Non-American families and your American teen

[Anonymous]

Let’s not turn this into an ugly “us vs them” conversation. What the hell is wrong with some of you.

Let’s try this again:
Most global cultures are family-centered. The U.S. is individual-centered. There are pros and cons for each. Think about the challenges of raising a teen and now add navigating these complex cultural elements. It’s very hard. All a parent wants to do is the right thing. Now try navigating different playbooks that speak to what “right” is in sometimes very different terms. It adds another layer to an already challenging time.

If this is not your personal family experience and you are unable to add something thoughtful to lift someone up or ask sincere questions to learn more, then this post is not for you.

[Anonymous]

When did the U.S. become so individualistic? Only really in the past 50-60 years, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did the U.S. become so individualistic? Only really in the past 50-60 years, right?

It's rooted in American frontier culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an immigrant (came as an adult) and I don't think Americans are lacking in community spirit. In fact, they are more charitable than most, and I have always found people helpful and very kind, warmer. Perhaps lack of connection is perceived because Americans do move more, including far away from family, so there is less stress on grandparent, cousin relations?

I was born in India and came when I was 6 to this country and I’ve often wondered this.


I always thought of the people here kind in their own way.

However, many “Americans” (loosely think of people who are born and raised in the US for at least two generations who don’t have much of a connection to their ancestors who may have come from another country) don’t think twice about putting themselves first - something that is looked down upon in my culture. And this manifests in terms of where I will always choose to live - either near my DH’s family or mine so that we can always be around to maintain those connections or support them if they ever needed it.

[Anonymous]

A word to the wise:

Try to catch up with the century us Americans live in

Try to chill out

Don’t beat or worse your kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little tired of "non-Americans" or "immigrants" living in America and constantly bashing it. If you don't like it, go home.

signed wife of someone who immigrated here as a 10 year old who agrees with me

As an immigrant, I agree. I don't think that attitude is really common though, most immigrants I know are happy to be here! The rich "expat" types are the annoying ones I encounter who find everything better back home.

Speak for yourself. What backwater country did you come here from?

[Anonymous]

More like which century m? She’s kind of the 21?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little tired of "non-Americans" or "immigrants" living in America and constantly bashing it. If you don't like it, go home.

signed wife of someone who immigrated here as a 10 year old who agrees with me

As an immigrant, I agree. I don't think that attitude is really common though, most immigrants I know are happy to be here! The rich "expat" types are the annoying ones I encounter who find everything better back home.

Speak for yourself. What backwater country did you come here from?

Oooo, this one's fancy!
Came frome a upper class place, la di da

You're all immigrants. No matter how great your former country was, you left it. Talking about "backwater country" makes you sound bad. No one who talks like this ever came from a truly good country anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s not turn this into an ugly “us vs them” conversation. What the hell is wrong with some of you.

Let’s try this again:
Most global cultures are family-centered. The U.S. is individual-centered. There are pros and cons for each. Think about the challenges of raising a teen and now add navigating these complex cultural elements. It’s very hard. All a parent wants to do is the right thing. Now try navigating different playbooks that speak to what “right” is in sometimes very different terms. It adds another layer to an already challenging time.

If this is not your personal family experience and you are unable to add something thoughtful to lift someone up or ask sincere questions to learn more, then this post is not for you.

+1
And add to the fact, as a lot of posters are pointing out, that if you force strict and unpleasant family values on teens in America, they do have ways to pull away from you and be very independent. America raises kids here to be independent of family, and American parents do not depend on their children for money. So it's very dicey. The American education system is designed to make independent thinkers and people who can get a job and live on their own (at least that was the idea).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:American citizen but raised in South Asia. I am finding it difficult since the way I was raised is so different from how it is here. I cannot stand disrespect from kids and it is not something you see where I was raised. It causes a lot of fights in our home.

The things my kid gets away with, my parents would have abused the hell out of me for that.

I'm a born and raised Caucasian American, married for 20 years to an Asian immigrant and disrespect was not tolerated in my house growing up, and I don't tolerate it from my teen and tween. I don't know why this stereotype persists. And I don't abuse them to get their respect. If your kids are getting away with it, that's on you, not American culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little tired of "non-Americans" or "immigrants" living in America and constantly bashing it. If you don't like it, go home.

signed wife of someone who immigrated here as a 10 year old who agrees with me

As an immigrant, I agree. I don't think that attitude is really common though, most immigrants I know are happy to be here! The rich "expat" types are the annoying ones I encounter who find everything better back home.

Speak for yourself. What backwater country did you come here from?

You go first!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American citizen but raised in South Asia. I am finding it difficult since the way I was raised is so different from how it is here. I cannot stand disrespect from kids and it is not something you see where I was raised. It causes a lot of fights in our home.

The things my kid gets away with, my parents would have abused the hell out of me for that.

I'm a born and raised Caucasian American, married for 20 years to an Asian immigrant and disrespect was not tolerated in my house growing up, and I don't tolerate it from my teen and tween. I don't know why this stereotype persists. And I don't abuse them to get their respect. If your kids are getting away with it, that's on you, not American culture.

+1. I didn't disrespect my parents and my boys don't disrespect us. It's a weird stereotype. Also, Americans aren't family orientated? What? I completely disagree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:American citizen but raised in South Asia. I am finding it difficult since the way I was raised is so different from how it is here. I cannot stand disrespect from kids and it is not something you see where I was raised. It causes a lot of fights in our home.

The things my kid gets away with, my parents would have abused the hell out of me for that.

. . . and you think that’s okay?!? Weird. I am definitely of the mindset that respect is earned. I cannot fathom respecting an abuser.

When a parent hits a child it’s discipline, but if and adult intercepts that it’s considered assault. I think it is assault when one hits a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:American citizen but raised in South Asia. I am finding it difficult since the way I was raised is so different from how it is here. I cannot stand disrespect from kids and it is not something you see where I was raised. It causes a lot of fights in our home.

The things my kid gets away with, my parents would have abused the hell out of me for that.

I'm a born and raised Caucasian American, married for 20 years to an Asian immigrant and disrespect was not tolerated in my house growing up, and I don't tolerate it from my teen and tween. I don't know why this stereotype persists. And I don't abuse them to get their respect. If your kids are getting away with it, that's on you, not American culture.

I agree with the PP. I'm the one that posted earlier about having to talk to DH about his parenting. I'm Indian, and I'm not raising my child the way my parents raised me (my parents are good people, we were well loved and cared for, just believed in corporal punishment), because when you know better, you do better. This does not mean that my child is allowed to walk all over us, or be disrespectful. What it does mean is that I treat her as her own person with opinions and emotions, and don't dismiss them off-hand because she's a child. I don't expect her to bend to our will, just because we're her parents, and she must respect our authority. DD has friends with authoritative parents, and if there is a recurring theme, it is that they cannot wait to get out, and stay out. It is not what I want for our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little tired of "non-Americans" or "immigrants" living in America and constantly bashing it. If you don't like it, go home.

signed wife of someone who immigrated here as a 10 year old who agrees with me

Yes! Yes! Yes!

I am the child of an immigrant, married to an immigrant, and was an expat in a foreign country. If you don’t like it here, GO HOME!!!! We have enough people that like it here, contribute to our society, and are looking to immigrate or become citizens. We really don’t need you!