Ex says I’m ‘taking’ DD - she’s almost 18 and choosing to stay here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally stunted people turn to threats, ultimatums and throw tantrums. Emotionally mature parents pick up the phone, call their 17 year old and say "dad really misses you. I know you're super busy and I get that but I would love it if we could spend some time together."

Mature parents don’t allow their kids to not follow the schedule and cut a parent out of their life. How would you feel only seeing your kids once a week or every few weeks for dinner, if that. This shouldn’t even be an option.

A PP asked you to provide specific instructions on how one would make their 17 year old follow the schedule. Haven't heard any answer yet.

If you have that parenting relationship kids understand and just do it. In this case on has checked out on parenting and refuses any responsibility. My teens know that there are just some things we do and if not there are consequences in terms of phone, activities, money, etc.

The dad has checked out of parenting. He doesn't want to pick the daughter up. Then he doesn't get to complain.

She's refusing to go. Dad isn't refusing to get the child, but if Mom will not enforce it, what can he do? Stop blaming him when mom came on here to find ways around to block contact/parenting time.

Why doesn't Dad go get her and put her in the car kicking and screaming? Cute that he wants mom to be bad cop here. He has created a situation when his daughter doesn't want to visit him. It's his kid too, why can't he enforce it?

He sounds like the kind of parent who's obsessed with his "rights" but not actually being a parent. Treats kids as property more than people.

How is a parent wanting their time share and to see their kids a bad parent or treating their kids like property? If these kids are so busy and mom supports it, then kids go live with dad and she can visit them occasionally! Problem solved.

OP said her DD stayed with her dad in the past way beyond what his time was. She didn't threaten, she didn't take him to court, she didn't refuse to pay for anything. That's what men do. Women are much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally stunted people turn to threats, ultimatums and throw tantrums. Emotionally mature parents pick up the phone, call their 17 year old and say "dad really misses you. I know you're super busy and I get that but I would love it if we could spend some time together."

Mature parents don’t allow their kids to not follow the schedule and cut a parent out of their life. How would you feel only seeing your kids once a week or every few weeks for dinner, if that. This shouldn’t even be an option.

A PP asked you to provide specific instructions on how one would make their 17 year old follow the schedule. Haven't heard any answer yet.

If you have that parenting relationship kids understand and just do it. In this case on has checked out on parenting and refuses any responsibility. My teens know that there are just some things we do and if not there are consequences in terms of phone, activities, money, etc.

The dad has checked out of parenting. He doesn't want to pick the daughter up. Then he doesn't get to complain.

She's refusing to go. Dad isn't refusing to get the child, but if Mom will not enforce it, what can he do? Stop blaming him when mom came on here to find ways around to block contact/parenting time.

Why doesn't Dad go get her and put her in the car kicking and screaming? Cute that he wants mom to be bad cop here. He has created a situation when his daughter doesn't want to visit him. It's his kid too, why can't he enforce it?

He sounds like the kind of parent who's obsessed with his "rights" but not actually being a parent. Treats kids as property more than people.

How is a parent wanting their time share and to see their kids a bad parent or treating their kids like property? If these kids are so busy and mom supports it, then kids go live with dad and she can visit them occasionally! Problem solved.

OP said her DD stayed with her dad in the past way beyond what his time was. She didn't threaten, she didn't take him to court, she didn't refuse to pay for anything. That's what men do. Women are much better.

Good generalization to justify your behavior. This kid is playing both parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally stunted people turn to threats, ultimatums and throw tantrums. Emotionally mature parents pick up the phone, call their 17 year old and say "dad really misses you. I know you're super busy and I get that but I would love it if we could spend some time together."

Mature parents don’t allow their kids to not follow the schedule and cut a parent out of their life. How would you feel only seeing your kids once a week or every few weeks for dinner, if that. This shouldn’t even be an option.

A PP asked you to provide specific instructions on how one would make their 17 year old follow the schedule. Haven't heard any answer yet.

If you have that parenting relationship kids understand and just do it. In this case on has checked out on parenting and refuses any responsibility. My teens know that there are just some things we do and if not there are consequences in terms of phone, activities, money, etc.

The dad has checked out of parenting. He doesn't want to pick the daughter up. Then he doesn't get to complain.

She's refusing to go. Dad isn't refusing to get the child, but if Mom will not enforce it, what can he do? Stop blaming him when mom came on here to find ways around to block contact/parenting time.

You can't punish someone into liking you. Dad's experiencing the consequences of years of parenting decisions.

This is it exactly. If she enjoyed her time with her dad, and was able to relax and be herself while in his home, this wouldn't be an issue. I bet dad spends a good portion of time with her making her feel guilty and bashing her mother. Which is exhausting for an already tired teenager. So it's easier to avoid than battle. This is all on him and his previous years of parenting. This is the groundwork HE has laid. Mom being her safe space is not harming dad. He could have created that environment too. But he didn't. And now court mandated time is almost over and he will have an adult who gets to CHOOSE and he's realizing he might not get chosen.

Don't blame mom for being a good, steady parent. Ask why dad DOESN'T have that (hint: it's on his actions, not mom's).

Stop making stuff up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am somewhat surprised that you think he should move on from a relationship with his daughter. I know age 17 seems mature, but it isn't. You need to encourage your daughter to stick to the visitation schedule so he has a chance to develop a relationship with her as she becomes a young adult. No, you can't force her, but you can tell her it's important to you that she do so. Can you guys come to a compromise here? He's not wrong...

He's entirely wrong. If he lived close to her school or drove her to activities, then he would be actually helpful to her, instead of eating away extra time she does not have. You don't seem to understand that high schoolers are BUSY. Incredibly so. My teen right now doesn't have a minute to spare between her activities, keeping up her grades, and preparing for AP exams in May. If she had to schlep to a different house further away, that wouldn't work at all, regardless of how much she loved that parent!

And that's before we take into consideration this insane person's constant threats. That's not how you build a relationship with your teen. He should have been a good parent so that she'd have wanted a relationship in the first place, enough to make an effort to talk to him and visit him. But here? No way. He has shown that he cannot connect with his child on an emotional level and resorts to threats to force a physical presence. He does not understand the first thing about being a parent, and probably will never understand.

The only reason to stay courteous is to make college payments run smoothly, if he agreed to contribute. College is incredibly expensive, and it's worth biting your tongue and making some compromises for that.

No, he’s not her taxi service. Of course your teen has time. I hope this dad does not pay for college if he’s no longer having a relationship.

This is absolutely insane. You are probably a deadbeat dad all pissed off that you don’t know how to have a healthy relationship with a woman or your child and you’re projecting some “gold digger” crap because you think the fact you have a job gives you inherent value. (spoiler, it doesn’t)

If you aren't a gold digger and don't want your kids to have a relationship with their dad, why are you still taking his money? If you want to be the sole parent, that includes financial responsibiliies.

Spoken like a true dead beat that you are. If they have 50/50 custody agreement, it is very unlikely that she gets child support. Now, let me explain to you what child support is. It's court-mandated for men like you who think that their measly couple of hundred a month means they can behave any which way they want. It goes towards providing for the child you brought into this world. It is not out of the goodness of your heart or a favor to the mother of your child. It's the bare minimum to ensure that the actual parent gets a little bit of help.

With 50-50 often child support is paid. Kid has two parents. Why should mom only get to make all the decisions if it’s 59-50?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally stunted people turn to threats, ultimatums and throw tantrums. Emotionally mature parents pick up the phone, call their 17 year old and say "dad really misses you. I know you're super busy and I get that but I would love it if we could spend some time together."

Mature parents don’t allow their kids to not follow the schedule and cut a parent out of their life. How would you feel only seeing your kids once a week or every few weeks for dinner, if that. This shouldn’t even be an option.

A PP asked you to provide specific instructions on how one would make their 17 year old follow the schedule. Haven't heard any answer yet.

If you have that parenting relationship kids understand and just do it. In this case on has checked out on parenting and refuses any responsibility. My teens know that there are just some things we do and if not there are consequences in terms of phone, activities, money, etc.

The dad has checked out of parenting. He doesn't want to pick the daughter up. Then he doesn't get to complain.

She's refusing to go. Dad isn't refusing to get the child, but if Mom will not enforce it, what can he do? Stop blaming him when mom came on here to find ways around to block contact/parenting time.

Why doesn't Dad go get her and put her in the car kicking and screaming? Cute that he wants mom to be bad cop here. He has created a situation when his daughter doesn't want to visit him. It's his kid too, why can't he enforce it?

He sounds like the kind of parent who's obsessed with his "rights" but not actually being a parent. Treats kids as property more than people.

How is a parent wanting their time share and to see their kids a bad parent or treating their kids like property? If these kids are so busy and mom supports it, then kids go live with dad and she can visit them occasionally! Problem solved.

OP said her DD stayed with her dad in the past way beyond what his time was. She didn't threaten, she didn't take him to court, she didn't refuse to pay for anything. That's what men do. Women are much better.

Good generalization to justify your behavior. This kid is playing both parents.

What behavior. I'm not OP and have no skin in this game. Perhaps if you learned how to read and listen you wouldn't be here pissing in the wind. OP respected her teen's wishes to stay with her dad. There is no double standard. OPs ex is choosing to act like a toddler and is throwing a tantrum. I stand behind everything I said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am somewhat surprised that you think he should move on from a relationship with his daughter. I know age 17 seems mature, but it isn't. You need to encourage your daughter to stick to the visitation schedule so he has a chance to develop a relationship with her as she becomes a young adult. No, you can't force her, but you can tell her it's important to you that she do so. Can you guys come to a compromise here? He's not wrong...

He's entirely wrong. If he lived close to her school or drove her to activities, then he would be actually helpful to her, instead of eating away extra time she does not have. You don't seem to understand that high schoolers are BUSY. Incredibly so. My teen right now doesn't have a minute to spare between her activities, keeping up her grades, and preparing for AP exams in May. If she had to schlep to a different house further away, that wouldn't work at all, regardless of how much she loved that parent!

And that's before we take into consideration this insane person's constant threats. That's not how you build a relationship with your teen. He should have been a good parent so that she'd have wanted a relationship in the first place, enough to make an effort to talk to him and visit him. But here? No way. He has shown that he cannot connect with his child on an emotional level and resorts to threats to force a physical presence. He does not understand the first thing about being a parent, and probably will never understand.

The only reason to stay courteous is to make college payments run smoothly, if he agreed to contribute. College is incredibly expensive, and it's worth biting your tongue and making some compromises for that.

No, he’s not her taxi service. Of course your teen has time. I hope this dad does not pay for college if he’s no longer having a relationship.

This is absolutely insane. You are probably a deadbeat dad all pissed off that you don’t know how to have a healthy relationship with a woman or your child and you’re projecting some “gold digger” crap because you think the fact you have a job gives you inherent value. (spoiler, it doesn’t)

If you aren't a gold digger and don't want your kids to have a relationship with their dad, why are you still taking his money? If you want to be the sole parent, that includes financial responsibiliies.

Spoken like a true dead beat that you are. If they have 50/50 custody agreement, it is very unlikely that she gets child support. Now, let me explain to you what child support is. It's court-mandated for men like you who think that their measly couple of hundred a month means they can behave any which way they want. It goes towards providing for the child you brought into this world. It is not out of the goodness of your heart or a favor to the mother of your child. It's the bare minimum to ensure that the actual parent gets a little bit of help.

With 50-50 often child support is paid. Kid has two parents. Why should mom only get to make all the decisions if it’s 59-50?

She isn't. The daughter is. If the father wants to enforce visitation, he can come get his child. But then what would he have to tantrum about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ex and I divorced when DD was 7 after a long, high-conflict custody battle. Early on, he pushed hard for full custody and took me to court with all kinds of claims/excuses, and it’s basically been ongoing ever since—constant threats to drag me back to court over one thing or another.

DD is now a senior and turns this summer. Between school, activities, and friends, she’s very busy, and lately she’s been choosing to stay primarily with me. I live close to her school and social life, and she has never liked going back and forth between houses.

He recently sent another long, accusatory message saying I’m “taking his daughter away from him” and is again threatening court. The reality is DD just doesn’t want to go to his house at this point. I’m not forcing anything either way, and I don’t feel like I can control this anymore even if I wanted to.
There’s a long history here of conflict and undermining, so this is just more of the same. I’ve tried to limit communication, but obviously we still have to be in touch.

I’m exhausted and counting down the days until this is over. I honestly can’t wait until I don’t have to see his face or hear from him again. It seems like he can’t move on and it is very frustrating.

OK, do you have a question?

[Anonymous]

OP's ex is a toxic, dysfunctional, abusive moron. Full stop.

OP, only a few more months until he can no longer use the court system to abuse you and DD. I love that for both of you.

[Anonymous]

How crazy is your ex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am somewhat surprised that you think he should move on from a relationship with his daughter. I know age 17 seems mature, but it isn't. You need to encourage your daughter to stick to the visitation schedule so he has a chance to develop a relationship with her as she becomes a young adult. No, you can't force her, but you can tell her it's important to you that she do so. Can you guys come to a compromise here? He's not wrong...

He's entirely wrong. If he lived close to her school or drove her to activities, then he would be actually helpful to her, instead of eating away extra time she does not have. You don't seem to understand that high schoolers are BUSY. Incredibly so. My teen right now doesn't have a minute to spare between her activities, keeping up her grades, and preparing for AP exams in May. If she had to schlep to a different house further away, that wouldn't work at all, regardless of how much she loved that parent!

And that's before we take into consideration this insane person's constant threats. That's not how you build a relationship with your teen. He should have been a good parent so that she'd have wanted a relationship in the first place, enough to make an effort to talk to him and visit him. But here? No way. He has shown that he cannot connect with his child on an emotional level and resorts to threats to force a physical presence. He does not understand the first thing about being a parent, and probably will never understand.

The only reason to stay courteous is to make college payments run smoothly, if he agreed to contribute. College is incredibly expensive, and it's worth biting your tongue and making some compromises for that.

No, he’s not her taxi service. Of course your teen has time. I hope this dad does not pay for college if he’s no longer having a relationship.

This is absolutely insane. You are probably a deadbeat dad all pissed off that you don’t know how to have a healthy relationship with a woman or your child and you’re projecting some “gold digger” crap because you think the fact you have a job gives you inherent value. (spoiler, it doesn’t)

If you aren't a gold digger and don't want your kids to have a relationship with their dad, why are you still taking his money? If you want to be the sole parent, that includes financial responsibiliies.

Spoken like a true dead beat that you are. If they have 50/50 custody agreement, it is very unlikely that she gets child support. Now, let me explain to you what child support is. It's court-mandated for men like you who think that their measly couple of hundred a month means they can behave any which way they want. It goes towards providing for the child you brought into this world. It is not out of the goodness of your heart or a favor to the mother of your child. It's the bare minimum to ensure that the actual parent gets a little bit of help.

With 50-50 often child support is paid. Kid has two parents. Why should mom only get to make all the decisions if it’s 59-50?

She isn't. The daughter is. If the father wants to enforce visitation, he can come get his child. But then what would he have to tantrum about?

This is exactly it! Controlling, spiteful, man child. Antagonizing his ex and weaponizing his daughter against her is his life goal. Glad you divorced him, OP. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am somewhat surprised that you think he should move on from a relationship with his daughter. I know age 17 seems mature, but it isn't. You need to encourage your daughter to stick to the visitation schedule so he has a chance to develop a relationship with her as she becomes a young adult. No, you can't force her, but you can tell her it's important to you that she do so. Can you guys come to a compromise here? He's not wrong...

He's entirely wrong. If he lived close to her school or drove her to activities, then he would be actually helpful to her, instead of eating away extra time she does not have. You don't seem to understand that high schoolers are BUSY. Incredibly so. My teen right now doesn't have a minute to spare between her activities, keeping up her grades, and preparing for AP exams in May. If she had to schlep to a different house further away, that wouldn't work at all, regardless of how much she loved that parent!

And that's before we take into consideration this insane person's constant threats. That's not how you build a relationship with your teen. He should have been a good parent so that she'd have wanted a relationship in the first place, enough to make an effort to talk to him and visit him. But here? No way. He has shown that he cannot connect with his child on an emotional level and resorts to threats to force a physical presence. He does not understand the first thing about being a parent, and probably will never understand.

The only reason to stay courteous is to make college payments run smoothly, if he agreed to contribute. College is incredibly expensive, and it's worth biting your tongue and making some compromises for that.

No, he’s not her taxi service. Of course your teen has time. I hope this dad does not pay for college if he’s no longer having a relationship.

This is absolutely insane. You are probably a deadbeat dad all pissed off that you don’t know how to have a healthy relationship with a woman or your child and you’re projecting some “gold digger” crap because you think the fact you have a job gives you inherent value. (spoiler, it doesn’t)

If you aren't a gold digger and don't want your kids to have a relationship with their dad, why are you still taking his money? If you want to be the sole parent, that includes financial responsibiliies.

Spoken like a true dead beat that you are. If they have 50/50 custody agreement, it is very unlikely that she gets child support. Now, let me explain to you what child support is. It's court-mandated for men like you who think that their measly couple of hundred a month means they can behave any which way they want. It goes towards providing for the child you brought into this world. It is not out of the goodness of your heart or a favor to the mother of your child. It's the bare minimum to ensure that the actual parent gets a little bit of help.

With 50-50 often child support is paid. Kid has two parents. Why should mom only get to make all the decisions if it’s 59-50?

She isn't. The daughter is. If the father wants to enforce visitation, he can come get his child. But then what would he have to tantrum about?

This is exactly it! Controlling, spiteful, man child. Antagonizing his ex and weaponizing his daughter against her is his life goal. Glad you divorced him, OP. Hang in there.

No, she’s the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How crazy is your ex?

Not as crazy as she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am somewhat surprised that you think he should move on from a relationship with his daughter. I know age 17 seems mature, but it isn't. You need to encourage your daughter to stick to the visitation schedule so he has a chance to develop a relationship with her as she becomes a young adult. No, you can't force her, but you can tell her it's important to you that she do so. Can you guys come to a compromise here? He's not wrong...

He's entirely wrong. If he lived close to her school or drove her to activities, then he would be actually helpful to her, instead of eating away extra time she does not have. You don't seem to understand that high schoolers are BUSY. Incredibly so. My teen right now doesn't have a minute to spare between her activities, keeping up her grades, and preparing for AP exams in May. If she had to schlep to a different house further away, that wouldn't work at all, regardless of how much she loved that parent!

And that's before we take into consideration this insane person's constant threats. That's not how you build a relationship with your teen. He should have been a good parent so that she'd have wanted a relationship in the first place, enough to make an effort to talk to him and visit him. But here? No way. He has shown that he cannot connect with his child on an emotional level and resorts to threats to force a physical presence. He does not understand the first thing about being a parent, and probably will never understand.

The only reason to stay courteous is to make college payments run smoothly, if he agreed to contribute. College is incredibly expensive, and it's worth biting your tongue and making some compromises for that.

No, he’s not her taxi service. Of course your teen has time. I hope this dad does not pay for college if he’s no longer having a relationship.

This is absolutely insane. You are probably a deadbeat dad all pissed off that you don’t know how to have a healthy relationship with a woman or your child and you’re projecting some “gold digger” crap because you think the fact you have a job gives you inherent value. (spoiler, it doesn’t)

If you aren't a gold digger and don't want your kids to have a relationship with their dad, why are you still taking his money? If you want to be the sole parent, that includes financial responsibiliies.

Spoken like a true dead beat that you are. If they have 50/50 custody agreement, it is very unlikely that she gets child support. Now, let me explain to you what child support is. It's court-mandated for men like you who think that their measly couple of hundred a month means they can behave any which way they want. It goes towards providing for the child you brought into this world. It is not out of the goodness of your heart or a favor to the mother of your child. It's the bare minimum to ensure that the actual parent gets a little bit of help.

With 50-50 often child support is paid. Kid has two parents. Why should mom only get to make all the decisions if it’s 59-50?

She isn't. The daughter is. If the father wants to enforce visitation, he can come get his child. But then what would he have to tantrum about?

This is exactly it! Controlling, spiteful, man child. Antagonizing his ex and weaponizing his daughter against her is his life goal. Glad you divorced him, OP. Hang in there.

No, she’s the problem.

No, you're the problem, deadbeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How crazy is your ex?

Not as crazy as she is.

Boy, I see responses like this, and I think to myself, "so glad his ex got away." You're a lunatic.

[Anonymous]

Similar situation, but I made DS be the one to communicate with dad and tell him he's not coming over or needs a schedule change since age 14. Just like he's expected to communicate with me about pick up, drop off, plans with friends etc. If he wants to go somewhere, do something, he needs to take ownership of the process and coordination. I was tired of being the middle man and advocating on his behalf for a more stable environment and being the one to "notify" dad when a schedule change was needed.

Stability exists here, in my house. You can choose it for yourself at anytime, but it will require you to speak up and build those communication skills.

I told them that nobody in this world will put you first except for yourself. You need to start practicing doing what's best for you and communicating/advocating that to others around you. If others become upset or disappointed, that's on them to manage their own emotions.

There is no financial support or anything that dad can hang over your head that I can't offer myself, and my offer doesn't come with conditions.