Elite privates and social dynamics for a fat mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Can I ask why you wouldn't just make a point to introduce yourself to these families, ask for their contact information so that you can reach out to have them over to get to know them better versus going to the principal?

It seems like the first step would be to actually do what you are saying you would like to report that no one else is doing and do it en masse.

From your initial dinner party you can add them to your list of people you invite to all your social events and introduce them to your social circle.

Can I just point out that you sound like someone who has never dealt with prejudice? OP said in her first posting that she has reached out to other families for get toge hers and playdates and only one other mom had responded.

So what would you do if you invited people over, and all but one person kept saying no? It could be because you're Black, poor, fat. Muslim, whatever. The sad bottom line is that people with prejudice do exist and sometimes they are concentrated in one place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Can I ask why you wouldn't just make a point to introduce yourself to these families, ask for their contact information so that you can reach out to have them over to get to know them better versus going to the principal?

It seems like the first step would be to actually do what you are saying you would like to report that no one else is doing and do it en masse.

From your initial dinner party you can add them to your list of people you invite to all your social events and introduce them to your social circle.

Can I just point out that you sound like someone who has never dealt with prejudice? OP said in her first posting that she has reached out to other families for get toge hers and playdates and only one other mom had responded.

So what would you do if you invited people over, and all but one person kept saying no? It could be because you're Black, poor, fat. Muslim, whatever. The sad bottom line is that people with prejudice do exist and sometimes they are concentrated in one place.

I think you misunderstood who my post was directed at perhaps?

I was responding to the PP (who I included in my response, you omitted that part in yours) who is not the OP. They stated that due to this thread they were going to contact the principal at their particular school to reach out to minorities/unincluded families and I was questioning why they couldn't do that on a personal level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Can I ask why you wouldn't just make a point to introduce yourself to these families, ask for their contact information so that you can reach out to have them over to get to know them better versus going to the principal?

It seems like the first step would be to actually do what you are saying you would like to report that no one else is doing and do it en masse.

From your initial dinner party you can add them to your list of people you invite to all your social events and introduce them to your social circle.

Can I just point out that you sound like someone who has never dealt with prejudice? OP said in her first posting that she has reached out to other families for get toge hers and playdates and only one other mom had responded.

So what would you do if you invited people over, and all but one person kept saying no? It could be because you're Black, poor, fat. Muslim, whatever. The sad bottom line is that people with prejudice do exist and sometimes they are concentrated in one place.

I think you misunderstood who my post was directed at perhaps?

I was responding to the PP (who I included in my response, you omitted that part in yours) who is not the OP. They stated that due to this thread they were going to contact the principal at their particular school to reach out to minorities/unincluded families and I was questioning why they couldn't do that on a personal level.

Sorry, I did misunderstand who you were directing the post to. However, I agree with the previous poster that sometimes it takes institutional leadership to shift culture. People can try to do it on sir own, but as one of the respondents pointed out, most people are "too busy" to be inclusive.

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me sick. If OP were something other than obese, the PC police would be up in arms. But apparently obese women are fair game for you hate mongers.

[Anonymous]

OP, what about trying to be a bit more stylish. Trying would be noticed and would count for a lot.

[Anonymous]

If you can't lose the weight
Then you're just fat
But if you lose too much
Then you're on crack
You're damned if you do
And you're damned if you don't
So you might as well just do
Whatever you want
So
Make lots of noise
Kiss lots of boys
Or kiss lots of girls
If that's something you're into
When the straight and narrow
Gets a little too straight

-- Kacey Musgraves "Follow Your Arrow"
Roll up a joint, or don't
Just follow your arrow
Wherever it points, yeah
Follow your arrow
Wherever it points

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what about trying to be a bit more stylish. Trying would be noticed and would count for a lot.

Oh, so if you're not stylish, then you should expected to be excluded? What kind of school culture is that?

[Anonymous]

Op there is a documentary on this. It's called OZ on HBO. You should be able to adopt one of the many strategies shown in the documentary to break into one of the groups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a huge overlap between the private school set and the country club set. The latter is almost utterly devoid of fat people. So why the surprise that Op is feeling left out?

fwiw: OP, perhaps you are bound to feel more self conscious about your weight in a place like NW , DC because, statistically speaking , it is an area of the country with the lowest rates of obesity and cardio-vascular disease in the US. Most people would regard those as positive health indicators and not feel resentful.

http://stateofobesity.org/states/dc/[/url]

I notice the name of their report used to be called "F is for Fat". :)

[Anonymous]

OP is either a troll, who is cackling with these increasingly insane posts. Or she is for real, in which case she is a truly pathetic and naive creature, thinking posting on this hornets nest that is DCUM, the Independent School thread no less, would result in something helpful or productive.

[Anonymous]

What about hiring a personal trainer and a image stylist to help you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about hiring a personal trainer and a image stylist to help you, OP?

What about turning this into a reality show -- I'm picturing Biggest Loser meets Real Housewives -- with all profits going to the school's fin aid fund?
Bonus: with this new source of fundraising your school could get rid of the auction!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a big three graduate, the fact that these situations exist is a huge reason we are going public. I genuinely don't believe the quality of the education is that much better and I don't want to put my children or my family in this kind of environment. And I'm actually pretty trendy and not overweight. It's just disgusting.

At any top public there will be very similar social dynamics, maybe even worse. Don't kid yourself.

Don't be ridiculous. My kids have done public and private and the parent dynamics are very different. Basically, the parents you meet in public school are mostly your kids' friends' parents, plus the occasional parent team/club helper, and they will be nice to you ... just because. Public school parents are just not competing on weight and clothing (if anything, I'm among the better dressed and that's thanks to J Crew). There are public queen bees who run the various fundraisers, but the schools are big enough that you can avoid them. The public parents to watch out for are the steely-eyed magnet/IB parents who want their kids to get into the next level (MS or HS) magnet or IB, but the victims there are the teachers and their own kids, not other parents. I have been grilled by some of the worst about my kid's application plans, and the same woman grilled my kids when I wasn't around--but that's laughable and who wants to be friends with such a miserable person anyway. (Full disclosure: I'm a magnet parent.) Public schools simply don't have the same number of get-togetherer and socializing opportunities as private schools, for good or bad.

Don't get me started on the cut-throat private school parent dynamics around who gets into the Big 3 MS or HS from your warm and fuzzy K-6 or K-8. The mom of the class bully actually accused my kid of being mean just as the applications were due (the AD laughed out loud, mocked the bully's mom, and my kid got into a Big 3). the Ivies from the class of 80-100 kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been a lot of weights (range of 100 lbs) and one oddly nice thing about being on the bigger side is it's a great screen for the types of people you want to invest in. If someone is cold and distant when they first meet you, well, then you know that person is kind of shallow. Obviously weight isn't the only factor there, but believe me, anyone who's been really fat can tell you this social distancing is real. Anyway, friends I made at my fattest (like my husband, for instance) are the ones that are around for the long haul.

Yes, yes, yes. I could have written this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have been a lot of weights (range of 100 lbs) and one oddly nice thing about being on the bigger side is it's a great screen for the types of people you want to invest in. If someone is cold and distant when they first meet you, well, then you know that person is kind of shallow. Obviously weight isn't the only factor there, but believe me, anyone who's been really fat can tell you this social distancing is real. Anyway, friends I made at my fattest (like my husband, for instance) are the ones that are around for the long haul.

Yes, yes, yes. I could have written this.

Very smart, to become obese just to better separate the wheat from the chaff.

How easy was it to go back to previous weight?