Friends who are family until they’re not

[Anonymous]

We have very close family friends (adult children and grandparents) and no local family where we live. We have known the family friends for 18 years ( we are 40) and consider them our family here. We spend the Jewish holidays together, attend each other’s kid recitals, etc. Last week, we found out by social media that they all got together to watch a football game from our hometown (we all live away from our home state), and we were not invited. When we mentioned it, my friend said that we have too many kids to be included.

Ouch. I have been seriously burned and have learned a lesson. Blood family will always be tighter than “friends who are family”.

[Anonymous]

How many kids do you have? If you have 4 and everyone else has 1 or 2 this makes sense. Sorry, that’s the reality of having a big family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How many kids do you have? If you have 4 and everyone else has 1 or 2 this makes sense. Sorry, that’s the reality of having a big family.

Because OP has 2 extra kids they can’t join? That makes no sense if there are already a bunch of other kids there.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. That sounds really hurtful. This is a tough and crappy lesson. I’m in the middle of learning that a work friendship was more about convenience for the friend than deeper, true family-like friendship too. It sucks!

[Anonymous]

Unvaccinated kids? Yeah. I’m not getting together with unvaccinated kids right now.

Plus, you literally expect to be invited to EVERYTHING they do? Get over it.

They include you and invite you and treat you well for 18 years, they “let you down” ONE TIME, and you pull the poor pitiful me act?

You sound needy, entitled and bratty. I’d drop you, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many kids do you have? If you have 4 and everyone else has 1 or 2 this makes sense. Sorry, that’s the reality of having a big family.

Because OP has 2 extra kids they can’t join? That makes no sense if there are already a bunch of other kids there.

Look this is watching a game indoors. Space matters. They can invite OP’s family if 6 or two families of 3. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have very close family friends (adult children and grandparents) and no local family where we live. We have known the family friends for 18 years ( we are 40) and consider them our family here. We spend the Jewish holidays together, attend each other’s kid recitals, etc. Last week, we found out by social media that they all got together to watch a football game from our hometown (we all live away from our home state), and we were not invited. When we mentioned it, my friend said that we have too many kids to be included.

Ouch. I have been seriously burned and have learned a lesson. Blood family will always be tighter than “friends who are family”. [/quote

Ughh I'm so sorry that happened to you. One of my biggest pet peeves I'd when friends tell me I'm family to them and then ultimately ditch out on me for their blood family which shows me that ultimately they didn't really see me as family to begin with. I certainly don't expect me friends to see me as family but if you yourself are gonna tell me you're family than treat me like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many kids do you have? If you have 4 and everyone else has 1 or 2 this makes sense. Sorry, that’s the reality of having a big family.

Because OP has 2 extra kids they can’t join? That makes no sense if there are already a bunch of other kids there.

Look this is watching a game indoors. Space matters. They can invite OP’s family if 6 or two families of 3. It is what it is.

This. Plus, maybe the family needs a little space after (possibly) they have been spending a lot of time together during the pandemic. Maybe the kids have gotten tired of each other. Who knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many kids do you have? If you have 4 and everyone else has 1 or 2 this makes sense. Sorry, that’s the reality of having a big family.

Because OP has 2 extra kids they can’t join? That makes no sense if there are already a bunch of other kids there.

Look this is watching a game indoors. Space matters. They can invite OP’s family if 6 or two families of 3. It is what it is.

It was an outdoor watch party. We have four kids, including a set of twins. I get that our family is too large for casual socializing, but for
“Family” to say we are too large of a family for them hurts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many kids do you have? If you have 4 and everyone else has 1 or 2 this makes sense. Sorry, that’s the reality of having a big family.

Because OP has 2 extra kids they can’t join? That makes no sense if there are already a bunch of other kids there.

Look this is watching a game indoors. Space matters. They can invite OP’s family if 6 or two families of 3. It is what it is.

It was an outdoor watch party. We have four kids, including a set of twins. I get that our family is too large for casual socializing, but for
“Family” to say we are too large of a family for them hurts.

I suspect there is more context here that you’re not sharing but would help explain the decision. How many other children were there? How do their ages compare to yours?

[Anonymous]

Even being family doesn’t mean you get invited to everything.

[Anonymous]

So only blood relatives got together? Is that correct?

I have close friends who I consider family. This does not mean they never get together with their blood relatives without me.

You were rude to ask why you weren’t invited.

Don’t trash a friendship over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have very close family friends (adult children and grandparents) and no local family where we live. We have known the family friends for 18 years ( we are 40) and consider them our family here. We spend the Jewish holidays together, attend each other’s kid recitals, etc. Last week, we found out by social media that they all got together to watch a football game from our hometown (we all live away from our home state), and we were not invited. When we mentioned it, my friend said that we have too many kids to be included.

Ouch. I have been seriously burned and have learned a lesson. Blood family will always be tighter than “friends who are family”.

You're upset because you didn't get invited to ONE thing? Nobody gets invited to everything. You seems like you're looking for reasons to be upset. Also, double-check your kids' behavior - generally it's not that people have "too many kids" but that their kids are badly behaved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many kids do you have? If you have 4 and everyone else has 1 or 2 this makes sense. Sorry, that’s the reality of having a big family.

Because OP has 2 extra kids they can’t join? That makes no sense if there are already a bunch of other kids there.

Look this is watching a game indoors. Space matters. They can invite OP’s family if 6 or two families of 3. It is what it is.

It was an outdoor watch party. We have four kids, including a set of twins. I get that our family is too large for casual socializing, but for
“Family” to say we are too large of a family for them hurts.

If you get so “hurt” over them “letting you down” *one time in 18 years* of friendship, then I hope for their sake that you give them some space for a while. How ungrateful, for you to repay 18 years of friendship with being this entitled and pouty over ONE time that you weren’t invited. One time. In 18 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even being family doesn’t mean you get invited to everything.

YEP! My local cousin has four kids, and we don’t always feel like feeding six extra mouths or having six extra bodies in our house, so sometimes we just have a casual dinner with our other local relatives (my older aunt and uncle). Big freaking deal.