Critique me: 28 yr old Af Am woman who wants marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't express wanting to settle down early.

I have heard this....why is this a kiss of death?

Not the kiss of death but a red flag very often that implies other things if brought up too soon. It implies a hole that you're looking to fill, instead of accepting the process and wanting to share a life because of a bond that you can only really discover without pressure. you can be open to commitment without having a timeline.

I like you OP, you will probably see what you're hoping for sooner than you think.

I never thought of that....thanks for that perspective.

Not kiss of death per se but it'd put a lot of pressure on a guy to get all his stuff in order, at least for me. Also, if the condition is laid outright, it superficially takes away a lot of the romantic aspects of dating and getting to know some on dates, and it feels like a mechanical transaction rather than something that fluidly develops. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your problem meeting men? Then you should absolutely continue to do online dating, that is the place to be once you are no longer in an environment with many single people (like college).

Second, men appear to be visual (big revelation I know ), are you as attractive as you can be to your target audience?

Lastly, I hear many white men confessing that they find black women attractive (in a sincere way, not some crazy fetish) but are afraid to approach. Again, this can be solved with OLD.

Good luck OP!

Hello, I do have a eharmomy account and have met ppm on there, nothing solid yet.

Looks wise....ive been told I am beautiful and have a good figure. 5'4, 130 lbs, size 6. Hourglass shape

[Anonymous]

When you find someone you "click" with, none of the dating rules matter. I'm not saying I believe in soulmates, or that "the one" is out there. But throughout life, you will meet people who just feel right, who feel like members of your tribe, people who get you and with whom conversation and interaction feels right and natural. When that happens in a romantic context, you shouldn't need to follow a set of rigid rules and feel like you're running a gauntlet to avoid dating pitfalls. I am married to a wonderful guy. I broke just about every rule in the book, including sleeping with him on the first date. I'm not saying it was a good idea - just that relationships and chemistry are intangible, and there is no "path" to finding love. Maximize your chances by meeting a lot of people, being social, and hanging out in places where you're likely to meet single men. Don't discount keeping your female social circle strong - the more people you connect with, the more people you'll meet at parties, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello, I am a 28 yr Old Af Am woman tired to the dating scene want wants a quality partner. I want honest feedback from happpily married ppl on what i am doing wrong

I got $5 says you're probably sitting back expecting everything to just automatically fall into place from Day One.


No...doesn't happen like that and successful long term relationships aren't ready-made like that.
Successful relationships are not gifts endowed to you they are collaborative projects that require patience, compromise, selflessness, and sacrifice to complete.
That's what most people do wrong - they focus intently on the Walt Disney Fairytale Happy Ending and forget all about the work needed to make that fantasy a reality.

[Anonymous]

In most cases it's about how a woman makes a man feel about themself with that being an individual thing. So, want a successful relationship that ends in marriage then find the man you can give to in such a fashion.

FWIW, it works both ways.

[Anonymous]

I married relatively early by DC standards and agree that expressing a wish to settle down is a really bad idea. It makes many men feel trapped. I wouldn't discuss settling down/marriage for at least a year.

Also, if you are standoffish and get snappy, that could be a big red flag. Everyone gets a bit snappier once you have kids so I've always tried to be good-natured and tolerant, and to pick guys who are the same. If I were a guy I would avoid women who have a short fuse because life is long and will throw you plenty of curveballs, you need someone who will be reasonably kind to you when it does.

Best of luck, OP. You sound terrific. Also, I would try to look for someone of your same religion. I married someone of a different faith and most of our quarrels have been about religion (especially when it comes to the kids!) I would marry him again in a heartbeat but it can cause a lot of stress over things that you wouldn't think matter to you that much before you add kids into the equation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In most cases it's about how a woman makes a man feel about themself with that being an individual thing. So, want a successful relationship that ends in marriage then find the man you can give to in such a fashion.

FWIW, it works both ways.

Got it, thank u. Please keep it coming.

[Anonymous]

I have some online dating advice that really saved me. It took me years to realize, but it made a huge difference immediately.

Only engage with men who state they want a monogamous relationship, hope for marriage, etc. Do NOT engage with men who say they are looking to be friends and see where it goes, etc. The men who state outright what they hope to find - not that they plan to settle or rush it, but that they want it in their life - are the ones you want. The ones who dance around it or say they want to date and see what happens...they are not currently in the same headspace as you. THey may get there later, but that doesnt help you. Once I made this a line for me, in reviewing profiles, my dates went SO much better and I had multiple long term relationships ending with the one I married. Online dating can be death by a thousand papercuts (rejection, ghosting, etc), but it really can work out so well if you are discerning in your selection. It may mean long "dry" spells, but keep your life hopes in mind - marriage, family etc. And look for that in them. Im excited for you. I know its hard for all women - esp in DC area - and probably even harder for minorities, but I think you got this =)

[Anonymous]

photo please

[Anonymous]

My only piece of advice is to keep an open mind. It's fine that you have an idea of the type of man you are looking for, but maybe give someone a chance who initially doesn't check all of those boxes. Also, don't write someone off if the first date wasn't all fireworks and butterflies. Obviously there has to be some level of attraction or chemistry, but I think many women have big expectations of first dates and aren't willing to see where things go if it's not perfect.

I've been married for 13 years. If you would've asked me 13 years ago if my DH was the type of man I thought I'd end up with, I would've said no. Yet I agreed to go on a date with him. Neither one of us thought our first date was great, but for whatever reason, we agreed to see each other again. I wasn't necessarily looking for a relationship and neither was he, but both of us figured we'd give it another shot. We laugh about it now, but it's crazy to think about how close we came to parting ways all those years ago after that first date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:photo please

Should I send link of my eharmony profile to the board? thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have some online dating advice that really saved me. It took me years to realize, but it made a huge difference immediately.

Only engage with men who state they want a monogamous relationship, hope for marriage, etc. Do NOT engage with men who say they are looking to be friends and see where it goes, etc. The men who state outright what they hope to find - not that they plan to settle or rush it, but that they want it in their life - are the ones you want. The ones who dance around it or say they want to date and see what happens...they are not currently in the same headspace as you. THey may get there later, but that doesnt help you. Once I made this a line for me, in reviewing profiles, my dates went SO much better and I had multiple long term relationships ending with the one I married. Online dating can be death by a thousand papercuts (rejection, ghosting, etc), but it really can work out so well if you are discerning in your selection. It may mean long "dry" spells, but keep your life hopes in mind - marriage, family etc. And look for that in them. Im excited for you. I know its hard for all women - esp in DC area - and probably even harder for minorities, but I think you got this =)

I really appreciate your thorough answer. And yes, its really hard. Trying to be more positive about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married relatively early by DC standards and agree that expressing a wish to settle down is a really bad idea. It makes many men feel trapped. I wouldn't discuss settling down/marriage for at least a year.

Also, if you are standoffish and get snappy, that could be a big red flag. Everyone gets a bit snappier once you have kids so I've always tried to be good-natured and tolerant, and to pick guys who are the same. If I were a guy I would avoid women who have a short fuse because life is long and will throw you plenty of curveballs, you need someone who will be reasonably kind to you when it does.

Best of luck, OP. You sound terrific. Also, I would try to look for someone of your same religion. I married someone of a different faith and most of our quarrels have been about religion (especially when it comes to the kids!) I would marry him again in a heartbeat but it can cause a lot of stress over things that you wouldn't think matter to you that much before you add kids into the equation.

Very good advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:photo please

Should I send link of my eharmony profile to the board? thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:photo please

Should I send link of my eharmony profile to the board? thoughts?

I would not.