Wife Goes Silent on Work Travel

[Anonymous]

I get a little insecure and jealous because my wife & I have been together for 20+ years and she's comfortable with me and probably a little bored. This means that, when she's at home, she goes to sleep at 9:30 and almost never drinks very much when she's with me.

Occasionally she'll go somewhere with friends or on work and she'll stay out late and drink more than she would with me. She doesn't communicate much because she's out having fun. There is nothing nefarious going on. I'm as sure as I can be that she's not cheating. But, new places and new people are just more entertaining than I am after a couple of decades together.

Intellectually, I understand there is nothing bad happening here. Emotionally, it makes me feel bad if I think about it too much.

Any chance something like this dynamic is happening?

[Anonymous]

Are you sure she is not doing IC work? I do that some times, and my wife had no idea. Big clue is are there times here where she is unreachable on cell?

My wife found out who my customer was only when I ended up in the hospital, and she had to get my car...she had to be escorted to the car. Freaked her out.

When I traveled I always had cover stories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure she is not doing IC work? I do that some times, and my wife had no idea. Big clue is are there times here where she is unreachable on cell?

My wife found out who my customer was only when I ended up in the hospital, and she had to get my car...she had to be escorted to the car. Freaked her out.

When I traveled I always had cover stories.

PP is should mention, I only traveled to teach other people stuff. Never in danger.

[Anonymous]

Does she work as a journalist or do human rights or humanitarian work? If so, then a) she may genuinely be in places with no wifi or cell signal much of the time (yes, such places do exist....) and b) she may find it hard to know how to talk about what she is doing, seeing and hearing. People who work in settings where the see a lot if terrible things often get a sort of secondary trauma. They can feel guilt or shame; they can feel like their loved ones at home won't understand; they can feel like they don't want to "infect" their home lives with the horrors they see at work so don't talk about it for that reason.

Anyway, if you think this is a possible explanation, cut her some slack... but also don't be afraid to tell her you worry about her and suggest some counseling.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

You can't make this stuff up. She texted 10 minutes ago and asked me to hug the kids good night. I asked to face time and she said she wouldn't because hotel wall too thin and would wake people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, no real issues with trust. As I mentioned we've never cheated and we are both attractive, fit, very social people- meaning we could if we wanted. In fact, if I weren't mistaken I'm about 95% sure our daughter's K teacher was picking up on me during the PTCs last week. Smiled constantly, never broke eye contact and touched me on the shoulder as I left.

The hang up is the travel with men and no mention of them. And I do know they socialize and drink as a group because one of her colleagues (35, male, single, ex military) just got fired after the last trip for being drunk twice, including once around the client. This is a big no-no with her employer.

I simply can't envision being single, drinking, in some far flung place with attractive women and not picking up on them.

Oh, god. You pathetic, insecure little man. No, Your wife isn’t cheating on you. And your child’s K teacher doesn’t want you. You’re getting older, aren’t you? And a bit insecure about whether or not you’re still sexually attractive? So you have to make up little stories to tell yourself about younger women wanting you, and you have to clamp down on your wife to ensure she doesn’t stray. She’s probably a bit younger and more attractive than you, which makes you nervous. Men like you are a dime a dozen, a cliche. Pleas keep your crisis of confidence to yourself, and don’t confront your wife, or make a pass at the teacher.

Uhhh, you OK?

You do know there are plenty of attractive men out there right?

Not OP but my kid's K teacher (about 10 years ago) was a cute early 30s single woman. My husband was 38 ten years ago. And yes, he's cute. In another universe they could have been a couple.

God, I get so tired of other women slamming normal guys as creeps or md life crisis losers just because they admit to being attractive. Do you seriously not work with any men you find cute? I'm not talking about having affairs I'm talking about recognizing that someone is attractive.

He may be attractive, but is delusional if he thinks lots of younger women are gagging for him. And his insecurity really dries up the ole vageen.

What thread are you reading? Did OP list his age? Did he list the age of the K teacher?

Why do you hate men? Do they ignore you?

Not at all. I have a husband and a boyfriend. Neither of them go about crowing about their good looks, or stew jealously about my potential illicit sexual activity when I’m on business trips.

Youre not a very god troll. In this attempt you claim to have a DH and an AP. But then claim DH wouldn't dare be jealous.

That means your DH is an imbecile. Which makes you one too.

Next!

Uh, no. My husband knows all about it, because my husband’s girlfriend is my boyfriend’s wife. We’re dating each other, the four of us, get it? There are more ways to live than your stifled little bourgeois mind can dream of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, no real issues with trust. As I mentioned we've never cheated and we are both attractive, fit, very social people- meaning we could if we wanted. In fact, if I weren't mistaken I'm about 95% sure our daughter's K teacher was picking up on me during the PTCs last week. Smiled constantly, never broke eye contact and touched me on the shoulder as I left.

The hang up is the travel with men and no mention of them. And I do know they socialize and drink as a group because one of her colleagues (35, male, single, ex military) just got fired after the last trip for being drunk twice, including once around the client. This is a big no-no with her employer.

I simply can't envision being single, drinking, in some far flung place with attractive women and not picking up on them.

Oh, god. You pathetic, insecure little man. No, Your wife isn’t cheating on you. And your child’s K teacher doesn’t want you. You’re getting older, aren’t you? And a bit insecure about whether or not you’re still sexually attractive? So you have to make up little stories to tell yourself about younger women wanting you, and you have to clamp down on your wife to ensure she doesn’t stray. She’s probably a bit younger and more attractive than you, which makes you nervous. Men like you are a dime a dozen, a cliche. Pleas keep your crisis of confidence to yourself, and don’t confront your wife, or make a pass at the teacher.

Uhhh, you OK?

You do know there are plenty of attractive men out there right?

Not OP but my kid's K teacher (about 10 years ago) was a cute early 30s single woman. My husband was 38 ten years ago. And yes, he's cute. In another universe they could have been a couple.

God, I get so tired of other women slamming normal guys as creeps or md life crisis losers just because they admit to being attractive. Do you seriously not work with any men you find cute? I'm not talking about having affairs I'm talking about recognizing that someone is attractive.

He may be attractive, but is delusional if he thinks lots of younger women are gagging for him. And his insecurity really dries up the ole vageen.

What thread are you reading? Did OP list his age? Did he list the age of the K teacher?

Why do you hate men? Do they ignore you?

Not at all. I have a husband and a boyfriend. Neither of them go about crowing about their good looks, or stew jealously about my potential illicit sexual activity when I’m on business trips.

Youre not a very god troll. In this attempt you claim to have a DH and an AP. But then claim DH wouldn't dare be jealous.

That means your DH is an imbecile. Which makes you one too.

Next!

Uh, no. My husband knows all about it, because my husband’s girlfriend is my boyfriend’s wife. We’re dating each other, the four of us, get it? There are more ways to live than your stifled little bourgeois mind can dream of.

2 3dg3y 4 me!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, no real issues with trust. As I mentioned we've never cheated and we are both attractive, fit, very social people- meaning we could if we wanted. In fact, if I weren't mistaken I'm about 95% sure our daughter's K teacher was picking up on me during the PTCs last week. Smiled constantly, never broke eye contact and touched me on the shoulder as I left.

The hang up is the travel with men and no mention of them. And I do know they socialize and drink as a group because one of her colleagues (35, male, single, ex military) just got fired after the last trip for being drunk twice, including once around the client. This is a big no-no with her employer.

I simply can't envision being single, drinking, in some far flung place with attractive women and not picking up on them.

Oh, god. You pathetic, insecure little man. No, Your wife isn’t cheating on you. And your child’s K teacher doesn’t want you. You’re getting older, aren’t you? And a bit insecure about whether or not you’re still sexually attractive? So you have to make up little stories to tell yourself about younger women wanting you, and you have to clamp down on your wife to ensure she doesn’t stray. She’s probably a bit younger and more attractive than you, which makes you nervous. Men like you are a dime a dozen, a cliche. Pleas keep your crisis of confidence to yourself, and don’t confront your wife, or make a pass at the teacher.

Uhhh, you OK?

You do know there are plenty of attractive men out there right?

Not OP but my kid's K teacher (about 10 years ago) was a cute early 30s single woman. My husband was 38 ten years ago. And yes, he's cute. In another universe they could have been a couple.

God, I get so tired of other women slamming normal guys as creeps or md life crisis losers just because they admit to being attractive. Do you seriously not work with any men you find cute? I'm not talking about having affairs I'm talking about recognizing that someone is attractive.

He may be attractive, but is delusional if he thinks lots of younger women are gagging for him. And his insecurity really dries up the ole vageen.

What thread are you reading? Did OP list his age? Did he list the age of the K teacher?

Why do you hate men? Do they ignore you?

Not at all. I have a husband and a boyfriend. Neither of them go about crowing about their good looks, or stew jealously about my potential illicit sexual activity when I’m on business trips.

Youre not a very god troll. In this attempt you claim to have a DH and an AP. But then claim DH wouldn't dare be jealous.

That means your DH is an imbecile. Which makes you one too.

Next!

Uh, no. My husband knows all about it, because my husband’s girlfriend is my boyfriend’s wife. We’re dating each other, the four of us, get it? There are more ways to live than your stifled little bourgeois mind can dream of.

2 3dg3y 4 me!!!!

I see this has made you lose your mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, no real issues with trust. As I mentioned we've never cheated and we are both attractive, fit, very social people- meaning we could if we wanted. In fact, if I weren't mistaken I'm about 95% sure our daughter's K teacher was picking up on me during the PTCs last week. Smiled constantly, never broke eye contact and touched me on the shoulder as I left.

The hang up is the travel with men and no mention of them. And I do know they socialize and drink as a group because one of her colleagues (35, male, single, ex military) just got fired after the last trip for being drunk twice, including once around the client. This is a big no-no with her employer.

I simply can't envision being single, drinking, in some far flung place with attractive women and not picking up on them.

Oh, god. You pathetic, insecure little man. No, Your wife isn’t cheating on you. And your child’s K teacher doesn’t want you. You’re getting older, aren’t you? And a bit insecure about whether or not you’re still sexually attractive? So you have to make up little stories to tell yourself about younger women wanting you, and you have to clamp down on your wife to ensure she doesn’t stray. She’s probably a bit younger and more attractive than you, which makes you nervous. Men like you are a dime a dozen, a cliche. Pleas keep your crisis of confidence to yourself, and don’t confront your wife, or make a pass at the teacher.

Uhhh, you OK?

You do know there are plenty of attractive men out there right?

Not OP but my kid's K teacher (about 10 years ago) was a cute early 30s single woman. My husband was 38 ten years ago. And yes, he's cute. In another universe they could have been a couple.

God, I get so tired of other women slamming normal guys as creeps or md life crisis losers just because they admit to being attractive. Do you seriously not work with any men you find cute? I'm not talking about having affairs I'm talking about recognizing that someone is attractive.

He may be attractive, but is delusional if he thinks lots of younger women are gagging for him. And his insecurity really dries up the ole vageen.

What thread are you reading? Did OP list his age? Did he list the age of the K teacher?

Why do you hate men? Do they ignore you?

Not at all. I have a husband and a boyfriend. Neither of them go about crowing about their good looks, or stew jealously about my potential illicit sexual activity when I’m on business trips.

Youre not a very god troll. In this attempt you claim to have a DH and an AP. But then claim DH wouldn't dare be jealous.

That means your DH is an imbecile. Which makes you one too.

Next!

Uh, no. My husband knows all about it, because my husband’s girlfriend is my boyfriend’s wife. We’re dating each other, the four of us, get it? There are more ways to live than your stifled little bourgeois mind can dream of.

2 3dg3y 4 me!!!!

I see this has made you lose your mind.

I see that you're incredibly unintelligent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

You can't make this stuff up. She texted 10 minutes ago and asked me to hug the kids good night. I asked to face time and she said she wouldn't because hotel wall too thin and would wake people.

Or its 10 o’clock pm her time (or later) and it’s true.

Have you done much overseas travel, OP? Do you understand jet lag and the weirdness that comes in some hotels?

I know you don’t want To hear it, but overseas travel sucks. It sucks the life out of you. It sounds fun until you’ve done it, but then you realize it’s exhasuting and a pain in the ass. You miss your family but can’t summon the energy to be present when you should be. You’ve just spent 24 hours travelling when everyone else has woken up, hand meals, hung out, etc. it sounds glorious to be sitting on a plane with nothing to do, but that’s not the reality. You’ve been working on airport WiFi, trying to make your way through security, eating airport food, and waiting for your flight, crammed amongst the other people. You sat in. A 1’x 1’ square for 12 hours, huddled waiting for your luggage that was late, waited an hour and a half for the wrong rental car, then checked into a hotel with not enough pillows and a weird smell. You had to wake up after not enough sleep and a time change for a meeting with someone you don’t care about, but that your boss wants you to care about, all after eating hotel powdered eggs and watered down coffee. Your body is 9 hours behind, but the world is expecting you to be two hours ahead. The food is weird, you lost your toothbrush and forgot to pack your headphones, and in three days you have to do it all over again, but backwards.

[Anonymous]

OP, I suspect she's up to something, but I'm not sure what. I also suspect that you're jealous of her life, which seems exotic and alluring, while you are stuck at home wishing you could be somewhere far away hitting on other women. I think you need help, and she may, too. Who knows? Whatever it is, good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

You can't make this stuff up. She texted 10 minutes ago and asked me to hug the kids good night. I asked to face time and she said she wouldn't because hotel wall too thin and would wake people.

Or its 10 o’clock pm her time (or later) and it’s true.

Have you done much overseas travel, OP? Do you understand jet lag and the weirdness that comes in some hotels?

I know you don’t want To hear it, but overseas travel sucks. It sucks the life out of you. It sounds fun until you’ve done it, but then you realize it’s exhasuting and a pain in the ass. You miss your family but can’t summon the energy to be present when you should be. You’ve just spent 24 hours travelling when everyone else has woken up, hand meals, hung out, etc. it sounds glorious to be sitting on a plane with nothing to do, but that’s not the reality. You’ve been working on airport WiFi, trying to make your way through security, eating airport food, and waiting for your flight, crammed amongst the other people. You sat in. A 1’x 1’ square for 12 hours, huddled waiting for your luggage that was late, waited an hour and a half for the wrong rental car, then checked into a hotel with not enough pillows and a weird smell. You had to wake up after not enough sleep and a time change for a meeting with someone you don’t care about, but that your boss wants you to care about, all after eating hotel powdered eggs and watered down coffee. Your body is 9 hours behind, but the world is expecting you to be two hours ahead. The food is weird, you lost your toothbrush and forgot to pack your headphones, and in three days you have to do it all over again, but backwards.

+1 OP stop looking for a reason to be mad at your wife. Her behavior is perfectly reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, no real issues with trust. As I mentioned we've never cheated and we are both attractive, fit, very social people- meaning we could if we wanted. In fact, if I weren't mistaken I'm about 95% sure our daughter's K teacher was picking up on me during the PTCs last week. Smiled constantly, never broke eye contact and touched me on the shoulder as I left.

The hang up is the travel with men and no mention of them. And I do know they socialize and drink as a group because one of her colleagues (35, male, single, ex military) just got fired after the last trip for being drunk twice, including once around the client. This is a big no-no with her employer.

I simply can't envision being single, drinking, in some far flung place with attractive women and not picking up on them.

Oh, god. You pathetic, insecure little man. No, Your wife isn’t cheating on you. And your child’s K teacher doesn’t want you. You’re getting older, aren’t you? And a bit insecure about whether or not you’re still sexually attractive? So you have to make up little stories to tell yourself about younger women wanting you, and you have to clamp down on your wife to ensure she doesn’t stray. She’s probably a bit younger and more attractive than you, which makes you nervous. Men like you are a dime a dozen, a cliche. Pleas keep your crisis of confidence to yourself, and don’t confront your wife, or make a pass at the teacher.

Uhhh, you OK?

You do know there are plenty of attractive men out there right?

Not OP but my kid's K teacher (about 10 years ago) was a cute early 30s single woman. My husband was 38 ten years ago. And yes, he's cute. In another universe they could have been a couple.

God, I get so tired of other women slamming normal guys as creeps or md life crisis losers just because they admit to being attractive. Do you seriously not work with any men you find cute? I'm not talking about having affairs I'm talking about recognizing that someone is attractive.

Agree. And touching on the shoulder is a total giveaway. She might not have even been doing it super consciously, but when I find somebody attractive, I smile, I laugh, I touch them and then I realize HO BOY! I'm hitting on this guy and I back off. Because touching somebody is intimate. In my eyes. Not a handshake, not between friends. Between people who find each other attractive. K teacher definitely found the OP hot.

[Anonymous]

I talk to my husband multiple times per day when I’m at work. When I travel, for whatever reason, I talk to him maybe once a day and it’s a short conversation. Don’t text much either during work trips. For me, work travel is tiring and I just want to be by myself/not talking after a long day interacting with people.

Is your wife an introvert?

[Anonymous]

It's a spook thing