Stop asking teens about college plans

[Anonymous]

Really? These are 17 and 18 year olds. If they can’t discuss their future plans with adults without their mommy being involved, they don’t have any business even applying to college or joining the military.

[Anonymous]

Yes, be sure to teach your kid that they and they alone can dictate the flow of conversation. What a great life skill. Have them leap from group to group at parties, wailing “Stop talllkinnnnggg abouuuuutttt thatttttt, you’re not being sennnsitivveeeee!” Everyone will love being around them.

[Anonymous]

Good grief, people are just making small talk! No need to take it so seriously. My kids are little, I have no idea what to talk to teenagers about these days, so if I run into a HS neighbor I’ll ask about plans for next year/after HS. No matter the answer, I’ll pretend to be excited about it. Applying to colleges on the west coast? Awesome! What a fun adventure! Community college nearby? Awesome! So great to be near family. Not sure yet? Way to keep an open mind! Plenty of time to figure it out! Thinking about the military? Amazing! What a great thing to do!

Now is a good time to teach your kid that people will always ask questions to make small talk. What is your college major? What kind of jobs are you applying for? Do you want to have kids? Is it a boy or girl? The majority of people are just trying to be polite and show interest and do not care at all what the answer is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never ask someone their SAT scores! But no, I don’t agree that the topic of plans for college are off limits or inappropriate.

Same on all counts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really? These are 17 and 18 year olds. If they can’t discuss their future plans with adults without their mommy being involved, they don’t have any business even applying to college or joining the military.

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I agree! However doing stuff like asking scores is nuts.

[Anonymous]

If your teenager can’t handle small talk with neighborhood parents, they can’t handle:

-A job interview
-Dating
-Roommate interactions
-Landlord interactions
-Talking with professors, advisors, TAs, RAs
-Alumni interview/admissions interview
-Feedback from boss/internship supervisor
-Interacting with law enforcement and other public authority figures
-Doctors, nurses, medical staff
-Life

Part of your job as a parent is to help your son or daughter navigate things that might challenge them or make them annoyed or uncomfortable, like small talk…

And here you are screeching at other adults and trying to police the world…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a senior and every adult she encounters asks her where she wants to go to college, how her applications are going or what her SAT score is. Please give these kids a break. They have enough on their plate. They don’t need to be asked about college at every casual encounter.

And, could people with more social savvy than I have share a good response she can use to deflect these questions?

I have an idea. Do what my son did. He told them where he wanted to go to college, that he wouldn't know or have to commit until spring, and that where he went depended on where he gets in and on what he thinks he will major in and he's still undecided as of right now. That seemed to work. And if her SATs scores aren't very good, which is what I'm perceiving here, she can say "I didn't do as well as I had hoped on the SATs the first time and plan on repeating them in February even though most schools are test optional at this point."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a senior and every adult she encounters asks her where she wants to go to college, how her applications are going or what her SAT score is. Please give these kids a break. They have enough on their plate. They don’t need to be asked about college at every casual encounter.

And, could people with more social savvy than I have share a good response she can use to deflect these questions?

I have an idea. Do what my son did. He told them where he wanted to go to college, that he wouldn't know or have to commit until spring, and that where he went depended on where he gets in and on what he thinks he will major in and he's still undecided as of right now. That seemed to work. And if her SATs scores aren't very good, which is what I'm perceiving here, she can say "I didn't do as well as I had hoped on the SATs the first time and plan on repeating them in February even though most schools are test optional at this point."

It’s fine that your son did that, but not everyone wants to share all that.

I think these responses are so off. You really can’t imagine how annoying it is to be asked over and over again about something that may be causing you extreme anxiety? Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your teenager can’t handle small talk with neighborhood parents, they can’t handle:

-A job interview
-Dating
-Roommate interactions
-Landlord interactions
-Talking with professors, advisors, TAs, RAs
-Alumni interview/admissions interview
-Feedback from boss/internship supervisor
-Interacting with law enforcement and other public authority figures
-Doctors, nurses, medical staff
-Life

Part of your job as a parent is to help your son or daughter navigate things that might challenge them or make them annoyed or uncomfortable, like small talk…

And here you are screeching at other adults and trying to police the world…

It’s small talk to you because you don’t care about the answer. It’s not small talk to the person who is living, breathing, anxious, and probably thinking that it will determine the trajectory of their entire life. It won’t, but they don’t have the life experience to know that yet. I’m shocked at the complete lack of empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your teenager can’t handle small talk with neighborhood parents, they can’t handle:

-A job interview
-Dating
-Roommate interactions
-Landlord interactions
-Talking with professors, advisors, TAs, RAs
-Alumni interview/admissions interview
-Feedback from boss/internship supervisor
-Interacting with law enforcement and other public authority figures
-Doctors, nurses, medical staff
-Life

Part of your job as a parent is to help your son or daughter navigate things that might challenge them or make them annoyed or uncomfortable, like small talk…

And here you are screeching at other adults and trying to police the world…

It’s small talk to you because you don’t care about the answer. It’s not small talk to the person who is living, breathing, anxious, and probably thinking that it will determine the trajectory of their entire life. It won’t, but they don’t have the life experience to know that yet. I’m shocked at the complete lack of empathy.

And? Your adult child is going to have to figure out a way to deal with it in order to be successful.

Or are you going to live in the dorm with Larla and monitor everyone who talks to her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a senior and every adult she encounters asks her where she wants to go to college, how her applications are going or what her SAT score is. Please give these kids a break. They have enough on their plate. They don’t need to be asked about college at every casual encounter.

And, could people with more social savvy than I have share a good response she can use to deflect these questions?

I have an idea. Do what my son did. He told them where he wanted to go to college, that he wouldn't know or have to commit until spring, and that where he went depended on where he gets in and on what he thinks he will major in and he's still undecided as of right now. That seemed to work. And if her SATs scores aren't very good, which is what I'm perceiving here, she can say "I didn't do as well as I had hoped on the SATs the first time and plan on repeating them in February even though most schools are test optional at this point."

It’s fine that your son did that, but not everyone wants to share all that.

I think these responses are so off. You really can’t imagine how annoying it is to be asked over and over again about something that may be causing you extreme anxiety? Really?

Why are you assuming a question about college would cause extreme anxiety? My DD just answers the questions. I don’t care if she’s annoyed!! Life in polite society can be extremely annoying.

OP, you’re being way too over-protective. Everyone needs to learn social discourse especially our kids who spend their lives texting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your teenager can’t handle small talk with neighborhood parents, they can’t handle:

-A job interview
-Dating
-Roommate interactions
-Landlord interactions
-Talking with professors, advisors, TAs, RAs
-Alumni interview/admissions interview
-Feedback from boss/internship supervisor
-Interacting with law enforcement and other public authority figures
-Doctors, nurses, medical staff
-Life

Part of your job as a parent is to help your son or daughter navigate things that might challenge them or make them annoyed or uncomfortable, like small talk…

And here you are screeching at other adults and trying to police the world…

It’s small talk to you because you don’t care about the answer. It’s not small talk to the person who is living, breathing, anxious, and probably thinking that it will determine the trajectory of their entire life. It won’t, but they don’t have the life experience to know that yet. I’m shocked at the complete lack of empathy.

Honestly, PP, you are being extremely melodramatic and misusing “empathy” big time. You’re as bad as your child in making everything huge and feeling sorry for yourself.

My oldest fielded these questions easily and politely. And her college choices were the very top schools and during a very intense junior and senior year. My middle son is going thru it now and either answers if he thinks they really care or makes a joke.

You’ve gotta take it down a notch or ten, PP, for your kid’ s sake.

[Anonymous]

She could say " I don't know yet, where did YOU go?"

[Anonymous]

I think people are overreacting to what OP is saying and asking.

No human being wants to be defined entirely by the specific age they are. There is also more to a person than their grade, their school, their SAT scores, their job title, their income, their home size, etc etc etc

A person this age has more going on in their life than their college application process. OP is noticing that the domination of this topic is a tad offputting, and she is right.

I think its reasonable to observe this and inspire people to think outside the box a little when talking to a high school senior.

OP here are some options depending on who is asking:

- Its a secret.
- I'm not sure.
- I don't discuss my scores with anyone.
- I don't want to jinx anything.

[Anonymous]

Thank you, 19:45, for getting it! This is OP. My child is not anxious about it but it’s amazing how people in this are fixated on college. And, to the pp who suspected she had a low score — nope, she has a 1590 and is a great student but not into the rat race. She has a lot of interests and has liked to talk to adults before but is noticing that is all they want to talk about now. Just something that people can be aware about when they talk to 11th and 12th graders. Or not, as most of these responses demonstrate.