Friends who are family until they’re not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Were they the ones hosting/organising it? Maybe the extended family members don't feel as close to your family and would prefer not every event include you.

So the extended families feelings come before the feelings of the friends they consider close family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even being family doesn’t mean you get invited to everything.

+1. Posting about it on social media is the faux pas here

Not really. We all have, what, like 300 friends on FB? Most of us are mature enough to know that people exist and even hang out without us. You FOMO people need to grow the eff up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were they the ones hosting/organising it? Maybe the extended family members don't feel as close to your family and would prefer not every event include you.

So the extended families feelings come before the feelings of the friends they consider close family?

Making everything a ranking is not a good approach. This was a football game. I don't rank people to decide who to hang out with for a casual event like that. Did they exclude you from the Jewish holidays this year as well? Or are they just not allowed to do anything with a smaller group?

[Anonymous]

Another entitled DCUM Desperado. Get over yourself. Not everything has to revolve around you and your family. Your friends are not your social directors or concierges, FYI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain more?

I don't understand why you would have been invited and I don't understand why you are hurt.

Was this a far distance? I assume they stayed with the family there? Wouldn't that mean there wasn't room for you even if they were thinking about it?

I think you may have missed the whole setup.

OP has friends here that are related to one another but not to OP. The friends and OP are from the same place originally. The family got together to watch a game with the hometown’s team and didn’t invite OP.

That said, it is still ridiculous for OP to be hurt over not being invited. It’s a shame to let go of a long friendship over something so small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain more?

I don't understand why you would have been invited and I don't understand why you are hurt.

Was this a far distance? I assume they stayed with the family there? Wouldn't that mean there wasn't room for you even if they were thinking about it?

We assumed we would have been invited because it was watching a football game of a team from all 6 of our home state. I don’t want to give too much identifying info but assume it was the Chicago bears vs the Cincinnati bengals and we were all from Cincinnati but now all live in Chicago. Does that make sense? Like, it was a very specific thing to be left out of. Otherwise it’s not a big deal to be left out of casual events. I get it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the person who said sometimes it's not the number of kids, but how they behave. Do your kids trash the house, spill food everywhere, get their hands all over the food trying to decide which cookie they want, are loud and rambunctious? Some kids are like that--it's not an assault on their character, it's just the way they are, but it also means they may not get as many invites.

Our kids don’t do this. The family/friend members say that they love our kids like their own and we call them baba Larla and papa Larlo, aunt larla uncle larlo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were they the ones hosting/organising it? Maybe the extended family members don't feel as close to your family and would prefer not every event include you.

So the extended families feelings come before the feelings of the friends they consider close family?

Making everything a ranking is not a good approach. This was a football game. I don't rank people to decide who to hang out with for a casual event like that. Did they exclude you from the Jewish holidays this year as well? Or are they just not allowed to do anything with a smaller group?

But really if these friends knew that Op would want to be invited what's the point of excluding her? Like on what basis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So for 18 years you all have included each other in every family gathering, and suddenly for the first time they excluded you? Obviously something changed. Do you have different views in masking and/or vaccinating?

Thank you for this. I will think on it. It’s an ever changing landscape here and we have at times diverged and agreed. However, all the adults are vaccinated (some even have boosters) and are generally on the side of hand washing and science ☺️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you explain more?

I don't understand why you would have been invited and I don't understand why you are hurt.

Was this a far distance? I assume they stayed with the family there? Wouldn't that mean there wasn't room for you even if they were thinking about it?

We assumed we would have been invited because it was watching a football game of a team from all 6 of our home state. I don’t want to give too much identifying info but assume it was the Chicago bears vs the Cincinnati bengals and we were all from Cincinnati but now all live in Chicago. Does that make sense? Like, it was a very specific thing to be left out of. Otherwise it’s not a big deal to be left out of casual events. I get it!

It’s a pandemic. Of course people are reducing the size of gatherings. Or maybe they didn’t feel like feeding six extra mouths, or having extra kids tearing up the house.

You sound needy and exhausting. And like an ingrate, for the 18 years of friendship they have shown you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So for 18 years you all have included each other in every family gathering, and suddenly for the first time they excluded you? Obviously something changed. Do you have different views in masking and/or vaccinating?

Thank you for this. I will think on it. It’s an ever changing landscape here and we have at times diverged and agreed. However, all the adults are vaccinated (some even have boosters) and are generally on the side of hand washing and science ☺️

Do you have unvaccinated children? Does anyone else who did attend?

[Anonymous]

Op, you are overreacting. This happened one time. You are freaking out over one invite during a pandemic, a time when people have to make hard choices about keeping gatherings small. All of a sudden you think they aren't treating you like "family" over one silly football game?

[Anonymous]

If you whined to me about this after 18 years of me hosting you, including you, treating you like family, and doing you favors? I’d drop you without looking back. I’m not a cruise director or a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were they the ones hosting/organising it? Maybe the extended family members don't feel as close to your family and would prefer not every event include you.

So the extended families feelings come before the feelings of the friends they consider close family?

OMG, why are you making this so complicated? Do you need labels on everything? Sheesh. Please take a step back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many kids do you have? If you have 4 and everyone else has 1 or 2 this makes sense. Sorry, that’s the reality of having a big family.

Because OP has 2 extra kids they can’t join? That makes no sense if there are already a bunch of other kids there.

Look this is watching a game indoors. Space matters. They can invite OP’s family if 6 or two families of 3. It is what it is.

It was an outdoor watch party. We have four kids, including a set of twins. I get that our family is too large for casual socializing, but for
“Family” to say we are too large of a family for them hurts.

If you get so “hurt” over them “letting you down” *one time in 18 years* of friendship, then I hope for their sake that you give them some space for a while. How ungrateful, for you to repay 18 years of friendship with being this entitled and pouty over ONE time that you weren’t invited. One time. In 18 years.

I was thinking about this and the more I think about it I actually think it's more hurtful to not be included one or two times when you are included every single time than it is to be included say half the time and the other half you're not. The reason I say this is because it changes the usual statues quo of always being invited every single time for 18 years and then after 18 years it...stops. It makes you stop and think why all of a sudden after 18 years am I not invited. As opposed to being invited her and there you are used to that and assume that as the status quo.