Reply to When a friend confides about a really major secret and it changes things...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hi its the OP have not been on for a while but was shocked to see how  many responses there were and they were all over the map. I am not saying any one of them is right or wrong, but we all have our own moral compass and what might be acceptable to one is not to another. So be it.

An interesting followup though- I decided to talk it out with my friend so set something up and met. Before I could even broach the subject, she proceeded to tell me how this guy is coming back to teach for a camp and that they have spoken and are meeting up!!!!! I was floored because I was thinking (hoping) she was remorseful but she told me she couldn't stop thinking about him,etc...i picked my mouth up off the floor and told her my feelings and how I had kept it all in and that I totally disapproved and that i thought she was playing with fire. Her husband is an exceptional  guy, very successful but the nicest guy and it just seems so wrong. She has young kids and all I am thinking about is how devastated they would be.

I also told her i am not comfortable going on the trip knowing what i know. She actually got mad at me for this. We parted ways with definite tension, she knows how I feel and that as her friend I cannot condone what she is doing. I have not told my husband but told him I may have a hard time taking off of work (not a total lie as I am bogged down) and that this trip might need to be delayed. I am torn as to whether or not to tell him as he is  friends with her husband. This is a total mess and has put me in a very tough situation. I am angry with her for it and really need to stay away right now.

Thank you for your advice. At this point I am doing what feels right for me and I am having a hard time being a friend to someone who is doing something so wrong and that could potentially hurt many many people.[/quote]

OP I am glad you came back. I was in your situation a few years ago, and all I ever felt was compromised, and felt really bad for the kids and husband. OK, your friend thinks its "love and all that, and maybe it is..." but you are a married woman; it obviously really bothers you, and it is just not your style (so to speak) As for being in the middle, that is no place to be. All these people telling you that you owe it to her to be her confidant. No, I think, not in this. 
This is a great big mess -- your friend is playing with fire and you really have no good role whatsoever. When it comes out -- if it does, you will feel culpable. Best to cut off the conversation, now if not sooner. You have already talked with her -- she has your opinion on this, she doesn't agree. No more talk. There are plenty of other people who will be glad to hear all about it -- just not you. There are times when backing away is the best way to save what is left of the relationship and keep peace with the family. As far as going on a vacation with this couple -- to me -- out of the question. She is relying on you to keep the spicy secret of her affair in front of both her and your husband. Who would want to be in that role? I presume you are not 13 anymore?
 Take the high road.[/quote]

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