Non-American families and your American teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very curious why someone reported a post that stated factually that in a work situation where I’m working with a dozen immigrants from Africa and South Asia at least 10 openly admit to using corporal punishment to control their children. That includes teens. Asked what I thought, I said it’s illegal no further discussion required.

corporal punishment by a parent is not illegal in either MD or VA.

[Anonymous]

I am an Indian immigrant. Kids were born here. Since this is a different culture than what I was raised in, I have paid a lot of attention in fostering a very diverse (racially and country of origin) group of friends for them. In our neighborhood and the schools (public magnets) most of their friends parents are also immigrants from around the world and while they all are from different cultures, in their own ways they are focussed towards the academics, EC family and cultural education of their children.

There is a lot of emphasis on skill-building, delegation of duties, focus on health, academics, collaborative work, learning a foreign language, playing a musical instrument, involvement in sports etc. Most of the families are UMC and traditional - heterosexual, college educated, married biological parents and white collar jobs.

The emphasis on family, socializing, education and ECs, coupled with a core group of diverse friends doing leisure activities together, and the constant supervision of parents - does not leave our children with too much time to get into other mischief. They are also getting a lot of positive reinforcement and dopamine kick from their own achievements and doing well.

All of this is well and good, but our entire lives are molded to serve and educate our children in a way that they are happy, healthy and succeeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When did the U.S. become so individualistic? Only really in the past 50-60 years, right?

It's rooted in American frontier culture.

This! And for those of you that don’t like the evolution of our culture. You can just jump right back on that plane! I don’t come to your country and tell you all the things like like better about mine. I consider that offensive and rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an Indian immigrant. Kids were born here. Since this is a different culture than what I was raised in, I have paid a lot of attention in fostering a very diverse (racially and country of origin) group of friends for them. In our neighborhood and the schools (public magnets) most of their friends parents are also immigrants from around the world and while they all are from different cultures, in their own ways they are focussed towards the academics, EC family and cultural education of their children.

There is a lot of emphasis on skill-building, delegation of duties, focus on health, academics, collaborative work, learning a foreign language, playing a musical instrument, involvement in sports etc. Most of the families are UMC and traditional - heterosexual, college educated, married biological parents and white collar jobs.

The emphasis on family, socializing, education and ECs, coupled with a core group of diverse friends doing leisure activities together, and the constant supervision of parents - does not leave our children with too much time to get into other mischief. They are also getting a lot of positive reinforcement and dopamine kick from their own achievements and doing well.

All of this is well and good, but our entire lives are molded to serve and educate our children in a way that they are happy, healthy and succeeding.

So basically you mold your lives around raising your children and your immediate family. Um, yeah, that’s very American. Don’t beat your children and contribute to society and most people will welcome you to being American.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an immigrant (came as an adult) and I don't think Americans are lacking in community spirit. In fact, they are more charitable than most, and I have always found people helpful and very kind, warmer. Perhaps lack of connection is perceived because Americans do move more, including far away from family, so there is less stress on grandparent, cousin relations?

I was born in India and came when I was 6 to this country and I’ve often wondered this.


I always thought of the people here kind in their own way.

However, many “Americans” (loosely think of people who are born and raised in the US for at least two generations who don’t have much of a connection to their ancestors who may have come from another country) don’t think twice about putting themselves first - something that is looked down upon in my culture. And this manifests in terms of where I will always choose to live - either near my DH’s family or mine so that we can always be around to maintain those connections or support them if they ever needed it.

This is such hogwash. I find the Indian people I work with the quickest to stab people in the back and put themselves first. They are the fiercest ‘win at all cost’, no integrity competitors.

[Anonymous]

Op here. This was simply a post about navigating different cultures as we work to raise our kids - and seeking perspectives on how others are handling it.

I’m pretty disgusted by those of you coming here to hijack this post with your nastiness, xenophobia, and classism. You are dismissed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little tired of "non-Americans" or "immigrants" living in America and constantly bashing it. If you don't like it, go home.

signed wife of someone who immigrated here as a 10 year old who agrees with me

As an immigrant, I agree. I don't think that attitude is really common though, most immigrants I know are happy to be here! The rich "expat" types are the annoying ones I encounter who find everything better back home.

Speak for yourself. What backwater country did you come here from?

Oooo, this one's fancy!
Came frome a upper class place, la di da

You're all immigrants. No matter how great your former country was, you left it. Talking about "backwater country" makes you sound bad. No one who talks like this ever came from a truly good country anyway.

Agree. MOST people who come here want to be here. They left for a reason. If things were truly better in their country they wouldn’t have left. If they don’t like it here, they can just leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This was simply a post about navigating different cultures as we work to raise our kids - and seeking perspectives on how others are handling it.

I’m pretty disgusted by those of you coming here to hijack this post with your nastiness, xenophobia, and classism. You are dismissed.

You have no right to DISMISS anyone! If you cannot handle your own children - really that’s your fault, not American culture’s fault. We handle our children just fine for generations. So well, in fact, that you decided to come here to raise yours. Perhaps you have something to learn from US, rather than seeking to ostracize your children by trying to raise them as a foreigner in their own country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This was simply a post about navigating different cultures as we work to raise our kids - and seeking perspectives on how others are handling it.

I’m pretty disgusted by those of you coming here to hijack this post with your nastiness, xenophobia, and classism. You are dismissed.

You have no right to DISMISS anyone! If you cannot handle your own children - really that’s your fault, not American culture’s fault. We handle our children just fine for generations. So well, in fact, that you decided to come here to raise yours. Perhaps you have something to learn from US, rather than seeking to ostracize your children by trying to raise them as a foreigner in their own country.

I think you’re on the wrong thread because you are clearly not responding to what OP asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This was simply a post about navigating different cultures as we work to raise our kids - and seeking perspectives on how others are handling it.

I’m pretty disgusted by those of you coming here to hijack this post with your nastiness, xenophobia, and classism. You are dismissed.

You have no right to DISMISS anyone! If you cannot handle your own children - really that’s your fault, not American culture’s fault. We handle our children just fine for generations. So well, in fact, that you decided to come here to raise yours. Perhaps you have something to learn from US, rather than seeking to ostracize your children by trying to raise them as a foreigner in their own country.

Hmmm. I said:
“I’m pretty disgusted by those of you coming here to hijack this post with your nastiness, xenophobia, and classism. You are dismissed.”

And you responded.
Quite triggered, too.
It seems you’ve outed yourself as someone who is nasty, xenophobic, and classist. And as such, you have dismissed yourself. Good day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an Indian immigrant. Kids were born here. Since this is a different culture than what I was raised in, I have paid a lot of attention in fostering a very diverse (racially and country of origin) group of friends for them. In our neighborhood and the schools (public magnets) most of their friends parents are also immigrants from around the world and while they all are from different cultures, in their own ways they are focussed towards the academics, EC family and cultural education of their children.

There is a lot of emphasis on skill-building, delegation of duties, focus on health, academics, collaborative work, learning a foreign language, playing a musical instrument, involvement in sports etc. Most of the families are UMC and traditional - heterosexual, college educated, married biological parents and white collar jobs.

The emphasis on family, socializing, education and ECs, coupled with a core group of diverse friends doing leisure activities together, and the constant supervision of parents - does not leave our children with too much time to get into other mischief. They are also getting a lot of positive reinforcement and dopamine kick from their own achievements and doing well.

All of this is well and good, but our entire lives are molded to serve and educate our children in a way that they are happy, healthy and succeeding.

So basically you mold your lives around raising your children and your immediate family. Um, yeah, that’s very American. Don’t beat your children and contribute to society and most people will welcome you to being American.

If that is the case then the question is why are majority of Americans not doing everything - to raise their children well, to not be abusive to other people, to take care of their family and friends, to be fiscally responsible and to contribute to society? I am glad to behave as American as Apple Pie, if that is what the American values are. Because these are the values of any decent society. But, increasingly Americans are not following these American values and for many new immigrants, American society is very alarming.

We are openly seeing neglect of children in American families and gross dereliction of parental duties. I think people have to admit that all the facts and statistics are pointing towards a decline in the mental, physical, social, moral health of the children. And they increasingly indulging in devious and self harming behavior and it is being reflected in violence and academic failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an immigrant (came as an adult) and I don't think Americans are lacking in community spirit. In fact, they are more charitable than most, and I have always found people helpful and very kind, warmer. Perhaps lack of connection is perceived because Americans do move more, including far away from family, so there is less stress on grandparent, cousin relations?

I was born in India and came when I was 6 to this country and I’ve often wondered this.


I always thought of the people here kind in their own way.

However, many “Americans” (loosely think of people who are born and raised in the US for at least two generations who don’t have much of a connection to their ancestors who may have come from another country) don’t think twice about putting themselves first - something that is looked down upon in my culture. And this manifests in terms of where I will always choose to live - either near my DH’s family or mine so that we can always be around to maintain those connections or support them if they ever needed it.

This is such hogwash. I find the Indian people I work with the quickest to stab people in the back and put themselves first. They are the fiercest ‘win at all cost’, no integrity competitors.

Because they actually have knowledge and skills. Sorry but you are unable to compete.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This was simply a post about navigating different cultures as we work to raise our kids - and seeking perspectives on how others are handling it.

I’m pretty disgusted by those of you coming here to hijack this post with your nastiness, xenophobia, and classism. You are dismissed.

You have no right to DISMISS anyone! If you cannot handle your own children - really that’s your fault, not American culture’s fault. We handle our children just fine for generations. So well, in fact, that you decided to come here to raise yours. Perhaps you have something to learn from US, rather than seeking to ostracize your children by trying to raise them as a foreigner in their own country.

I think you’re on the wrong thread because you are clearly not responding to what OP asked.

Exactly. It’s truly so odd. It’s like they (singular or plural) are just totally in the wrong place yelling things that don’t relate to the topic at all. I think they’re looking for the MAGA conference across the street.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I ask a question that I promise is sincere. I'm not trying to start anything...

I'm curious about the use of the term "non-American" here. Are people who are permanently residing here from other countries comfortable with that term? I would have thought "immigrant" was more appropriate. If somebody else had referred to their neighbor or acquaintance as "non-american" I would have considered it inaccurate and possibly offensive. But happy to learn something...

This is part of it. We don’t get offended by every little thing.
-immigrant

Our Egyptian "non-American" American neighbor fought for the US in the Vietnam war.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. This was simply a post about navigating different cultures as we work to raise our kids - and seeking perspectives on how others are handling it.

I’m pretty disgusted by those of you coming here to hijack this post with your nastiness, xenophobia, and classism. You are dismissed.

You have no right to DISMISS anyone! If you cannot handle your own children - really that’s your fault, not American culture’s fault. We handle our children just fine for generations. So well, in fact, that you decided to come here to raise yours. Perhaps you have something to learn from US, rather than seeking to ostracize your children by trying to raise them as a foreigner in their own country.

oh, but they way *you* handle your own children has changed drastically. i mean, every american parent knows this; there are thousands of books on this topic.

they way you, current american parents, currently raise your children might be good or bad or whatever, but the success of the USA as a country bears literally zero relationship to whatever fads you are currently following. it is all a result of the way previous generations have raised their children. you know - generations that, for example, spanked their children; where children obeyed their parents, where they embraced very traditional gender roles, etc etc etc. you are doing the exact opposite of this - it might work, it might not.