Stop asking teens about college plans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never ask someone their SAT scores! But no, I don’t agree that the topic of plans for college are off limits or inappropriate.

Agree. And this “it is too stressful to ask teens about their college plans” thing is among this gen of snowflakes - I am sure plenty of adults asked me when I was a senior and I managed to answer without being psychologically impaired. As a pp said, let them feel a little uncomfortable without feeling the need to deflect the kid from what are simply interested questions from adults who probably don’t know much else to ask teens.

The process is just so much more all-encompassing than when we applied to school. They never escape it. Everywhere they turn people are asking about college and they're already stressed about it. The kids will manage but if you can have a conversation about another facet of their lives, they'd LOVE it.

+1. The process now is nothing like when we applied to college. The PP who thinks her experience as a college senior is remotely relevant to today’s experience either has young children or is just particularly oblivious to reality.

Actually I have a second year college student and a Hs junior. They handle(d) the questioning without my involvement or micromanaging of the adults in their lives - and the junior gets questioned by his grandparents on this topic weekly on our family zoom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, 19:45, for getting it! This is OP. My child is not anxious about it but it’s amazing how people in this are fixated on college. And, to the pp who suspected she had a low score — nope, she has a 1590 and is a great student but not into the rat race. She has a lot of interests and has liked to talk to adults before but is noticing that is all they want to talk about now. Just something that people can be aware about when they talk to 11th and 12th graders. Or not, as most of these responses demonstrate.

Of course she has a 1590

[Anonymous]

I coach a high school sport and prefer to ask, “Do you know what your plans are for next year?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, 19:45, for getting it! This is OP. My child is not anxious about it but it’s amazing how people in this are fixated on college. And, to the pp who suspected she had a low score — nope, she has a 1590 and is a great student but not into the rat race. She has a lot of interests and has liked to talk to adults before but is noticing that is all they want to talk about now. Just something that people can be aware about when they talk to 11th and 12th graders. Or not, as most of these responses demonstrate.

Of course she has a 1590

I know, right? OP acts like it is really difficult to weather the barage of questions, and then we find out her kid has reason to be proud and has many excellent options. Of course people want to share in this exciting time.

Op is a dolt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids at that age need to realize that attending college is the expectation. If they plan to deviate they better have a good back plan, and be able to articulate it to adults convincingly. You are lucky you have savvy acquaintances. You can’t shelter her forever.

Let me fix that for you: Kids at that age need to realize that it is expected that they have a plan for after high school graduation.

There are lots of paths for young adults to take after high school graduation, not all of them involve a 4 year university. I have switched what I ask seniors to be more along the lines of "What are your plans for next year?" That leaves the door open for them to be proud of their path forward. The responses I have gotten range from: going to college to study XX, joining the XX branch of the military, attending a trade school, working for a year to ear enough money to pay for college and taking a year to intern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, 19:45, for getting it! This is OP. My child is not anxious about it but it’s amazing how people in this are fixated on college. And, to the pp who suspected she had a low score — nope, she has a 1590 and is a great student but not into the rat race. She has a lot of interests and has liked to talk to adults before but is noticing that is all they want to talk about now. Just something that people can be aware about when they talk to 11th and 12th graders. Or not, as most of these responses demonstrate.

A 1590. So lots of knowledge but no social acuity. Probably want to work on that. Will affect her more than losing 200 points on the SAT.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the more ridiculous posts I’ve seen in quite some time. Parents, you need to equip your children to go out and live in the world. You can’t shelter them forever and you certainly can’t dictate how others speak or act. They need to learn that the only thing then can control is their own reactions.

SMH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, 19:45, for getting it! This is OP. My child is not anxious about it but it’s amazing how people in this are fixated on college. And, to the pp who suspected she had a low score — nope, she has a 1590 and is a great student but not into the rat race. She has a lot of interests and has liked to talk to adults before but is noticing that is all they want to talk about now. Just something that people can be aware about when they talk to 11th and 12th graders. Or not, as most of these responses demonstrate.

Yet another humble brag disguised as an "I have an issue" post.

Congrats to your child OP! People ask b/c they must know she is bright and want to hear her plans. Perhaps more interesting than whatever you usually talk about.

[Anonymous]

OP, these responses are typical for what happens when you shine a light on a norm and question it.

We should question norms! Because without questioning them, all kinds of stuff gets normalized that should not. HIndsight is always 20/20.

For one thing, its clearly classist to assume someone is going to college. GASP- some people don't. And that number is growing for all kinds of reasons.

Interacting with people based on assumptions that may not have any intrinsic value to them means we are missing out on knowing something about them.


I agree people do have ways they make conversation.

I think people get a little reflexive and uncreative in making conversation, and this gets tiresome.

Finally: people aren't often deeply interested in other people's realities.

OP you could also have your daughter ask them why they are asking!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, 19:45, for getting it! This is OP. My child is not anxious about it but it’s amazing how people in this are fixated on college. And, to the pp who suspected she had a low score — nope, she has a 1590 and is a great student but not into the rat race. She has a lot of interests and has liked to talk to adults before but is noticing that is all they want to talk about now. Just something that people can be aware about when they talk to 11th and 12th graders. Or not, as most of these responses demonstrate.

Of course she has a 1590

lol. Of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, 19:45, for getting it! This is OP. My child is not anxious about it but it’s amazing how people in this are fixated on college. And, to the pp who suspected she had a low score — nope, she has a 1590 and is a great student but not into the rat race. She has a lot of interests and has liked to talk to adults before but is noticing that is all they want to talk about now. Just something that people can be aware about when they talk to 11th and 12th graders. Or not, as most of these responses demonstrate.

Of course she has a 1590

lol. Of course.

Her mommy probably took the SAT for her too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a senior and every adult she encounters asks her where she wants to go to college, how her applications are going or what her SAT score is. Please give these kids a break. They have enough on their plate. They don’t need to be asked about college at every casual encounter.

And, could people with more social savvy than I have share a good response she can use to deflect these questions?

I have an idea. Do what my son did. He told them where he wanted to go to college, that he wouldn't know or have to commit until spring, and that where he went depended on where he gets in and on what he thinks he will major in and he's still undecided as of right now. That seemed to work. And if her SATs scores aren't very good, which is what I'm perceiving here, she can say "I didn't do as well as I had hoped on the SATs the first time and plan on repeating them in February even though most schools are test optional at this point."

It’s fine that your son did that, but not everyone wants to share all that.

I think these responses are so off. You really can’t imagine how annoying it is to be asked over and over again about something that may be causing you extreme anxiety? Really?

snowflake

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, these responses are typical for what happens when you shine a light on a norm and question it.

We should question norms! Because without questioning them, all kinds of stuff gets normalized that should not. HIndsight is always 20/20.

For one thing, its clearly classist to assume someone is going to college. GASP- some people don't. And that number is growing for all kinds of reasons.

Interacting with people based on assumptions that may not have any intrinsic value to them means we are missing out on knowing something about them.


I agree people do have ways they make conversation.

I think people get a little reflexive and uncreative in making conversation, and this gets tiresome.

Finally: people aren't often deeply interested in other people's realities.

OP you could also have your daughter ask them why they are asking!

Question the norm and then go back to the good norms of polite society. Teach your teenagers that people are expressing interest in them and that’s actually a good thing.

And what’s truly tiresome is the pussy-footing around some parents and teens. Jesus, it’s simple to answer the question. Don’t teach your kid to be such a drama queen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, 19:45, for getting it! This is OP. My child is not anxious about it but it’s amazing how people in this are fixated on college. And, to the pp who suspected she had a low score — nope, she has a 1590 and is a great student but not into the rat race. She has a lot of interests and has liked to talk to adults before but is noticing that is all they want to talk about now. Just something that people can be aware about when they talk to 11th and 12th graders. Or not, as most of these responses demonstrate.

Of course she has a 1590

lol. Of course.

Her mommy probably took the SAT for her too.

Wow, such immature posters. There are a lot of insecure and anxious responders on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I don’t give a flying f if my 17 yr old find questions about college “tiresome”! He’s been raised to be friendly and polite and he answers the questions honestly and briefly. He’s also a recruited athlete which is even more pressure. He just tells people where he hopes to go and knows it’s a reach but mentions a couple other schools where he knows he’ll be happy. People are very kind in their responses and encourage him.

I’ve never raised my kids to be social basket cases. I credit a lot of their comfort in social situations with sports and limited phone use. My kids can converse.