Ex says I’m ‘taking’ DD - she’s almost 18 and choosing to stay here.

[Anonymous]

Just don't respond and let him do what he wants. By the time court comes it will be too late. Also if by chance it's NOT too late, your daughter can tell the judge what she wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am somewhat surprised that you think he should move on from a relationship with his daughter. I know age 17 seems mature, but it isn't. You need to encourage your daughter to stick to the visitation schedule so he has a chance to develop a relationship with her as she becomes a young adult. No, you can't force her, but you can tell her it's important to you that she do so. Can you guys come to a compromise here? He's not wrong...

I don't think she meant "move on from a relationship", but to stop creating conflict with his ex. He needs to move on from his animosity.

If he is unhappy about where the daughter is staying at this point he needs to stop saber rattling with the ex and just talk to his daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am somewhat surprised that you think he should move on from a relationship with his daughter. I know age 17 seems mature, but it isn't. You need to encourage your daughter to stick to the visitation schedule so he has a chance to develop a relationship with her as she becomes a young adult. No, you can't force her, but you can tell her it's important to you that she do so. Can you guys come to a compromise here? He's not wrong...

NP. It’s not important to OP. What’s important to OP is her daughter’s comfort and recognizing that her daughter is well old enough to have say in this. If the ex had done a better job fostering a relationship with his child, the child would WANT to spend time with him. She doesn’t. So the ex would rather blame OP than take a hard look at himself and his behavior.

No doubt the daughter has witnessed how the ex has behaved over the years toward OP, and that would not endear him to their daughter. Hang in there, OP! If your ex isn’t going to help pay for college, tell him to f—- off now.

Its impossible to foster a good relationship when the other parent is actively trying to take the child away. Stop blaming dad and look at your own behavior and OP's. Read what she posted. She is setting up the situation.

This kid is 17 and making her own choices.

No, stop alienating kids from their parents. If she’s grown, stop taking child support, health care and extras as she’s grown and if she can make the decision not to see her dad, she can financially support herself too. This is why kids are so messed up…

That's now how this works, incel. Child support isn't about whether your kid loves you enough. It's about the financial obligation YOU undertook when you made a baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child is way younger but at one point definitely looked at a calendar, saw when she would turn 18, and said that at least he couldn’t turn prom and graduation into a tantrum.

Sorry, OP. The words you’re quoting are ones my STBX has said to us, too. It’s always taking “my daugher”, “my rights”, “blocking my time”. I’ve fantasized about taking the “I”, “M” and “Y” letters off his keyboard to see if he can still write a sentence.

All those things said are correct. You are encouraging your daughter's behavior and she is doing it to please you. Until college, you stick to the schedule. How would you feel if your ex sabatoged your relationship, stopped visits (you are the parent giving them permission or telling them to) and only used you for money?

Ehh no. The kid is 17, not 5. She isn’t encouraging anything, her child chose to not sleep over there. Why would she be choosing to please OP and not her dad?

You really have no experience with this or twisted things to your benefit. You follow the agreement. How would you feel if your child stopped seeing you.

I would be sad. I would understand my kid has their own life and priorities. Especially at that age. It may take a while for them to develop the wisdom and maturity to understand the value of the parent child bond. Life is (hopefully) long and they will remember the things I've done and said. I'd be careful not to behave like a selfish @ss. I'd stop trying to push myself on them and just be there when they need me. We are talking about 17 here, not 13. It's very different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:parental alienation

Parental alienation is highly disputed theory that has been misused to explain why children do not want to engage with a particular parent.

The idea that every time a child doesn’t want to spend time with a parent has to be the result of the other parent’s actions is ludicrous. Parents are just people and some people are unpleasant, angry, mean or selfish. Kids don’t necessarily want to be around that; it has nothing to do with the other parent’s actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:parental alienation

Parental alienation is highly disputed theory that has been misused to explain why children do not want to engage with a particular parent.

The idea that every time a child doesn’t want to spend time with a parent has to be the result of the other parent’s actions is ludicrous. Parents are just people and some people are unpleasant, angry, mean or selfish. Kids don’t necessarily want to be around that; it has nothing to do with the other parent’s actions.

It’s ludicrous but men and their attorneys use it with great success in court and in custody evaluations. Fighting alienation allegations now. It’s wild to realize that men invent entire theories and then train their parties to propagate them rather than face the fact that someone just doesn’t like them because they did a bad job of interacting with them, but it’s an actual thing.

Relieved that your DD is almost 18, OP. Hopefully you live somewhere where getting a hearing for this would take a solid 8 weeks. Luckily even if he was serious, no one would allow ex parte proceedings for this kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:parental alienation

Parental alienation is highly disputed theory that has been misused to explain why children do not want to engage with a particular parent.

The idea that every time a child doesn’t want to spend time with a parent has to be the result of the other parent’s actions is ludicrous. Parents are just people and some people are unpleasant, angry, mean or selfish. Kids don’t necessarily want to be around that; it has nothing to do with the other parent’s actions.

It’s ludicrous but men and their attorneys use it with great success in court and in custody evaluations. Fighting alienation allegations now. It’s wild to realize that men invent entire theories and then train their parties to propagate them rather than face the fact that someone just doesn’t like them because they did a bad job of interacting with them, but it’s an actual thing.

Relieved that your DD is almost 18, OP. Hopefully you live somewhere where getting a hearing for this would take a solid 8 weeks. Luckily even if he was serious, no one would allow ex parte proceedings for this kind of thing.

It’s wild that some women alienate their kids and find all kinds of ways to justify it. I hope you don’t have kids. If a 18 year old doesn’t want to see a parent fine but don’t expect child support or college help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:parental alienation

Parental alienation is highly disputed theory that has been misused to explain why children do not want to engage with a particular parent.

The idea that every time a child doesn’t want to spend time with a parent has to be the result of the other parent’s actions is ludicrous. Parents are just people and some people are unpleasant, angry, mean or selfish. Kids don’t necessarily want to be around that; it has nothing to do with the other parent’s actions.

It’s very easy for a parent to alienate their kids kids from another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:parental alienation

Parental alienation is highly disputed theory that has been misused to explain why children do not want to engage with a particular parent.

The idea that every time a child doesn’t want to spend time with a parent has to be the result of the other parent’s actions is ludicrous. Parents are just people and some people are unpleasant, angry, mean or selfish. Kids don’t necessarily want to be around that; it has nothing to do with the other parent’s actions.

It’s ludicrous but men and their attorneys use it with great success in court and in custody evaluations. Fighting alienation allegations now. It’s wild to realize that men invent entire theories and then train their parties to propagate them rather than face the fact that someone just doesn’t like them because they did a bad job of interacting with them, but it’s an actual thing.

Relieved that your DD is almost 18, OP. Hopefully you live somewhere where getting a hearing for this would take a solid 8 weeks. Luckily even if he was serious, no one would allow ex parte proceedings for this kind of thing.

It’s wild that some women alienate their kids and find all kinds of ways to justify it. I hope you don’t have kids. If a 18 year old doesn’t want to see a parent fine but don’t expect child support or college help.

Okay. So you equate visitation with financial support. So the daughter could go to his house, sulk, stay in her room, and behave in all the fabulous ways that a teenager can exhibit when they’re unhappy and the you would pay for college and/or child support because the child is sleeping in your home. Is that correct? Or does the child have to visit and be pleasant—act in a way that makes the dad feel that he is an involved and loved member of her family in order for the financial support to follow?

Just curious what the requirements are for the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re enjoying this, OP. Hope he still pays for college.

Of course, they are enjoying it. Dad should not pay for college. Mom can figure it out.

OP doesn't sound like they are enjoying it. OP sounds tired of trying to make a grown man understand what it means to be a father of a 17 YO. OP's ex is trying to control her and their daughter instead of doing the things that parents of teens do, which mostly consists of driving your teen places and waiting to pick them up from places. And when they can drive, they are out with their friends or at their activities --- not sitting around the house with their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:parental alienation

Parental alienation is highly disputed theory that has been misused to explain why children do not want to engage with a particular parent.

The idea that every time a child doesn’t want to spend time with a parent has to be the result of the other parent’s actions is ludicrous. Parents are just people and some people are unpleasant, angry, mean or selfish. Kids don’t necessarily want to be around that; it has nothing to do with the other parent’s actions.

It’s ludicrous but men and their attorneys use it with great success in court and in custody evaluations. Fighting alienation allegations now. It’s wild to realize that men invent entire theories and then train their parties to propagate them rather than face the fact that someone just doesn’t like them because they did a bad job of interacting with them, but it’s an actual thing.

Relieved that your DD is almost 18, OP. Hopefully you live somewhere where getting a hearing for this would take a solid 8 weeks. Luckily even if he was serious, no one would allow ex parte proceedings for this kind of thing.

It’s wild that some women alienate their kids and find all kinds of ways to justify it. I hope you don’t have kids. If a 18 year old doesn’t want to see a parent fine but don’t expect child support or college help.

Unless its in the court- ordered settlement, you mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:parental alienation

Parental alienation is highly disputed theory that has been misused to explain why children do not want to engage with a particular parent.

The idea that every time a child doesn’t want to spend time with a parent has to be the result of the other parent’s actions is ludicrous. Parents are just people and some people are unpleasant, angry, mean or selfish. Kids don’t necessarily want to be around that; it has nothing to do with the other parent’s actions.

It’s ludicrous but men and their attorneys use it with great success in court and in custody evaluations. Fighting alienation allegations now. It’s wild to realize that men invent entire theories and then train their parties to propagate them rather than face the fact that someone just doesn’t like them because they did a bad job of interacting with them, but it’s an actual thing.

Relieved that your DD is almost 18, OP. Hopefully you live somewhere where getting a hearing for this would take a solid 8 weeks. Luckily even if he was serious, no one would allow ex parte proceedings for this kind of thing.

It’s wild that some women alienate their kids and find all kinds of ways to justify it. I hope you don’t have kids. If a 18 year old doesn’t want to see a parent fine but don’t expect child support or college help.

As a parent of several young adults (none estranged), my guess is that if it's got to this point-child support and college help wasn't forthcoming anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[

It’s very easy for a parent to alienate their kids kids from another.

If I suspected parental alienation, I would talk to the child to understand what may be happening and possibly take them to therapy to have a therapist help them cope with a difficult parent or see the sutiation differently. I would not automatically assume parental alienation without evidence. I would also self reflect on my own parenting and how to make changes to improve the relationship. There are lots of parenting resources out there.

As for the financial support, it is almost a given that children do not appreciate it until they are older. We give out of love for our children, not for the expectation of anything in return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[

It’s very easy for a parent to alienate their kids kids from another.

If I suspected parental alienation, I would talk to the child to understand what may be happening and possibly take them to therapy to have a therapist help them cope with a difficult parent or see the sutiation differently. I would not automatically assume parental alienation without evidence. I would also self reflect on my own parenting and how to make changes to improve the relationship. There are lots of parenting resources out there.

As for the financial support, it is almost a given that children do not appreciate it until they are older. We give out of love for our children, not for the expectation of anything in return.

What are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re enjoying this, OP. Hope he still pays for college.

Of course, they are enjoying it. Dad should not pay for college. Mom can figure it out.

OP doesn't sound like they are enjoying it. OP sounds tired of trying to make a grown man understand what it means to be a father of a 17 YO. OP's ex is trying to control her and their daughter instead of doing the things that parents of teens do, which mostly consists of driving your teen places and waiting to pick them up from places. And when they can drive, they are out with their friends or at their activities --- not sitting around the house with their parents.

You don’t know and are speculating. My teens spend time with me, why don’t yours.