10 yo doesn't eat when at dad's - what should I do, if anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him that he has to eat dinner at Dad’s. There will be no dinner at home other than oatmeal. Do this every time. He will change his ways very soon. He may just like that you eat as a family on these days (you say ex joins you?).

No oatmeal. He eats at dad's, no negotiation.

[Anonymous]

Your ex sounds annoying. He should just fix dinner like a normal adult and put it on the table. By putting it on your son, I’m sure your son is just trying to be “easy” and not create work. And that’s really weird that your kid doesn’t spend the night more with his dad. I would tell your ex that you are switching to an overnight visit vs the 8pm late dinner/ pick up. Once they get into a dinner routine, this will work itself out. Or tell your ex your son is nervous and doesn’t like being asked if he is hungry. Maybe you and your ex can sort dinner and telll you son what the plan is when you drop him off.

[Anonymous]

I had to lay down the law with my ex. My kid did the same thing. I said “dinner is your responsibility. He will be fed before he comes home. He’s (ten, mine was eight), you give him food. You figure out what he eats”.

[Anonymous]

Why is dad only seeing him a few hours a week? Maybe the kid feels uneasy or awkward around him if he only sees him that infrequently. We saw my dad every other weekend and I was a bit afraid of him because he was an alcoholic and didn't want him to yell at me.

[Anonymous]

Isn’t ex eating during the time at least one meal? Stop packing your child snacks to take and if he comes home hungry he can have a bowl of cereal or peanut butter sandwich.

You really can’t do anything else to make him eat there or make your ex give him a specific food/meal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your ex sounds annoying. He should just fix dinner like a normal adult and put it on the table. By putting it on your son, I’m sure your son is just trying to be “easy” and not create work. And that’s really weird that your kid doesn’t spend the night more with his dad. I would tell your ex that you are switching to an overnight visit vs the 8pm late dinner/ pick up. Once they get into a dinner routine, this will work itself out. Or tell your ex your son is nervous and doesn’t like being asked if he is hungry. Maybe you and your ex can sort dinner and telll you son what the plan is when you drop him off.

OP sounds very controlling. He's basically going over to a friend's house, not Dad's so Dad isn't setting up any rules as he's had his parental rights taken away. It sounds like Dad offers/makes/buys food and kid will not eat. There is clearly more to the story.

[Anonymous]

Dinner needs to be around the same time every day unless there's something special going on. If he's inclined, the dad can ask the kid what he wants for dinner. The dad can get or make the request or pick something else to eat. Either way, there has to be a dinner. Even if the kid says he's not hungry or had no preference, put food on the table and have the kid and parent sit together, talk, and eat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is dad only seeing him a few hours a week? Maybe the kid feels uneasy or awkward around him if he only sees him that infrequently. We saw my dad every other weekend and I was a bit afraid of him because he was an alcoholic and didn't want him to yell at me.

Its not the kids home. He's a visitor. OP isn't identifying any concerns. At that point, just stop any contact. What's the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is dad only seeing him a few hours a week? Maybe the kid feels uneasy or awkward around him if he only sees him that infrequently. We saw my dad every other weekend and I was a bit afraid of him because he was an alcoholic and didn't want him to yell at me.

I thought this was a normal custody arrangement for a younger kid still in school??

[Anonymous]

I would not give my kid dinner that late. Either way with Dad or wait til breakfast. If kid likes you guys eating together maybe you could do a dessert together, assuming he has had dinner. Offer that as a compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is dad only seeing him a few hours a week? Maybe the kid feels uneasy or awkward around him if he only sees him that infrequently. We saw my dad every other weekend and I was a bit afraid of him because he was an alcoholic and didn't want him to yell at me.

I thought this was a normal custody arrangement for a younger kid still in school??

I think what’s generally seen as normal is every other weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to talk to your ex and say Larlo needs to eat at 7 PM. Dad isn't really a Dad and just a favorite uncle and this is an issue when he's only a visitor in Dad's home vs. a parent. Maybe you should "allow" Dad to be a real parent. It sounds like you are restricting time with Dad and then acting upset that Dad isn't a Dad. That's on you. Dad doesn't do "child care" because you restrict his access. Its one night a week. Dad offers, your kid is a brat and prefers video games, says no and knows you will feed him later. So, other option is to say eat at Dad's or no dinner when you get home.

I don't restrict anything, there is no set custody and child is free to be at Dad's whenever they both want it. Dad doesn't want to have him overnight because he "only has one bed and would have to sleep on the couch". It's a different story of how dad doesn't care to parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him that he has to eat dinner at Dad’s. There will be no dinner at home other than oatmeal. Do this every time. He will change his ways very soon. He may just like that you eat as a family on these days (you say ex joins you?).

No ex doesn't join.
Otherwise, This is a good idea! Eggs are fine, too. Something easy and not too appealing, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your ex should put dinner on the table, in response to your expressions of how this isn’t working well for you, and if kid doesn’t eat it, so be it. But since you can’t control your ex or your child on this issue, you have to control yourself. You have to not care he’s not getting a perfect dinner, finish your dinner before he gets home, and sit at the table and chat with him while he gets his own food after he gets home if he wants to eat. No anger, be pleasant and engaged, but he does it. Teach him how to make an egg or heat up a frozen dinner.

oh he is capable of making basic stuff. yes this is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seriously! So typically male! of course, the kids say, no thanks!
Almost all kids will say that, in an awkward situation. Dad should be saying here is pizza!

OP here: exactly! and, it doesn't have to be pizza! My kid is not a particularly picky eater, he just customizes his orders when we are out, so maybe there are some issues around that?
it was fine when ex lived next to a grocery store: he would get the same stuff and cook the same dinners. It was fine when ex would visit at our house: they had a number of restaurants in the vicinity they both knew and visited. Somehow it does not work at ex's new place! there are restaurants near him, too. Ugh!

Unfortunately no amount of talking to ex is going to fix it. He insists it's all good and the kid is lazy/spoiled/weird, you name it.
It used to be even worse, he would try to bring him over earlier because the kid wouldn't eat.