Stop asking teens about college plans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. So many ways to talk to a teen without grilling them about their college apps. Some folks on DCUM could stand to work on social skills.

True, there are many other ways to talk to a teen. And I personally never ask about college plans. But I can't stop other people from asking. Like it or not, they will. So OP's kid needs to figure out an answer because the question is inevitable.

NP. True, and she should learn to enforce boundaries.

“I don’t talk about it.”

This is one tactic, but that is the most socially awkward way of handling the situation. You could easily deflect the question, or even say nearly the same thing in a more neutral way, then the kid can shift to either something the kid wants to talk about (clubs? movies? Sports?), or ask the questioner about their college experience o kids if they want. If an adult keeps bringing up the subject and not taking social cues, a more curt 'I don't talk about it" might be warranted. But you don't need to jump straight to "enforcing boundaries" when people are just trying (albeit poorly) to make conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. So many ways to talk to a teen without grilling them about their college apps. Some folks on DCUM could stand to work on social skills.

True, there are many other ways to talk to a teen. And I personally never ask about college plans. But I can't stop other people from asking. Like it or not, they will. So OP's kid needs to figure out an answer because the question is inevitable.

NP. True, and she should learn to enforce boundaries.

“I don’t talk about it.”

What an incredibly rude resonse. What boundary? Polite conversation? Not doing your kids any favors if you teach them to behave like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. So many ways to talk to a teen without grilling them about their college apps. Some folks on DCUM could stand to work on social skills.

True, there are many other ways to talk to a teen. And I personally never ask about college plans. But I can't stop other people from asking. Like it or not, they will. So OP's kid needs to figure out an answer because the question is inevitable.

NP. True, and she should learn to enforce boundaries.

“I don’t talk about it.”

This is one tactic, but that is the most socially awkward way of handling the situation. You could easily deflect the question, or even say nearly the same thing in a more neutral way, then the kid can shift to either something the kid wants to talk about (clubs? movies? Sports?), or ask the questioner about their college experience o kids if they want. If an adult keeps bringing up the subject and not taking social cues, a more curt 'I don't talk about it" might be warranted. But you don't need to jump straight to "enforcing boundaries" when people are just trying (albeit poorly) to make conversation.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. So many ways to talk to a teen without grilling them about their college apps. Some folks on DCUM could stand to work on social skills.

True, there are many other ways to talk to a teen. And I personally never ask about college plans. But I can't stop other people from asking. Like it or not, they will. So OP's kid needs to figure out an answer because the question is inevitable.

PP you responded to. I totally agree. My fav suggestion on this thread is turning the conversation back to the asker's college choices and experience.

[Anonymous]

Stop with the conversation police. People can damn well ask what they please, if your kid doesn't want to talk about it there are many socially accepted conventions for *redirecting the conversation.*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. So many ways to talk to a teen without grilling them about their college apps. Some folks on DCUM could stand to work on social skills.

True, there are many other ways to talk to a teen. And I personally never ask about college plans. But I can't stop other people from asking. Like it or not, they will. So OP's kid needs to figure out an answer because the question is inevitable.

NP. True, and she should learn to enforce boundaries.

“I don’t talk about it.”

Way to raise a socially awkward and off-putting kid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. So many ways to talk to a teen without grilling them about their college apps. Some folks on DCUM could stand to work on social skills.

True, there are many other ways to talk to a teen. And I personally never ask about college plans. But I can't stop other people from asking. Like it or not, they will. So OP's kid needs to figure out an answer because the question is inevitable.

NP. True, and she should learn to enforce boundaries.

“I don’t talk about it.”

Way to raise a socially awkward and off-putting kid!

+ 1

I would laugh in someone's face if they tried this.

Being a member of society means learning how to make polite small talk. No one actually cares where you're going to college. It's just something to say. Idle interest. Same as "how's your day going?" It's not like we actually want to hear a truthful answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. So many ways to talk to a teen without grilling them about their college apps. Some folks on DCUM could stand to work on social skills.

True, there are many other ways to talk to a teen. And I personally never ask about college plans. But I can't stop other people from asking. Like it or not, they will. So OP's kid needs to figure out an answer because the question is inevitable.

NP. True, and she should learn to enforce boundaries.

“I don’t talk about it.”

Way to raise a socially awkward and off-putting kid!

+1

You don't do your kid any favors by teaching them to treat everything like it's about "boundaries." Learning how to politely redirect a conversation is a useful social skill. Needlessly offending people who are just trying to make conversation by asking you about something they believe likely to be of interest to you is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. So many ways to talk to a teen without grilling them about their college apps. Some folks on DCUM could stand to work on social skills.

True, there are many other ways to talk to a teen. And I personally never ask about college plans. But I can't stop other people from asking. Like it or not, they will. So OP's kid needs to figure out an answer because the question is inevitable.

NP. True, and she should learn to enforce boundaries.

“I don’t talk about it.”

Way to raise a socially awkward and off-putting kid!

+ 1

I would laugh in someone's face if they tried this.

Being a member of society means learning how to make polite small talk. No one actually cares where you're going to college. It's just something to say. Idle interest. Same as "how's your day going?" It's not like we actually want to hear a truthful answer.

+1. OP should stop taking herself and her kid so seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. So many ways to talk to a teen without grilling them about their college apps. Some folks on DCUM could stand to work on social skills.

True, there are many other ways to talk to a teen. And I personally never ask about college plans. But I can't stop other people from asking. Like it or not, they will. So OP's kid needs to figure out an answer because the question is inevitable.

NP. True, and she should learn to enforce boundaries.

“I don’t talk about it.”

Way to raise a socially awkward and off-putting kid!

+ 1

I would laugh in someone's face if they tried this.

Being a member of society means learning how to make polite small talk. No one actually cares where you're going to college. It's just something to say. Idle interest. Same as "how's your day going?" It's not like we actually want to hear a truthful answer.

I agree. It's like people asking pregnant women if they know the gender or the name yet and how some on here try to make a federal case out of it. No one asks because they care beyond idle interest. It's a 50/50 coin flip either way. It's just a way to pass the time by making conversation that they assume you're interested in (considering, it's, you know your baby or your college experience).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. So many ways to talk to a teen without grilling them about their college apps. Some folks on DCUM could stand to work on social skills.

True, there are many other ways to talk to a teen. And I personally never ask about college plans. But I can't stop other people from asking. Like it or not, they will. So OP's kid needs to figure out an answer because the question is inevitable.

NP. True, and she should learn to enforce boundaries.

“I don’t talk about it.”

What an incredibly rude resonse. What boundary? Polite conversation? Not doing your kids any favors if you teach them to behave like this.

The question is incredibly rude too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. So many ways to talk to a teen without grilling them about their college apps. Some folks on DCUM could stand to work on social skills.

True, there are many other ways to talk to a teen. And I personally never ask about college plans. But I can't stop other people from asking. Like it or not, they will. So OP's kid needs to figure out an answer because the question is inevitable.

NP. True, and she should learn to enforce boundaries.

“I don’t talk about it.”

What an incredibly rude resonse. What boundary? Polite conversation? Not doing your kids any favors if you teach them to behave like this.

The question is incredibly rude too.

It’s not.
It’s well intentioned people asking your child their plans. It’s only rude to a small minority who are overly sensitive.

[Anonymous]

College freshman here. Please stop asking us where we're going and what we're studying. I get that some people like family members and neighbors are curious but it can get really annoying. Also it's embarrassing to say it especially when you have family members and cousins who went to/are at Ivy League/big competitive state schools and you're at a community college. It makes that person feel so bad and feel like he or she is dumb and not meeting family expectations for college.

[Anonymous]

I think all the PPs who say these adults are makong small talk and don’t care are off base in this area. Many parents here are obsessed with college admissions and are constantly trying to gather information, especially from those kids they perceive to be good students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a senior and every adult she encounters asks her where she wants to go to college, how her applications are going or what her SAT score is. Please give these kids a break. They have enough on their plate. They don’t need to be asked about college at every casual encounter.

And, could people with more social savvy than I have share a good response she can use to deflect these questions?

Answers we give

“Only in state schools for us.” said with a smile

Sat score if I am asked as the parent “uhh oh my goodness I just totally blanked! oh well I will remember it eventually!”
when my child is asked, by someone she doesn’t know well, she says she doesn’t like to talk about it