D14 Deleting My FB Posts

[Anonymous]

I appreciate these forums and often post replies on other people’s issues/questions, but I really need some input here.

Divorced (wow… that was 3 years of hell) with equal shared custody of D14.

My daughter has been a been a bit of a drama queen at times, but really a very good kid. But when she decides to escalate or get mad about something it’s almost impossible to get through and reason with her.

A couple of times in the past, she had a FIT when I posted a VERY NICE picture of us, or a VERY FLATTERING picture of her on my FaceBook page. I am not connected with any of her friends because none of them are on FB, the only people who see this are my 50yo friends.

Her mother would troll my page via some mutual friend (we have each other blocked) and would show my daughter if there was a pic and say “Once again, he can’t be trusted; he’s a LIAR!”. Just causing drama where there is no reason to.

I swear the only times I posted a pic (4 times in the last 18mos?) was to say how proud I am of her or share some great achievement of hers. It’s never sappy, funny, or embarrassing in any way.

Tonight I was woken up by a barrage of texts from her that I MUST IMMEDIATELY remove a post where I shared some fantastic news of a recent award she got and how incredibly proud I was of her. The texts kept coming and were more and more vitriolic until she said “I’m so upset. I deleted it. Thanks. See you in the morning ”

The only way she could have done this is if she had my password and logged into my account. She wouldn’t have been able to see the post from her or her mom’s account and SURELY not delete it. So…

That means she has been snooping in my computer or private files, logged my password to FB (and god knows what else), and logged into my account to delete the post.

I. Am. FURIOUS.

All she talks about in the texts is how she has trust issues with me and may never ever trust me again. Well hacking into someone’s FB page isn’t the most trustful thing one can do.

But check me on this - IMHO the bottom line is…

You are the child and I am the parent. If I choose to show a nice picture that you are in to my FB friends then STFU and deal with it. I am exhausted of walking on eggshells and trying to make up for the divorce.

I am going to shut off her cell phone and cut her off from technology. If her mother wants her to have a phone, she can buy it and pay the monthly plan. I'm sure I won't be given the number.

I. Am. DONE.

Am I out of line?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I appreciate these forums and often post replies on other people’s issues/questions, but I really need some input here.

Divorced (wow… that was 3 years of hell) with equal shared custody of D14.

My daughter has been a been a bit of a drama queen at times, but really a very good kid. But when she decides to escalate or get mad about something it’s almost impossible to get through and reason with her.

A couple of times in the past, she had a FIT when I posted a VERY NICE picture of us, or a VERY FLATTERING picture of her on my FaceBook page. I am not connected with any of her friends because none of them are on FB, the only people who see this are my 50yo friends.

Her mother would troll my page via some mutual friend (we have each other blocked) and would show my daughter if there was a pic and say “Once again, he can’t be trusted; he’s a LIAR!”. Just causing drama where there is no reason to.

I swear the only times I posted a pic (4 times in the last 18mos?) was to say how proud I am of her or share some great achievement of hers. It’s never sappy, funny, or embarrassing in any way.

Tonight I was woken up by a barrage of texts from her that I MUST IMMEDIATELY remove a post where I shared some fantastic news of a recent award she got and how incredibly proud I was of her. The texts kept coming and were more and more vitriolic until she said “I’m so upset. I deleted it. Thanks. See you in the morning ”

The only way she could have done this is if she had my password and logged into my account. She wouldn’t have been able to see the post from her or her mom’s account and SURELY not delete it. So…

That means she has been snooping in my computer or private files, logged my password to FB (and god knows what else), and logged into my account to delete the post.

I. Am. FURIOUS.

All she talks about in the texts is how she has trust issues with me and may never ever trust me again. Well hacking into someone’s FB page isn’t the most trustful thing one can do.

But check me on this - IMHO the bottom line is…

You are the child and I am the parent. If I choose to show a nice picture that you are in to my FB friends then STFU and deal with it. I am exhausted of walking on eggshells and trying to make up for the divorce.

I am going to shut off her cell phone and cut her off from technology. If her mother wants her to have a phone, she can buy it and pay the monthly plan. I'm sure I won't be given the number.

I. Am. DONE.

Am I out of line?

No, but maybe don't post pictures or information about someone who has explicitly told you not to.

[Anonymous]

Are you logging on and seeing that these photos are actually deleted- or does she mean she untagged herself (removed her name that links back to her FB profile)? They are not the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Do not post photos of your teenager on social media. You do not have that right as a parent. The fact that you do it rarely doesn't matter. This is not the same as showing your friends a photo of her awards ceremony. Once it's onlin, it's there forever and you have no control of who sees it. You may think you do, but you don't. She doesn't need to "STFU" about it. You need to stop posting any photos of her.

--Parent of a 15 and 10 year old.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

The post has been deleted. She was not tagged because I would never do that, and she never goes on FB.

The issue here is that to get my password, she would have had to get into my computer, open my password file, and take a screenshot of it. Or she must have found the hard copy of that doc I have in the back of a cabinet. This is a bigger violation of trust than posting a congratulatory pic that no one in her life will ever see. If she got my FB pwd then she had access to all kinds of other info.

She also has a history of "reporting" my activities and behavior to my ex, including pictures taken without my knowledge and and secretly recorded conversations.

This is just the last straw and in all honesty there's a pretty involved back story that is too long to relate here.

Am I out of line to really be angry over this incident alone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not post photos of your teenager on social media. You do not have that right as a parent. The fact that you do it rarely doesn't matter. This is not the same as showing your friends a photo of her awards ceremony. Once it's onlin, it's there forever and you have no control of who sees it. You may think you do, but you don't. She doesn't need to "STFU" about it. You need to stop posting any photos of her.

--Parent of a 15 and 10 year old.

Fair enough. I had her take the selfie of us (so she would like it) and I am almost positive I told her it was for a FB post about her award, but it’s possible it wasn’t clearly communicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

The post has been deleted. She was not tagged because I would never do that, and she never goes on FB.

The issue here is that to get my password, she would have had to get into my computer, open my password file, and take a screenshot of it. Or she must have found the hard copy of that doc I have in the back of a cabinet. This is a bigger violation of trust than posting a congratulatory pic that no one in her life will ever see. If she got my FB pwd then she had access to all kinds of other info.

She also has a history of "reporting" my activities and behavior to my ex, including pictures taken without my knowledge and and secretly recorded conversations.

This is just the last straw and in all honesty there's a pretty involved back story that is too long to relate here.

Am I out of line to really be angry over this incident alone?

You should be mad at yourself for having your passwords accessible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

The post has been deleted. She was not tagged because I would never do that, and she never goes on FB.

The issue here is that to get my password, she would have had to get into my computer, open my password file, and take a screenshot of it. Or she must have found the hard copy of that doc I have in the back of a cabinet. This is a bigger violation of trust than posting a congratulatory pic that no one in her life will ever see. If she got my FB pwd then she had access to all kinds of other info.

She also has a history of "reporting" my activities and behavior to my ex, including pictures taken without my knowledge and and secretly recorded conversations.

This is just the last straw and in all honesty there's a pretty involved back story that is too long to relate here.

Am I out of line to really be angry over this incident alone?

You should be mad at yourself for having your passwords accessible.

+1

I thought you were going to say that she must have somehow figured out your password. Do you have a hardcopu of a doc with all your passwords at work too? She's 14. She is acting like she's 14. What's your excuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You should be mad at yourself for having your passwords accessible.

FYI - to get to my password here is what you would have to do. Either...

1. Look through 2 full sized file cabinets in my office until you moved hanging folders to see if anything was laying flat on the bottom of one of the drawers; Notice a large flat envelope and pull it out to look in it; pull out several pages of usernames and passwords; copy it. OR...

2. Decipher my password for my computer or notice me enter it when I always tell her to look away (or go to it before the screen sleeps when I leave the room); search the drive for the pwd document, which does NOT have the words "username" or "password" anywhere in it; find the doc and copy it.

I'm not mad at myself because doing this is without question deceitful and snooping, not accidentally running across it. I shouldn't have to have gov't level encryption against a 14yo.

There is so much more to this issue but I guess I'll just confront her and then realize that it's back to treating my daughter like my ex and communicate with the idea that one day a judge will read it. It's just very frustrating. Sorry to sound like a whiner but you have to understand that I just feel like I'm always walking on eggshells.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You should be mad at yourself for having your passwords accessible.

FYI - to get to my password here is what you would have to do. Either...

1. Look through 2 full sized file cabinets in my office until you moved hanging folders to see if anything was laying flat on the bottom of one of the drawers; Notice a large flat envelope and pull it out to look in it; pull out several pages of usernames and passwords; copy it. OR...

2. Decipher my password for my computer or notice me enter it when I always tell her to look away (or go to it before the screen sleeps when I leave the room); search the drive for the pwd document, which does NOT have the words "username" or "password" anywhere in it; find the doc and copy it.

I'm not mad at myself because doing this is without question deceitful and snooping, not accidentally running across it. I shouldn't have to have gov't level encryption against a 14yo.

There is so much more to this issue but I guess I'll just confront her and then realize that it's back to treating my daughter like my ex and communicate with the idea that one day a judge will read it. It's just very frustrating. Sorry to sound like a whiner but you have to understand that I just feel like I'm always walking on eggshells.

Before going nuclear and accusing her of stealing your password, think this through. Perhaps she reported the post to Facebook and had it removed.
You seem ready to fight at a moment's notice, and my guess is that stance is not doing anything to improve your relationship with your child. Honestly you sound like you've painted yourself as a victim of scheming, vindictive shrews, rather than as an adult of a teenager. Keep your business and your anger with your ex-wife separate from your kid.

[Anonymous]

The picture thing is a sensitive topic for kids. You may think it's a flattering pic, but at 14 she probably does not. I'm going to say you were in the wrong here for posting any pic of her at all when it seems she's made it very clear she's not okay with it. At a certain point, kids reach an age where they have a right to have a say in their online prescence, and I think your dd has reached that.

If she did hack your FB, that's obviously not okay either. In your shoes I'd change all my passwords on FB and email, and work out another password system (for example, I have a system where my passwords are written down, but I have two digits at the end that I know and don't write down). I honestly don't know if I'd punish her - I know you don't see it now, but you were in the wrong to post her image.

I'm sorry you're going through this - I'm sure it's not easy, and probably will only get harder in the next few years. Taking the high road now will reap rewards later - don't get in the weeds with her.

[Anonymous]

Get yourself set up on LastPass and then delete the browser password log. It will set totally random alphanumeric passwords for sites for you so she couldn't even guess them if that's what she did.

If she doesn't want her picture on social media, don't post it. I don't have social media (I'm 28) and it annoys me when people post pictures of me.

[Anonymous]

You honestly sound like a terrible, terribly immature father who broke up your family, had an awful divorce and now wants to be done with his daughter at a very pivotal, and confusing time in her life. And stop posting her photo on social media when she has explicitly told you not to. Is she being unreasonable? Probably. But respect her privacy and maybe acknowledge that some of her hostility could stem from confusion and frustration and pain for the breakup of her parent's marriage and her home. Plus she's at there very difficult age of 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You should be mad at yourself for having your passwords accessible.

FYI - to get to my password here is what you would have to do. Either...

1. Look through 2 full sized file cabinets in my office until you moved hanging folders to see if anything was laying flat on the bottom of one of the drawers; Notice a large flat envelope and pull it out to look in it; pull out several pages of usernames and passwords; copy it. OR...

2. Decipher my password for my computer or notice me enter it when I always tell her to look away (or go to it before the screen sleeps when I leave the room); search the drive for the pwd document, which does NOT have the words "username" or "password" anywhere in it; find the doc and copy it.

I'm not mad at myself because doing this is without question deceitful and snooping, not accidentally running across it. I shouldn't have to have gov't level encryption against a 14yo.

There is so much more to this issue but I guess I'll just confront her and then realize that it's back to treating my daughter like my ex and communicate with the idea that one day a judge will read it. It's just very frustrating. Sorry to sound like a whiner but you have to understand that I just feel like I'm always walking on eggshells.

Before going nuclear and accusing her of stealing your password, think this through. Perhaps she reported the post to Facebook and had it removed.
You seem ready to fight at a moment's notice, and my guess is that stance is not doing anything to improve your relationship with your child. Honestly you sound like you've painted yourself as a victim of scheming, vindictive shrews, rather than as an adult of a teenager. Keep your business and your anger with your ex-wife separate from your kid.

+1. You guess you'll have to treat your daughter like your ex!? What the hell? You, my friend, are the reason your daughter will likely end up in a bad marriage.

[Anonymous]

You are totally in the right I would personally have her arrested.