Friends who are family until they’re not
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Anonymous
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How
OLD Are Your KIDS???? And your friend’s kids? |
Anonymous
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My kids are 9, 7 twins, and 5.
Just to be clear- the family had a football watching party in which other guests (not just family members) were invited. Guests with kids. We were not. Thank you to those who are choosing kindness and not to attack us. To the people who are saying it was rude of me to ask my best friend what was up, you must not have any real friends you are open and honest with. If I had any of my typical gatherings/events and didn’t invite my two best friends but yet posted about them on social media, of course those women would be contacting me immediately about it. They would be shocked and it would be a bit change from our literal decades of friendship. |
Anonymous
NP here - it's almost certainly one of two things. 1) The hosts didn't feel up to adding such a large number of people (especially 4 kids) to their guest list or 2) their kids need a break from your kids. It happens. A true friend - one who is like your family - won't be so sensitive that she considers the entire friendship irrevocably changed because of one football game. They assume the best and move on. Their relationship is stronger than perceived slights. |
Anonymous
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OP's friends: "It's been so nice to see Larla and her family so much this year, but I just realized we haven't done anything with James or Judy or Julio for a long time. Let's invite them over for the football game so we can hang out."
That's it. Nothing more. Nothing nefarious. They've seen you a ton, OP, and until your tantrum they loved it. But they wrongly assumed that you wouldn't flip out for hanging out with other friends. |
Anonymous
Ummmm, this definitely happens. My sister and I each have 3 kids, my brother is a childless bachelor, and my mom lives in a one-bedroom condo. Mom has asked us girls -- insisted, even -- that we alternate Christmases at her place because 12 people for dinner in the condo is too much for her to handle. But guess who always attends? The brother, because he's a party of one. My mother is elderly, and the host, so we gracefully defer to her wishes without making it a federal case rather than complaining that she isn't putting herself out so we can stuff our faces on her dime. |
Anonymous
You have 4 unvaccinated kids. What is the mystery here? |
Anonymous
| Who were the other guests? If there was a common denominator (like all baseball team/school/work families) then they may not have wanted to mix things up ie Jimmy has 5 baseball friends but also the one non-baseball “cousin” |
Anonymous
NP. Y'all are way too much in each other's business, if you think it's acceptable for friends (or family) to ask why someone invited X and not them. We have friends that are like family. We have family that we are really close to. Sometimes we get together with one group, or the other. Sometimes both. Sometimes neither. Most often, mix and match, based on who gets along with who, and whose kids are the same ages, and all sorts of other variables. Let. It. Go. These people have social lives outside of you. This is just the first time you found out about it. |
Anonymous
| I am guessing your kids are very high maintenance and that you don't "maintenance" your kids. |
Anonymous
This. Agree OP that this situation sucks for you. If you have a really open relationship with your friends, can you ask them why your kids are too much? We have family friends who don't watch their kids when they come over; they are nice people, but allow their 3 kids to run wild, because they need a break from them. They would hang out in bedrooms going through drawers, not follow directions from other adults, etc... while their parents drank or smoked outside. Finally all doors but the main living area had to be locked, a conversation was had with their parents about drinking and not watching their kids, and all pets in the household had to be crated before this family could come over. It is a lot of work for whoever is hosting. This is in another state, so not you OP. I would assume that something has occurred: that the kids have broken something, gone where they shouldn't have in someone's house, roughhoused with the other kids too much, or there has been a falling out among the kids. Tell your friends you missed seeing them, and ask if there is something that has occurred with your kids or lack supervision that has made them "too much" for this person's house. |
Anonymous
| Or it could be that the kids don’t click as much as they did when they were all very young. The families will still get together for the holidays but the host l’s kids wanted people their age there or as a pp said, people who have a common interest like a team. Look, op, I get it. My kids were well behaved but behind socially so they ended up not being comfortable hanging out with the kids in our family friend groups. They would sit with us which was ok for awhile but could put a damper on adult conversation when the rest of the kids were hanging in the basement or the backyard. I’m sure we got excluded unknowingly but honestly it was fine. It was easier to get a sitter and go out as adults and plan family “dates” with kids my kids were comfortable with. We still did holidays with people we were close to but the casual stuff like watching a football game (which my kids had no interest in) was easier for us to do as a family unit. |
Anonymous
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OP, Did you just spend the holidays together with them hosting?
If so, perhaps the football game was an opportunity to see some other friends. And yes, perhaps if you had 1 kid, adding 2 to the mix vs 6 would have been a game changer. I have an only kid and friends inviting me in the early days knew he was a plus 1. I am sure that I missed out on quite a few invites (pre social media days) during that time. |
Anonymous
Because you're not allowed to have other friends over without them? Ever? You're not being attacked. You just want everyone to agree with you and your way of thinking. But guess what? People don't agree, and plenty of people think your way of thinking is weird. I don't have a problem with my best friend inviting people over and not always inviting me. ANd I agree with those people that are sayimg that she pretty much told you that the problem is your kids. But you don't want to hear that. |
Anonymous
So you’ve invited these people to every gathering you’ve EVER hosted in the last 20 years? You are either lying or crazy. Normal people do not do this, and are not offended if they are not invited once out of 346 times. And your FOUR kids are unvaccinated and going to school. During COVID. |
Anonymous
NP here but it you really see them as family like you say then how come with the way you are wording it makes it sound like you still view them as less important than blood family?? Blood isn't the most important thing in the world and isn't the only thing that makes you family. It's about the personal relationship you have with someone not based on blood ties or that you have the same DNA and genetics. |