Elite privates and social dynamics for a fat mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is going in a lot of interesting directions. It seems to have struck some kind of nerve.

I guess the moral is that we all hate SAHMs

Especially the skinny blondes.

The skinny blonde future real estate professional.

yep.

instead, we all love fat black ladies working in local government. those are a catch

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, shrug it off. These are miserable people. Better "fat" and happy than like them.

I'm really sorry, OP. I will tell you that as a "fat mom" (about 50 lbs overweight as well) who had a "hot mom" I worry about my own daughter and whether she was be embarrassed because I don't look like the other moms or whatever. But I also work (unlike a lot of the active moms in her class) and I'm older than most of them, so fat is kind of the tip of the iceberg.

It's hard. I didn't go to a big 3 but I did go to a local elite private and the women I graduated with who all send their kids there now are primarily shallow, thin, and the heels and makeup at dropoff types. They are also completely out of my socio-economic sphere and I'm ok with that, because the majority of them are shallow people. This is of course one data point, but as someone who knows those people well, I personally understand exactly how they make you feel and also what many of them are like.

Fuck them all. Love yourself. Love your child and teach her/him good values. It's hard to break into the social circle, I know, but volunteer there and build your own village. *hugs*

Excuse me, ladies, but do you live in the ghetto? With trash thinking and trash language, are you that surprised to only attract trash?

Perhaps just one of the "Real Housewives of Potomac"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, now tell us what you really think about those skinny blonde SAHMs at private schools.

stop hating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sure you are a very nice person and would be great company. But to be honest, my friends are a reflection of me. To befriend you would make me look bad. Sorry. Just being honest.

Big 3 Mom

This cracks me up. Bless your cold-blooded heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't worry, you can dis the skinny moms after their husbands divorce them and they lose their social standing.

+1 and you get to watch these SAHMs become real estate agents.

lol, this is really funny and SO true.

What else are you going to do if you are beautiful but have no education, career or skills.

Why do you assume someone has no skills or education because they are a "skinny" SAHM? Or for that matter, why do you assume SAHMs don't have any of their own family money too? (In regards to PPs posting above that the skinny moms will be divorced by husband and then lose social standing.)
I know you are being funny, but "skinny moms" have feelings (and brains) too. (And sometimes large trust funds)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't worry, you can dis the skinny moms after their husbands divorce them and they lose their social standing.

+1 and you get to watch these SAHMs become real estate agents.

lol, this is really funny and SO true.

What else are you going to do if you are beautiful but have no education, career or skills.

Why do you assume someone has no skills or education because they are a "skinny" SAHM? Or for that matter, why do you assume SAHMs don't have any of their own family money too? (In regards to PPs posting above that the skinny moms will be divorced by husband and then lose social standing.)
I know you are being funny, but "skinny moms" have feelings (and brains) too. (And sometimes large trust funds)

You think you're making a solid point but just ... Sigh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Child graduated from a big 3 a while ago but the most popular mom was obese and her offspring was even bigger. They both had big personalities and inclusive attitudes. After the first meeting I never even saw their size just their smiles. Sure there are lots of beautiful people with even lovelier checkbooks that get tons of attention and Ivy acceptances but they are not judging you. Relax and realize that all those clothes probably mean a stressful job and a high pressure life.

Love, love, love 'never saw their size just their smiles.'

In terms of OP's question -- our DD was at a feeder for the 'big 3' (probably the most DCUM-'discussed' such 'feeder' in the region). DH and I in no way fit any kind of profile I'd read or heard about for that school (in terms of the specific question here, DH is very overweight -- I am naturally thin but not at all toned or 'fit' so my body image wasn't fitting stereotypes about pre-Big-3-school either.

It took us 6 months after DD's enrollment to realize every.single.stereotype we'd heard about could be blown out of the water in seconds. We ended up making lots of friends, despite appearances or neighborhoods or anything else. I will always treasure the people we met during those years (we've moved away from the area) and always regretted that I spent so much emotional energy worrying about 'what if we don't fit in' etc., etc.,.

Good luck, OP: weight stuff is so difficult, on so many levels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't worry, you can dis the skinny moms after their husbands divorce them and they lose their social standing.

Do the divorced SAHMs who lose their social standing take their lunch boxes and sit on park benches like laid off Japanese workers?

I really think this post was started by a troll and the above comment if proof of the baitig going on here.

A few reality checks:

1) Washington DC has one of the highest rates of higher educational degrees per capita ( masters, PhD ) Not too many SAHM in my DC's Big 3, but conversely, we sure do have a lot of women who are Harvard law and full partner at top draw international law firms, serve in POTUS' cabinet, or perhaps just your average surgeon, journalist , etc.. Some of these women might also be very athletic and , as a result , be in great shape. They might also be beautiful, but that is not their doing, is it.

2) VERY few women I know in this town derive their social standing from their husbands. In fact, I can't count one . Actually, most couples I know they met at law school . As a matter of fact, no fewer than 6 parents out of 70 some at DC private met at Harvard Law school ( where both were attending law school)

So, my guess is the troll lives outside the Beltway , has no professional women friends and is very unhappy

[Anonymous]

Get a life. This is your kid's school not your school where you are jockeying to make friends and be with the in crowd. I gather that you probably did not have a happy school experience and relive your feelings of inadequacy in every semi social situation like drop off and pickup. Pathetic. Go on a diet and see a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't worry, you can dis the skinny moms after their husbands divorce them and they lose their social standing.

Do the divorced SAHMs who lose their social standing take their lunch boxes and sit on park benches like laid off Japanese workers?

I really think this post was started by a troll and the above comment if proof of the baitig going on here.

A few reality checks:

1) Washington DC has one of the highest rates of higher educational degrees per capita ( masters, PhD ) Not too many SAHM in my DC's Big 3, but conversely, we sure do have a lot of women who are Harvard law and full partner at top draw international law firms, serve in POTUS' cabinet, or perhaps just your average surgeon, journalist , etc.. Some of these women might also be very athletic and , as a result , be in great shape. They might also be beautiful, but that is not their doing, is it.

2) VERY few women I know in this town derive their social standing from their husbands. In fact, I can't count one . Actually, most couples I know they met at law school . As a matter of fact, no fewer than 6 parents out of 70 some at DC private met at Harvard Law school ( where both were attending law school)

So, my guess is the troll lives outside the Beltway , has no professional women friends and is very unhappy

Based on your writing ability one can infer that you were not one of the individuals who met their spouse at Harvard Law School.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't worry, you can dis the skinny moms after their husbands divorce them and they lose their social standing.

+1 and you get to watch these SAHMs become real estate agents.

lol, this is really funny and SO true.

What else are you going to do if you are beautiful but have no education, career or skills.

Why do you assume someone has no skills or education because they are a "skinny" SAHM? Or for that matter, why do you assume SAHMs don't have any of their own family money too? (In regards to PPs posting above that the skinny moms will be divorced by husband and then lose social standing.)
I know you are being funny, but "skinny moms" have feelings (and brains) too. (And sometimes large trust funds)

We don't assume these things. We get to know you and then learn the facts. The majority of you fit that profile. We also know the exceptions who went to HLS who look amazing.

We also know you trust fund SAHMs. To be honest, you guys drink too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sure you are a very nice person and would be great company. But to be honest, my friends are a reflection of me. To befriend you would make me look bad. Sorry. Just being honest.

Big 3 Mom

This cracks me up. Bless your cold-blooded heart.

Sorry, honey. You already made yourself look bad. No help from anyone else needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't worry, you can dis the skinny moms after their husbands divorce them and they lose their social standing.

Do the divorced SAHMs who lose their social standing take their lunch boxes and sit on park benches like laid off Japanese workers?

I really think this post was started by a troll and the above comment if proof of the baitig going on here.

A few reality checks:

1) Washington DC has one of the highest rates of higher educational degrees per capita ( masters, PhD ) Not too many SAHM in my DC's Big 3, but conversely, we sure do have a lot of women who are Harvard law and full partner at top draw international law firms, serve in POTUS' cabinet, or perhaps just your average surgeon, journalist , etc.. Some of these women might also be very athletic and , as a result , be in great shape. They might also be beautiful, but that is not their doing, is it.

2) VERY few women I know in this town derive their social standing from their husbands. In fact, I can't count one . Actually, most couples I know they met at law school . As a matter of fact, no fewer than 6 parents out of 70 some at DC private met at Harvard Law school ( where both were attending law school)

So, my guess is the troll lives outside the Beltway , has no professional women friends and is very unhappy

Your post makes very little sense to men. Neither 1) nor 2) has any logical relationship to whether a woman might be treated differently in a specific community because she's overweight. FWIW, I don't like seeing people make assumptions about other women based in the fact that they're skinny or blond, either. I'd like to see more compassion and less judgment, but I've been on DCUM long enough to know that along with some very nice people, it's full of those who delight in hurtful snarks.

I am OP, BTW, and I'm not a troll. I don't live outside the beltway. I have two degrees from HYP schools. I did meet my husband at the HYP where I received my advanced degree. He is of normal weight and in IMHO quite handsome. We're still very much in love. I have many friends -- some professional, some SAHMs -- outside the private school my DC attends. I'm generally a pretty happy person.

Thanks to all who offered kind advice and insights. This is not our first private school; we have two children in other privates. We have donated, volunteered, been active in classroom events. I notice other new moms in DC's class being welcomed in a way I have not. I'm a friendly, outgoing person, so I've been puzzled more than anything else. It's true that everyone has more in common with some people than others. However, at the other two schools, the communities seemed more welcoming and open.

The one mom who has been friendly (and is overweight herself) has been at the school for a while, and I notice she is treated in a similar way. She's a lovely person with a great sense of humor. The other moms are polite to her, but she's also not included in the mom get-togethers, and her child also seems to have few play dates. That's what made me begin to wonder if weight/appearances might be a factor. I also noticed that some of same moms who are polite and distant with me have little difficulty chatting up my husband! He commented on that himself, wondering why a couple of women he's seen be almost rude to me were very friendly with him.

One caveat is that I don't know many moms outside DC's classroom, so perhaps what I perceive to be cliquishness is particular to a small group of moms.

I appreciate the advice to focus on DC's happiness. Of course we plan to, but I do wonder whether the fact that DC has fewer play dates than DC's siblings will bother DC after a while. So far, it's not been noticed. We plan on staying at the school for now and seeing how the social situation evolves for DC.

[Anonymous]

I am 70 lbs overweight, wear easy spirit flats and am a horrible dresser. I don't bother to wear makeup.

The mother's at my son's school are all very nice to me and my son has a ton of play dates. I've socialized with several of the mother's out of school.

Have you thought that perhaps their kids don't want to do a play date with your children? Or maybe they don't like you because of your personality and not your looks?

Maybe you are trying too hard?

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry that your child and you are experiencing this. At my son's private school, I experienced this myself. It was quite hurtful because my son wanted to play with his friends outside of school. For me, it was just blatant racism, I believe. I'm African American. I'm a kind, friendly person, and the children in my son's class love me. I guess they do because I volunteer a lot. Anyway, things changed when a Jewish couple came to the school and started inviting our son for play dates. So, our family and two other families get together about once a month, and it's positive for the children and the adults.

People who have not experienced this type of alienation may not notice or understand. I hope those who exclude others will think about the example they are setting for their own children. It can start them on a path of becoming mean-spirited human beings.

OP, hang in there. If things don't improve this year, start thinking of better school communities for your DC and you.

Good luck!