You shouldn't have married daddy

[Anonymous]

That's what my dd (4) said to me after dh stormed off at dinner tonight. Sigh. My marriage is toxic. I feel terrible for exposing my kids to this disaster. So much for sticking it out for the kids. I'm in such despair that my own little innocent girl has been exposed to our distructive relationship. I need to reevaluate. I feel like crap.

[Anonymous]

Kids are some of the most unbiased and best observers on the planet.

so why did you marry him?

[Anonymous]

I'm heartbroken. After she said that, I tried to hide my shock and said "I love you so much" to which she replied "do you love daddy?" She gets it. She gets this shit show of a marriage. I want to crawl under a rock. Actually, I want to end this horrible marriage and show her what it's like when two people love and respect each other. I'd even rather show her what independence and dignity looks like rather than what we are exposing her to.

[Anonymous]

Wow. This brings so many memories for me of seeing my mom be emotionally abused by my dad. You need to get out now, before your little girl can be anymore scarred by this.

[Incognita]

Has DH caught wind of DD's awareness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm heartbroken. After she said that, I tried to hide my shock and said "I love you so much" to which she replied "do you love daddy?" She gets it. She gets this shit show of a marriage. I want to crawl under a rock. Actually, I want to end this horrible marriage and show her what it's like when two people love and respect each other. I'd even rather show her what independence and dignity looks like rather than what we are exposing her to.

Don't just say it, do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This brings so many memories for me of seeing my mom be emotionally abused by my dad. You need to get out now, before your little girl can be anymore scarred by this.

+1. I totally got it when my parents divorced, and it was like a huge weight had been lifted. It took a while for us to recover but living 'independently' with my mom was an empowering way to grow up. She eventually remarried and modeled a much healthier relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm heartbroken. After she said that, I tried to hide my shock and said "I love you so much" to which she replied "do you love daddy?" She gets it. She gets this shit show of a marriage. I want to crawl under a rock. Actually, I want to end this horrible marriage and show her what it's like when two people love and respect each other. I'd even rather show her what independence and dignity looks like rather than what we are exposing her to.

Don't just say it, do it.

x2

[Anonymous]

I am sure you have a bad marriage and your kid is picking up the vibe. Still, I want to caution you to take what kids say with a pinch of salt.

I have a great marriage and my DH is a great dad. Yet, each time he limits the TV time for my son, my son rushes to me and tells me, "You should have asked him if he would allow children to watch tv before you married him."

So, sometimes kids react to small things. They have no concept of the complexity of adult relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids are some of the most unbiased and best observers on the planet.

so why did you marry him?

Not always and people change, PP. What a stupid question. What's done is done. OP needs to figure out what to do from now. Can't turn back the clock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sure you have a bad marriage and your kid is picking up the vibe. Still, I want to caution you to take what kids say with a pinch of salt.

I have a great marriage and my DH is a great dad. Yet, each time he limits the TV time for my son, my son rushes to me and tells me, "You should have asked him if he would allow children to watch tv before you married him."

So, sometimes kids react to small things. They have no concept of the complexity of adult relationships.

+1

Best wishes, OP.

[Anonymous]

Update. I told dh what dd said. (Hope he doesn't peruse dcum). I told him I might be the worst wife ever, but he becomes a bad father the moment he berates me for my "failings" and storms off in front of our children. He feels terrible, but i don't believe anything will change. We've had these talks before after fighting in front of the kids. It's futile.

Oh, and my "failing" tonight, if it matters: when he left with younger dd (1) to change her and told me to order for him, I ordered for everyone including 2 kids and forgot to order him a coke and to ask for bread. Something has got to change. I just don't think my dh is capable of change. I would do anything. I would become someone else entirely and sacrifice myself if it would actually change the way dh treated me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update. I told dh what dd said. (Hope he doesn't peruse dcum). I told him I might be the worst wife ever, but he becomes a bad father the moment he berates me for my "failings" and storms off in front of our children. He feels terrible, but i don't believe anything will change. We've had these talks before after fighting in front of the kids. It's futile.

Oh, and my "failing" tonight, if it matters: when he left with younger dd (1) to change her and told me to order for him, I ordered for everyone including 2 kids and forgot to order him a coke and to ask for bread. Something has got to change. I just don't think my dh is capable of change. I would do anything. I would become someone else entirely and sacrifice myself if it would actually change the way dh treated me.

Nope, not worth it, don't give yourself up that way. Plus you already know it wouldn't make a difference!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Update. I told dh what dd said. (Hope he doesn't peruse dcum). I told him I might be the worst wife ever, but he becomes a bad father the moment he berates me for my "failings" and storms off in front of our children. He feels terrible, but i don't believe anything will change. We've had these talks before after fighting in front of the kids. It's futile.

Oh, and my "failing" tonight, if it matters: when he left with younger dd (1) to change her and told me to order for him, I ordered for everyone including 2 kids and forgot to order him a coke and to ask for bread. Something has got to change. I just don't think my dh is capable of change. I would do anything. I would become someone else entirely and sacrifice myself if it would actually change the way dh treated me.

Um, op, this sounds like an abusive relationship. The best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to free yourself and them from living in a tense household of pain and anger. I know because that's how I grew up and I and all of my sibling have serious intimacy issues. The oldest of us is 29 and never had a bf, never kissed a guy. And she is really gorgeous and socially savvy. The fear of intimacy and relationships, not to mention depression and emotional issues, can have permanent effects on your children. You need to free your children from this before it becomes any worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This brings so many memories for me of seeing my mom be emotionally abused by my dad. You need to get out now, before your little girl can be anymore scarred by this.

+1. I totally got it when my parents divorced, and it was like a huge weight had been lifted. It took a while for us to recover but living 'independently' with my mom was an empowering way to grow up. She eventually remarried and modeled a much healthier relationship.

This is OP. Do you mind sharing how old you were when your parents divorced? Or how young these memories go back?