Stop asking teens about college plans

[Anonymous]

I'm with OP on this one. it's just so freakin' tedious that that's all adults can think to ask a high schooler about. This is a high-pressure area and college admissions have become ridiculous. Why pile on to the rat race? There are plenty of polite, open-ended ways to talk to a child--do you play any sports? What do you think of the latest Avengers movie? Do you have a summer job? Or, if you must, what do you think you want to do after you graduate? That's open-ended enough to be polite. Questions assuming college or pressing kids about where they think they can get in is super annoying.

Agree wit the PP who suggested the kid turn it back: "How about you? Do you like your job? What do you think you will do next in your career?" That will shut up the status seeking nosy ones, but people are honestly asking try to learn about a kid's interests will be glad to answer, and kid might even learn something interesting.

[Anonymous]

Instead of controlling what other people say, teach your daughter how to respond. My daughter is a senior and I told her people just ask to make conversation. We came up with a pat answer and wats to deflect attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time to land the helicopter.

Love it. Just love it.

[Anonymous]

Team OP. So many ways to talk to a teen without grilling them about their college apps. Some folks on DCUM could stand to work on social skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with OP on this one. it's just so freakin' tedious that that's all adults can think to ask a high schooler about. This is a high-pressure area and college admissions have become ridiculous. Why pile on to the rat race? There are plenty of polite, open-ended ways to talk to a child--do you play any sports? What do you think of the latest Avengers movie? Do you have a summer job? Or, if you must, what do you think you want to do after you graduate? That's open-ended enough to be polite. Questions assuming college or pressing kids about where they think they can get in is super annoying.

Agree wit the PP who suggested the kid turn it back: "How about you? Do you like your job? What do you think you will do next in your career?" That will shut up the status seeking nosy ones, but people are honestly asking try to learn about a kid's interests will be glad to answer, and kid might even learn something interesting.

Sure. Ask this and all the dcum mommies of couch potatoes will be on here whining about how sports evil and how Larlo felt bad that someone assumed he played an evil sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. So many ways to talk to a teen without grilling them about their college apps. Some folks on DCUM could stand to work on social skills.

True, there are many other ways to talk to a teen. And I personally never ask about college plans. But I can't stop other people from asking. Like it or not, they will. So OP's kid needs to figure out an answer because the question is inevitable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just have you kid ask them about about their college studies and those of their children. Then they will blab on about that and leave your kid alone.

+1

She can say something vague like "I'm still working on my applications," and then ask "Where did you go?" or "Where did your kids go?" Follow up with "Do you/they like it?" etc. People will happily take over and who knows, she might get some good tips!

This is good advice. Have a canned response and turn it back on them.

As for SAT scores, that is a rude question. It is fine to say "I did well" or even "I'd rather not say my score. But I was happy with it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team OP. So many ways to talk to a teen without grilling them about their college apps. Some folks on DCUM could stand to work on social skills.

True, there are many other ways to talk to a teen. And I personally never ask about college plans. But I can't stop other people from asking. Like it or not, they will. So OP's kid needs to figure out an answer because the question is inevitable.

NP. True, and she should learn to enforce boundaries.

“I don’t talk about it.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm with OP on this one. it's just so freakin' tedious that that's all adults can think to ask a high schooler about. This is a high-pressure area and college admissions have become ridiculous. Why pile on to the rat race? There are plenty of polite, open-ended ways to talk to a child--do you play any sports? What do you think of the latest Avengers movie? Do you have a summer job? Or, if you must, what do you think you want to do after you graduate? That's open-ended enough to be polite. Questions assuming college or pressing kids about where they think they can get in is super annoying.

Agree wit the PP who suggested the kid turn it back: "How about you? Do you like your job? What do you think you will do next in your career?" That will shut up the status seeking nosy ones, but people are honestly asking try to learn about a kid's interests will be glad to answer, and kid might even learn something interesting.

These aren’t universal conversation topics either. It’s fascinating you think asking about sports is a less loaded question. I’m sure it makes that theatre/arts/music kid feel great.
I think asking about graduation plans in a more open ended manner is smart in some areas. At our Local public high school, 99.9% go to college and would look at me funny if I asked if they planned to attend.
In any event, people are trying to make polite conversation. Just have your kid say they are undecided and move on. Really not worth getting worked up about.

[Anonymous]

my kid makes stuff up all the time just to screw with people. It is hilarious how people take the bait and see how they react wondering why their kid isn't doing the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree wit the PP who suggested the kid turn it back: "How about you? Do you like your job? What do you think you will do next in your career?" That will shut up the status seeking nosy ones, but people are honestly asking try to learn about a kid's interests will be glad to answer, and kid might even learn something interesting.

😂 +1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What else do you suggest as an ice breaker? It’s what people can relate to.

My friend adopted a girl at 14 and was very smart but not emotionally ready for college so I think asking about college is rude… you don’t know who you are talking to.

I suggest saying “what are your plans after graduation”, “are you enjoying senior year”, “do you belong to any clubs of sports”, anything except “where do you plan to go to college next year”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree wit the PP who suggested the kid turn it back: "How about you? Do you like your job? What do you think you will do next in your career?" That will shut up the status seeking nosy ones, but people are honestly asking try to learn about a kid's interests will be glad to answer, and kid might even learn something interesting.

😂 +1

Prediction - OP's daughter will drop out of college and live at home for a year.

[Anonymous]

I am 45 and still remember this bothering me. For the record, I had 1550 on my SATS and was accepted - early! - to a "top 3." In the scheme of things, I had little cause for worry.
But it was so tiring with adults. And even after all that, I am sure I will forget!

Same with pregnancy, yes, I am tall (I'm 6 feet), etc.

[Anonymous]

More generally --

All kids need to be taught how to talk to adults who are friends of their parents. No one is looking to have a real conversation with a teenager. The kids need to learn how to say hello, nice to meet you, etc. . . , how to respond if a handshake is offered, how to look interested and polite. The whole thing is a 3-5 minute exercise in meeting people and then moving on.

It is not easy and it does take some practice. We have friends with older kids who we were always impressed by their politeness and social skills when they would come in while we and other parents were around. So -- we asked. Practice. They had stolen from parents of older kids, etc. . .And, you practice. Practice with you. Practice with relatives (aunts/uncles), practice with friends who already know your kids.

They are learning important social skills. How to make polite small talk. How to exit a room politely. These are good to know. You can promise them that you will break things up after a few minutes. Again -- an adult does not want to be impolite either so they will keep things going. Dad saying -- you guys off to the game? Go grab something to eat, etc. . . breaks things up. Work on polite departure. "Nice meeting you" "Good seeing you again."

End result is that people will think your kids are nice and very polite (and wish their kids were the same).