Ex says I’m ‘taking’ DD - she’s almost 18 and choosing to stay here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am somewhat surprised that you think he should move on from a relationship with his daughter. I know age 17 seems mature, but it isn't. You need to encourage your daughter to stick to the visitation schedule so he has a chance to develop a relationship with her as she becomes a young adult. No, you can't force her, but you can tell her it's important to you that she do so. Can you guys come to a compromise here? He's not wrong...

NP. It’s not important to OP. What’s important to OP is her daughter’s comfort and recognizing that her daughter is well old enough to have say in this. If the ex had done a better job fostering a relationship with his child, the child would WANT to spend time with him. She doesn’t. So the ex would rather blame OP than take a hard look at himself and his behavior.

No doubt the daughter has witnessed how the ex has behaved over the years toward OP, and that would not endear him to their daughter. Hang in there, OP! If your ex isn’t going to help pay for college, tell him to f—- off now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am somewhat surprised that you think he should move on from a relationship with his daughter. I know age 17 seems mature, but it isn't. You need to encourage your daughter to stick to the visitation schedule so he has a chance to develop a relationship with her as she becomes a young adult. No, you can't force her, but you can tell her it's important to you that she do so. Can you guys come to a compromise here? He's not wrong...

NP. It’s not important to OP. What’s important to OP is her daughter’s comfort and recognizing that her daughter is well old enough to have say in this. If the ex had done a better job fostering a relationship with his child, the child would WANT to spend time with him. She doesn’t. So the ex would rather blame OP than take a hard look at himself and his behavior.

No doubt the daughter has witnessed how the ex has behaved over the years toward OP, and that would not endear him to their daughter. Hang in there, OP! If your ex isn’t going to help pay for college, tell him to f—- off now.

Its impossible to foster a good relationship when the other parent is actively trying to take the child away. Stop blaming dad and look at your own behavior and OP's. Read what she posted. She is setting up the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am somewhat surprised that you think he should move on from a relationship with his daughter. I know age 17 seems mature, but it isn't. You need to encourage your daughter to stick to the visitation schedule so he has a chance to develop a relationship with her as she becomes a young adult. No, you can't force her, but you can tell her it's important to you that she do so. Can you guys come to a compromise here? He's not wrong...

NP. It’s not important to OP. What’s important to OP is her daughter’s comfort and recognizing that her daughter is well old enough to have say in this. If the ex had done a better job fostering a relationship with his child, the child would WANT to spend time with him. She doesn’t. So the ex would rather blame OP than take a hard look at himself and his behavior.

No doubt the daughter has witnessed how the ex has behaved over the years toward OP, and that would not endear him to their daughter. Hang in there, OP! If your ex isn’t going to help pay for college, tell him to f—- off now.

Its impossible to foster a good relationship when the other parent is actively trying to take the child away. Stop blaming dad and look at your own behavior and OP's. Read what she posted. She is setting up the situation.

This kid is 17 and making her own choices.

[Anonymous]

Don’t get bent out of shape by the people insisting that you need to enforce the custody agreement. They’re probably completely clueless to what custody battles are actually like, or they’re a divorced dad, second wife, etc., etc.

I don’t think my ex knows about this site, otherwise he would be giving you that same lecture about how glorious fathers are.

Meanwhile, his kids can’t stand him and do not spend as much time at his house because his behavior is unpleasant for them. But he tells himself and everyone else that I am “turning the kids against him”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am somewhat surprised that you think he should move on from a relationship with his daughter. I know age 17 seems mature, but it isn't. You need to encourage your daughter to stick to the visitation schedule so he has a chance to develop a relationship with her as she becomes a young adult. No, you can't force her, but you can tell her it's important to you that she do so. Can you guys come to a compromise here? He's not wrong...

NP. It’s not important to OP. What’s important to OP is her daughter’s comfort and recognizing that her daughter is well old enough to have say in this. If the ex had done a better job fostering a relationship with his child, the child would WANT to spend time with him. She doesn’t. So the ex would rather blame OP than take a hard look at himself and his behavior.

No doubt the daughter has witnessed how the ex has behaved over the years toward OP, and that would not endear him to their daughter. Hang in there, OP! If your ex isn’t going to help pay for college, tell him to f—- off now.

Its impossible to foster a good relationship when the other parent is actively trying to take the child away. Stop blaming dad and look at your own behavior and OP's. Read what she posted. She is setting up the situation.

This kid is 17 and making her own choices.

No, stop alienating kids from their parents. If she’s grown, stop taking child support, health care and extras as she’s grown and if she can make the decision not to see her dad, she can financially support herself too. This is why kids are so messed up…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often does he see her? How far away does he live from you?
She should be able to see him for dinner, ask him to take her to activities, watch her games etc. without her being “ at his house”

She does see him, and do things with him. She just isn’t staying there. Yes, he’s paying for college, and she just isn’t going there not being she doesn’t want a relationship, but because being there during this time of her senior year is hard. She’s not putting anything above him. I can’t do anything to make her stay over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often does he see her? How far away does he live from you?
She should be able to see him for dinner, ask him to take her to activities, watch her games etc. without her being “ at his house”

She does see him, and do things with him. She just isn’t staying there. Yes, he’s paying for college, and she just isn’t going there not being she doesn’t want a relationship, but because being there during this time of her senior year is hard. She’s not putting anything above him. I can’t do anything to make her stay over.

I’m the poster you responded to. If they’re still spending time together I think that’s fine. She shouldn’t have to stay at his house.

This is why 50/50 doesnt work for kids as they get older. Kids want a “ base” a primary residence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t get bent out of shape by the people insisting that you need to enforce the custody agreement. They’re probably completely clueless to what custody battles are actually like, or they’re a divorced dad, second wife, etc., etc.

I don’t think my ex knows about this site, otherwise he would be giving you that same lecture about how glorious fathers are.

Meanwhile, his kids can’t stand him and do not spend as much time at his house because his behavior is unpleasant for them. But he tells himself and everyone else that I am “turning the kids against him”.

+100
It’s easier to blame someone else than to blame yourself. The dad here is an idiot. Your job is to support your daughter’s decisions and wishes, OP. The dad sounds selfish. Focus on your daughter and be her advocate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t get bent out of shape by the people insisting that you need to enforce the custody agreement. They’re probably completely clueless to what custody battles are actually like, or they’re a divorced dad, second wife, etc., etc.

I don’t think my ex knows about this site, otherwise he would be giving you that same lecture about how glorious fathers are.

Meanwhile, his kids can’t stand him and do not spend as much time at his house because his behavior is unpleasant for them. But he tells himself and everyone else that I am “turning the kids against him”.

+100
It’s easier to blame someone else than to blame yourself. The dad here is an idiot. Your job is to support your daughter’s decisions and wishes, OP. The dad sounds selfish. Focus on your daughter and be her advocate.

My daughter still loves her dad, but after all of these years, doesn’t love the way he treats me. He hurts her, and he doesn’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am somewhat surprised that you think he should move on from a relationship with his daughter. I know age 17 seems mature, but it isn't. You need to encourage your daughter to stick to the visitation schedule so he has a chance to develop a relationship with her as she becomes a young adult. No, you can't force her, but you can tell her it's important to you that she do so. Can you guys come to a compromise here? He's not wrong...

NP. It’s not important to OP. What’s important to OP is her daughter’s comfort and recognizing that her daughter is well old enough to have say in this. If the ex had done a better job fostering a relationship with his child, the child would WANT to spend time with him. She doesn’t. So the ex would rather blame OP than take a hard look at himself and his behavior.

No doubt the daughter has witnessed how the ex has behaved over the years toward OP, and that would not endear him to their daughter. Hang in there, OP! If your ex isn’t going to help pay for college, tell him to f—- off now.

Its impossible to foster a good relationship when the other parent is actively trying to take the child away. Stop blaming dad and look at your own behavior and OP's. Read what she posted. She is setting up the situation.

This kid is 17 and making her own choices.

No, stop alienating kids from their parents. If she’s grown, stop taking child support, health care and extras as she’s grown and if she can make the decision not to see her dad, she can financially support herself too. This is why kids are so messed up…

She has a right to support from her Dad because he made her. That support is not legally or morally conditioned on her performing for him. There is nothing to indicate OP alienated the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am somewhat surprised that you think he should move on from a relationship with his daughter. I know age 17 seems mature, but it isn't. You need to encourage your daughter to stick to the visitation schedule so he has a chance to develop a relationship with her as she becomes a young adult. No, you can't force her, but you can tell her it's important to you that she do so. Can you guys come to a compromise here? He's not wrong...

NP. It’s not important to OP. What’s important to OP is her daughter’s comfort and recognizing that her daughter is well old enough to have say in this. If the ex had done a better job fostering a relationship with his child, the child would WANT to spend time with him. She doesn’t. So the ex would rather blame OP than take a hard look at himself and his behavior.

No doubt the daughter has witnessed how the ex has behaved over the years toward OP, and that would not endear him to their daughter. Hang in there, OP! If your ex isn’t going to help pay for college, tell him to f—- off now.

Its impossible to foster a good relationship when the other parent is actively trying to take the child away. Stop blaming dad and look at your own behavior and OP's. Read what she posted. She is setting up the situation.

This kid is 17 and making her own choices.

No, stop alienating kids from their parents. If she’s grown, stop taking child support, health care and extras as she’s grown and if she can make the decision not to see her dad, she can financially support herself too. This is why kids are so messed up…

He doesn't get out of his obligation just because he hasn't been able to establish a relationship with his daughter. He's had well over 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s right. You created this and now got what you wanted. Hope you don’t expect him to pay for college. No relationship, no money.

The divorce decree surely says otherwise. Violating a court order — “no money because butt hurt! — will get you penalties.

[Anonymous]

It's almost over! One more year, then you can ignore his rants entirely. There's not much you can do other than document in your responses that you are continuing to counsel her to go spend time with her dad, and he's more than welcome to reach out to her directly to talk it out. It's hard to compel an 18-year-old to do much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How often does he see her? How far away does he live from you?
She should be able to see him for dinner, ask him to take her to activities, watch her games etc. without her being “ at his house”

She does see him, and do things with him. She just isn’t staying there. Yes, he’s paying for college, and she just isn’t going there not being she doesn’t want a relationship, but because being there during this time of her senior year is hard. She’s not putting anything above him. I can’t do anything to make her stay over.

Teenagers are difficult. Between school, sports, friends, and a part-time job, we barely see our parents who live with us full-time since they started driving. Maybe her behavior is more typical teen behavior and less about the divorce or favored parent.

[Anonymous]

My ex uncle did this. Played all sorts of games with my aunt, when my cousin went over to his house he'd badmouth her constantly.

Now he's all surprised whe ln my cousins won't have anything to do with him.