Friends who are family until they’re not

[Anonymous]

As always, social media posting is the problem here.

[Anonymous]

I will say I definitely agree with everyone that no matter who you are friend, family, neighbor in no way obligates you to invite someone to every event/get together you have. I don't care if it's your childhood best friend, your mother, your sister, your 5th cousin 5 times removed. You are allowed to have and foster other relationships in your life.

I will say though I disagree with other posters putting family in quotes basically being snarky and downplaying the fact that based on your OP they are very much family to you. It seems a lot posters view family as black and white meaning you have to be literal blood or married into the family which is simply not true.

Being blood related to someone doesn't automatically make you close or important to someone. In fact I would argue actually the opposite that the people you make your chosen family could be more important because you are actually choosing to have them in your life and you aren't keeping them around as obligation because OMGblood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 9, 7 twins, and 5.

Just to be clear- the family had a football watching party in which other guests (not just family members) were invited. Guests with kids. We were not.

Thank you to those who are choosing kindness and not to attack us. To the people who are saying it was rude of me to ask my best friend what was up, you must not have any real friends you are open and honest with. If I had any of my typical gatherings/events and didn’t invite my two best friends but yet posted about them on social media, of course those women would be contacting me immediately about it. They would be shocked and it would be a bit change from our literal
decades of friendship.

Are you friends with those other non-family guests? It’s possible that this started as plans with the other non-family guests, then they brought in other family members (perhaps because they know the other non-family guests), and then were maxed out at the capacity they felt comfortable hosting so the invite list stopped there (especially when the alternative meant inviting six more people).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have very close family friends (adult children and grandparents) and no local family where we live. We have known the family friends for 18 years ( we are 40) and consider them our family here. We spend the Jewish holidays together, attend each other’s kid recitals, etc. Last week, we found out by social media that they all got together to watch a football game from our hometown (we all live away from our home state), and we were not invited. When we mentioned it, my friend said that we have too many kids to be included.

Ouch. I have been seriously burned and have learned a lesson. Blood family will always be tighter than “friends who are family”.

You're upset because you didn't get invited to ONE thing? Nobody gets invited to everything. You seems like you're looking for reasons to be upset. Also, double-check your kids' behavior - generally it's not that people have "too many kids" but that their kids are badly behaved.

I agree with the last poster.

[Anonymous]

How

Old

Are

The

Friend’s

Kids???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, to summarize - people who are actually family members dared to get together to watch a football game together and did not invite you. You had the audacity to ask your friend why she didn’t invite you to her immediate family gathering. She probably threw out the first thing that came to mind after being on the spot for no reason, and now you are “hurt”. We have all noticed that you refuse to answer the questions about how old your unvaccinated kids are.

Look, OP. We have tons of family friends that are “family”. If I decide to get together with just my parents and siblings and don’t invite you, and you ask me why??? Girl, come on. I’m sorry you don’t have family where you live, but you overstepped by even asking.

NP here but it you really see them as family like you say then how come with the way you are wording it makes it sound like you still view them as less important than blood family?? Blood isn't the most important thing in the world and isn't the only thing that makes you family. It's about the personal relationship you have with someone not based on blood ties or that you have the same DNA and genetics.

Honestly, NONE of this matters. No one is ever entitled to be invited to every function that anyone has. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As always, social media posting is the problem here.

No. It’s thinking that people should invite you to everything they ever plan or do with other people that is the problem here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, to summarize - people who are actually family members dared to get together to watch a football game together and did not invite you. You had the audacity to ask your friend why she didn’t invite you to her immediate family gathering. She probably threw out the first thing that came to mind after being on the spot for no reason, and now you are “hurt”. We have all noticed that you refuse to answer the questions about how old your unvaccinated kids are.

Look, OP. We have tons of family friends that are “family”. If I decide to get together with just my parents and siblings and don’t invite you, and you ask me why??? Girl, come on. I’m sorry you don’t have family where you live, but you overstepped by even asking.

NP here but it you really see them as family like you say then how come with the way you are wording it makes it sound like you still view them as less important than blood family?? Blood isn't the most important thing in the world and isn't the only thing that makes you family. It's about the personal relationship you have with someone not based on blood ties or that you have the same DNA and genetics.

Honestly, NONE of this matters. No one is ever entitled to be invited to every function that anyone has. The end.

Yes I understand that I was responding to the posters who kept putting family in quotes and basically alluding that blood family is always more important than chosen family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As always, social media posting is the problem here.

No. It’s thinking that people should invite you to everything they ever plan or do with other people that is the problem here.

Why not both?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So for 18 years you all have included each other in every family gathering, and suddenly for the first time they excluded you? Obviously something changed. Do you have different views in masking and/or vaccinating?

Thank you for this. I will think on it. It’s an ever changing landscape here and we have at times diverged and agreed. However, all the adults are vaccinated (some even have boosters) and are generally on the side of hand washing and science ☺️

Well, there's part of the problem. "Hand washing" does next to nothing to mitigate COVID. It's not spring 2020 anymore. The risk is shared air, particularly indoors with people who are not vaccinated

Covid is not the only thing out there. Hand washing is important for many different things.

We're not in a breath transmissible pandemic of any of those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As always, social media posting is the problem here.

No, it's not.

I have a cousin who lives local to me, but we're not in the same neighborhood. We have many mutual friends and acquaintances. Sometimes, she posts on social that a few of them got together to grab a drink at a place they can literally walk to from their neighborhood, which (for me) would be a 10-minute drive. Sometimes she invites me to that kind of thing, sometimes not--I imagine it's sometimes a matter of seeing someone at the mailbox and making plans on the spot. Who cares? If I see that someone posted on social about it, I'm glad they had some fun.

Because they're not my social directors and relationship managers, I don't expect them to include me in every little thing. And I'm sure my cousin doesn't mind that I sometimes go for a walk with a mutual friend who is my neighbor, or that we get together and drink wine on my back deck without inviting everyone we know sometimes.

Get a life and some self-esteem, honestly.

[Anonymous]

OP, to me it’s one thing to invite family over to share special things like holidays. It’s nice to have a full house, everyone helps with the kids, and it’s the point of holidays.

But 4 extra children running around while everyone is trying to get together to watch a football game is a little different situation. Your kids aren’t interested in the game, which is the point of the gathering.

And this is exactly like family. Not everyone in a family gets together all together, all the time. It’s a football game, not a high holiday you weren’t invited to - you need perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, to me it’s one thing to invite family over to share special things like holidays. It’s nice to have a full house, everyone helps with the kids, and it’s the point of holidays.

But 4 extra children running around while everyone is trying to get together to watch a football game is a little different situation. Your kids aren’t interested in the game, which is the point of the gathering.

And this is exactly like family. Not everyone in a family gets together all together, all the time. It’s a football game, not a high holiday you weren’t invited to - you need perspective.

I think the point is that OP and her DH would be interested in the football game, since they are from the same hometown as the hosts and are enthusiastic about the same football rivalry.

OP, your response to the “too many kids” comment should be “I know! But let me know next time and I’ll get a babysitter so DH and I can join you!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, to me it’s one thing to invite family over to share special things like holidays. It’s nice to have a full house, everyone helps with the kids, and it’s the point of holidays.

But 4 extra children running around while everyone is trying to get together to watch a football game is a little different situation. Your kids aren’t interested in the game, which is the point of the gathering.

And this is exactly like family. Not everyone in a family gets together all together, all the time. It’s a football game, not a high holiday you weren’t invited to - you need perspective.

I think the point is that OP and her DH would be interested in the football game, since they are from the same hometown as the hosts and are enthusiastic about the same football rivalry.

OP, your response to the “too many kids” comment should be “I know! But let me know next time and I’ll get a babysitter so DH and I can join you!”

I do get it, but having 4 extra young children around kind of puts a lot of pressure on the host to ensure the kids are safe, entertained, fed, and watered, plus ensuring the adults get time to hang out and watch the game.

While I’m a “more the merrier” person in general, I can see where some hosts might balk a little at the difference between a couple and their child vs. A couple and 4 young children; it changes the dynamic significantly, especially if it’s supposed to be a super casual /laid back get together.

OP, I agree with the babysitter tactic, if you want to be included in these types of things.