Stop asking teens about college plans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just have you kid ask them about about their college studies and those of their children. Then they will blab on about that and leave your kid alone.

Mom of college senior here and this is a great idea. I’m going to steal it.

[Anonymous]

The SAT score thing is weird.
But everything else is normal. Jeez! Your kid is not going to be able to handle life away from you if you make these kind of demands because everything might give her anxiety.

Your daughter is a high school senior she should be able to field this types of questions, and if she can't now is a good time to practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree. Two of mine spent three years on the military before they went to college. Not every kid is heading to college.

So then the young adult should be able to say " Actually I've enlisted in the military." or whatever their post high school plans are.

[Anonymous]

Okay, I’ll share with you advice I gleaned on this this subject at the briefing given to junior parents by the head counselor at the very prestigious NYC private school.

So the fact that this challenge was addressed means it is actually a real problem for seniors.

Try something like: “There are a lot of different colleges/kinds of colleges I’m interested in/could be interested in attending/colleges where I could be happy” If pressed, I’ll definitely let you know.“

If pressed on a particular college “Thanks so much for the info. I’ll definitely take that into consideration.”

At the briefing, they didn’t get into specific questions about SAT scores. I can’t believe anyone would ask that. If so, maybe a very ironic “Who knows, my mom takes care of that. Maybe ask her?” Okay so that would maybe work for my rude DC, maybe not for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree, OP. It’s like asking a woman if she’s pregnant.

How so?
Literally people can’t talk to each other without offending someone.

Horseshit deflection. Puts the “skills” back in social skills.

To neighbor woman:
Oh are you pregnant? (No, just had miscarriage but im fatter from hormones so that’s what you’re visualizing)
Alternate: Oh, your dog got a new harness/your roses are spectacular!/when are they beginning repaving work on our block?/how do you like your new Honda?/what do you think about the new trash pickup schedule?

[Anonymous]

"I don't know". The universal teen answer and signal to stop asking.

[Anonymous]

Oh Pleeze, OP.

This is just someone trying to be interested in your kid and make small talk. My senior (and I) have been receiving these questions for about 6 mos. It's tough b/c DD has pretty severe anxiety, doesn't have good grades, has average test scores, and doesn't really want to think about college much! BUT, in some ways, those questions are just the natural low-end pressure that exists. Asking for people to stop asking, is like asking the wind to stop blowing.

It isn't gonna happen. And frankly, my kid and your kid need to learn to deal with the wind and the questions.

It's only going to happen more. It's somewhat painful for me b/c DD is so not like me.... so NOT into planning for the next thing, not into competing, etc. But, I don't expect the world to bend to my child's sensitivities.

The answer to your plea, is that YOU and your child need to toughen up on this one. Find an answer that works for you, and deal with it.

"She's still thinking about her options."
"The whole thing stresses her out."
"There's still time. Not sure what she'll decide."

All of these are legitimate options. Pick one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The SAT score thing is weird.
But everything else is normal. Jeez! Your kid is not going to be able to handle life away from you if you make these kind of demands because everything might give her anxiety.

Your daughter is a high school senior she should be able to field this types of questions, and if she can't now is a good time to practice.

+1

People just want to share in the excitement of that stage of life.

OP, is just projecting her own judgment on the other people. If OP was actually comfortable with her DD's current status, she wouldn't have any problem with her DD simply answering truthfully.

But, in reality, OP is the one who is anxious about her DD not having an answer that OP deems sufficient at this moment.

[Anonymous]

Asking a person about something relevant in their lives is rude. Okay.

[Anonymous]

I think it's okay to ask what their plans are for next year. I'd never assume they were going to go to college and I'd never ask what their SAT scores are. So many schools are test-optional that many kids don't take them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree, OP. It’s like asking a woman if she’s pregnant.

No it’s not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never ask someone their SAT scores! But no, I don’t agree that the topic of plans for college are off limits or inappropriate.

Yes, this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The SAT score thing is weird.
But everything else is normal. Jeez! Your kid is not going to be able to handle life away from you if you make these kind of demands because everything might give her anxiety.

Your daughter is a high school senior she should be able to field this types of questions, and if she can't now is a good time to practice.

+1

People just want to share in the excitement of that stage of life.

OP, is just projecting her own judgment on the other people. If OP was actually comfortable with her DD's current status, she wouldn't have any problem with her DD simply answering truthfully.

But, in reality, OP is the one who is anxious about her DD not having an answer that OP deems sufficient at this moment.

Ha ha ha!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never ask someone their SAT scores! But no, I don’t agree that the topic of plans for college are off limits or inappropriate.

Agree. And this “it is too stressful to ask teens about their college plans” thing is among this gen of snowflakes - I am sure plenty of adults asked me when I was a senior and I managed to answer without being psychologically impaired. As a pp said, let them feel a little uncomfortable without feeling the need to deflect the kid from what are simply interested questions from adults who probably don’t know much else to ask teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never ask someone their SAT scores! But no, I don’t agree that the topic of plans for college are off limits or inappropriate.

Agree. And this “it is too stressful to ask teens about their college plans” thing is among this gen of snowflakes - I am sure plenty of adults asked me when I was a senior and I managed to answer without being psychologically impaired. As a pp said, let them feel a little uncomfortable without feeling the need to deflect the kid from what are simply interested questions from adults who probably don’t know much else to ask teens.

The process is just so much more all-encompassing than when we applied to school. They never escape it. Everywhere they turn people are asking about college and they're already stressed about it. The kids will manage but if you can have a conversation about another facet of their lives, they'd LOVE it.