Wife Goes Silent on Work Travel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

IC= Intelligence Community

Spook= spy/ or a IC worker

She's neither. She works with them all the time and the lines bet blurred but she isn't employed by an employer that conducts clandestine operations. She does have a TS/Poly so she's privy to a lot of this but as anyone in the IC knows that doesn't mean she's one of them. Honestly, it would be a step down for her and a significant pay cut. Those that know will understand what I'm saying.

In the two weeks (16 days) she's been gone I've had a total of 4 texts and one 5 minute Face Time. I think that's unreasonable and suspicious. She's forwarded about a dozen emails regarding kid stuff (bday evites, baseball tryout results, Daisy projects) so she has the time to communicate but she's choosing not to.

There is one guy on the team that's about the same age and got divorced last year but tbh, he's not very handsome. I'd be surprised if she were interested in him, she usually has the pick of the litter. She's always the best looking woman in the room.

She lands at IAD on Wednesday and I bet I won't hear from her before that. Part of me wants to get there early and sit in the corner to see who she deplanes with, although she isn't dumb enough to walk off holding hands but there should be tells. She's not expecting me. I could do it under the guise of Valentines Day.

You’re confusing me a bit, OP. You clearly think your wife is attractive and desired by other men. But I’m not sure what pick of the litter means. You’re married to this woman, right? Has she cheated in the past? She pickef you. Your IAD idea is reasonable insofar as you can do it under the guise of a surprise visit. But how will you see who’s she deplaning with? Won’t you meet her at international arrivals?

No, she goes through customs in LA. Then LA-DC.

Pick of the litter means she's a smart woman and I can't see her jeopardizing her marriage for a guy thats less desirable than the one shes married to. But, who knows, people do stupid shit all the time. Maybe they have a 'connection'? Maybe he's been someone to listen to her for the last year?

Looks are not that important to most women. Cheating women will often reference first forming an emotional connection with an ap. I still think your airport idea is a good one. Bring flowers or some such thing. But realize, too, that it could backfire if she senses your insecurity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, no real issues with trust. As I mentioned we've never cheated and we are both attractive, fit, very social people- meaning we could if we wanted. In fact, if I weren't mistaken I'm about 95% sure our daughter's K teacher was picking up on me during the PTCs last week. Smiled constantly, never broke eye contact and touched me on the shoulder as I left.

The hang up is the travel with men and no mention of them. And I do know they socialize and drink as a group because one of her colleagues (35, male, single, ex military) just got fired after the last trip for being drunk twice, including once around the client. This is a big no-no with her employer.

I simply can't envision being single, drinking, in some far flung place with attractive women and not picking up on them.

How often do you have sex when she's home. Do you have sex within the first 24 hours she returns?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This wouldn’t be too weird to me. I don’t feel the need to check in a lot because like someone else said, I trust my spouse and I know he is very good at keeping things running smoothly while I’m gone. Plus if he’s able to get some alone time or time to play Madden while I’m gone (lol) I want him to be able to have fun and enjoy the peace and quiet (I know I do when the roles are reversed).

But all your talk about other guys and the women you referenced in regards to yourself is weird, and you sound more insecure, or that you’re projecting or something.

Really? They have at least one child together. My DW would be insane if she didn't talk to the kid at least to say hi on a daily (or almost daily) basis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, no real issues with trust. As I mentioned we've never cheated and we are both attractive, fit, very social people- meaning we could if we wanted. In fact, if I weren't mistaken I'm about 95% sure our daughter's K teacher was picking up on me during the PTCs last week. Smiled constantly, never broke eye contact and touched me on the shoulder as I left.

The hang up is the travel with men and no mention of them. And I do know they socialize and drink as a group because one of her colleagues (35, male, single, ex military) just got fired after the last trip for being drunk twice, including once around the client. This is a big no-no with her employer.

I simply can't envision being single, drinking, in some far flung place with attractive women and not picking up on them.

How often do you have sex when she's home. Do you have sex within the first 24 hours she returns?

With a reasonable allowance for travel fatigue, I would say that if she’s not interested in sex soon after the return from her absence that that’s a bad sign.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, no real issues with trust. As I mentioned we've never cheated and we are both attractive, fit, very social people- meaning we could if we wanted. In fact, if I weren't mistaken I'm about 95% sure our daughter's K teacher was picking up on me during the PTCs last week. Smiled constantly, never broke eye contact and touched me on the shoulder as I left.

The hang up is the travel with men and no mention of them. And I do know they socialize and drink as a group because one of her colleagues (35, male, single, ex military) just got fired after the last trip for being drunk twice, including once around the client. This is a big no-no with her employer.

I simply can't envision being single, drinking, in some far flung place with attractive women and not picking up on them.

How often do you have sex when she's home. Do you have sex within the first 24 hours she returns?

OP again.

At the risk of TMI, yes. When I think of this using my paranoid glasses it tells me she wants me to cum on top of the other guys cum as a weird biological 'covering of tracks.'

If she were to be uninterested in sex after gone for two weeks I think that would be a tell tale, perhaps even bigger.

[Anonymous]

When I travel internationally I am frequently in meetings when the fam is getting ready in the morning, and trying to sleep when they are home at night.

So I rarely connect, but will send an email every day or so.

[Anonymous]

OP, seriously, do not spy on her. Just speak to her, openly and directly, about your feelings and your fears. If you can't have that conversation then there is something seriously wrong with your marriage, whether or not she is cheating.

But choose your moment carefully. Don't ambush her right when she gets back. Give her some warning: let her know there is something you want to talk about. And don't be accusatory ("You never call me! You obviously don't care about me!"). Just focus on your own feelings: you feel hurt and confused when she is so unavailable, and you have started worrying that something is wrong.

She might be a little defensive regardless. But there are many possible explanations for her behavior, most of which do not involve having an affair. Maybe she's depressed. Maybe she's mad at you. Maybe it's just bad luck and exhaustion. Maybe she honestly did not realize you wanted something different. Etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, no real issues with trust. As I mentioned we've never cheated and we are both attractive, fit, very social people- meaning we could if we wanted. In fact, if I weren't mistaken I'm about 95% sure our daughter's K teacher was picking up on me during the PTCs last week. Smiled constantly, never broke eye contact and touched me on the shoulder as I left.

The hang up is the travel with men and no mention of them. And I do know they socialize and drink as a group because one of her colleagues (35, male, single, ex military) just got fired after the last trip for being drunk twice, including once around the client. This is a big no-no with her employer.

I simply can't envision being single, drinking, in some far flung place with attractive women and not picking up on them.

How often do you have sex when she's home. Do you have sex within the first 24 hours she returns?

OP again.

At the risk of TMI, yes. When I think of this using my paranoid glasses it tells me she wants me to cum on top of the other guys cum as a weird biological 'covering of tracks.'

If she were to be uninterested in sex after gone for two weeks I think that would be a tell tale, perhaps even bigger.

Omg, WHAT. ?!?

OP I am now convinced you are the issue here, not her. Wtf. Sooo basically anything she did would be suspicious to you?

[Anonymous]

In the two weeks (16 days) she's been gone I've had a total of 4 texts and one 5 minute Face Time. I think that's unreasonable and suspicious. She's forwarded about a dozen emails regarding kid stuff (bday evites, baseball tryout results, Daisy projects) so she has the time to communicate but she's choosing not to.

4 texts and one call/facetime in 16 days would not fly in my house, with either of us. DH travels every other week to another city (the same city) and we connect every night, and he face times the kids 2/3 times during the week. There are occasional evenings when one of us crashes but then we would connect first thing in the morning. I tend to travel further/different time zones, but still try to check in every day and have actual conversations. whether or not she is cheating, a spy, whatever, I can't say. But I do think your desire for more frequent and present communication while she is gone is eminently reasonable, and distubring that she hasn't made the effort, despite your comments and requests.

how old are your kid(s)? my kids would not be okay with 2 weeks without talking, or even one week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, no real issues with trust. As I mentioned we've never cheated and we are both attractive, fit, very social people- meaning we could if we wanted. In fact, if I weren't mistaken I'm about 95% sure our daughter's K teacher was picking up on me during the PTCs last week. Smiled constantly, never broke eye contact and touched me on the shoulder as I left.

The hang up is the travel with men and no mention of them. And I do know they socialize and drink as a group because one of her colleagues (35, male, single, ex military) just got fired after the last trip for being drunk twice, including once around the client. This is a big no-no with her employer.

I simply can't envision being single, drinking, in some far flung place with attractive women and not picking up on them.

How often do you have sex when she's home. Do you have sex within the first 24 hours she returns?

OP again.

At the risk of TMI, yes. When I think of this using my paranoid glasses it tells me she wants me to cum on top of the other guys cum as a weird biological 'covering of tracks.'

If she were to be uninterested in sex after gone for two weeks I think that would be a tell tale, perhaps even bigger.

Omg, WHAT. ?!?

OP I am now convinced you are the issue here, not her. Wtf. Sooo basically anything she did would be suspicious to you?

Biology major here. There's research to back up this concept in a general sense. Without getting to graphic (this is non-explicit after all), the coronal ridge on the head of the penis is believed to have evolved to help extract previous partner's deposits. Pretty fascinating, actually.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3128753.stm

[Anonymous]

If she is dismissive of your needs, that is the concern. This state of affairs isn't fine with you, and she doesn't seem to care. She just keeps telling you it's no big deal, like you should agree.

That's your problem. You need to discuss this in counseling where hopefully someone would make her sit with the conversation longer than it takes for her to blow you off again. I'm guessing she won't go.

Your best bet is to tell her that whatever the problem is, it's doing damage to your marriage that she isn't trying harder to stay in contact, and doesn't care that it bothers you. If she thinks you're blowing this out of proportion, and you think she's being sketchy, then you could both benefit from a third party to discuss it.

If her work is so secretive that it can't be discussed with enough specifics to determine if she's lying, or if she's telling the truth, or if she just really doesn't care about you that much, then that in itself would make it hard for me over the years. You're allowed to say that you agreed to something, but it's no longer working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, no real issues with trust. As I mentioned we've never cheated and we are both attractive, fit, very social people- meaning we could if we wanted. In fact, if I weren't mistaken I'm about 95% sure our daughter's K teacher was picking up on me during the PTCs last week. Smiled constantly, never broke eye contact and touched me on the shoulder as I left.

The hang up is the travel with men and no mention of them. And I do know they socialize and drink as a group because one of her colleagues (35, male, single, ex military) just got fired after the last trip for being drunk twice, including once around the client. This is a big no-no with her employer.

I simply can't envision being single, drinking, in some far flung place with attractive women and not picking up on them.

How often do you have sex when she's home. Do you have sex within the first 24 hours she returns?

OP again.

At the risk of TMI, yes. When I think of this using my paranoid glasses it tells me she wants me to cum on top of the other guys cum as a weird biological 'covering of tracks.'

If she were to be uninterested in sex after gone for two weeks I think that would be a tell tale, perhaps even bigger.

Omg, WHAT. ?!?

OP I am now convinced you are the issue here, not her. Wtf. Sooo basically anything she did would be suspicious to you?

Biology major here. There's research to back up this concept in a general sense. Without getting to graphic (this is non-explicit after all), the coronal ridge on the head of the penis is believed to have evolved to help extract previous partner's deposits. Pretty fascinating, actually.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/3128753.stm

That would explain, I think, a husband’s desire to have immediate sex with a wife he suspects is cheating. That is, to extract the competitor’s sperm from inside. It’s calked sperm competition. And it’s hard wired into every male. But obviously a cheating wife whose ap did not use a condom wound not want her DH to notice sloppy seconds.

[Anonymous]

You need to subtly throw her off balance. Is she a liar?

[Anonymous]

Look. Op your wife's real life at least in her head is these business trips where she can play Mata Hari. You say she isn't I.c but she is close.enough not to make any difference. Top secret clearance and taking poly s?

Meanwhile you are her trusty day care provider back home.

What would her answer be if you told her "make a choice-your job or our marriage? I can't tolerate these separations any longer.". I think everyone realizes your sh@t would be on the curb pronto.

[Anonymous]

Check her suitcase when she unpacks for usual items or unusual stains. Does she need sexy underwear for work?