Need advice - I have zero attraction to DH and avoid sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outsource more. Make sex the priority. Not cooking and the yard. Or you'll end up divorced.

Try to compromise, you don't have to like having sex nor should it be a priority before your kids or others factors in the marriage. Just as he doesn't doesn't like home repairs or chores around the house. That's ok. Try to tell him how you feel. Do the duty sex a few times a month, certainly don't reward him for the groping, or pawing. That should stop it by turning around and walking away. Like kids you don't reward bad behavior.

I would like to know what he said after you talked to him. Did it register?

This is the most horrible advice ever. It won't take him long to figure out your doing duty sex and not enjoying it.

It's great advice. Apparently his needs won't always top the list, as marriage is a balance.

The same way I can't force my husband to love cooking, or sewing; no one can force me to always love to have sex or put it #1. Isn't going to happen.

Marriage is a compromise. Perhaps if he helps more, compromises in other areas he might get more of his needs met. How it all works.

Actually nope, it's horrible. Her husband won't take long to figure out its duty sex and coming from a man, that's almost as bad as no sex. Passionless sex or finding out your wife isn't into you is damaging to a guy. If OP doesn't find the issue her DH will find someone who will have sex with him and enjoy it

What do you mean, find the issue? She already found the issue. The way he touches her isn't enjoyable. It doesn't feel good. You are looking at it with a curious insistence that there IS a way for it to feel good, and that it's all in her head. If I fed you raw chicken and insisted it does feel good and it's all your fault it doesn't taste good to you, would you agree it's your issue?

If my DH does something that doesn't feel good, I tell him and reinforce if necessary. If he insists on doing it, he's welcome to find someone else to have bad sex with, so I don't have to.

It's like anything in a marriage. If my dh tells me to stop making a certain meal that makes him ill, you bet I will stop. I'll make things we both like. Her DH needs needs some communication therapy or something. I don't know if he's dense or is extremely selfish. "Hello McFly"!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Certainly need to address the underlying relationship issues with some conversations, or perhaps a bit of couples therapy.

But my libido also took a nose dive after my DC was born and there was just nothing my DH could do to get me in the mood. But after a glass or two of wine and 30-45 mins reading literotica, I'd be good. YMMV of course...it may be worth deciding on a schedule that you can both agree to--not as frequent as he would like and more frequent than you would-- then on the days you agree, be takes care of the dishes etc while you do whatever it is that gets you in the mood.

Sex can be like exercise. It's good for you and it makes you feel better once you've done it, but it can be hard to get started and hard to get in the habit. But, once you've gotten used to making it a priority, you get to where you hate to skip a day.

For some it is a chore, a duty, an obligation, simply a way to keep the harmony in a relationship. For others, it may be a way to ensure food gets put on the table. Sex may even be viewed as a strategic decision to reduce the chances of the partner seeking sex elsewhere.

It can be all different things depending on the people and situation.

[Anonymous]

OP next time he humps your leg, paws at you or does the boot scoot; give him a big indian burn. Tell him that's about how annoying it feels to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's changed that you aren't attracted to him anymore?

I guess when we were single and in our early to mid thirties I was down for whatever and not busy cooking cleaning and taking care of DD. Back then DH was my focus but now I'm all consumed with 100% of the household, yard, maintenance, and childcare duties except one preschool drop off a week. I don't even think about sex. I'm utterly exhausted. We have no family in the area either.

You've relegated him to second class citizen and keep this up he's going to find someone else who appreciates him or leave

http://www.newsweek.com/men-who-cheat-its-not-about-sex-appreciation-88859

He's trying to connect with you and you're turning him away. You should go to counseling and see what the issues are

Sounds like she has 2 jobs, and her dh needs to help more. Yes he can cheat, she can also find another guy to be a better father and partner! He'd better go to counseling to fix his lack of desire to maintain his home life. There's no reason for him not to do his share of the home and child care.
He'd better start trying harder, if he wants his bedroom life to pick up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outsource more. Make sex the priority. Not cooking and the yard. Or you'll end up divorced.

Try to compromise, you don't have to like having sex nor should it be a priority before your kids or others factors in the marriage. Just as he doesn't doesn't like home repairs or chores around the house. That's ok. Try to tell him how you feel. Do the duty sex a few times a month, certainly don't reward him for the groping, or pawing. That should stop it by turning around and walking away. Like kids you don't reward bad behavior.

I would like to know what he said after you talked to him. Did it register?

This is the most horrible advice ever. It won't take him long to figure out your doing duty sex and not enjoying it.

How are you supposed to enjoy the unenjoyable? If I told you you should eat raw chicken and enjoy it, would you? If her DH wants her to enjoy sex, he should make sure what he does is enjoyable.

Especially if you're not attracted to the person. There are many marriages like that which work well regardless. Younger women with old guys aren't crazy about having to do the bedroom scene but know it's a requirement.
OP will be fine, sounds like she will throw him a bone every now and then. Her DH needs gets a clue with his approach method, major turn-off.

Don't listen to comments like this OP. Most women here are unhappy and would hate for you to find happiness. They just want someone to be as miserable as they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's changed that you aren't attracted to him anymore?

I guess when we were single and in our early to mid thirties I was down for whatever and not busy cooking cleaning and taking care of DD. Back then DH was my focus but now I'm all consumed with 100% of the household, yard, maintenance, and childcare duties except one preschool drop off a week. I don't even think about sex. I'm utterly exhausted. We have no family in the area either.

You've relegated him to second class citizen and keep this up he's going to find someone else who appreciates him or leave

http://www.newsweek.com/men-who-cheat-its-not-about-sex-appreciation-88859

He's trying to connect with you and you're turning him away. You should go to counseling and see what the issues are

Sounds like she has 2 jobs, and her dh needs to help more. Yes he can cheat, she can also find another guy to be a better father and partner! He'd better go to counseling to fix his lack of desire to maintain his home life. There's no reason for him not to do his share of the home and child care.
He'd better start trying harder, if he wants his bedroom life to pick up.

OP stated he works many more hours than her. What they need to do is hire some help to take care of some of those tasks. DH already busts his ass 70 hours a week to come home to what? A wife that is either too exhausted or repulsed by him to have sex. Why would he do even more if she's not interested in trying to help out? Perhaps hiring some help and taking a date night every now and then is better than "DH needs to do more around the house". Besides, doing more housework doesn't mean he gets more sex
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2867274/Doing-housework-means-men-sex-Researchers-reveal-chores-seen-feminine-women-off.html

[Anonymous]

DH just needs to outsource the sex and they can both be happy

[Anonymous]

Opus husband needs to outsource her entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is interesting because a year or so ago I posted asking women about how they felt being groped and pawed at by their DHs, and specifically used the example of this occurring at the sink while DW is doing dishes. Many women replied that they loved it and would drop what they are doing and get it on right then and there. The bottom line with OP's situation is that she has lost sexual desire and while DH's approach might not be the best, I don't think they would be having more sex if he stopped the aggressive advances and tried a different technique. OP is able to avoid accountability for her loss of desire by blaming DH's approach.

Exactly, it's not disgusting. This is not a drunk stranger at a bar, but your hot husband desiring you. I love when my husband does this.

Have you had a health checkup lately? Does premature ovarian failure run in your family?
Do you have regular periods? How is your thyroid functioning?

You love it. But she doesn't. She's angry at her DH and no chemical adjustment is going to fix that until they talk things out. I'm nowhere near menopause, and understand exactly what OP is going through. It is emotional, expressed physically.

You say that but she didn't. She should speak for herself.
Having no sex drive at all is not normal at all, tired or not.

THere are MILLIONS of women with no sex drive. Have you read about so many in sex-less marriages. It's TOTALLY normal. It is the male driven society that wants women to believe it needs to be fixed so they can get laid more often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is interesting because a year or so ago I posted asking women about how they felt being groped and pawed at by their DHs, and specifically used the example of this occurring at the sink while DW is doing dishes. Many women replied that they loved it and would drop what they are doing and get it on right then and there. The bottom line with OP's situation is that she has lost sexual desire and while DH's approach might not be the best, I don't think they would be having more sex if he stopped the aggressive advances and tried a different technique. OP is able to avoid accountability for her loss of desire by blaming DH's approach.

Exactly, it's not disgusting. This is not a drunk stranger at a bar, but your hot husband desiring you. I love when my husband does this.

Have you had a health checkup lately? Does premature ovarian failure run in your family?
Do you have regular periods? How is your thyroid functioning?

You love it. But she doesn't. She's angry at her DH and no chemical adjustment is going to fix that until they talk things out. I'm nowhere near menopause, and understand exactly what OP is going through. It is emotional, expressed physically.

You say that but she didn't. She should speak for herself.
Having no sex drive at all is not normal at all, tired or not.

THere are MILLIONS of women with no sex drive. Have you read about so many in sex-less marriages. It's TOTALLY normal. It is the male driven society that wants women to believe it needs to be fixed so they can get laid more often.

That's exactly how it is. Remember reading back in Victorian times they would give women Ritalin to get them to submit and obey, lol.
Now there's a drug out that has many side effects which is very harmful. They are trying to get women to take so the men can get laid.
Why do you think the Islamic countries are trying to hold on to their primitive ways? Women would leave in droves, only ones that would be there to turn off the lights would be men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outsource more. Make sex the priority. Not cooking and the yard. Or you'll end up divorced.

Try to compromise, you don't have to like having sex nor should it be a priority before your kids or others factors in the marriage. Just as he doesn't doesn't like home repairs or chores around the house. That's ok. Try to tell him how you feel. Do the duty sex a few times a month, certainly don't reward him for the groping, or pawing. That should stop it by turning around and walking away. Like kids you don't reward bad behavior.

I would like to know what he said after you talked to him. Did it register?

This is the most horrible advice ever. It won't take him long to figure out your doing duty sex and not enjoying it.

How are you supposed to enjoy the unenjoyable? If I told you you should eat raw chicken and enjoy it, would you? If her DH wants her to enjoy sex, he should make sure what he does is enjoyable.

Especially if you're not attracted to the person. There are many marriages like that which work well regardless. Younger women with old guys aren't crazy about having to do the bedroom scene but know it's a requirement.
OP will be fine, sounds like she will throw him a bone every now and then. Her DH needs gets a clue with his approach method, major turn-off.

Don't listen to comments like this OP. Most women here are unhappy and would hate for you to find happiness. They just want someone to be as miserable as they are.

So all people who disagree with you are miserable? That's a childish view. More like she's been given very realistic alternatives, many of which she can try to see what works best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is interesting because a year or so ago I posted asking women about how they felt being groped and pawed at by their DHs, and specifically used the example of this occurring at the sink while DW is doing dishes. Many women replied that they loved it and would drop what they are doing and get it on right then and there. The bottom line with OP's situation is that she has lost sexual desire and while DH's approach might not be the best, I don't think they would be having more sex if he stopped the aggressive advances and tried a different technique. OP is able to avoid accountability for her loss of desire by blaming DH's approach.

Exactly, it's not disgusting. This is not a drunk stranger at a bar, but your hot husband desiring you. I love when my husband does this.

Have you had a health checkup lately? Does premature ovarian failure run in your family?
Do you have regular periods? How is your thyroid functioning?

You love it. But she doesn't. She's angry at her DH and no chemical adjustment is going to fix that until they talk things out. I'm nowhere near menopause, and understand exactly what OP is going through. It is emotional, expressed physically.

You say that but she didn't. She should speak for herself.
Having no sex drive at all is not normal at all, tired or not.

THere are MILLIONS of women with no sex drive. Have you read about so many in sex-less marriages. It's TOTALLY normal. It is the male driven society that wants women to believe it needs to be fixed so they can get laid more often.

Funny how all these women seem to get their libido back when they get divorced. Or are they just putting on an act for the next sucker?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is interesting because a year or so ago I posted asking women about how they felt being groped and pawed at by their DHs, and specifically used the example of this occurring at the sink while DW is doing dishes. Many women replied that they loved it and would drop what they are doing and get it on right then and there. The bottom line with OP's situation is that she has lost sexual desire and while DH's approach might not be the best, I don't think they would be having more sex if he stopped the aggressive advances and tried a different technique. OP is able to avoid accountability for her loss of desire by blaming DH's approach.

Exactly, it's not disgusting. This is not a drunk stranger at a bar, but your hot husband desiring you. I love when my husband does this.

Have you had a health checkup lately? Does premature ovarian failure run in your family?
Do you have regular periods? How is your thyroid functioning?

You love it. But she doesn't. She's angry at her DH and no chemical adjustment is going to fix that until they talk things out. I'm nowhere near menopause, and understand exactly what OP is going through. It is emotional, expressed physically.

You say that but she didn't. She should speak for herself.
Having no sex drive at all is not normal at all, tired or not.

THere are MILLIONS of women with no sex drive. Have you read about so many in sex-less marriages. It's TOTALLY normal. It is the male driven society that wants women to believe it needs to be fixed so they can get laid more often.

I actually don't agree with this. I have a great sex drive, just not for my DH. He thinks Im low drive. I'm just low drive for him. I'd be worried if I didn't masturbate, but I do. It's him. Not me. Sorry guys, but many of you just don't do it for us anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is interesting because a year or so ago I posted asking women about how they felt being groped and pawed at by their DHs, and specifically used the example of this occurring at the sink while DW is doing dishes. Many women replied that they loved it and would drop what they are doing and get it on right then and there. The bottom line with OP's situation is that she has lost sexual desire and while DH's approach might not be the best, I don't think they would be having more sex if he stopped the aggressive advances and tried a different technique. OP is able to avoid accountability for her loss of desire by blaming DH's approach.

Exactly, it's not disgusting. This is not a drunk stranger at a bar, but your hot husband desiring you. I love when my husband does this.

Have you had a health checkup lately? Does premature ovarian failure run in your family?
Do you have regular periods? How is your thyroid functioning?

You love it. But she doesn't. She's angry at her DH and no chemical adjustment is going to fix that until they talk things out. I'm nowhere near menopause, and understand exactly what OP is going through. It is emotional, expressed physically.

You say that but she didn't. She should speak for herself.
Having no sex drive at all is not normal at all, tired or not.

THere are MILLIONS of women with no sex drive. Have you read about so many in sex-less marriages. It's TOTALLY normal. It is the male driven society that wants women to believe it needs to be fixed so they can get laid more often.

Funny how all these women seem to get their libido back when they get divorced. Or are they just putting on an act for the next sucker?

Not an act. Variety is the spice of life. You'd be hard pressed to find a 40yr old with opportunities at a new sex life to not want to get it on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again - I should add DH works about 70 hours a week. Sometimes 7 days a week. So I think his lack of ownership over any household duties is a combination of his long hours.

Boy, you think? What an ungrateful bitch you are.