What did your spouse's midlife crisis look like?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He dove into a new hobby (snakes.) It was snakes, snakes, snakes for a while. Then invested a lot of money in a new business venture, dancing in place as kinetic exercise, that caused a lot of worry. Thankfully, we made it through and now it's nothing but smooth, smooth sailing.

Wait, did you end up keeping the snakes? That's at least neat.

Some of them got away. We ate one and traded another to optometrist for two pairs fun Warby Parkers. I do not miss them!

Y'all are weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my early forties and just started getting really, really into golf. Does that count?

I don't think so. Playing the most boring sport on the planet is kind of the opposite. Now, if you start hooking up with other golfers and doing blow at the club, maybe.

[Anonymous]

So maybe this should be a spin-off, but how can one prevent a destructive midlife crisis in one’s self or spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He dove into a new hobby (snakes.) It was snakes, snakes, snakes for a while. Then invested a lot of money in a new business venture, dancing in place as kinetic exercise, that caused a lot of worry. Thankfully, we made it through and now it's nothing but smooth, smooth sailing.

Wait, did you end up keeping the snakes? That's at least neat.

Some of them got away. We ate one and traded another to optometrist for two pairs fun Warby Parkers. I do not miss them!

This post needs its own thread!

[Anonymous]

She started posting regularly on this site.

[Anonymous]

Excessive texting with female "friends," increased drinking and multiple episodes of getting blackout drunk, personality change - picking fights over nothing, became increasingly critical and hostile towards me. Acted like he just hated my guts. Bought me a truck, randomly. I found out about his AP almost 2 years later. It all started to make some sense. Divorced him, he wrecked our family and AP wrecked her family. They didn't last 2 months past affair discovery. It was all very painful. He has a rotating list of girls he introduces to our kids, yet still tries to be overly friendly with me on occasion. I hope he is... uh... happy. I'm recovering from the wreckage and coming to terms with raising our young kids much differently than I had planned.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After 30 years of marriage, and turning 50, wife, in a mid-life crisis, had a few affairs. One long term, probably still occurring to this day. When pressed on the issue, she will not agree to a separation or divorce. Too much water under the bridge. I will always forgive her. I just cannot go down the road she's traveled. Never have believed that two wrongs make a right.

Well, 50 is kinda old for a 'mid-life' crisis. And I'm wondering if there's really a demand for a 50-year-old AP from multiple men.. Is there?

I'm a nearly 50 year old single woman. Yes, there's a demand. From multiple men. I'm sure it's even higher for an unhappy married woman who's probably down for NSA sex.
She likely has a rotation of hot early thirty-somethings, along with her devoted husband who will never leave her. Not a bad deal for her.

Just curious, what kind of demand? Demands for NSA sex, or demand for actual committed relationships?

Early 30-somethings banging 50-year old+ moms. Gross. Just gross.

I traveled for three weeks this summer to several popular domestic tourist destinations. I observed:

older men with younger women (I was in this group)
older men with younger men
older women with younger women

I even saw one older man with two younger women

But I never once saw older women with younger men. Not in the Keys, not in Vegas, not in Hawaii. Do older women take their boy toys to Peoria? Or do these couples just not exist.

DP, did you consider they don’t take these young men out to dinner and to places, that they just take them to bed?

Not possible. The female ego demands that they show off their boy toy.

So not true. I have a younger guy but don’t take him out. I go out with an older guy if I want dinners, for events etc

[Anonymous]

I was someone else’s midlife crisis and here’s what it looked like: falling in love with a patient 16 years younger, moving on her (not a serial offender, first and only time) and continuing an affair (am editing out details here but they are a lot) with her for years with wife’s knowledge, but not leaving wife or family and continuing to be the same father as always. Telling her he loves her as he has never loved his wife, telling his wife he loves the AP, needs this and will not stop; genuinely loving AP but being unable to hurt his kids by leaving as he loves kids more than AP, which AP actually supports. Never losing love for her and thinking about her every day even after she tried to save herself and went no contact for many years. Keeping her close mentally by sending kids to same camps and schools she went to. Nursing own wife successfully through breast cancer…and then reaching out to AP again to reconnect because he misses her. Protagonist is now 66 so I don’t know if you can still call that midlife. AP herself is now well into middle age and still loves him but keeps her distance bc she knows his priorities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So maybe this should be a spin-off, but how can one prevent a destructive midlife crisis in one’s self or spouse?

You can’t. The roots are there and they either flower or they don’t. Do what you can to have a happy rewarding partnership but you either married someone weak or strong, and they either meet a person or circumstance they can surmount or they don’t. What comes next does have a lot to do with how you handle it, but is so situation and person specific that only those involved can say what to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He dove into a new hobby (snakes.) It was snakes, snakes, snakes for a while. Then invested a lot of money in a new business venture, dancing in place as kinetic exercise, that caused a lot of worry. Thankfully, we made it through and now it's nothing but smooth, smooth sailing.

Wait, did you end up keeping the snakes? That's at least neat.

Some of them got away. We ate one and traded another to optometrist for two pairs fun Warby Parkers. I do not miss them!

This post needs its own thread!

OMG snakes, and eating snakes, FTW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was someone else’s midlife crisis and here’s what it looked like: falling in love with a patient 16 years younger, moving on her (not a serial offender, first and only time) and continuing an affair (am editing out details here but they are a lot) with her for years with wife’s knowledge, but not leaving wife or family and continuing to be the same father as always. Telling her he loves her as he has never loved his wife, telling his wife he loves the AP, needs this and will not stop; genuinely loving AP but being unable to hurt his kids by leaving as he loves kids more than AP, which AP actually supports. Never losing love for her and thinking about her every day even after she tried to save herself and went no contact for many years. Keeping her close mentally by sending kids to same camps and schools she went to. Nursing own wife successfully through breast cancer…and then reaching out to AP again to reconnect because he misses her. Protagonist is now 66 so I don’t know if you can still call that midlife. AP herself is now well into middle age and still loves him but keeps her distance bc she knows his priorities.

Breast cancer has been correlated to the stress and trauma of betrayal. There are studies on it and know 3 women (no family history) that were diagnosed with breast cancer within 2 years of affair discovery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was someone else’s midlife crisis and here’s what it looked like: falling in love with a patient 16 years younger, moving on her (not a serial offender, first and only time) and continuing an affair (am editing out details here but they are a lot) with her for years with wife’s knowledge, but not leaving wife or family and continuing to be the same father as always. Telling her he loves her as he has never loved his wife, telling his wife he loves the AP, needs this and will not stop; genuinely loving AP but being unable to hurt his kids by leaving as he loves kids more than AP, which AP actually supports. Never losing love for her and thinking about her every day even after she tried to save herself and went no contact for many years. Keeping her close mentally by sending kids to same camps and schools she went to. Nursing own wife successfully through breast cancer…and then reaching out to AP again to reconnect because he misses her. Protagonist is now 66 so I don’t know if you can still call that midlife. AP herself is now well into middle age and still loves him but keeps her distance bc she knows his priorities.

Dude’s wife did not know and if she ever found out he lied to her and told her he ended it.

Are you married dumb enough to believe this chronic liar only tells the truth to you ? Honey, he lied to both of you. You have no idea what is really going on in his marriage. You are getting a liar’s version. A liar that wants to keep you hanging on a string for 2 decades abs not living a full life, having your own family because he wants his cake and eat it too. You have been played. Get therapy to find out why not asking more for yourself and accepting 2nd place for so long. You deserve a lot more than an old man that preyed on his young patient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was someone else’s midlife crisis and here’s what it looked like: falling in love with a patient 16 years younger, moving on her (not a serial offender, first and only time) and continuing an affair (am editing out details here but they are a lot) with her for years with wife’s knowledge, but not leaving wife or family and continuing to be the same father as always. Telling her he loves her as he has never loved his wife, telling his wife he loves the AP, needs this and will not stop; genuinely loving AP but being unable to hurt his kids by leaving as he loves kids more than AP, which AP actually supports. Never losing love for her and thinking about her every day even after she tried to save herself and went no contact for many years. Keeping her close mentally by sending kids to same camps and schools she went to. Nursing own wife successfully through breast cancer…and then reaching out to AP again to reconnect because he misses her. Protagonist is now 66 so I don’t know if you can still call that midlife. AP herself is now well into middle age and still loves him but keeps her distance bc she knows his priorities.

This is an HBO show. “The Undoing”. Only it was the patient’s mother, sent kid to same camps, private schools.

Troll fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was someone else’s midlife crisis and here’s what it looked like: falling in love with a patient 16 years younger, moving on her (not a serial offender, first and only time) and continuing an affair (am editing out details here but they are a lot) with her for years with wife’s knowledge, but not leaving wife or family and continuing to be the same father as always. Telling her he loves her as he has never loved his wife, telling his wife he loves the AP, needs this and will not stop; genuinely loving AP but being unable to hurt his kids by leaving as he loves kids more than AP, which AP actually supports. Never losing love for her and thinking about her every day even after she tried to save herself and went no contact for many years. Keeping her close mentally by sending kids to same camps and schools she went to. Nursing own wife successfully through breast cancer…and then reaching out to AP again to reconnect because he misses her. Protagonist is now 66 so I don’t know if you can still call that midlife. AP herself is now well into middle age and still loves him but keeps her distance bc she knows his priorities.

Breast cancer has been correlated to the stress and trauma of betrayal. There are studies on it and know 3 women (no family history) that were diagnosed with breast cancer within 2 years of affair discovery.

Yes, it can happen, there is an association between loss, trauma and cancer. Trauma/adverse childhood events have been shown, sadly, to be linked to increased cancer rates in adulthood. Children who were sexually abused have I think, higher rates of uterine cancer. It's a tragedy when this happens, the body knows and is changed in numerous ways from trauma. This is why treatment is crucial. And certainly many people in midlife coukd benefit from therapy.

[Anonymous]

Pp, meant to say *cervical cancer and endometriosis.