Stop asking teens about college plans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think all the PPs who say these adults are makong small talk and don’t care are off base in this area. Many parents here are obsessed with college admissions and are constantly trying to gather information, especially from those kids they perceive to be good students.

To what end? Also, it doesn’t matter. People should still just politely redirect the conversation if they don’t want to answer the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all the PPs who say these adults are makong small talk and don’t care are off base in this area. Many parents here are obsessed with college admissions and are constantly trying to gather information, especially from those kids they perceive to be good students.

To what end? Also, it doesn’t matter. People should still just politely redirect the conversation if they don’t want to answer the question.

Or adults should learn manners

Don’t ask where you are going to college, or if you have a boyfriend, or when are you getting married, or when are you going to have kids of how much money you make.

Have some manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College freshman here. Please stop asking us where we're going and what we're studying. I get that some people like family members and neighbors are curious but it can get really annoying. Also it's embarrassing to say it especially when you have family members and cousins who went to/are at Ivy League/big competitive state schools and you're at a community college. It makes that person feel so bad and feel like he or she is dumb and not meeting family expectations for college.

You have to grow a bit thicker skin. Otherwise, in a few years it's going to be embarrassing to say where you work, where you live, where you like to shop, what's your favorite restaurant and answer any other general question about your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College freshman here. Please stop asking us where we're going and what we're studying. I get that some people like family members and neighbors are curious but it can get really annoying. Also it's embarrassing to say it especially when you have family members and cousins who went to/are at Ivy League/big competitive state schools and you're at a community college. It makes that person feel so bad and feel like he or she is dumb and not meeting family expectations for college.

You have to grow a bit thicker skin. Otherwise, in a few years it's going to be embarrassing to say where you work, where you live, where you like to shop, what's your favorite restaurant and answer any other general question about your life.

When I was a teen and I was dealing with Ivy obsessed cousins they asked me my plans and I said “my parole officer thinks I can get ankle bracket off soon”… my mom and dad didn’t laugh but it did shut down the conversation.

I’m not embarrassed to be a engineer but I recognized a rude conversation even at 15.

[Anonymous]

WE just won't talk to your child at all OP. Seems best for everyone involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have you kid ask them about about their college studies and those of their children. Then they will blab on about that and leave your kid alone.

+1

She can say something vague like "I'm still working on my applications," and then ask "Where did you go?" or "Where did your kids go?" Follow up with "Do you/they like it?" etc. People will happily take over and who knows, she might get some good tips!

This. Teach your kid small talk skills and to be polite.

Plus, you never know who might be a trustee or big donor somewhere.

[Anonymous]

No, OP, I am not going to stop asking my teens friends nor would I ever want anyone to stop asking my kids about their college plans.

[Anonymous]

Tell them you are going to do underwater welding. It will stop the conversation right there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College freshman here. Please stop asking us where we're going and what we're studying. I get that some people like family members and neighbors are curious but it can get really annoying. Also it's embarrassing to say it especially when you have family members and cousins who went to/are at Ivy League/big competitive state schools and you're at a community college. It makes that person feel so bad and feel like he or she is dumb and not meeting family expectations for college.

Grow up a little bit please. If you feel so bad about going to community college (that’s your own weird hang up and also insulting to people who attend community college) then you should work your ass off to improve your situation, instead of whining. There will always be people who are better than you, if mommy and daddy didn’t prepare you for that, I feel sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell them you are going to do underwater welding. It will stop the conversation right there.

Underwater welders make decent money, probably more than these 18 year olds who need their moms to shield them from questions will ever make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, OP, I am not going to stop asking my teens friends nor would I ever want anyone to stop asking my kids about their college plans.

And you get to be the 20th person to ask them that in a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all the PPs who say these adults are makong small talk and don’t care are off base in this area. Many parents here are obsessed with college admissions and are constantly trying to gather information, especially from those kids they perceive to be good students.

To what end? Also, it doesn’t matter. People should still just politely redirect the conversation if they don’t want to answer the question.

Or adults should learn manners

Don’t ask where you are going to college, or if you have a boyfriend, or when are you getting married, or when are you going to have kids of how much money you make.

Have some manners.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all the PPs who say these adults are makong small talk and don’t care are off base in this area. Many parents here are obsessed with college admissions and are constantly trying to gather information, especially from those kids they perceive to be good students.

To what end? Also, it doesn’t matter. People should still just politely redirect the conversation if they don’t want to answer the question.

Or adults should learn manners

Don’t ask where you are going to college, or if you have a boyfriend, or when are you getting married, or when are you going to have kids of how much money you make.

Have some manners.

'

OK, sure, but no need to make it into an Everyone Sucks Here situation by encouraging the teen to do something other than politely redirect conversation. And if the redirect fails, then sure, "enforce boundaries". We are trying to have a society here, people.

Also, I think OPs post is a helpful reminder to clueless adults who can't navigate the situation and figurer out if this is a good question or not. But the teen should still attempt a normal response first.

[Anonymous]

People ask rude questions all the time. Or say rude things. This has been the case as long as I've been alive and will continue forever. So, you had best learn to deal with it. Expressing outrage over the question will not change things.

Learn how to handle and deflect rude questions at the first pass. Some helpful suggestions have been given here. Then, if they persist, you can shut it down more bluntly.

This is a skill. Once practiced, it's effective. It's one lots of posters here clearly do not have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all the PPs who say these adults are makong small talk and don’t care are off base in this area. Many parents here are obsessed with college admissions and are constantly trying to gather information, especially from those kids they perceive to be good students.

To what end? Also, it doesn’t matter. People should still just politely redirect the conversation if they don’t want to answer the question.

Or adults should learn manners

Don’t ask where you are going to college, or if you have a boyfriend, or when are you getting married, or when are you going to have kids of how much money you make.

Have some manners.

'

OK, sure, but no need to make it into an Everyone Sucks Here situation by encouraging the teen to do something other than politely redirect conversation. And if the redirect fails, then sure, "enforce boundaries". We are trying to have a society here, people.

Also, I think OPs post is a helpful reminder to clueless adults who can't navigate the situation and figurer out if this is a good question or not. But the teen should still attempt a normal response first.

It doesn’t seem to me that anybody on here gives AF being rude