Friends who are family until they’re not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So for 18 years you all have included each other in every family gathering, and suddenly for the first time they excluded you? Obviously something changed. Do you have different views in masking and/or vaccinating?

Thank you for this. I will think on it. It’s an ever changing landscape here and we have at times diverged and agreed. However, all the adults are vaccinated (some even have boosters) and are generally on the side of hand washing and science ☺️

Well, there's part of the problem. "Hand washing" does next to nothing to mitigate COVID. It's not spring 2020 anymore. The risk is shared air, particularly indoors with people who are not vaccinated

[Anonymous]

7 pages in and OP still won’t answer if her kids are old enough to be vaccinated or not.

Like family does not mean someone is willing to put their life at risk for and real family wouldn’t expect them too.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. Kudos to you for calling it out though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op- just to be clear, we have hosted them twice this summer for full on dinners at our house and also for the fourth at another location. They met us once for a beach day they “hosted” at their lake house. We host them and other friends a ton as we don’t want to schlep our 4 kids places either! And we have a great home/space for hosting. This just felt like such a specific diss due to the nature of our hometown team.

You have to be kidding me, lady.

[Anonymous]

Op why do you keep replying without answering HOW OLD ARE YOUR KIDS??????

[Anonymous]

Let me guess, op has an 6, 4 and 2 year old twins and wonders why no one invites her anywhere.

[Anonymous]

I have an actual sister with your family (4 kids including twins, who are a bit younger than all the other cousins). I love her deeply, and spend more time with her family than other siblings, but there are times when having her family come totally changes the dynamic of the event. You’re right that we can’t ‘not invite’ her when everyone else in the family is getting together, but there have been times when we’ve adjusted plans (say, me just having dinner with my parents and one of my other siblings instead of both my brothers families) because then we’d need to invite her family and having her family there just changes the whole dynamic, adding a layer of crazy and making adult conversation hard. Her kids aren’t bad kids, but it changes the group vibe. If she was “like family” and not actual family, there’d be less of an effort to accommodate her. Sometimes adding six people to the mix just changes things, even for an outside party. I would try not to let yourself think it’s because they don’t love and appreciate you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me guess, op has an 6, 4 and 2 year old twins and wonders why no one invites her anywhere.

I think it’s the ages and number of kids OP. Do the other families kids end up having to babysit your little ones? It really changed the dynamic of a group when there are little kids who need to be monitored constantly

[Anonymous]

This is absolutely normal. Even families sometimes hang out in smaller peer groupings. There are inner peer groups within families.


For example, I have 2 aunts who are like sisters to me(they are much younger than my mother, and my mother raised them).
From an outsider's perspective, I appear closer to one of them than the other. One of them has older children(she married young), and the other has younger children who connect well with my young children. For this reason, the one with younger children is usually at my place and vice versa. The one with older children does not mind -- she is in a different stage of life. All three of us are aware that this situation does not reflect how we feel about each other. It's just a matter of convenience.

Maybe, it is just convenient for your "family" to hang out with the smaller families sometimes. It's not a big deal. It does not change anything. Find a few larger families to add to your close friends.

[Anonymous]

So, to summarize - people who are actually family members dared to get together to watch a football game together and did not invite you. You had the audacity to ask your friend why she didn’t invite you to her immediate family gathering. She probably threw out the first thing that came to mind after being on the spot for no reason, and now you are “hurt”. We have all noticed that you refuse to answer the questions about how old your unvaccinated kids are.

Look, OP. We have tons of family friends that are “family”. If I decide to get together with just my parents and siblings and don’t invite you, and you ask me why??? Girl, come on. I’m sorry you don’t have family where you live, but you overstepped by even asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So for 18 years you all have included each other in every family gathering, and suddenly for the first time they excluded you? Obviously something changed. Do you have different views in masking and/or vaccinating?

Thank you for this. I will think on it. It’s an ever changing landscape here and we have at times diverged and agreed. However, all the adults are vaccinated (some even have boosters) and are generally on the side of hand washing and science ☺️

Well, there's part of the problem. "Hand washing" does next to nothing to mitigate COVID. It's not spring 2020 anymore. The risk is shared air, particularly indoors with people who are not vaccinated

Covid is not the only thing out there. Hand washing is important for many different things.

[Anonymous]

They have plenty of family gatherings without you, this is just the first time you've noticed it on social media. NBD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here- I feel like people are missing the important point that we were excluded supposedly due to our family size. For friends who are family to do that, it’s like my mom saying that we have too many kids to host us for Christmas or something. It just makes it a stark message of being criticized and suddenly unwelcome.

OP, what are you looking for here? People have offered a variety of potential interpretations of that explanation that would be completely reasonable, but you seem to be looking for people to say they must be assholes and you should cut them off. Are you looking for permission to torch these friendships?

Great response, and hope OP addresses it if she's able to break away from obsessing over the "hometown team" thing for five minutes. This is just weird.

[Anonymous]

OP, I had a friend who was like family - our families were constantly together. I went to her house in the middle of the night to stay with her kids when she had a medical emergency. I would have dropped anything for them, anytime. Then I went through a hard time in my marriage and when I looked to her for support she tried to steal my husband. Be thankful you just missed a football game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, to summarize - people who are actually family members dared to get together to watch a football game together and did not invite you. You had the audacity to ask your friend why she didn’t invite you to her immediate family gathering. She probably threw out the first thing that came to mind after being on the spot for no reason, and now you are “hurt”. We have all noticed that you refuse to answer the questions about how old your unvaccinated kids are.

Look, OP. We have tons of family friends that are “family”. If I decide to get together with just my parents and siblings and don’t invite you, and you ask me why??? Girl, come on. I’m sorry you don’t have family where you live, but you overstepped by even asking.

This right here.