Critique me: 28 yr old Af Am woman who wants marriage
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Anonymous
PP, thats the same white guy who learned those terms like 30 years late and now uses em in every thread about black women. |
Can't believe folks are still colorstruck in 2017.
Anonymous
+1 Another hot sexy AA |
Anonymous
Check it out! First Fridays happy hour/networking event/party for folks in the diaspora. Occurs in 5 cities in the US at once, I believe. |
Anonymous
Do the women greatly outnumber the men as they do at many of these single events? |
Anonymous
I hate that. Diarrhea of the mouth. -- A guy. |
Anonymous
Nope. Pretty even split. |
Anonymous
| PP here. To add, I went briefly yesterday for 30 mins because I overbooked for Cinco de Mayo. I went alone and met a guy during the brief time I was there. |
Anonymous
| OP - send me a few pics and I'll give a full critique |
Anonymous
It puts pressure on the relationship before there even is a relationship. No one wants to feel like they're being interviewed to fill a position, and that's what it feels like when someone tells you early on that they are looking for a spouse. It suddenly inserts expectation into the situation when you really should just be getting to know each other. There is a point in the relationship when it's appropriate to talk about these things, but not the early stages of dating. It's hard enough at that point just getting to know each other and getting past the facades people put up when they first meet each other (as in, being on best behavior). You really need to reach a point where you feel you have started to get past the superficial stuff and are starting to know each other. That's when it's appropriate to say that you are hoping the relationship will lead to more. It's difficult to say when that is the appropriate time. I'd say when you start sharing things that go beyond the basics that you'd put on a dating site, when you start to open up. It's around the time when you feel like you've dated the person enough to make the step toward exclusivity (not dating other people). That's when you say that you are hoping for a relationship that leads to marriage and a family. |
Anonymous
There's a difference between being who you are versus putting a lot of pressure on someone when you barely just met them. No one is saying she should lie about wanting to settle. But if you're on the second date, it's a bit much to start telling someone you're looking for a husband. That can make the other person feel like you aren't interested in who he is; you're just interested in filling the husband slot. |
Anonymous
No one is saying wait 2 years before expressing you want something that will lead to marriage. But saying it on the first few dates is going to push people away. They're going to feel like you aren't interested in getting to know them or that they're being rushed. I felt like that as a woman when I was dating with guys who were gung-ho on starting a family. I felt pressured. I wanted a guy who was interested in getting to know me, not someone who was just looking for someone who checked the boxes and would fit into his already well-established life plan. I do know one couple who met online through a dating site, and they both clearly stated they wanted to get married and have kids. They didn't date long, got married, have kids. They seem happy enough b/c their kids are still young, but they don't really seem in love or really even interested in each other beyond the creating a family thing. Maybe that works for them. Or maybe it works now, but when they kids are older, it will fall apart. Who knows. I hope it works for them, but that's not really what I ever wanted out of a relationship. |
Anonymous
OP, are your rigid politically and personally? That can be a total turnoff. |
Anonymous
| OP, you really didn't tell us much about you. I will say, however, that the fact you had to point out something as superficial as you get mani/pedis is a red flag to me that you are high maintenance or hung up on your own looks. I'm a woman, but I find the women I know who get regular blowouts and hit he nail salon weekly are superficial and boring. As others have said, work on you, do things you like to do, stop looking for someone else to fulfill you and it may just happen. |
Anonymous
Nice! Op here....I wanted to go out but the earlier rain killed mY social mood. |
Anonymous
Op" not politically....I actually don't care for Getting heavy into politics. I mentioned those upkeeP activities to Show I like taking care of myself. |