dd is being a total brat and clearly, this is not her only issue. Kids don't act like this about FB pictures and act like an angel in all other regards. This is just one example of her bad attitude and entitled state of mind. It's easy to read between the lines of your post and discern that.

Seems the DCUM mothers here are able to totally ignore the huge fact that she stole your passwords and invaded your privacy. That is beyond unacceptable. Allow that BS at your own risk. She's 14. You'll have a long road ahead of you if you establish that this kind of behavior somehow puts you in the position of needing to apologize to her. Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should not post pics of your daughter. My 14 yr old would be beyond upset if I did that.

If you posted her picture? Even if you got her approval that she looked good in the pic?

[Anonymous]

My 2 cents about the FB posts: my DD is very uncomfortable with posts about her, especially about achievements. Doesn't matter how big is the achievement and how short is the post. Doesn't matter if the audience is 1,000 strangers or only family and close friends. She just doesn't like the exposure.

What for me is a compliment, for her is bragging. What for me is proudness, for her is embarrassing.

That being said, I still post something here or there. But I try to respect her privacy as much as possible.

[Anonymous]

OP, your daughter is probably responding to the fact that every time you post something about her, her mother reacts and make your daughter's life uncomfortable. I would either unfriend the mutual friend you and your ex have, or I would stop posting the pics altogether.