Friends who are family until they’re not

[Anonymous]

I know it hurts to be excluded, but sometimes I do not have the bandwidth to include 6 more people. That’s 6 more mouths to feed. You may not find it a big deal but I do. They shouldn’t have posted about it, but unless you just then every week give them a pass.

[Anonymous]

Op- just to be clear, we have hosted them twice this summer for full on dinners at our house and also for the fourth at another location. They met us once for a beach day they “hosted” at their lake house. We host them and other friends a ton as we don’t want to schlep our 4 kids places either! And we have a great home/space for hosting. This just felt like such a specific diss due to the nature of our hometown team.

[Anonymous]

OP, if this is a set of immediate family members (grandparents, adult kids, grandkids), then you're like their cousins. Some events (even the football games with your hometown team) can be just for immediate family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unvaccinated kids? Yeah. I’m not getting together with unvaccinated kids right now.

Plus, you literally expect to be invited to EVERYTHING they do? Get over it.

They include you and invite you and treat you well for 18 years, they “let you down” ONE TIME, and you pull the poor pitiful me act?

You sound needy, entitled and bratty. I’d drop you, too.

NP-you sound like a bully.

[Anonymous]

Given how selectively OP is responding, I suspect they are holding back relevant info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you are expecting a bit too much from friends and family. Having kids running around changes they dynamic of a hangout quite a bit. This is the case no matter how well behaved they are; young children require a certain level of attention and supervision and they make noise and move around.

I wouldn’t take this to mean they don’t love you and the kids; they just wanted to have a relaxed kid-free time. Or they were concerned about covid. Whatever the case, this is fine behavior from both family and friends.

+1. I have 3 young kids and having them around absolutely changes the dynamic! I would try not to take it too personally and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if this is a set of immediate family members (grandparents, adult kids, grandkids), then you're like their cousins. Some events (even the football games with your hometown team) can be just for immediate family.

This. OP, I am sorry you are hurt but I think you are taking this way too personally.

[Anonymous]

I’m one of four kids and we almost ALWAYS just have partial family gatherings because 2 grandparents, 8 adults (4 kids plus 4 spouses), and 9 grandkids is sometimes just too many people. Throw in a dog or two and it’s insane. Too much noise, too many dirty dishes, not enough chairs.

Nobody’s feelings get hurt for crying out loud.

[Anonymous]

Oops my bad I'm just realizing now it is just grandparents/parents/children then that's different as it sounds like it's just actual immediate family but if you were the only family (which you categorize them so I'm treating them accordingly) not invited then that's when I would have raised my eyebrows if day aunt/uncle's/cousins everyone else were invited BUT you guys. But that doesn't seem to be the case here. Immediate family only gatherings can be rare but special so I understand why you as extended family wouldn't be invited to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have very close family friends (adult children and grandparents) and no local family where we live. We have known the family friends for 18 years ( we are 40) and consider them our family here. We spend the Jewish holidays together, attend each other’s kid recitals, etc. Last week, we found out by social media that they all got together to watch a football game from our hometown (we all live away from our home state), and we were not invited. When we mentioned it, my friend said that we have too many kids to be included.

Ouch. I have been seriously burned and have learned a lesson. Blood family will always be tighter than “friends who are family”.

I have siblings in the area. Sometimes they get together without me and go places and have each other over and sometimes I do the same. They can have relationships with other family and friends and I don't always need to be invited. It's not like they like me more or less.

[Anonymous]

You didn't get an invite to one sporting event? This would not even be on my radar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op- just to be clear, we have hosted them twice this summer for full on dinners at our house and also for the fourth at another location. They met us once for a beach day they “hosted” at their lake house. We host them and other friends a ton as we don’t want to schlep our 4 kids places either! And we have a great home/space for hosting. This just felt like such a specific diss due to the nature of our hometown team.

14:40 here. I think you are way overthinking it. You are viewing the game as a special occasion but maybe they were just tired and not up for a gathering. You haven’t said how old the kids are but if their kids are older, they may have had other obligations like homework so the family didn’t want a lot of people in the house. As for the social media post, they may have just been posting bc they were excited to be able to watch their hometown game on tv (if they don’t get to regularly watch it). Grandparents are allowed to visit their kids and grandkids without having others (even others who are considered “family” questioning). You still haven’t answered whether you saw them at the HH.

[Anonymous]

OP has deliberately avoided answering about the ages of her kids so it’s safe to assume at least some of them are too young to be vaccinated. And then she acts all surprised that others didn’t want to be together at an indoor event with them.
Get a clue, lady!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unvaccinated kids? Yeah. I’m not getting together with unvaccinated kids right now.

Plus, you literally expect to be invited to EVERYTHING they do? Get over it.

They include you and invite you and treat you well for 18 years, they “let you down” ONE TIME, and you pull the poor pitiful me act?

You sound needy, entitled and bratty. I’d drop you, too.

NP-you sound like a bully.

You sound like an entitled mooch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have very close family friends (adult children and grandparents) and no local family where we live. We have known the family friends for 18 years ( we are 40) and consider them our family here. We spend the Jewish holidays together, attend each other’s kid recitals, etc. Last week, we found out by social media that they all got together to watch a football game from our hometown (we all live away from our home state), and we were not invited. When we mentioned it, my friend said that we have too many kids to be included.

Ouch. I have been seriously burned and have learned a lesson. Blood family will always be tighter than “friends who are family”.

You're upset because you didn't get invited to ONE thing? Nobody gets invited to everything. You seems like you're looking for reasons to be upset. Also, double-check your kids' behavior - generally it's not that people have "too many kids" but that their kids are badly behaved.

+1,000