Need advice - I have zero attraction to DH and avoid sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP, you're very ungrateful. Your husband works hard and sometime 7 days a week. If you want to be with him hire some help and go on some date nights and plan a get away for the two of you. If you're still not into him you have two options:
- Allow him to have a lover so he gets that part of his life back
- Divorce him so he can find someone who will love him for who he is and wants to be with him.


You're robbing him of one of the most important parts of a marriage and you're being selfish

Funny .... are those two options in the DH textbook or something? My DH laid those same options out and when I leaned toward #2 he got upset and said he didn't really mean it, now he's backpedaling and weepy.

We'll see how this all turns out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take it you think the husband is under no obligation to make sex feel good for his wife? She just ought to have it like a flu shot?

He can't, she has her mind made up already she's repulsed. She needs to decide whether she loves him or not and if not stop acting like a little girl and let him go and be happy

No woman is repulsed by something that feels good.

You can't enjoy the unenjoyable.

How do you know if he's good at sex, you fuck him too?

Her mind is made up, she should make a decision

His wife tells me his touch doesn't feel good, so I believe her. I have no clue whether he's good at sex, but his wife says his touch doesn't feel good.

Like I said, she needs to decide whether or not she's still in love with him and make a decision. If she doesn't want him to touch her then she should go to a therapist and talk to them and not some angry dried up wives on DCUM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, you're very ungrateful. Your husband works hard and sometime 7 days a week. If you want to be with him hire some help and go on some date nights and plan a get away for the two of you. If you're still not into him you have two options:
- Allow him to have a lover so he gets that part of his life back
- Divorce him so he can find someone who will love him for who he is and wants to be with him.


You're robbing him of one of the most important parts of a marriage and you're being selfish

Funny .... are those two options in the DH textbook or something? My DH laid those same options out and when I leaned toward #2 he got upset and said he didn't really mean it, now he's backpedaling and weepy.

We'll see how this all turns out.

He should have stuck with it and he's a pussy. Had you picked two with me guess what bitch, you're out. There is an abundance of very attractive, nice, intelligent and fun women in the DC area. You're obviously not one of them. Too bad for you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I take it you think the husband is under no obligation to make sex feel good for his wife? She just ought to have it like a flu shot?

He can't, she has her mind made up already she's repulsed. She needs to decide whether she loves him or not and if not stop acting like a little girl and let him go and be happy

No woman is repulsed by something that feels good.

You can't enjoy the unenjoyable.

How do you know if he's good at sex, you fuck him too?

Her mind is made up, she should make a decision

His wife tells me his touch doesn't feel good, so I believe her. I have no clue whether he's good at sex, but his wife says his touch doesn't feel good.

Like I said, she needs to decide whether or not she's still in love with him and make a decision. If she doesn't want him to touch her then she should go to a therapist and talk to them and not some angry dried up wives on DCUM

Just because you said it, it doesn't make it so. It's a pretty simple case. She didn't say she doesn't want him touch her; she said the way he touched her doesn't feel good. Perhaps the husband should listen when the wife tells him don't touch me that way, touch me another way. It's not anything that requires therapy. If you don't like the taste of raw chicken, no therapist in the world will help you. Just cook the chicken, and it will be all right.

My dear, everyone will dry up eventually. You can't stop time. One day you will be old too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, you're very ungrateful. Your husband works hard and sometime 7 days a week. If you want to be with him hire some help and go on some date nights and plan a get away for the two of you. If you're still not into him you have two options:
- Allow him to have a lover so he gets that part of his life back
- Divorce him so he can find someone who will love him for who he is and wants to be with him.


You're robbing him of one of the most important parts of a marriage and you're being selfish

Funny .... are those two options in the DH textbook or something? My DH laid those same options out and when I leaned toward #2 he got upset and said he didn't really mean it, now he's backpedaling and weepy.

We'll see how this all turns out.

He should have stuck with it and he's a pussy. Had you picked two with me guess what bitch, you're out. There is an abundance of very attractive, nice, intelligent and fun women in the DC area. You're obviously not one of them. Too bad for you.

He's not a pussy; he is very correctly determining that losing half of your lifestyle and at least half of control over your children's upbringing is a bad thing. He's not crazy for not wanting that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, you're very ungrateful. Your husband works hard and sometime 7 days a week. If you want to be with him hire some help and go on some date nights and plan a get away for the two of you. If you're still not into him you have two options:
- Allow him to have a lover so he gets that part of his life back
- Divorce him so he can find someone who will love him for who he is and wants to be with him.


You're robbing him of one of the most important parts of a marriage and you're being selfish

Funny .... are those two options in the DH textbook or something? My DH laid those same options out and when I leaned toward #2 he got upset and said he didn't really mean it, now he's backpedaling and weepy.

We'll see how this all turns out.

He should have stuck with it and he's a pussy. Had you picked two with me guess what bitch, you're out. There is an abundance of very attractive, nice, intelligent and fun women in the DC area. You're obviously not one of them. Too bad for you.

He's not a pussy; he is very correctly determining that losing half of your lifestyle and at least half of control over your children's upbringing is a bad thing. He's not crazy for not wanting that.

There are good lawyers for men in this area, and if he's been faithful and a good father he'll get good custody terms. It's not worth it being married to some miserable slag the rest of your life if she makes you miserable too. He should seek therapy first with a couples therapist and if nothing changes he should leave you.

Have him post here and I'll send the contact of the good divorce lawyers they are great for fathers. Two of which are women and are very good

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
There are good lawyers for men in this area, and if he's been faithful and a good father he'll get good custody terms. It's not worth it being married to some miserable slag the rest of your life if she makes you miserable too. He should seek therapy first with a couples therapist and if nothing changes he should leave you.

Have him post here and I'll send the contact of the good divorce lawyers they are great for fathers. Two of which are women and are very good

I don't think you understand how this works. The most favorable custody terms are still worse than 100%, uninterrupted contact with your children. The best financial divorce terms still leave you with one income instead of two. It's not the matter of good vs. bad divorce. It's a simple realization that divorce has bad consequences that cannot be mitigated; they are just bad and will remain bad. Perhaps he doesn't hate living with her as much as you think he does. You may think he's miserable, but he doesn't think that he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
There are good lawyers for men in this area, and if he's been faithful and a good father he'll get good custody terms. It's not worth it being married to some miserable slag the rest of your life if she makes you miserable too. He should seek therapy first with a couples therapist and if nothing changes he should leave you.

Have him post here and I'll send the contact of the good divorce lawyers they are great for fathers. Two of which are women and are very good

I don't think you understand how this works. The most favorable custody terms are still worse than 100%, uninterrupted contact with your children. The best financial divorce terms still leave you with one income instead of two. It's not the matter of good vs. bad divorce. It's a simple realization that divorce has bad consequences that cannot be mitigated; they are just bad and will remain bad. Perhaps he doesn't hate living with her as much as you think he does. You may think he's miserable, but he doesn't think that he is.

Which is why therapy comes first. Life isn't all about income - and staying together for that makes you sad. I understand the factor with children, I really do. I have two myself. Lucky for me my wife is a treasure in every sense of the word. We're both dominate type A personalities and compliment each other very well. We adore our kids, but it causes more disfcuntion for your children to see two unhappy parents. I see these couples a lot. Kids are fucked up bad and what's worse, you have a daughter she'll think it's both acceptable to be treated horribly and act horribly to her husband when it's not. Children see it and they're very observant. I wished my parents had divorced instead I saw constant fighting and arguments. He was always gone and wanted to be anywhere but home. He was good with us, and never laid a hand on us and was very supportive.

That was worse for me and I wouldn't get married until my mid mid-thirties because I thought that's what it was supposed to be. It's not.

You should marry someone you love. You don't marry people you can live with, you marry someone you can't live without.
If he's miserable; look at the ultimatum he delivered. He's at his wits end and has stated two plausible solutions. She chose two. Good and it's time for him to get his ducks in a row and move. It will be devastating at first, but as devastating as benign with someone who doesn't love you like a husband or wife should. He'll be happier when he finds a new partner that will love him and sleep with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP, you're very ungrateful. Your husband works hard and sometime 7 days a week. If you want to be with him hire some help and go on some date nights and plan a get away for the two of you. If you're still not into him you have two options:
- Allow him to have a lover so he gets that part of his life back
- Divorce him so he can find someone who will love him for who he is and wants to be with him.


You're robbing him of one of the most important parts of a marriage and you're being selfish

Funny .... are those two options in the DH textbook or something? My DH laid those same options out and when I leaned toward #2 he got upset and said he didn't really mean it, now he's backpedaling and weepy.

We'll see how this all turns out.

He should have stuck with it and he's a pussy. Had you picked two with me guess what bitch, you're out. There is an abundance of very attractive, nice, intelligent and fun women in the DC area. You're obviously not one of them. Too bad for you.

He's not a pussy; he is very correctly determining that losing half of your lifestyle and at least half of control over your children's upbringing is a bad thing. He's not crazy for not wanting that.

Actually it's because he was trying to manipulate me into some unknown third option. Looking back over the years it is very clear there has been so much emotional abuse, of which this is just about the last straw.

[Anonymous]

So do him a favor and leave

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you see marriage as a path to unlimited sex on demand, then yes, do not get married.

I certainly do not. I read about cold, dried up, ruthless prunes eviscerating men for doing nothing more than expressing affection for their mates. Why sign up for this? I'll keep my money, my freedom and my dignity, thanks.

Not all women are the dried up bitter hags from DCUM. My wife and I have a kid and unless sick, have sex 2-3 times a week. Even when traveling we find time for a little dirty chat/texting. We're both working parents and while I work more hours than her, we both do work around the house, find time for the gym, kids activities and so fourth. I'd like some more date nights but it comes when it comes I guess. I'd like to have more time out with just her and I, no friends, kids, other people. Just the two of us

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So do him a favor and leave

It's in the works, don't worry.

And while he's the one throwing these ultimatums around, he really doesn't expect it to actually happen. Whether he will view it as a "favor" when it actually happens is anyone's guess. Because, again, the manipulation....

[Anonymous]

Why does DH work so much? 70 hours week after week after week is unreasonable for any company to tolerate unless he is the boss, doctor in residency or near partner in Big Law.
If he needs 70 hours to get his 40 hours worth of work done, he needs to be tested for ADHD or executive functioning deficits or something similar.

He needs to realize his marriage is in trouble and a lot of the responsibility falls on his lack of availability at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should marry someone you love. You don't marry people you can live with, you marry someone you can't live without.

I love this line. I married somebody I could live with. Didn't realize there was another option, honestly. I had never met somebody I couldn't live without.

It makes me very sad to think about what I gave up by marrying who I did. He's a good person, a great dad, blah blah blah etc. etc. But, I could live without him. Very easily. Even when we got married I knew this was the case. And now, we have two children and I wish to god that I had realized there could be more. Maybe I never would have found it. I don't know. In many ways we are very suited. But ...

[Anonymous]

At least he's good looking. Why don't you try making an appointment with yourself (don't even tell him) when you will be ready for his advances, so that way if he coincidentally makes a move, you might be more receptive? If you are never available, under what circumstances (if any) would you be receptive?