Need advice - I have zero attraction to DH and avoid sex

[Anonymous]

He's pawing at her because he doesn't know how else to get her to pay attention to him in a sexual way. The answer is "there is no way" because she's not attracted to him.

Some women are attracted but to exhausted for sex. Having the guy shoulder more of the load on household work is a good solution in these cases. But, I do not get that sense at all from OP. Doing more chores in that household probably means he's working 70 hours, doing chores, and still not having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If OP is major breadwinner then what type of job does he have that requires 70 hours a week? I get why OP would be resentful if she has to make the bulk of the money AND do most of the household mgmt. And it is the simmering resentment that is generating her reaction.

THIS.

No matter how much he works during the week, you should not be doing 100% of the household management. Have a come to Jesus that you can't shoulder it all and delegate some tasks to him. And tell him he can't touch or initiate sex for 7 days (or whatever makes sense).

I'm willing to bet is you are just tapped out and DH acting as needy puts you over the top. It's OK and normal to feel this way, but if you are going to recover you need to be honest with DH. If you love him and you want to make it work then you owe him your honesty.

Marriage counseling if you can't do these things on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see. Now that you've got the kid you want nothing to do with him. Do you think you might have subconsciously used him as a sperm donor?

Or not subconsciously. You were mid-thirties. It was time. He was available.

It's so selfish to marry a man you don't desire. Let them find someone who loves them and wants a romantic life with them.

[Anonymous]

I would love for my DH to show me how much he wanted me everyday like you have.... *sigh*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's changed that you aren't attracted to him anymore?

I guess when we were single and in our early to mid thirties I was down for whatever and not busy cooking cleaning and taking care of DD. Back then DH was my focus but now I'm all consumed with 100% of the household, yard, maintenance, and childcare duties except one preschool drop off a week. I don't even think about sex. I'm utterly exhausted. We have no family in the area either.

You read it here single men of DCUM.

Do. Not. Get. Married.
Do. Not. Breed.

#InevitableLibidoDecline

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see. Now that you've got the kid you want nothing to do with him. Do you think you might have subconsciously used him as a sperm donor?

Or not subconsciously. You were mid-thirties. It was time. He was available.

It's so selfish to marry a man you don't desire. Let them find someone who loves them and wants a romantic life with them.

OMG come on - I'm not some soulless Borg. Lol.

To all the PPS - I'm considering all of your insights even if I don't reply. I really appreciate will keep reading!!

[Anonymous]

In terms of coming on to your wife for sex, it seems to me that the particular approach is almost incidental. If she's attracted to you, almost everything is going to work. If she's not attracted to you, almost nothing is going to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Outsource more. Make sex the priority. Not cooking and the yard. Or you'll end up divorced.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's changed that you aren't attracted to him anymore?

I guess when we were single and in our early to mid thirties I was down for whatever and not busy cooking cleaning and taking care of DD. Back then DH was my focus but now I'm all consumed with 100% of the household, yard, maintenance, and childcare duties except one preschool drop off a week. I don't even think about sex. I'm utterly exhausted. We have no family in the area either.

You read it here single men of DCUM.

Do. Not. Get. Married.
Do. Not. Breed.

#InevitableLibidoDecline

You read it hear single women of DCUM.

Do.Not.Get. Married.
I.don't.care.if.you.breed.but.get.child.support

#mengetfatandtheirbreathstinks

[Anonymous]

You're husband is like that dog that tries to hump your leg. After that you don't want to pet him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's changed that you aren't attracted to him anymore?

I guess when we were single and in our early to mid thirties I was down for whatever and not busy cooking cleaning and taking care of DD. Back then DH was my focus but now I'm all consumed with 100% of the household, yard, maintenance, and childcare duties except one preschool drop off a week. I don't even think about sex. I'm utterly exhausted. We have no family in the area either.

You read it here single men of DCUM.

Do. Not. Get. Married.
Do. Not. Breed.

#InevitableLibidoDecline

You read it hear single women of DCUM.

Do.Not.Get. Married.
I.don't.care.if.you.breed.but.get.child.support

#mengetfatandtheirbreathstinks

your post makes no sense. women are much more well known to "bait n switch"... havent you heard the famous quote: men marry women hoping they will stay the same, women marry men hoping they will CHANGE. neither are happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's changed that you aren't attracted to him anymore?

I guess when we were single and in our early to mid thirties I was down for whatever and not busy cooking cleaning and taking care of DD. Back then DH was my focus but now I'm all consumed with 100% of the household, yard, maintenance, and childcare duties except one preschool drop off a week. I don't even think about sex. I'm utterly exhausted. We have no family in the area either.

You read it here single men of DCUM.

Do. Not. Get. Married.
Do. Not. Breed.

#InevitableLibidoDecline

You read it hear single women of DCUM.

Do.Not.Get. Married.
I.don't.care.if.you.breed.but.get.child.support

#mengetfatandtheirbreathstinks

+1

They also show you sex comes before their kids, whereas women have their priorities in order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see. Now that you've got the kid you want nothing to do with him. Do you think you might have subconsciously used him as a sperm donor?

Or not subconsciously. You were mid-thirties. It was time. He was available.

It's so selfish to marry a man you don't desire. Let them find someone who loves them and wants a romantic life with them.

She did but he acts like a jerk instead of romancing or making sure it's mutual, instead he tries to force it upon her. I think that becomes very offensive, especially if she's talked to him about it and he refuses to STOP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's changed that you aren't attracted to him anymore?

I guess when we were single and in our early to mid thirties I was down for whatever and not busy cooking cleaning and taking care of DD. Back then DH was my focus but now I'm all consumed with 100% of the household, yard, maintenance, and childcare duties except one preschool drop off a week. I don't even think about sex. I'm utterly exhausted. We have no family in the area either.

You read it here single men of DCUM.

Do. Not. Get. Married.
Do. Not. Breed.

#InevitableLibidoDecline

You read it hear single women of DCUM.

Do.Not.Get. Married.
I.don't.care.if.you.breed.but.get.child.support

#mengetfatandtheirbreathstinks

+1

They also show you sex comes before their kids, whereas women have their priorities in order.

lol, too bad she didnt emphasize this while dating you

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to check yourself. He is trying to be affectionate in the way most males understand, and you are totally shutting him out. Either cut bait or fix the marriage. You are not being fair to him.

And yes, if the tasks are too daunting, then figure out how to outsource: yardwork- hire a service, PeaPod for groceries etc.