Non-American families and your American teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an immigrant (came as an adult) and I don't think Americans are lacking in community spirit. In fact, they are more charitable than most, and I have always found people helpful and very kind, warmer. Perhaps lack of connection is perceived because Americans do move more, including far away from family, so there is less stress on grandparent, cousin relations?

I was born in India and came when I was 6 to this country and I’ve often wondered this.


I always thought of the people here kind in their own way.

However, many “Americans” (loosely think of people who are born and raised in the US for at least two generations who don’t have much of a connection to their ancestors who may have come from another country) don’t think twice about putting themselves first - something that is looked down upon in my culture. And this manifests in terms of where I will always choose to live - either near my DH’s family or mine so that we can always be around to maintain those connections or support them if they ever needed it.

This is such hogwash. I find the Indian people I work with the quickest to stab people in the back and put themselves first. They are the fiercest ‘win at all cost’, no integrity competitors.

I don’t think you got the point. It’s about the role of an individual within a family. I’m not talking about an individual in corporate culture.

[Anonymous]

I’m a first generation parent who grew up in a very strict, traditional home. It was very difficult growing up and I swore I’d never subject my children to the same, unnecessary restrictions. Respect and obedience are very different things. The extreme restrictions imposed by my mother had the complete opposite effect, it made me want to rebel in ways I wouldn’t have if I’d been given some freedom. My children have much more freedom than I did and are significantly better behaved and have much more respect for me then I did as a result.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an immigrant (came as an adult) and I don't think Americans are lacking in community spirit. In fact, they are more charitable than most, and I have always found people helpful and very kind, warmer. Perhaps lack of connection is perceived because Americans do move more, including far away from family, so there is less stress on grandparent, cousin relations?

I was born in India and came when I was 6 to this country and I’ve often wondered this.


I always thought of the people here kind in their own way.

However, many “Americans” (loosely think of people who are born and raised in the US for at least two generations who don’t have much of a connection to their ancestors who may have come from another country) don’t think twice about putting themselves first - something that is looked down upon in my culture. And this manifests in terms of where I will always choose to live - either near my DH’s family or mine so that we can always be around to maintain those connections or support them if they ever needed it.

This is such hogwash. I find the Indian people I work with the quickest to stab people in the back and put themselves first. They are the fiercest ‘win at all cost’, no integrity competitors.

I don’t think you got the point. It’s about the role of an individual within a family. I’m not talking about an individual in corporate culture.

That is true. There is a lot of connection between family and maybe even family friends, but if you look back at the original poster we are all responding to they were talking about "community spirit." I think there isn't a lot of community spirit as the term is meant here. Perhaps they define their community as just their family and close friends, maybe even those who share a house of worship with them, but in this country, community spirit means the larger community and I don't think overall there is much concern about that. They just home their kids don't catch the "contagion."

[Anonymous]

*hope

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an immigrant (came as an adult) and I don't think Americans are lacking in community spirit. In fact, they are more charitable than most, and I have always found people helpful and very kind, warmer. Perhaps lack of connection is perceived because Americans do move more, including far away from family, so there is less stress on grandparent, cousin relations?

I was born in India and came when I was 6 to this country and I’ve often wondered this.


I always thought of the people here kind in their own way.

However, many “Americans” (loosely think of people who are born and raised in the US for at least two generations who don’t have much of a connection to their ancestors who may have come from another country) don’t think twice about putting themselves first - something that is looked down upon in my culture. And this manifests in terms of where I will always choose to live - either near my DH’s family or mine so that we can always be around to maintain those connections or support them if they ever needed it.

This is such hogwash. I find the Indian people I work with the quickest to stab people in the back and put themselves first. They are the fiercest ‘win at all cost’, no integrity competitors.

I don’t think you got the point. It’s about the role of an individual within a family. I’m not talking about an individual in corporate culture.

That is true. There is a lot of connection between family and maybe even family friends, but if you look back at the original poster we are all responding to they were talking about "community spirit." I think there isn't a lot of community spirit as the term is meant here. Perhaps they define their community as just their family and close friends, maybe even those who share a house of worship with them, but in this country, community spirit means the larger community and I don't think overall there is much concern about that. They just home their kids don't catch the "contagion."

Immigrants are more family-oriented and don't care so much for people outside of family. WASPS don't care much about their families, but they looove strangers, the weirder, the better. They have some big time white savior sh** going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm married to a white man. Every time i use race to compare things, he would give me an example that it's not about race, it's how people are brought up. Every dang time, he would give me an example that defies it all. Every race has got some sh*t going on.

Your husband sounds smart and sensible. He single?

Right? PP must be so annoyed that her husband refutes her stereotypes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an immigrant (came as an adult) and I don't think Americans are lacking in community spirit. In fact, they are more charitable than most, and I have always found people helpful and very kind, warmer. Perhaps lack of connection is perceived because Americans do move more, including far away from family, so there is less stress on grandparent, cousin relations?

I was born in India and came when I was 6 to this country and I’ve often wondered this.


I always thought of the people here kind in their own way.

However, many “Americans” (loosely think of people who are born and raised in the US for at least two generations who don’t have much of a connection to their ancestors who may have come from another country) don’t think twice about putting themselves first - something that is looked down upon in my culture. And this manifests in terms of where I will always choose to live - either near my DH’s family or mine so that we can always be around to maintain those connections or support them if they ever needed it.

This is such hogwash. I find the Indian people I work with the quickest to stab people in the back and put themselves first. They are the fiercest ‘win at all cost’, no integrity competitors.

I don’t think you got the point. It’s about the role of an individual within a family. I’m not talking about an individual in corporate culture.

That is true. There is a lot of connection between family and maybe even family friends, but if you look back at the original poster we are all responding to they were talking about "community spirit." I think there isn't a lot of community spirit as the term is meant here. Perhaps they define their community as just their family and close friends, maybe even those who share a house of worship with them, but in this country, community spirit means the larger community and I don't think overall there is much concern about that. They just home their kids don't catch the "contagion."

Immigrants are more family-oriented and don't care so much for people outside of family. WASPS don't care much about their families, but they looove strangers, the weirder, the better. They have some big time white savior sh** going.

Not sure about WASPs as I'm not one. But, an area works better when people care about the larger community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an immigrant (came as an adult) and I don't think Americans are lacking in community spirit. In fact, they are more charitable than most, and I have always found people helpful and very kind, warmer. Perhaps lack of connection is perceived because Americans do move more, including far away from family, so there is less stress on grandparent, cousin relations?

I was born in India and came when I was 6 to this country and I’ve often wondered this.


I always thought of the people here kind in their own way.

However, many “Americans” (loosely think of people who are born and raised in the US for at least two generations who don’t have much of a connection to their ancestors who may have come from another country) don’t think twice about putting themselves first - something that is looked down upon in my culture. And this manifests in terms of where I will always choose to live - either near my DH’s family or mine so that we can always be around to maintain those connections or support them if they ever needed it.

This is such hogwash. I find the Indian people I work with the quickest to stab people in the back and put themselves first. They are the fiercest ‘win at all cost’, no integrity competitors.

I don’t think you got the point. It’s about the role of an individual within a family. I’m not talking about an individual in corporate culture.

That is true. There is a lot of connection between family and maybe even family friends, but if you look back at the original poster we are all responding to they were talking about "community spirit." I think there isn't a lot of community spirit as the term is meant here. Perhaps they define their community as just their family and close friends, maybe even those who share a house of worship with them, but in this country, community spirit means the larger community and I don't think overall there is much concern about that. They just home their kids don't catch the "contagion."

Immigrants are more family-oriented and don't care so much for people outside of family. WASPS don't care much about their families, but they looove strangers, the weirder, the better. They have some big time white savior sh** going.

Not sure about WASPs as I'm not one. But, an area works better when people care about the larger community.

Don't care about "the area", whatever that is. Family comes first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an immigrant (came as an adult) and I don't think Americans are lacking in community spirit. In fact, they are more charitable than most, and I have always found people helpful and very kind, warmer. Perhaps lack of connection is perceived because Americans do move more, including far away from family, so there is less stress on grandparent, cousin relations?

I was born in India and came when I was 6 to this country and I’ve often wondered this.


I always thought of the people here kind in their own way.

However, many “Americans” (loosely think of people who are born and raised in the US for at least two generations who don’t have much of a connection to their ancestors who may have come from another country) don’t think twice about putting themselves first - something that is looked down upon in my culture. And this manifests in terms of where I will always choose to live - either near my DH’s family or mine so that we can always be around to maintain those connections or support them if they ever needed it.

This is such hogwash. I find the Indian people I work with the quickest to stab people in the back and put themselves first. They are the fiercest ‘win at all cost’, no integrity competitors.

I don’t think you got the point. It’s about the role of an individual within a family. I’m not talking about an individual in corporate culture.

That is true. There is a lot of connection between family and maybe even family friends, but if you look back at the original poster we are all responding to they were talking about "community spirit." I think there isn't a lot of community spirit as the term is meant here. Perhaps they define their community as just their family and close friends, maybe even those who share a house of worship with them, but in this country, community spirit means the larger community and I don't think overall there is much concern about that. They just home their kids don't catch the "contagion."

Immigrants are more family-oriented and don't care so much for people outside of family. WASPS don't care much about their families, but they looove strangers, the weirder, the better. They have some big time white savior sh** going.

Not sure about WASPs as I'm not one. But, an area works better when people care about the larger community.

Don't care about "the area", whatever that is. Family comes first.

Yeah, I know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an immigrant (came as an adult) and I don't think Americans are lacking in community spirit. In fact, they are more charitable than most, and I have always found people helpful and very kind, warmer. Perhaps lack of connection is perceived because Americans do move more, including far away from family, so there is less stress on grandparent, cousin relations?

I was born in India and came when I was 6 to this country and I’ve often wondered this.


I always thought of the people here kind in their own way.

However, many “Americans” (loosely think of people who are born and raised in the US for at least two generations who don’t have much of a connection to their ancestors who may have come from another country) don’t think twice about putting themselves first - something that is looked down upon in my culture. And this manifests in terms of where I will always choose to live - either near my DH’s family or mine so that we can always be around to maintain those connections or support them if they ever needed it.

This is such hogwash. I find the Indian people I work with the quickest to stab people in the back and put themselves first. They are the fiercest ‘win at all cost’, no integrity competitors.

I don’t think you got the point. It’s about the role of an individual within a family. I’m not talking about an individual in corporate culture.

That is true. There is a lot of connection between family and maybe even family friends, but if you look back at the original poster we are all responding to they were talking about "community spirit." I think there isn't a lot of community spirit as the term is meant here. Perhaps they define their community as just their family and close friends, maybe even those who share a house of worship with them, but in this country, community spirit means the larger community and I don't think overall there is much concern about that. They just home their kids don't catch the "contagion."

Immigrants are more family-oriented and don't care so much for people outside of family. WASPS don't care much about their families, but they looove strangers, the weirder, the better. They have some big time white savior sh** going.

Not sure about WASPs as I'm not one. But, an area works better when people care about the larger community.

Don't care about "the area", whatever that is. Family comes first.

I wonder what the overlap is of people who put "family first" and people who complain other people don't talk to them at the bus stop/back to school night/sports sidelines and it must therefore be about race. They are probably picking up the vibe that the "family first" crowd want nothing to do with them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an Indian immigrant. Kids were born here. Since this is a different culture than what I was raised in, I have paid a lot of attention in fostering a very diverse (racially and country of origin) group of friends for them. In our neighborhood and the schools (public magnets) most of their friends parents are also immigrants from around the world and while they all are from different cultures, in their own ways they are focussed towards the academics, EC family and cultural education of their children.

There is a lot of emphasis on skill-building, delegation of duties, focus on health, academics, collaborative work, learning a foreign language, playing a musical instrument, involvement in sports etc. Most of the families are UMC and traditional - heterosexual, college educated, married biological parents and white collar jobs.

The emphasis on family, socializing, education and ECs, coupled with a core group of diverse friends doing leisure activities together, and the constant supervision of parents - does not leave our children with too much time to get into other mischief. They are also getting a lot of positive reinforcement and dopamine kick from their own achievements and doing well.

All of this is well and good, but our entire lives are molded to serve and educate our children in a way that they are happy, healthy and succeeding.

Barf. I think I recognize this poster. You keep on bragging about how great your family life is and how great your kids are and how great your social life is.

Your posts come off preachy and holier than thou.

I say this as another Indian immigrant.

LOL. No one can help you if your life sucks. There are forums to consider if your kid is failing in school, you don't have friends, if your DH is a douche or if you don't make enough money. And no, you are not another Indian immigrant.

Lol, don't like what I said so I am not an Indian immigrant?

My life is just fine thank you.

With your preachy attitude, you would not even realize if your kids were being sneaky. I bet you want your kids to marry an Indian only, one who is a doctor or in IT? Your kids in STEM, not Humanities? Member of TANA? Andhra or Telangana? Mahesh Babu or Pavan Kalyan?

Wow! You seem very angry and bitter. Let me guess. Low SES? Dysfunctional family? Product of Halala? Tell me about your background and I can diagnose your mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every race has got some sh*t going on.

This^100%

[Anonymous]

Every race has issues, most same as other races and some unique but looking down upon other races is a mental health issue. Racial supremacy is a toxic delusion of grandeur which leads to hatred and destruction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an Indian immigrant. Kids were born here. Since this is a different culture than what I was raised in, I have paid a lot of attention in fostering a very diverse (racially and country of origin) group of friends for them. In our neighborhood and the schools (public magnets) most of their friends parents are also immigrants from around the world and while they all are from different cultures, in their own ways they are focussed towards the academics, EC family and cultural education of their children.

There is a lot of emphasis on skill-building, delegation of duties, focus on health, academics, collaborative work, learning a foreign language, playing a musical instrument, involvement in sports etc. Most of the families are UMC and traditional - heterosexual, college educated, married biological parents and white collar jobs.

The emphasis on family, socializing, education and ECs, coupled with a core group of diverse friends doing leisure activities together, and the constant supervision of parents - does not leave our children with too much time to get into other mischief. They are also getting a lot of positive reinforcement and dopamine kick from their own achievements and doing well.

All of this is well and good, but our entire lives are molded to serve and educate our children in a way that they are happy, healthy and succeeding.

Barf. I think I recognize this poster. You keep on bragging about how great your family life is and how great your kids are and how great your social life is.

Your posts come off preachy and holier than thou.

I say this as another Indian immigrant.

LOL. No one can help you if your life sucks. There are forums to consider if your kid is failing in school, you don't have friends, if your DH is a douche or if you don't make enough money. And no, you are not another Indian immigrant.

Lol, don't like what I said so I am not an Indian immigrant?

My life is just fine thank you.

With your preachy attitude, you would not even realize if your kids were being sneaky. I bet you want your kids to marry an Indian only, one who is a doctor or in IT? Your kids in STEM, not Humanities? Member of TANA? Andhra or Telangana? Mahesh Babu or Pavan Kalyan?

Wow! You seem very angry and bitter. Let me guess. Low SES? Dysfunctional family? Product of Halala? Tell me about your background and I can diagnose your mental illness.

Oh wow. I am not this PP, but your statement right here says so much more about you (negatively) than it does about that other PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an Indian immigrant. Kids were born here. Since this is a different culture than what I was raised in, I have paid a lot of attention in fostering a very diverse (racially and country of origin) group of friends for them. In our neighborhood and the schools (public magnets) most of their friends parents are also immigrants from around the world and while they all are from different cultures, in their own ways they are focussed towards the academics, EC family and cultural education of their children.

There is a lot of emphasis on skill-building, delegation of duties, focus on health, academics, collaborative work, learning a foreign language, playing a musical instrument, involvement in sports etc. Most of the families are UMC and traditional - heterosexual, college educated, married biological parents and white collar jobs.

The emphasis on family, socializing, education and ECs, coupled with a core group of diverse friends doing leisure activities together, and the constant supervision of parents - does not leave our children with too much time to get into other mischief. They are also getting a lot of positive reinforcement and dopamine kick from their own achievements and doing well.

All of this is well and good, but our entire lives are molded to serve and educate our children in a way that they are happy, healthy and succeeding.

Barf. I think I recognize this poster. You keep on bragging about how great your family life is and how great your kids are and how great your social life is.

Your posts come off preachy and holier than thou.

I say this as another Indian immigrant.

LOL. No one can help you if your life sucks. There are forums to consider if your kid is failing in school, you don't have friends, if your DH is a douche or if you don't make enough money. And no, you are not another Indian immigrant.

Lol, don't like what I said so I am not an Indian immigrant?

My life is just fine thank you.

With your preachy attitude, you would not even realize if your kids were being sneaky. I bet you want your kids to marry an Indian only, one who is a doctor or in IT? Your kids in STEM, not Humanities? Member of TANA? Andhra or Telangana? Mahesh Babu or Pavan Kalyan?

Wow! You seem very angry and bitter. Let me guess. Low SES? Dysfunctional family? Product of Halala? Tell me about your background and I can diagnose your mental illness.

Oh wow. I am not this PP, but your statement right here says so much more about you (negatively) than it does about that other PP.

Oh wow. There are many reasons why people are angry. Their background is also a mail reason. Most venom against Indians (Mahesh Babu? Pavan Kalyan? Really?) comes from several kinds of people from all walks of life. How can we help this poor person if we do not understand her trauma? We could just think that she is a POS, but in reality she could be a victim of social-religious customs of her community.