Ex says I’m ‘taking’ DD - she’s almost 18 and choosing to stay here.

[Anonymous]

My child is way younger but at one point definitely looked at a calendar, saw when she would turn 18, and said that at least he couldn’t turn prom and graduation into a tantrum.

Sorry, OP. The words you’re quoting are ones my STBX has said to us, too. It’s always taking “my daugher”, “my rights”, “blocking my time”. I’ve fantasized about taking the “I”, “M” and “Y” letters off his keyboard to see if he can still write a sentence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My child is way younger but at one point definitely looked at a calendar, saw when she would turn 18, and said that at least he couldn’t turn prom and graduation into a tantrum.

Sorry, OP. The words you’re quoting are ones my STBX has said to us, too. It’s always taking “my daugher”, “my rights”, “blocking my time”. I’ve fantasized about taking the “I”, “M” and “Y” letters off his keyboard to see if he can still write a sentence.

All those things said are correct. You are encouraging your daughter's behavior and she is doing it to please you. Until college, you stick to the schedule. How would you feel if your ex sabatoged your relationship, stopped visits (you are the parent giving them permission or telling them to) and only used you for money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t get bent out of shape by the people insisting that you need to enforce the custody agreement. They’re probably completely clueless to what custody battles are actually like, or they’re a divorced dad, second wife, etc., etc.

I don’t think my ex knows about this site, otherwise he would be giving you that same lecture about how glorious fathers are.

Meanwhile, his kids can’t stand him and do not spend as much time at his house because his behavior is unpleasant for them. But he tells himself and everyone else that I am “turning the kids against him”.

+100
It’s easier to blame someone else than to blame yourself. The dad here is an idiot. Your job is to support your daughter’s decisions and wishes, OP. The dad sounds selfish. Focus on your daughter and be her advocate.

My daughter still loves her dad, but after all of these years, doesn’t love the way he treats me. He hurts her, and he doesn’t care.

Your relationship with him is separate from your daughters and she is refusing to see him because of your feelings. You need to create distance between you and your ex without using your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s right. You created this and now got what you wanted. Hope you don’t expect him to pay for college. No relationship, no money.

The divorce decree surely says otherwise. Violating a court order — “no money because butt hurt! — will get you penalties.

Most divorce decree's don't include college and if you are refusing visitation and contact or parenting time then YOU are the one violating the court order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often does he see her? How far away does he live from you?
She should be able to see him for dinner, ask him to take her to activities, watch her games etc. without her being “ at his house”

She does see him, and do things with him. She just isn’t staying there. Yes, he’s paying for college, and she just isn’t going there not being she doesn’t want a relationship, but because being there during this time of her senior year is hard. She’s not putting anything above him. I can’t do anything to make her stay over.

Teenagers are difficult. Between school, sports, friends, and a part-time job, we barely see our parents who live with us full-time since they started driving. Maybe her behavior is more typical teen behavior and less about the divorce or favored parent.

If Dad is paying child support, there is no need for the child to be working part-time during the school year. We have teens. They are in multiple activities each multiple days a week and yet, we still spend a lot of time together. Maybe your kids don't want to spend time with you, but you also set it up that way. Either way, there is an agreement in place and OP needs to follow the court order. Stop using things as an excuse.

[Anonymous]

He can take you back to court, but how can a judge compel the daughter to go to dad's house. As long as OP is not withholding or preventing access, she is doing nothing wrong. The daughter is 17. Maybe dad should listen to her.

[Anonymous]

I am having similar issues with my ex. We are only separated, so not even a court order in place yet. I have been accused of all sorts of interesting things, including some syndromes that I needed to Google, but the bottom line is the kids are bigger than I am now and it’s really hard to physically force an older teen to go somewhere that they don’t want to go.

The other parents household is a much more stressful place for them and a longer commute to school, so they are struggling to want to go over there as often as they are commanded to. My ex was the one who moved out and had the choice to stay within walking distance of my house, but chose status over comfort for the children as usual.

It’s a hard situation because I want them to have a good relationship with both parents, but I can’t control the other parent’s behavior and that is complicating things. There are tantrums, there is yelling, there is guilt tripping. Sometimes the kids have to deal with the emotional aftermath when my ex is actually mad at me. It’s tough to navigate and I can’t wait until they are both over 18 and can just make their own choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child is way younger but at one point definitely looked at a calendar, saw when she would turn 18, and said that at least he couldn’t turn prom and graduation into a tantrum.

Sorry, OP. The words you’re quoting are ones my STBX has said to us, too. It’s always taking “my daugher”, “my rights”, “blocking my time”. I’ve fantasized about taking the “I”, “M” and “Y” letters off his keyboard to see if he can still write a sentence.

All those things said are correct. You are encouraging your daughter's behavior and she is doing it to please you. Until college, you stick to the schedule. How would you feel if your ex sabatoged your relationship, stopped visits (you are the parent giving them permission or telling them to) and only used you for money?

Ehh no. The kid is 17, not 5. She isn’t encouraging anything, her child chose to not sleep over there. Why would she be choosing to please OP and not her dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex uncle did this. Played all sorts of games with my aunt, when my cousin went over to his house he'd badmouth her constantly.

Now he's all surprised whe ln my cousins won't have anything to do with him.

Yup, a lot of men like to blame moms. It’s just kids usually love their mothers more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He can take you back to court, but how can a judge compel the daughter to go to dad's house. As long as OP is not withholding or preventing access, she is doing nothing wrong. The daughter is 17. Maybe dad should listen to her.

If she’s telling the daughter it’s her choice and not enforcing the agreement, she is in the wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child is way younger but at one point definitely looked at a calendar, saw when she would turn 18, and said that at least he couldn’t turn prom and graduation into a tantrum.

Sorry, OP. The words you’re quoting are ones my STBX has said to us, too. It’s always taking “my daugher”, “my rights”, “blocking my time”. I’ve fantasized about taking the “I”, “M” and “Y” letters off his keyboard to see if he can still write a sentence.

All those things said are correct. You are encouraging your daughter's behavior and she is doing it to please you. Until college, you stick to the schedule. How would you feel if your ex sabatoged your relationship, stopped visits (you are the parent giving them permission or telling them to) and only used you for money?

Ehh no. The kid is 17, not 5. She isn’t encouraging anything, her child chose to not sleep over there. Why would she be choosing to please OP and not her dad?

You really have no experience with this or twisted things to your benefit. You follow the agreement. How would you feel if your child stopped seeing you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My ex uncle did this. Played all sorts of games with my aunt, when my cousin went over to his house he'd badmouth her constantly.

Now he's all surprised whe ln my cousins won't have anything to do with him.

Yup, a lot of men like to blame moms. It’s just kids usually love their mothers more.

No, kids don’t love moms more. Your nonsense is a huge issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child is way younger but at one point definitely looked at a calendar, saw when she would turn 18, and said that at least he couldn’t turn prom and graduation into a tantrum.

Sorry, OP. The words you’re quoting are ones my STBX has said to us, too. It’s always taking “my daugher”, “my rights”, “blocking my time”. I’ve fantasized about taking the “I”, “M” and “Y” letters off his keyboard to see if he can still write a sentence.

All those things said are correct. You are encouraging your daughter's behavior and she is doing it to please you. Until college, you stick to the schedule. How would you feel if your ex sabatoged your relationship, stopped visits (you are the parent giving them permission or telling them to) and only used you for money?

Ehh no. The kid is 17, not 5. She isn’t encouraging anything, her child chose to not sleep over there. Why would she be choosing to please OP and not her dad?

If she’s grown enough to cut out her dad, she’s grown enough to financially support herself.

[Anonymous]

Who’s paying for college?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who’s paying for college?

He is, why wouldn’t he? She is his child.
My daughter doesn’t want to sleep over at my ex’s house at this point of the year. This has been happening for a couple weeks. I tell her to go every week, but she refuses to go. He could come and get her, but he doesn’t care to. There were periods where my daughter wanted to stay at my ex’s house for weeks, within the last few months, instead of mine, and I never fought him, and respected her decision. He just uses this as a way to attack. She still sees him a lot, calls him, sleepovers occasionally, but not consistently. She’s not cutting him out, by not sleeping there half the time.