Wife Goes Silent on Work Travel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

They always stay in Hiltons overseas. It's part of the contract. They all have wifi. They don't share rooms. I see zero reason why she can't spend 3 minutes at the end of the day saying hello, I'm safe, tell the kids I love them.

Reading the responses has me depressed. I just needed a gut check to see if my concerns were legit. I'm gonna have a long talk when she gets home.

Think about other clues. There has to be a way to track down what she is doing.

Have you gone through cc statements, receipts, cash withdrawals, phone records?

OP again. Funny you say that. About this time last year she was staying in "Manila". We face timed around bed time, her time. She was siting on the bed and there was a tapestry on the wall behind the headboard. It reminded me of what I had in my dorm room in college. It wasn't Filipino at all in decor. It also ddin't seem very Hilton-esque. I remarked on it and she got flustered looking for an explanation. I remember saying, 'you don't need to apologize for their decorator, lol'

NP. So this explains why she doesn't want to facetime you - because she knows you're going to be looking for clues about where she is, and realizing that she's not where she says she is.

I don't think you should go through credit cards and things like that. That's terrible. But I do think you could flatly tell her that her behavior doesn't seem normal to you, and say that the only conclusion you can come up with is that she's having an affair, which doesn't sound like her and so you thought you'd just ask her.

By the way, I hate to be the dense one on the thread, but what is IC? I googled it and all I got were integrated circuits... I'm guessing it's some type of spy work??

[Anonymous]

IC = Intelligence Community

[Anonymous]

I would be so irritated with DH if he insisted on FaceTiming when he travels. That would be so annoying. We text when he boards, lands, and random stuff between. I don’t need to see his face to know he’s tired and about to crash but misses me and was able to say goodnight at a normal hour. The kids are always asleep when he’s free, and FaceTiming then makes them miss him more. I think I’d go crazy if DH tried to smother me the way op is.

[Anonymous]

I was all ready to defend your wife based on the original post, but the more I read, the more I think you need to have a sit down conversation with her. There is still a very decent chance that this is 100% innocent. I hate to talk on the phone when I travel and when DH travels, we normally just text. Between jet lag, work, my schedule here, it's hard to find a time to chat when one of us isn't busy, stressed or sleepy. But I do try to connect with the kids if I'm gone more than a couple of days *and* if my DH says he wants to talk or FaceTime, then I buck up and do it even if I am tired.

[Anonymous]

PPs what is spook?

[Anonymous]

IC = Individual Counseling

[Anonymous]

She's having an affair.

[Anonymous]

Asking your spouse to check in more than an occasional text while away for 2 weeks every three months is not smothering. It's marriage.

I think there's enough weirdness op that your insticts are into something...but what is the question.

I would not have a sit.down please communicate better while traveling conversation since you already have basically expressed this and it hasn't changed. I would quietly inves.

[Anonymous]

OP, give an example of how much or what kind of contact during 2 weeks? A lot of folks here advise that work trips are hard, etc. I agree but I also know it is not hard to make a three minute call during the day to check in. Does she ever call?.just text? How often? Does she leave texts or request for calls unanswered? I might get busy one or two nights and not be in wifi but if DH said pls call I would!

[Anonymous]

we can’t effectively analyze this without additional context. The only thing that is true, as an ironclad rule of humankind, is that men who are around for and attractive women will fantasize about bedding the woman. Whether anything more is happening here is unclear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:we can’t effectively analyze this without additional context. The only thing that is true, as an ironclad rule of humankind, is that men who are around for and attractive women will fantasize about bedding the woman. Whether anything more is happening here is unclear.

^ fit

[Anonymous]

I would not use the words cheating or affair with her in your conversation about this. Stick to the facts and how here radio sik nice makes you feel. Be a bit persistent if need be. She may well lash out and say, what, do you think I’m cheating on you? Keep the high ground. In due course, if there’s a problem, it will reveal itself. And if she’s not willing to contact you more, affair or not, that’s just weird and indicates that she’s not that into the marriage anymore.

[Anonymous]

OP again.

IC= Intelligence Community

Spook= spy/ or a IC worker

She's neither. She works with them all the time and the lines bet blurred but she isn't employed by an employer that conducts clandestine operations. She does have a TS/Poly so she's privy to a lot of this but as anyone in the IC knows that doesn't mean she's one of them. Honestly, it would be a step down for her and a significant pay cut. Those that know will understand what I'm saying.

In the two weeks (16 days) she's been gone I've had a total of 4 texts and one 5 minute Face Time. I think that's unreasonable and suspicious. She's forwarded about a dozen emails regarding kid stuff (bday evites, baseball tryout results, Daisy projects) so she has the time to communicate but she's choosing not to.

There is one guy on the team that's about the same age and got divorced last year but tbh, he's not very handsome. I'd be surprised if she were interested in him, she usually has the pick of the litter. She's always the best looking woman in the room.

She lands at IAD on Wednesday and I bet I won't hear from her before that. Part of me wants to get there early and sit in the corner to see who she deplanes with, although she isn't dumb enough to walk off holding hands but there should be tells. She's not expecting me. I could do it under the guise of Valentines Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

IC= Intelligence Community

Spook= spy/ or a IC worker

She's neither. She works with them all the time and the lines bet blurred but she isn't employed by an employer that conducts clandestine operations. She does have a TS/Poly so she's privy to a lot of this but as anyone in the IC knows that doesn't mean she's one of them. Honestly, it would be a step down for her and a significant pay cut. Those that know will understand what I'm saying.

In the two weeks (16 days) she's been gone I've had a total of 4 texts and one 5 minute Face Time. I think that's unreasonable and suspicious. She's forwarded about a dozen emails regarding kid stuff (bday evites, baseball tryout results, Daisy projects) so she has the time to communicate but she's choosing not to.

There is one guy on the team that's about the same age and got divorced last year but tbh, he's not very handsome. I'd be surprised if she were interested in him, she usually has the pick of the litter. She's always the best looking woman in the room.

She lands at IAD on Wednesday and I bet I won't hear from her before that. Part of me wants to get there early and sit in the corner to see who she deplanes with, although she isn't dumb enough to walk off holding hands but there should be tells. She's not expecting me. I could do it under the guise of Valentines Day.

You’re confusing me a bit, OP. You clearly think your wife is attractive and desired by other men. But I’m not sure what pick of the litter means. You’re married to this woman, right? Has she cheated in the past? She pickef you. Your IAD idea is reasonable insofar as you can do it under the guise of a surprise visit. But how will you see who’s she deplaning with? Won’t you meet her at international arrivals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again.

IC= Intelligence Community

Spook= spy/ or a IC worker

She's neither. She works with them all the time and the lines bet blurred but she isn't employed by an employer that conducts clandestine operations. She does have a TS/Poly so she's privy to a lot of this but as anyone in the IC knows that doesn't mean she's one of them. Honestly, it would be a step down for her and a significant pay cut. Those that know will understand what I'm saying.

In the two weeks (16 days) she's been gone I've had a total of 4 texts and one 5 minute Face Time. I think that's unreasonable and suspicious. She's forwarded about a dozen emails regarding kid stuff (bday evites, baseball tryout results, Daisy projects) so she has the time to communicate but she's choosing not to.

There is one guy on the team that's about the same age and got divorced last year but tbh, he's not very handsome. I'd be surprised if she were interested in him, she usually has the pick of the litter. She's always the best looking woman in the room.

She lands at IAD on Wednesday and I bet I won't hear from her before that. Part of me wants to get there early and sit in the corner to see who she deplanes with, although she isn't dumb enough to walk off holding hands but there should be tells. She's not expecting me. I could do it under the guise of Valentines Day.

You’re confusing me a bit, OP. You clearly think your wife is attractive and desired by other men. But I’m not sure what pick of the litter means. You’re married to this woman, right? Has she cheated in the past? She pickef you. Your IAD idea is reasonable insofar as you can do it under the guise of a surprise visit. But how will you see who’s she deplaning with? Won’t you meet her at international arrivals?

No, she goes through customs in LA. Then LA-DC.

Pick of the litter means she's a smart woman and I can't see her jeopardizing her marriage for a guy thats less desirable than the one shes married to. But, who knows, people do stupid shit all the time. Maybe they have a 'connection'? Maybe he's been someone to listen to her for the last year?