Ex says I’m ‘taking’ DD - she’s almost 18 and choosing to stay here.

[Anonymous]

I think this is all odd. A 17 year old doesn't want to go to a parents house? Oh well. That's their choice to make. It most certainly does not mean she doesn't like him or doesn't want to spend time with him, she's just a busy teen. In Non-American cultures, it's understood that teens are their own people, and do not need to see their mom and dad all the time. What difference does it really make? She's 17, not 7 months old. It's also common for kids to not see their fathers for months or years, but both the kid and the dad know that love still exists between the two, whether they see each other every other week or not is irrelevant. This all seems weird, and selfish of dad, and the people who agree with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this is all odd. A 17 year old doesn't want to go to a parents house? Oh well. That's their choice to make. It most certainly does not mean she doesn't like him or doesn't want to spend time with him, she's just a busy teen. In Non-American cultures, it's understood that teens are their own people, and do not need to see their mom and dad all the time. What difference does it really make? She's 17, not 7 months old. It's also common for kids to not see their fathers for months or years, but both the kid and the dad know that love still exists between the two, whether they see each other every other week or not is irrelevant. This all seems weird, and selfish of dad, and the people who agree with him.

It’s selfish of the mom. Dad is trying to parent and be involved and mom is finding all kinds of ways to take away his time. It’s not common at all except for when the other parent blocks it, baring abuse of neglect. In all cultures, kids need both parents. If they don’t, get a job, and support yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally stunted people turn to threats, ultimatums and throw tantrums. Emotionally mature parents pick up the phone, call their 17 year old and say "dad really misses you. I know you're super busy and I get that but I would love it if we could spend some time together."

Mature parents don’t allow their kids to not follow the schedule and cut a parent out of their life. How would you feel only seeing your kids once a week or every few weeks for dinner, if that. This shouldn’t even be an option.

A PP asked you to provide specific instructions on how one would make their 17 year old follow the schedule. Haven't heard any answer yet.

If you have that parenting relationship kids understand and just do it. In this case on has checked out on parenting and refuses any responsibility. My teens know that there are just some things we do and if not there are consequences in terms of phone, activities, money, etc.

[Anonymous]

parental alienation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally stunted people turn to threats, ultimatums and throw tantrums. Emotionally mature parents pick up the phone, call their 17 year old and say "dad really misses you. I know you're super busy and I get that but I would love it if we could spend some time together."

Mature parents don’t allow their kids to not follow the schedule and cut a parent out of their life. How would you feel only seeing your kids once a week or every few weeks for dinner, if that. This shouldn’t even be an option.

Mature parents act like parents and not petulant teenagers themselves. Teens push away from their parents. Threats and whining destroy the relationship.

Then kids can go live with dad. Teens still need guidance. You must not have a strong relationship with your kids if they don’t respect you and your rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally stunted people turn to threats, ultimatums and throw tantrums. Emotionally mature parents pick up the phone, call their 17 year old and say "dad really misses you. I know you're super busy and I get that but I would love it if we could spend some time together."

Mature parents don’t allow their kids to not follow the schedule and cut a parent out of their life. How would you feel only seeing your kids once a week or every few weeks for dinner, if that. This shouldn’t even be an option.

Mature parents act like parents and not petulant teenagers themselves. Teens push away from their parents. Threats and whining destroy the relationship.

But but but the divorced dad's credo. "It's my time, I paid the child support!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally stunted people turn to threats, ultimatums and throw tantrums. Emotionally mature parents pick up the phone, call their 17 year old and say "dad really misses you. I know you're super busy and I get that but I would love it if we could spend some time together."

Mature parents don’t allow their kids to not follow the schedule and cut a parent out of their life. How would you feel only seeing your kids once a week or every few weeks for dinner, if that. This shouldn’t even be an option.

A PP asked you to provide specific instructions on how one would make their 17 year old follow the schedule. Haven't heard any answer yet.

If you have that parenting relationship kids understand and just do it. In this case on has checked out on parenting and refuses any responsibility. My teens know that there are just some things we do and if not there are consequences in terms of phone, activities, money, etc.

The dad has checked out of parenting. He doesn't want to pick the daughter up. Then he doesn't get to complain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally stunted people turn to threats, ultimatums and throw tantrums. Emotionally mature parents pick up the phone, call their 17 year old and say "dad really misses you. I know you're super busy and I get that but I would love it if we could spend some time together."

Mature parents don’t allow their kids to not follow the schedule and cut a parent out of their life. How would you feel only seeing your kids once a week or every few weeks for dinner, if that. This shouldn’t even be an option.

A PP asked you to provide specific instructions on how one would make their 17 year old follow the schedule. Haven't heard any answer yet.

If you have that parenting relationship kids understand and just do it. In this case on has checked out on parenting and refuses any responsibility. My teens know that there are just some things we do and if not there are consequences in terms of phone, activities, money, etc.

So you'd take away their phones, their activities and their money to force them to stay every scheduled night with their dad? And if all that doesn't work, then what? This is a recipe for misery for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally stunted people turn to threats, ultimatums and throw tantrums. Emotionally mature parents pick up the phone, call their 17 year old and say "dad really misses you. I know you're super busy and I get that but I would love it if we could spend some time together."

Mature parents don’t allow their kids to not follow the schedule and cut a parent out of their life. How would you feel only seeing your kids once a week or every few weeks for dinner, if that. This shouldn’t even be an option.

A PP asked you to provide specific instructions on how one would make their 17 year old follow the schedule. Haven't heard any answer yet.

If you have that parenting relationship kids understand and just do it. In this case on has checked out on parenting and refuses any responsibility. My teens know that there are just some things we do and if not there are consequences in terms of phone, activities, money, etc.

So you'd take away their phones, their activities and their money to force them to stay every scheduled night with their dad? And if all that doesn't work, then what? This is a recipe for misery for everyone.

My kids respect us enough that it wouldn't be an issue. You failed somewhere along the line early on if your kids don't respect you enough to follow the rules reasonably. They also know that there are consequences. Yes, I would take away the phone, activities and MY money if they refused to follow the schedule (within reason, as it can be switched as long as both parents get their time). So, basically, you are saying you don't parent as your kids know how to make you misreable so you just cave into every whim to keep them happy to leave you alone... try some parenting classes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally stunted people turn to threats, ultimatums and throw tantrums. Emotionally mature parents pick up the phone, call their 17 year old and say "dad really misses you. I know you're super busy and I get that but I would love it if we could spend some time together."

Mature parents don’t allow their kids to not follow the schedule and cut a parent out of their life. How would you feel only seeing your kids once a week or every few weeks for dinner, if that. This shouldn’t even be an option.

A PP asked you to provide specific instructions on how one would make their 17 year old follow the schedule. Haven't heard any answer yet.

If you have that parenting relationship kids understand and just do it. In this case on has checked out on parenting and refuses any responsibility. My teens know that there are just some things we do and if not there are consequences in terms of phone, activities, money, etc.

The dad has checked out of parenting. He doesn't want to pick the daughter up. Then he doesn't get to complain.

She's refusing to go. Dad isn't refusing to get the child, but if Mom will not enforce it, what can he do? Stop blaming him when mom came on here to find ways around to block contact/parenting time.

[Anonymous]

You really can’t force a 17-year-old to do something, and I think that’s what a lot of people here are overlooking. When my daughter (now 27) was around 12–13, she went through a phase where she didn’t want to go to her dad’s house. She was starting to push boundaries (becoming a teen), and he wasn’t willing to tolerate the attitude, so there was a lot of conflict, during a period of time, and she didn’t want to visit him.

At that age, though, he still enforced the visits. I usually drove her but, If she refused to go, he’d show up, wait outside, and when she still wouldn’t come out, he’d come in and pick her up and take her to his car. This went on for like two months until she realized she wasn’t going to get out of it.

But by the time she was an older teen, it was different. There were times she didn’t want to go to either house, and we were more flexible and let her have a say. It’s just not the same trying to enforce something with a 17-year-old. If the dad isn’t even willing to communicate with his daughter, I’m not sure what the solution is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally stunted people turn to threats, ultimatums and throw tantrums. Emotionally mature parents pick up the phone, call their 17 year old and say "dad really misses you. I know you're super busy and I get that but I would love it if we could spend some time together."

Mature parents don’t allow their kids to not follow the schedule and cut a parent out of their life. How would you feel only seeing your kids once a week or every few weeks for dinner, if that. This shouldn’t even be an option.

A PP asked you to provide specific instructions on how one would make their 17 year old follow the schedule. Haven't heard any answer yet.

If you have that parenting relationship kids understand and just do it. In this case on has checked out on parenting and refuses any responsibility. My teens know that there are just some things we do and if not there are consequences in terms of phone, activities, money, etc.

The dad has checked out of parenting. He doesn't want to pick the daughter up. Then he doesn't get to complain.

She's refusing to go. Dad isn't refusing to get the child, but if Mom will not enforce it, what can he do? Stop blaming him when mom came on here to find ways around to block contact/parenting time.

You can't punish someone into liking you. Dad's experiencing the consequences of years of parenting decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Emotionally stunted people turn to threats, ultimatums and throw tantrums. Emotionally mature parents pick up the phone, call their 17 year old and say "dad really misses you. I know you're super busy and I get that but I would love it if we could spend some time together."

Mature parents don’t allow their kids to not follow the schedule and cut a parent out of their life. How would you feel only seeing your kids once a week or every few weeks for dinner, if that. This shouldn’t even be an option.

A PP asked you to provide specific instructions on how one would make their 17 year old follow the schedule. Haven't heard any answer yet.

If you have that parenting relationship kids understand and just do it. In this case on has checked out on parenting and refuses any responsibility. My teens know that there are just some things we do and if not there are consequences in terms of phone, activities, money, etc.

The dad has checked out of parenting. He doesn't want to pick the daughter up. Then he doesn't get to complain.

She's refusing to go. Dad isn't refusing to get the child, but if Mom will not enforce it, what can he do? Stop blaming him when mom came on here to find ways around to block contact/parenting time.

You can't punish someone into liking you. Dad's experiencing the consequences of years of parenting decisions.

It seems you're assuming Dad is at fault for bad parenting, and this sounds like a mom-parenting issue. Mom is using all kinds of excuses to block visits. So, kid picks up on it and agrees to make her happy. This is alienation. Surely there are better ways to punish your ex beyond severing their relationship with their child and if you choose to do that, then stop taking money from them. And, take a parenting class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You really can’t force a 17-year-old to do something, and I think that’s what a lot of people here are overlooking. When my daughter (now 27) was around 12–13, she went through a phase where she didn’t want to go to her dad’s house. She was starting to push boundaries (becoming a teen), and he wasn’t willing to tolerate the attitude, so there was a lot of conflict, during a period of time, and she didn’t want to visit him.

At that age, though, he still enforced the visits. I usually drove her but, If she refused to go, he’d show up, wait outside, and when she still wouldn’t come out, he’d come in and pick her up and take her to his car. This went on for like two months until she realized she wasn’t going to get out of it.

But by the time she was an older teen, it was different. There were times she didn’t want to go to either house, and we were more flexible and let her have a say. It’s just not the same trying to enforce something with a 17-year-old. If the dad isn’t even willing to communicate with his daughter, I’m not sure what the solution is.

Of course you can. You force your kids to do other things they don't want to all the time. Its called parenting. She probably knew you didn't want the visits and was trying to please you.

I force my kids to do all kinds of things they don't want to. It's called parenting, try it.

So, if your kids don't want to go to school, bathe, eat, do schoolwork, etc. you are ok with it? I have no issues enforcing rules and consequences with my teens as we have that relationship. Clearly you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You really can’t force a 17-year-old to do something, and I think that’s what a lot of people here are overlooking. When my daughter (now 27) was around 12–13, she went through a phase where she didn’t want to go to her dad’s house. She was starting to push boundaries (becoming a teen), and he wasn’t willing to tolerate the attitude, so there was a lot of conflict, during a period of time, and she didn’t want to visit him.

At that age, though, he still enforced the visits. I usually drove her but, If she refused to go, he’d show up, wait outside, and when she still wouldn’t come out, he’d come in and pick her up and take her to his car. This went on for like two months until she realized she wasn’t going to get out of it.

But by the time she was an older teen, it was different. There were times she didn’t want to go to either house, and we were more flexible and let her have a say. It’s just not the same trying to enforce something with a 17-year-old. If the dad isn’t even willing to communicate with his daughter, I’m not sure what the solution is.

Of course you can. You force your kids to do other things they don't want to all the time. Its called parenting. She probably knew you didn't want the visits and was trying to please you.

I force my kids to do all kinds of things they don't want to. It's called parenting, try it.

So, if your kids don't want to go to school, bathe, eat, do schoolwork, etc. you are ok with it? I have no issues enforcing rules and consequences with my teens as we have that relationship. Clearly you don't.

You respond like this to each and every post every time this topic comes up on this forum. Clearly a huge trigger for you.