10 yo doesn't eat when at dad's - what should I do, if anything?
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Anonymous
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Son visits his dad once a week - I bring him over around noon, dad brings him back around 7-8 pm. I feed him lunch before we go so he eats around 11-11:30, and then he doesn't eat dinner at dad's. Dad usually offers to get takeout, but I think he would be open to cooking (he used to, when he lived elsewhere and there was a grocery store close by), or ordering in. I am not sure what the dynamics of this is. Dad says he asks son if he is hungry, kid says no, and so they don't eat. I think our son just doesn't want to interrupt his videogames or maybe he is feeling a bit shy around dad or is too lazy to walk?
Anyway, this just bothers me, mostly because I end up being responsible for dinner on my only child-free night. But also I am worried that the kid goes hungry. I started giving him a bento box of fruit/veggie and nut snacks, in hopes he becomes hungry and eats healthy food and then has dinner at home, but he doesn't eat much of that either, and I end up feeding my ex, which is ok but not my goal. I just want to break this weird dynamic and looking for ideas. I tried to reason with dad saying I don't want to be responsible for dinner but he acts obtuse and says he offers but kid doesn't want to eat. I tried to reason with our son, saying he should just say yes when dad asks when he is hungry - kid promises to do so but never does. Honestly my ex does so little in the way of childcare that one dinner a week doesn't sound too much, and he can't even do that, and it annoys me to no end. Also sometimes the kid is there overnight, I was planning to increase the number of overnights, and now this? Thank you for any insights and ideas. |
Anonymous
| I’d say don’t send food & Just leave it alone, letting your son put together something to eat when he gets home if he likes. He’s 10 years old and that’s only 8-9 hours without food. I can’t imagine why that’s a concern. Drop the rope if you can. This isn’t dangerous. |
Anonymous
| You need to talk to your ex and say Larlo needs to eat at 7 PM. Dad isn't really a Dad and just a favorite uncle and this is an issue when he's only a visitor in Dad's home vs. a parent. Maybe you should "allow" Dad to be a real parent. It sounds like you are restricting time with Dad and then acting upset that Dad isn't a Dad. That's on you. Dad doesn't do "child care" because you restrict his access. Its one night a week. Dad offers, your kid is a brat and prefers video games, says no and knows you will feed him later. So, other option is to say eat at Dad's or no dinner when you get home. |
Anonymous
| Tell him that he has to eat dinner at Dad’s. There will be no dinner at home other than oatmeal. Do this every time. He will change his ways very soon. He may just like that you eat as a family on these days (you say ex joins you?). |
Anonymous
| He can either say he's hungry at dads and they can get a pizza delivered or he can make himself something when he comes home. |
Anonymous
I agree with this. |
Anonymous
| I think your ex should put dinner on the table, in response to your expressions of how this isn’t working well for you, and if kid doesn’t eat it, so be it. But since you can’t control your ex or your child on this issue, you have to control yourself. You have to not care he’s not getting a perfect dinner, finish your dinner before he gets home, and sit at the table and chat with him while he gets his own food after he gets home if he wants to eat. No anger, be pleasant and engaged, but he does it. Teach him how to make an egg or heat up a frozen dinner. |
Anonymous
| 7-8 is a reasonable dinner time. Your ex is never going to fix this unless Ex keeps your son until later in the evening, like 9-10. If you want son back sooner, expect to feed him.if you want that to be easy sandwich night, that’s fine too. If you want a child free free night you’re going to have to change the schedule. |
Anonymous
| That sounds like something my ex would do. Tell him he needs to make dinner and if the kid doesn't eat it, oh well. My son can go a long time without eating so I don't worry about it too much but your ex needs to make dinner. |
Anonymous
| Discuss with your ex that he is responsible for feeding son dinner on his night. If son is not hungry when dad asks, dad can send son home with food that he can eat at your house. |
Anonymous
Yeah...I don't think this works after divorce, LOL. |
Anonymous
No, that's not what OP said. OP said that when she sends food with her kid for him to eat at his father's house, the kid doesn't eat much of it and she ends up feeding her ex. She probably means the ex eats the food she sent instead of the kid because kid chooses not to eat it. |
Anonymous
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Seriously! So typically male! of course, the kids say, no thanks!
Almost all kids will say that, in an awkward situation. Dad should be saying here is pizza! |
Anonymous
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My DH, who is a grat DH and a great dad, for most things, would wake up with the kids when they were younger, ask them if they wanted to eat. They would say no, he would eat and not get breakfast ready!
I mean they were 4, 5, 6... he is one of those not really hungry people, so that was nothing to him. Honestly, thanks for sleeping in time, darling! Then I would have two hungry and cranky kids on my hands! |
Anonymous
| Shy kid, right? Maybe still a bit awkward with the dynamic and trying to keep things peaceful? |